Ironic the humans using petrochemicals to wipe out the Gargoyles when it's those very fuels hanging like a sword of .....oh Scott Glenn exploded.....
We seem to be taking a break from plot development.
Director: just mill about, everyone and we'll see if we can come up with a few pages of script after lunch.
Gargoyle Queen is jealous of the King's new human pet
#monsterdon after capturing Captain Demonology in the largest gargoyle battle yet, Doctor Sniffles enters full G'Kar vs the Centauri mode and explains that the gargoyles will wipe humans out for the crimes they have done to the gargoyles in the past.
He then cackles maniacally and then leaves to have Makeshift Bikini Girl read a book to him. It's a porn book about an incubus (probably a gargoyle) getting it on with a nun or someone. This makes Doctor Sniffles human-curious.
This whole movie reminds me of the Star Wars Christmas Special #monsterdon
@SnoopJ garg watches the cave while master is away
#torgo #MST3K #monsterdon
GARGOYLE JUMP!
Okay, I'm not sure what the laughing bit was about. Just gonna assume that gargoyles have a different sense of humour, probably related to classic Greek theatre or something.
Could clearly see the outline of the gargoyles penis as they jumped at the cop, but then who wouldn't get excited doing that?
oh, so gargoyles come from YucatΓ‘n. am pretty sure los carnales like to be called children of the devil
wait! so King Gargoyle absconded with Diana not in revenge but because he needs a tutor?!?! doesn't Cali have a homeschooling, long distance program like NYC?!?! π
lol @ Head Gargoyle reading a book
"So, welcome to Gargoyle Manor. We have drinks in the fridge. Make yourself comfortable - explore the place a little and we'll let you know when it's dinner time. Oh by the way, you're dinner."
#Monsterdon some of these gargoyles kinda look a bit like Sleestaks. I wonder if they are enlightened and bisexual as regular sleestaks are?
#monsterdon Motel Milf tells the cops that a loud gargoyle fight happened, and the lead motorcycle dudes explains that this is because of a big goat thing. Captain Demonology appears to tell them that his daughter, Makeshift Bikini Girl, was kidnapped by the gargoyles because their cathedrals need women.
Okay, 30 minutes left...I'm feeling...not a lot
And there's the kidnapping. Took a while.
But the film-makers don't understand, the slow motion just makes it WORSE
Oh fuck, I think the head pervvy gargoyle can speak...
to live paranoia free like the white people in monster movies... man, that would be sweet.
ewww, this pervvy 'head gargoyle' scene is making me uncomfortable
oh gawd, the slow motion again....
#monsterdon Makeshift Bikini Lady is trying to get the wrongly arrested motorcycle dudes out of trouble but the pigs don't care, nor do the motorcycle dudes. Anyway, she explains to the jailed motorcycle dudes that she had a gargoyle battle last night, further aiding her legal credibility. Oh well, at least you tried, Makeshift Bikini Lady.
"Dad, leave it to me, a young woman, to tell those Texas cops where they have gone wrong"
Those hippies will be getting the Chair by Noon.
#monsterdon Captain Demonology explains that he's seen the gargoyles before in his demon books and also in ancient egyptian carvings, because all mythologies have gargoyles in them. Anyway, they want the bones of their dead, which they main characters are currently carrying off for science.
This conversation is interrupted by the Motel Milf who decided to be cranky about all the noise the gargoyle battles are making.
he'd only just beguuuuun to liiiiive...big claws and promises...hit a truck and he's on his waaaaaay
#Monsterdon Based on Horror Express, letβs saw the skulls open! Dig into the gooey goodness.
"They want the bones of their dead"
Could White people stop desecrating other culture's graves, please!
They really should have gargoyle crossing signs. #Monsterdon
Shirtless man caressing a dead drama student on the roadside, not even the weirdest shit you'll see tonight on the Road....
I think you could convince a Texas cop that gargoyles are real
"What have I told you about dealing with the cops? Tell them NOTHING!"
The motel owner, ,like most of the people involved with this film, is drunk and horny
"Daughter, huh? Sure, sure... I hear that all the time." #Monsterdon
feeling sorry for that stunt man riding on top of that car
I do not understand how risking life for a tape recorder makes you a good mother
#monsterdon That weird synthesizer riff was the soundtrack, right? It wasn't a diagetic fire alarm or something?
Everyone relax, itβs just the sound of my career choices echoing. #monsterdon
#monsterdon I missed some of what was going on but the wizened hat guy is now standing in front of a skeleton with a horned deer head and maybe four arms or wings or something and trying to sell captain demonology something, but the captain doesn't believe him. something about the indians sacrificing people or something to a giant demon.
Eventually they make a deal where the captain writes a book about wizened hat guy's prop skeleton.
I've read that this entire movie was shot on a single camera!
Welcome! May I interest you in a haunted artifact or a tetanus shot? #monsterdon
"Uncle Willies Desert Museum" sounds like a place no woman leaves.....
#monsterdon after the opening we advance to 1970s transportation, when a plane lands and a car drives away. a lady gives an older dude his pet gargoyle friend (in statue form). The older dude writes books about demons, which is a thing that grifters do, but maybe he's legit because this is a movie.
That man looks to that plane like a lot of his cocaine is on it
Ugh, Christian theology is such a drag....
History is written by the victors. #Monsterdon
GOGOGOGOGOGOGOGOGOGOGOGOGOGOGOGOGOGOGOGOGOGOGGOGOGOGO
#MONSTERDON
As bad movies go, this was one of the greats. It had all the ingredients, but no recipe. #Monsterdon
After the movie I decided to put on some ABBA as a way of reminding myself of things about the 70's that did not suck
@Zerofactorial @th0tleader Thatβs a good point. And she was clearly traumatized by the vehicular manslaughter of her previous lover (?) #Monsterdon
@peltast the daughter and the innkeep had a conversation not about a man
@th0tleader @floatybirb there's probably a whole server for it on the Fediverse, and it's why I stick around! #monsterdon
@aprilfollies @th0tleader She did not have access to therapy resources and had only the option of self-medication #monsterdon
@Lazarou @floatybirb gargo-kitteh
@th0tleader I would score her 8/10 but donβt want to encourage alcoholism. π #Monsterdon
Clever. a broken wing so the king must carry his queen. A really poetic moment that is one of the few things I remembered clearly from this movie.
. . . and that's right where it ends. Damn it tv movie! You ran out of budget mid scene!
#Monsterdon #Gargoyles #Gargoyles1972
@Taweret Tbh it felt like the script was put together by two writers who weren't on speaking terms. There's the "gargoyles are demons from hell who must be driven out" angle, and the "gargoyles are sentient beings with a complex society who don't trust humans" angle, and the movie flips between them on a scene-by-scene basis.
#Monsterdon Gargoyles Report card:
Plot: D- stolen from H. Rider Haggard: all of the racism, none of the class.
Gargoyles: A-, complex differentiated species with its own lore and goals.
Station wagon A+: Killed and died for the cause.
Cops: Z-, cop behavior
Dirt Bikers: Wrong movie, dudes
Discount Indy: Referred to prosecutors for war crimes
Daughter Diana: 0/10, why was she even in this movie?*
*We know why. And also the screaming.
The writers took pains to set the Gargoyles up as analogues of indigenous peoples, then chose to have an anthropologist protagonist who STEALS THEIR DEAD for his own glory and then TRIES TO GENOCIDE THEM when they fight back
And then FAILED TO RESOLVE ANY OF THESE IDEAS
I'd have settled for a "whoops, guess trying to murder them all was wrong" but no! #Monsterdon
And a few short years later, the king gargoyle actor (Bernie Casey) was getting mad at Bill & Ted
why do any movies exist? usually there is some script, or some market demand, or some thing that makes a movie studio go like "yeah lets spend some money to make that." Even really bad movies have some plausible story like hubris or nepotism and etc. but i am struggling to imagine the set of circumstances that would have led a studio to create a TV movie whose premise is "what if the gargoyles you see on some buildings were actually this ancient evil presence that we have to fight back every so often" but the entire rest of the script does nothing with that.
why does this movie exist?
Wait, if the gargoyles were the offspring of the devil, why were they morally ambiguous π€
#monsterdon also seeing smaller eggs in the cave and the Yazirian being normal sized and described as part of a breeding pair implies that the eggs do somehow get bigger over time.
"We're not strong at flying"
-Gargoyles
I was sure they were going to settle it with a dirt-bike race. #Monsterdon
#Monsterdon and it ended. Poof. Just like that. Okay!
And as is #Monsterdon tradition, we end mid-scene with no resolution. Fuck you too, movie. #Monsterdon
i need biker dude's denim shirt. it's, like the kids say these days, drippy
"are you asking the State of Texas to be complicit in Genocide Professor?"
So if a gargoyle or a werewolf likes to dress up as a human, would that make them a skinnie? #Monsterdon
#Monsterdon at some point weβll have forehead horn rule 34 fanboys here. βGilding the Pokeyβ was outlawed by Gargoyle kind for leading to premature horn chlamydia.
Too much running in caves
#Monsterdon Everyone is horny for the gargoyles. This is how they get alternative mating outcomes. A lot like Alien Resurrection. Really.
Do a Ripley and blow up the egg room
LEAVE PRE-XGAMES BIKER DUDE ALONE
What if the Gargoyle library were just vampire romance, self published, and he had her read that for 500 years?
Gargoyles riding horses is a nice addition to the gargoyle cannon, such as it is
Gargoyles seem to like trampolines
@nhgeek I'm starting to think this whole movie was an excuse to ride dirtbikes in the desert
How many hours of footage did they make of those dudes riding around in the desert? #monsterdon
Oh no, they got Mrs Parks. So much for the drinks
Octaman would rescue Diana. He wouldn't run around in useless circles in the desert or give boring, muttery lectures or talk up his next book.
"Shhh!" He's already talking like a librarian! #Monsterdon
#monsterdon Captain Demonology explains that the gargoyles are like reptile people whose eggs hatch every few hundred years and sometimes they steal our women. He knows this because mythology.
This lecture is interrupted by finding a truck that is spinning in a circle; it used to have the Motel Milf in it. Now it has blood! Oh no!.
girlfriend lost in an underground make still walking on those high-heeled clogs.
#monsterdon When Captain Demonology asks them to do a search, the cops protest that they don't have enough people to do anything useful, which is a thing cops always say. They always have 450+ cops available to stare at a black lives matter protest; maybe that's where all the cops are.
But anyway, because these are movie cops they innovate and dragoon the motorcycle dudes, the motel milf and a local guy with 50 hound dogs into creating a search party.
The gargoyle just slapped the other gargoyles ass. This is the greatest movie Iβve ever fucking watched. #Monsterdon
The gargoyles are Bros, going by that cheeky butt slap and tendency for sexual assault
I really don't think a little "Dukes of Hazzard" style narration would be out of place in this movie. #Monsterdon
It's late stage Lucille Ball #monsterdon
The winged gargoyle actor is having a bit of trouble with carrying Diana. Hope he's getting more than scale.
#Monsterdon Gargoyle is chasing that poor bagpipe player with rusty bellows.
#monsterdon anyway the gargoyles attack the main characters again, knocking a car over. One of them has wings and approaches Makeshift Bikini Lady, causing her to scream until she runs out of scream points and passes out. Then the winged gargoyle decides to fondle her face in an uncomfortable manner while the other gargoyles search the station wagon for bones and or snack packs.
#Monsterdon Whatβs with the whole flipping angle. You can see your friend. Why make it complicated with the flipping? Satan wasnβt illogical but his children are dumb as a bag of hammers.
#monsterdon The gargoyles are... flipping the station wagon... because that makes it easier for them to get the body of their buddy that they're trying to retrieve..?
daughter talking to the cops about the biker guys like she and her dad shouldn't be the primary suspects, LOL
Just give them back the body of their dead friend, why must we White People always be doing this?!