monsterdon replay · Best of Dracula, Prisoner of Frankenstein

My husband: What is it tonight?

Me: Dracula, Prisoner of Frankenstein

My husband: <makes terrible groan noise> OH GEEZ

Me: THAT IS THE CORRECT NOISE

Trixter of the Moon Council

trixter@retro.pizza

I think I should start a tradition of posting a foster photo to go with each week's movie. To start:

#monsterdon #DraculaPrisonerOfFrankenstein

well, that was barely a movie

thank you for joining, everyone!!

we could've been watching critters 3

#Monsterdon #DraculaPrisonerOfFrankenstein #DraculaContraFrankestein

LMAO the narcissist techbro is killing his super-race of horny henchpeople for being ungrateful that he undeadened them.

WE MADE IT!

Thanks everyone! :D

Thanks @Taweret for hosting!

Time to go write that term paper for my class now that I've been reassured there's definitely more torturous things I could be doing with my evening

Thanks to God, the film is over. And thanks to YOU, we couldn't have had a #monsterdon without you!

Everyone give a big hand to @Taweret for organising this week's televisual buffet, and @Cherizilla for the bingo cards!

See you next week, same bat-time, but hopefully different bat-channel?

Director: "Okay in this scene we need you to curl up into a fetal position and think about how this movie will look on your resume"

[empty]

allanb

Thanks @Taweret for bending to the will of the people and making them eat what they voted for

Palate-cleansing time I think

Did this movie need to be made?

No

Did we need to watch this move?

Also no

Did we have a good time?

Again, no

We are hearing the lamentations of the test screening audience.

how do you fuck up dubbing 'la la la'?

[empty]

allanb

later, that daynight ...
#monsterdon

"I tried to change you into superior beings.
DID YOU EVEN SAY THANK YOU??"

Terencio

just awaken Godzilla ffs. #monsterdon

SnoopJ

SnoopJ@hachyderm.io

They paid for that one bat screech sample and by god are they gonna get their money's worth

#DraculaPrisonerOfFrankenstein #cars #classiccar #weirdcarmastodon

Patioboater

patioboater

Because I’m a glutton for punishment I fast-forwarded through tonight’s terrible #monsterdon movie to catch a reasonably clear view of the #hearse. Nope, I still have no idea what it is.

It looks vaguely French to me. Did Citroen or maybe Renault build a hearse?

AmyFou 🕊️

amyfou@lingo.lol

#Monsterdon 🧛 ⛓️ 🧟‍♂️ 😱

I appreciate you #Monsterdonians very, very much. Thanks for making this week's ... item ... hilarious in spite of itself.

and thank you @Taweret @Cherizilla @JoeWynne we'll see ya next week I hope!

davesdogmaggie@mstdn.social

country doctor came to an AI fight with a folder full of papers… cuz that’s what technocrats do.

but notice how he didn’t go after the gringo who caused all the mayhem 🤨

oh well, we’re done.

welp.

that was sumtin.

thanks to @Taweret and all the #Monsterdon for this weeks hot ass mess. seems… timely.

okay peeps, you have til Tuesday to make your best Monsterdon #HappyBirthdayLiza crossover meme 😊

Judgment Dave

I think I need to burn my house down because just deleting this piece of shit from Plex isn’t going to cut it. #Monsterdon

#monsterdon Doctor Frankenstein's plan was terrible.

His plan was to threaten to kill Dracula to "control" him, while Dracula accumulated an army of slaves?

There's no way that would work. You can't control someone long-term by threatening to kill them, because that's an all-or-nothing threat, and eventually they're going to call your bluff.

Besides that, having an army of slaves loyal to a man you're holding prisoner is also a bad idea it you think about it for the tiniest fraction of a second.

Even if Wolf-Man hadn't shown up, Dr F's plan was really stupid.

I remember as a little girl watching movies where every time something scary happened, the woman in the scene fainted, and I thought fainting a lot was definitely something I'd have to deal with when I was older

(see also: quicksand)

Ten minutes into every Mastodon movie I have this moment of panic, like, "Okay I know these are supposed to be bad movies, but EVERYONE I THINK THIS MIGHT REALLY BE BAD, DO WE HAVE A PLAN B?"

Like oh god, what did we get ourselves into

Usually this feeling fades about halfway through when it's like, "Oh phew, okay, it's about as bad as average"

stop making that noise immediately

I have not followed even ONE PART of this film. Not a bit of it.

stop making that noise immediately

...wolfman

are you sHITTING ME SERIOUSLY

YOU CAN'T INTRODUCE A THIRD MONSTER

IN THE LAST *FIVE GODDAMN MINUTES OF A MOVIE*

FUCKING FOUL!! #Monsterdon

I am spending at least 25% of this film feeding my cat cheese treats.

you dont even NEED to dub 'la la la' is the thing

@davesdogmaggie SALT THE EARTH WHERE IT GREW #Monsterdon

"I tried to change you into superior beings-"

DID YOU? When was this? Was that on film, or was that some kind of supplemental material? #Monsterdon

Angry woman: That man has unleashed the soul of our ancient enemy

Man: Look you didn't tell me WHICH hobby to get, I think the fault is clear here

#monsterdon You can tell if a bat is really a vampire because it moves like it's hanging from a string.

Omg! She has lines! GUESS WE KNOW WHO SLEPT WITH THE DIRECTOR

#monsterdon "Ah, excellent. If I publish these results, I may be able to get my grant renewed. "

#monsterdon It's never a good sign when a film includes an Act.

This is more horse-clopping than you hear in an Amish area on Sunday night.

And I would know!

I love how the director's like "she's supposed to be insane," and the sympathetic make-up people were like, "Then she'll have AMAZING HAIR"

#Monsterdon #DraculaPrisonerOfFrankenstein #DraculaContraFrankestein

remarkable not one word has been uttered 7 minutes into this movie

Y'know, it's not unusual for #Monsterdon movies to fall apart in the closing minutes, but wow. I literally could not tell you how that film ended. That was absolutely un-parseable. Incomprehensible. What the actual fuck. #Monsterdon

Still a better love story than Twilight

awww, the wolfman is a lovable little scamp, aren't you, who's a good wolfman scritches

Imma make a soundboard of all the bonkers sound effects from this film

maybe

bring 👏 back 👏 the 👏 can-can 👏 dancers

Ross of Ottawa

ottaross

They're only Dracula Fangs™ if they come from the Transylvania region of Romania. Otherwise, they're just sparkling dentures.

Ross of Ottawa

ottaross

We had a narrator for about five seconds near the start, but he seems to have gone for coffee and not come back.

If anyone sees him, get him in here for a bit of explanation of where the plot is at this point.

I am angry at the principality of Liechtenstein for enabling this, the sanctions will begin at dawn!

The bat screaming about what the hell has it gotten itself into

US TOO, BAT FRIEND

#monsterdon I like how our mad scientist isn't a wild-eyed madman.

He just looks like the kind of scientist who lectures at the local community college.

#DraculaPrisonerOfFrankenstein

#monsterdon Ah, a good old fashioned laboratory.

They don't make 'em like this any more.

Bluedepth

#monsterdon It was a dark and stormy... credits sequence.

Patioboater

patioboater

LOL, now I’m watching some of this terrible #monsterdon movie again, since I had gone back for the a screen capture of the hearse. It makes no more sense when I pay attention.

I have seen a lot of terrible movies over the years. This is one of the more terrible. I suppose it might’ve been good for a drive-in, if you brought a date, turned the sound off, and fogged over your windows so as not to be distracted by any of this terrible movie.

Brad

bk1e

Is there a sequel? *checks Dennis Price’s IMDb page* Oh no. Please, no.

strangefour with the Pleiades

strangefour@retro.pizza

Huh we have had a really swingy list of movies in the past few months. Some of the best and worst of all of #Monsterdon

Genuinely relived to see the end of this movie.

Everyone's leaving to update their Linked In

Solarbird :flag_cascadia:

moira@mastodon.murkworks.net

literal involuntary laughter at the wolfman makeup

#monsterdon #draculaprisoneroffrankenstein

Ten minutes left. This movie's gonna end with an abruptness usually seen only in car crashes. >_> #Monsterdon

@wohali Oh MAN, I would give my LEFT ARM for a glaive right now :o #Monsterdon

Every time I see a real bat in this movie I'm worried how they treat them so maybe I shouldn't mock the shit fake bats

We have about 17 minutes left, I believe in us

Chief you got fifteen minutes to slay Dracula, Frankenstein, AND his monster, and like half a dozen Femme Vamps. I don't think it's gonna work out unless you got an unregistered flamethrower. #Monsterdon

Take literally any first aid class and you'll see that whoever makes arm slings in movies has the worst technique ever

Ross of Ottawa

ottaross

Does any woman get a good night's sleep in this village? Trip Advisor: 2/10

#Monsterdon #DraculaPrisonerOfFrankenstein #DraculaContraFrankestein

el doctor Frankethein is the typical techbro, marveling at his own “tech” and superior mind, while trying to summon Satan and his army of devils with it.

You will be pleased to know my cat likes both the smoked gouda and the cream cheese, but she prefers the cream cheese.

I'm making the coconut sound with my hands whenever this guy walks

I need the women in this movie to say literally anything

He looks like he's trying to do the gallop from Monty Python and the Holy Grail, like who has the coconuts?

Louisa

Louisa@mastodon.xyz

A woman biting another woman! Now I've seen everything

"Woooowbalaaaaaaaaaaaauuugh"

this is the sound of someone who just lost at Mario Kart, or something

#monsterdon It's getting a bit cold in here, throw another stripper on the fire, would you?

This movie really assumes a lot about my high school French recall

#Monsterdon #DraculaPrisonerOfFrankenstein #DraculaContraFrankestein

what i hate about vampire movies is the lengths the unhued will go for an orgasm. girlfriend was crying cuz she didn’t get her vampire fix? c’mon, karen…

baahahahahaha

i have seen 8 year olds with better halloween makeup than this

#monsterdon This scene has gone on so long she's run out of panicked noises to make.

#Monsterdon #DraculaPrisonerOfFrankenstein #DraculaContraFrankestein

did they really have to zoom in on her feet?

Solarbird :flag_cascadia:

@strangefour The end-of-year Best and Worst of #Monsterdon polls are gonna be wild this year.

moira@mastodon.murkworks.net

whelp we've launched another movie into space

this one i think was particularly deserving

good job team and thanks as always to @Taweret for hosting

#monsterdon #draculaprisoneroffrankenstein

jeffron

jeffron@ohai.social

is there a four-hour Director’s Cut, surely that ties up the loose ends #Monsterdon

The S Kate M 💛💙

skatem@mstdn.social

#Monsterdon specifications:
Zero plot - check
Poor acting - check
Lousy writing - check
Lacklustre directing - check
Screams - triple check
Abrupt ending - check and double check

This film 100%, with added feature creep: no dialog.

Foolish Owlbear :trans_heart:

cocaine_owlbear@retro.pizza

#Monsterdon well, that's the end.

And we're all a little worse off for having seen it.

Oh wow, that was bad. We messed up real bad picking this one guys. We messed up real bad.

…

Goodnight! Sweet dreams, everyone!

gwildor

jivens

#monsterdon Wow. That was terrible.

This reminds me I want to make a cape

STOP NARRATING YOU'RE ONLY MAKING IT WORSE

Solarbird :flag_cascadia:

#monsterdon "She had summoned the Wolf Man from beyond the grave."

Wow, that's quite a plot point to just hand-wave with a narration.

moira@mastodon.murkworks.net

WILL YOU STOP SQUEEZING THE GUINEA PIGS THEY DON'T LIKE IT

#monsterdon #draculaprisoneroffrankenstein

Never have I been so happy to see an ad break

The flesh is weak, but the spirit is also weak.

"People hunched over their devices all the time now, in my day you have a round plate of cold ash for all your news and gossip...."

#Monsterdon #DraculaPrisonerOfFrankenstein #DraculaContraFrankestein

BTW even en Ethpanya, the G word has been rejected. they’re roma or romani.

Dr. Seward is clearly hot on the trail of this village's sudden outbreak of neck melanoma.

Count Rugen: I've just sucked one year of your life away

Vampires: HA HA SUCKER! I WAS ALREADY DEAD!

They can all just sit up straight like that because once you're dead you get amazing abs

I would like it very much if at some point a woman in this movie made a sound that was not a moan, a shriek, or a combination of the two

Emperor of the 86th Ring

sealawyer

Me: Why did they take her? Where are they taking her?
Film: Shut the fuck up
#monsterdon

Floaty Birb

floatybirb

Notable fact about this movie is that 80% of the dialog is screaming. Screaming comes in two types, bat screaming and hot girl screaming. Another 10% of the dialog is grunting.