Whoa, Sis! Easy in the dialog! #Monsterdon

You are feeling veeeeeeeery sleepy...

Or is that just me? #Monsterdon

kinky wax play....

#Monsterdon

@ramsey Ice skates, Penguins, Armchairs, Hammers!

#monsterdon

Okay, some more stuff happened, probably, but it didn't make much sense. Anyway, the painter girl (now a vampire) wakes up from her nap in a cottage with the vampire hunter guy, who is taking a nap, and she removes his scarf as though she is about to bite him, then decides to loom around ominously and draw out the actual biting.

#monsterdon

Man, they had the budget for THREE sets of vampire teeth? #Monsterdon

#monsterdon Dracula is really just a video essay on maintaining proper quarantine procedures…

@paco The data proves it!

#Monsterdon #DraculaPrisonerOfFrankenstein

I could not give a fuck whether the doctor character lives or dies, the same for all of them.....except the bat.

#Monsterdon

@culturednyc The Draculstein Test: no two characters shall talk to each other about anything #Monsterdon

#monsterdon Surely this scarf will save him!

@arisummerland Just literally any random thing

#monsterdon

@MatthewTitus88 yeah you can read them all at chick.com #monsterdon

Director’s trademarks: there is no making sense, only zoom

https://mastodon.social/@bk1e/113263695677734302

#Monsterdon #DraculaPrisonerOfFrankenstein

@jivens so has the director... #Monsterdon

#monsterdon Looks like someone got her the morphine, the ice cream, and the clicker. There, now finally take a nap! Like the rest of us!

why does dracula need sound proofing in his coffin?

#monsterdon

I think I am going to write this film off as a waste of everyone's time, that's my rating at the 66% done mark

#monsterdon

Oh I get it now. This is just a film based upon Dr Frankenstein's fanfic about having a bunch of really cool monsters in his harem.
#Monsterdon #DraculaPrisonerOfFrankenstein

Dracula dracula'ed so hard that dracula came out of his eye holes

#Monsterdon

separate beds aye?

#Monsterdon

I don't know if these actors know they are making a movie either. #Monsterdon

Hey - a woman said something!

#monsterdon

This movie has burned so much baseline goodwill that I'm outraged it expects me to care about this couple enough to pay attention to them even for 2 minutes

#Monsterdon

Well, a woman did say words but ... well, be careful what you wish for I guess

#Monsterdon

@RobynGoodfellow No I'm pretty sure it was that one mexican wrestling film.

#monsterdon

@combatwombat I honestly enjoyed it more than Citizen Kane. #monsterdon

loving the way he's writing in his journal like he's really giving it his best

#Monsterdon

@paco @josh0 @Zerofactorial I'll have what she's having

#Monsterdon

you couldn't even space the tooth marks right?

#Monsterdon

Count Floyd fell asleep in the back of the car with his eyes open. Again.
#Monsterdon #DraculaPrisonerOfFrankenstein

dracula's energy is less lord of darkness and more mildly confused tax accountant at a Halloween party

#Monsterdon

This dracula has all the style and panache of a wet paper bag

#Monsterdon

Dracula just realized what movie he is in
#monsterdon

Dracula looks like Bob Newhart is auditioning for Gomez Addams

#monsterdon

Gotta say this Dracula isn't really scaring me, more "dopey old uncle" vibes really

#Monsterdon

If I ever get cornered by a dracula, I’m going to say “Fangs for nothing!” then run off while they are laughing.

#Monsterdon

@strangefour I did a project in Communications when I was 17 that was more 'movie' than this... #Monsterdon

#monsterdon I will say that so many people are orgasming. So at least nobody has any built up stress on set.

It occurs to me that there is a very practical problem of naming the actors with the characters they play. Not one character name has been said the entire film. How will the characters appear in the credits? "Woman orgasming in red dress"?
#monsterdon

@Taweret This is all women who professionally fake orgazms so...

#monsterdon

*squinting at the subtitles* these characters have NAMES?

#monsterdon

omg shut the fuck up

#Monsterdon

So obviously, they filmed without sound, then dubbed it all in later.

So like 16mm color, no audio

#monsterdon

Currently amusing myself by trying to figure out if Igor is wearing a fur hat or if his hair is just that bad

#Monsterdon

@steggy dracula, MLM of frankenstein! #monsterdon

as we all know peacocks are the deadliest of guardian birds....

#Monsterdon

@socketwench you are joking i know but Gary and his Demons (S1) is really, really good.

#monsterdon

I wish I knew why this film keeps zooming in on eyeballs like that. Maybe it was funded by a mascara company? #Monsterdon

lol,, he's writing this in crayon

#Monsterdon

I think Dracula has long Covid #monsterdon

Oh - hey, The narrator is indeed back. It seems to be Frankenstein himself.

#monsterdon

ooo, 'bat-lesbians'

I've know a few of those

#Monsterdon

"Oh yeah, baby, hey my UHaul is just outside..." #Monsterdon

#monsterdon Looks like the transsexual transylvania got Riff-Raff alright…

Dracula and his "wives" are easy to find help for. No shortage of porn stars wanting to get into legit film ("legit" used loosely)

#monsterdon

@Terencio @rebeld Since this movie seems to be taking place around 1972, that means this is literally Nicolae Ceaușescu's Romania 😵‍💫

#Monsterdon

#monsterdon Don't stop and I'll shoot. I'll shoot myself.. anything to get out of this movie! The residuals! Gimme a break!

slide whistle wilheim scream squish squish rimshot owl hoot

#Monsterdon

that's an odd place for an electrical outlet...

#Monsterdon

The Renfield guy looks seriously crazed (she says, trying to distract from the bat in blood scene) #Monsterdon

🦖#MONSTERDON 🎞️

✈️ FLIGHT OF PHILOSOPHY

30 Minute Poll

What type of entity is a Vampire that has been reanimated?

Un- Undead = Alive (The Double Negative Imperative)
Reanimated = Zombie (The Don't Overcomplicate Obligation)
Reanimated Vampire = Zombie Vampire (The Compulsory Additive Theorem)
Something else you will explain somehow

Also, this scene is so cursed.

#Monsterdon

That's ok, we don't need to see the weird Igor guy kissing the burlesque dancer's corpse actually

#Monsterdon

Gah, someone call the FSPCA!!!!!!

#Monsterdon #DraculaPrisonerOfFrankenstein

give the bat snacks!

NO NOT LIKE THAT

#monsterdon

Again, this is interesting because my generation is very much interested in how to regain youth by the introduction of any fluids or essences from the young.

#Monsterdon

Goddamn it Frankenstein I went to a lot of work to kill that bat

#Monsterdon

Toaster's ready. Again. #Monsterdon

As home-made Halloween costumes go, this Frankenstein isn’t too bad
#monsterdon

Is he collecting orgone energy?

#Monsterdon

Huh. So *this* is Martinizing. #Monsterdon

oh, rude

leave that innocent batto alone

#Monsterdon

Bullets don't just, like, stop when they hit a person. I'm sorry, Monsieur Policeman, but you just killed the woman.
#monsterdon

@sealawyer haven't seen a single cigarette though

#monsterdon

#Monsterdon 🧛 ⛓️ 🧟‍♂️ 😱

for some reason that one guy tried to grab Frankenstein and just kinda bounced off and gave up

okay i do enjoy a mad scientist lab

#Monsterdon

@bunnyhero I can't not think of....#monsterdon

A woman in lingerie strapped to a table, finally we get back to this movie's core competencies

#Monsterdon

@bunnyhero "Did he just make the yummy sound?"

#monsterdon

What even. What is up with this monster makeup. Are you fucking kidding me.

Also, is that Jim Belushi?

Is he on a mission from God?

#Monsterdon #DraculaPrisonerOfFrankenstein

She's singing, "I'd do ANYTHING to get out of this film!" right? #monsterdon

There have been more words spoken in this movie in French than English

#Monsterdon

le BOUM!

#monsterdon

#monsterdon This movie would be so easy to nap through…

There was no way they were going to blow their limited makeup budget on Frankenstein's monster.

#monsterdon

dogshit awakening sequence though, he woke up BEFORE the electricity????

#Monsterdon

There was an actors' guild strike while this film was being made. The director didn't get in trouble, though, because he just made a film without acting.
#monsterdon

A better monster than I would have expected from this movie, considering what's (not) happened so far

#Monsterdon

Incidentally, the movie's about a third over now.

We've had like three lines.

#Monsterdon

#monsterdon I could have lived without a Morpho closeup.

Someone should have told this actress *where* the thing she is supposed to look at in fear is

#Monsterdon

#Monsterdon God damn it movie, you can't both have no dialogue AND no lighting.

Dracula has been dead for all of what 30 seconds? Very exciting

#Monsterdon

This stake-through-the-heart process really saves on shipping costs. I mean that must be a hundredfold weight reduction.

#monsterdon

look, if you're going to overdub la la la, you could at least match it to the lip movements

#monsterdon

reactivate the body? with the fresh blood of a young girl????

#monsterdon

#monsterdon Was there a time jump I missed?

Before we were in the old timey days, but now we're in the 1970s?

@moira #Monsterdon #DraculaPrisonerOfFrankenstein

I would love to have been the dialog coach on this movie. #monsterdon