old drunk lady rocking a turtle in the middle of the desert because of course she would.

#monsterdon

#monsterdon "Better go with her, one of those gar-thingies is gonna get her!"

"You pipe down and get some sleep!"

god shut up, you're worse than my fitbit

Classic horror movie move: venture into the dark where the danger is #monsterdon

How many innocent souls need to die before this guy gives up his obsession? #Monsterdon

"Rosebud"

#monsterdon

#monsterdon listening to the Spooky Tape Recording for the 70th time today, Captain Demonology encounters some spooky background music and walks out to commune with the goat skull.

Because this is a boring activity, he falls asleep and then a gremlin! I mean... an alien, I mean... a gargoyle attacks him! Actually there's two of them! One of them busts through the wall, oh no!

Anyway, the way they walk kind of reminds me of the mooks from Mighty Morphin' Power Rangers.

#monsterdon MONSTER CLAWS

omg it's the Creature from the Black Lagoon

@Lazarou HIS DAUGHTER'S screams

#monsterdon

#monsterdon I was expecting the motorcycle dudes to look more like greasers, but no, they just look like 70s dudes. When the cops arrest them because think they're gang members who stole stuff. The only evidence the cops have are that they found some junk that the cops think was stolen and also "motorcyles go zoooom!"

They protest their innocence. While the National Guild of Laywers is not present, Makeshift Bikini Girl speaks up on their defense.

Note to self: Find better accommodations next time. #monsterdon

Oh God he's going to do something perverse to the skull!

#monsterdon

@brooke there is a lot of denim all of a sudden #monsterdon

#monsterdon I guess because a goat monster fucked up our station wagon, some new characters, generic cops, appeared to give us a ride. The main characters tell them about the dead wizened hat guy's untimely death, which is probably a good thing to report to the authorities.

Then some wild motorcyle dudes appear and the cops stop to shoot and chase them for no reason. An Extremely Linear Chase Sequence ensues until the motorcycle dudes wash out.

Only 75 minutes long and we're padding with pointless dirtbike chases

#monsterdon

why are they shlepping that wild mammal skull around?

#monsterdon

"Yeah, he's dead. We just watched him die"

*Cops laugh

"We do a lot of that to!"

#monsterdon

#Monsterdon She’s murderously horny. Thank you, Horngry Housefrau.

#monsterdon after we get away from the gargoyle thing, which we don't get a good look at because this is a horror film, we drive into a gas station to introduce a new character, Gas Station Man and a different character, Motel Hair Curling Lady. The second is definitely a milf.

Makeshift bikini girl reveals that she is carrying the demon king's skull around; its probably needed to solve an adventure game like puzzle later.

Because nothing bad ever happens in a motel in the middle of nowhere. #monsterdon

missed whatever happened cuz was bereft of food & libations. what did i miss?

btw the old guy looks like that Ford director of westerns, what's his name?

#monsterdon

My last vacation ended similarly. #Monsterdon

Those monster bones really go up given a spark or two.

#monsterdon

70s -- Stop talking, I have to flip the cassete

#monsterdon

:Just a minute, I need to load this bit of software for my Amiga"

#monsterdon

It's a tourist attraction

#monsterdon

#monsterdon Ol' Uncle Willie may be garrulous but affable, but it's difficult these days to see a character sport a red baseball hat without quickly concluding that they are villain-coded.

@trixter There was an ominous wing shadow, and the daughter said "my sexy pictures and your dry prose" to her dad, now you're caught up

#Monsterdon

#monsterdon characters so far
captain demonology: main character, I think? writes books about demons? not sure if those books are horny or not.
makeshift bikini girl: daughter of the captain demonology. wears a makeshift bikini. seems thoughtful because he brought the captain his gargoyle pet
gargoyle pet: frozen in stone right now, might be evil. i hope its not evil
wizzened hat guy: runs a roadside desert store that sells ancient (amer)indian artifacts. probably also sells cursed swords.

the desert's big
the desert's hot
this movie has
a half-assed plot

burma shave

#monsterdon #gargoyles1972

JUST SO YOU KNOW--that turn was significant. The music told me so

#monsterdon

#monsterdon "Music composed by: Robert Prince"? Bobby Prince? The same guy who put together the soundtrack for id Software's "Doom" (1996)?? Surely not. Surely..?

weird typeface--are gargoyles gooey?

#monsterdon

600 years after the gargoyles, we have commuter aircraft.

#Monsterdon #Gargoyles1972

This is like a Fallout lore monologue

#monsterdon

It was so much fun! Off to watch Facts of Life on Tubi! You take the good, you take the bad, you take em both and there you have..GARGOYLES. But mostly bad #monsterdon

@floatybirb Granted, of the humans in this movie she seems to come out best, ethically speaking. But she was complicit in leaving Willie to die while she rescued the tape recording! #Monsterdon

@Lazarou @floatybirb in this economy?!

or really in this climate

#monsterdon #gargoyles1972

@Louisa horny motel owner was the film's best character

#monsterdon #gargoyles1972

My favorite part of Gargoyles is the lead gargoyle carrying off the pretty girl so she can read a dirty book to him. #Monsterdon

I bet some of the gargoyles who were not in the caves ended up on “the Dating Game”.

Bob Eubanks: Bachelor number three likes terrorizing humans and tending giant eggs

Gargoyle : * flaps wings*

Bachelorette : * giggles*

#Monsterdon

they tried so many things in this movie and then abandoned them. old willie, the legends around the monsters, the tape, the skull, the body... like when the gargoyles started talking the whole first half of the movie stopped existing #monsterdon

@fluffy I swear, they said 17 year *locust* for some reason

#Monsterdon #Gargoyles1972

Well, that sure ended, didn't it?

I think the lesson here is that when the reclusive proprietor of a roadside curio museum wants to meet with you about an exciting discovery he's made, send him a Zoom invite

Thanks everybody! Thanks as always @Taweret for hosting! See y'all next week!

#monsterdon

okay I was about to make a joke about the gargoyles' breeding cycle being the same as the 17-year cicadas but then the movie made the joke for me, and I have to appreciate that level of service. #monsterdon

A poorly lit gargoyle in awkward flight. Majestic. #monsterdon

The premise seemed designed by committee (“we have lizard suits!” “can they be gargoyle suits?” “can we work demonology into this somehow?”). For such a short movie, there was a huge amount of filler, despite doing a couple big exposition dumps early on. I appreciate the cleverness required by the sound department to deal with the budget constraints, but that wasn’t enough to justify the watch.

All in all, I’d say it was … bad, but not in a particularly interesting way. We didn’t have content farms in the 70s, but TV movies were kind of close.

#monsterdon

The Gargoyles must be related to Daleks. #monsterdon

in conclusion, I need to buy limes #Monsterdon

As much as I hate to say it, there is a... okay not quite... _attach an ending_ and there's a decent story in this movie that they _absolutely_ chose not to show us

#monsterdon #gargoyles1972

Thanks @Taweret for hosting #Monsterdon

it seemed like they just killed the gargoyles because that's what you do at the end of a b movie and not because there was any actual reason to

#monsterdon

Well, guess I'm a monsterfucker now. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ Big sentai vibes, I want to see some Rangers fight these gargoyles. Goodnight #monsterdon!

I like how it ends on these pseudo-mugshots. I want a closing re-cap like an episode of Dragnet.

#monsterdon

well, this has been terrible. thanks @Taweret for hosting and thanks to everyone for being so hilarious!

P. S. people who are getting ads: just fucking install uBlock Origin already

#Monsterdon

That ending had a real "the production used up its budget" vibe. #Monsterdon

did they just like... lose the last two pages of script?

#monsterdon #gargoyles1972

MOVIE OVAR. [No budget remaining]

#monsterdon #gargoyles1972

I smell a sequel! #monsterdon

also, how is Diana's top still so clean. i think that woman has super powers. #monsterdon

#Monsterdon Why would you throw your enemy (a human) down into your hatchery where he could kill your young before they were born?

This gargoyle leader is not the best tactician.

Also, I think this movie is pro gargoyle abortion. 🤔
#Gargoyles972

so our heroes just murdered a bunch of babies is what just happened

#monsterdon

The Garth Marenghi technique #monsterdon

@gnomon they're only a few weeks old, give these big babies a break

#monsterdon

so we're just gonna do a genocide then i guess

#monsterdon

It's weird how the gargoyles have deep fierce grunts and roars but when they talk they are about as menacing as Gilbert Gottfried

#Monsterdon

He is human-curious.

#Monsterdon

Happy Life, er, Death Day! #monsterdon

So...who's laying those HUGE eggs? #Monsterdon

Gargoyle erotica, was that on the bingo card tonight? #Monsterdon

@MylesRyden [doomguy intensifies]

#Monsterdon #Gargoyles1972

#Monsterdon Look, am I supposed to be rooting for these racist asshole humans or the Gargoyles? Because I’m getting confused as to who the real incarnations of evil are.

Side note: too bad that series never got made into a movie (or more likely TV show) since I'd love a monsterdon style critique of its weird sexual politics and what would sure to be badly CGI'd dragons

#Monsterdon

Playing a stunt in slow motion does not make it more impressive.

#monsterdon

those gargs are going to read THE SHIT out of those people

#monsterdon

Somehow I get the feeling we're not going to see a flying battle of Gargoyles in this movie, are we?

Just a lot of slow motion dance

#monsterdon

@jonny They’re hatching from eggs, and only show up every few hundred years, so are they, like, giant sentient cicadas? #monsterdon

#monsterdon back in the gargoyle cave, Makeshift Bikini Girl is showing Doctor Sniffles how to read. He says he has only been alive for a few weeks but somehow knows how to speak english.

He explains that the humans have nothing to fear from the gargoyle people but he hopes that the humans won't kill them. He won't let her leave though, I guess because he wants to learn to read.

Meanwhile, the other gargoyles are fondling more giant eggs and hatching more hobbit-sized gargoyles.

"sometimes they take Human Women"

Man respects Ape personhood, we are not alone

#monsterdon

#monsterdon meanwhile Doctor Sniffles has imprisoned Makeshift Bikini Girl in his secret cave lair, where her Bikini gets more makeshift as the Yazirian tears her clothes until Doctor Sniffles stops him because first that's not cool and also dude its just not that kind of movie.

Later, Doctor Sniffles reveals that he can talk and asks Makeshift Bikini Girl to teach him to read.

king Gargoyle is quite cheeky 🤓

#monsterdon

Yes, we're fans of your father's work

#monsterdon

"These are my fathers books..."

Oh they're supefans, that's what this is.

#Monsterdon

guy walked out from under the car, just like that, after being unconscious. what an ubermensch.

#monsterdon

Mrs Parks! Aw drat, no drink that time.

#monsterdon

I know I am just a queer person with a wide and exciting variety of gender-related Issues but I'm not sure her dressing like that while hanging out with her father is okay. #monsterdon

Caress the face, then smack the ass. Thoughtful dom #monsterdon #gargoyles1972

I forget was "Gargoyle ass pat" on the BINGO card? #monsterdon #Gargoyles1972

Quick! The Gargoyles are hugging and purring, time to slip away!

#Monsterdon

Wow she's STILL drinking!

#monsterdon

king Gargoyle could've had a future in the NBA had it not been so racist back in 1972.

#monsterdon

#monsterdon Anyway, the gargoyles kidnapped Makeshift Bikini Lady and carried her off into the forest and/or desert, where they have a secret cave lair.

A new winged gargoyle has dropped who is different from the one I made a poll to name. I'll call this guy the Yazirian.

#monsterdon CACTUS MOTEL MISS HANNIGAN'S TIME TO SHINE

monologue, monologue, monologue, monolgue!!

maam, im becoming concerned about your liver

#monsterdon

will she ever finish that last drop?

#monsterdon

they look even worse in daylight, daylight and slow motion....very bad

#monsterdon

so the gargoyle kin took his daughter and are looking for the body of their dead bro because why wouldn't they?

#monsterdon

#Monsterdon Gargoyle has wings, chooses to walk back to its den. 🧐

Sex Pest Lead Gargoyle sounds like the fucking narrator. #monsterdon #gargoyles72

@OldRustBucket@universeodon.com these are their wild cousins that don't get invited to the family reunion

#monsterdon

Bill Cosby's fantasy. #Monsterdon