"Do not be afraid, I am here"

Yeah, that's the PROBLEM #Monsterdon

"You owe your lives to the gypsy people...bet you feel bad about all those things you said about them now, don't you?"

#Monsterdon

@combatwombat Dr. Sewer is down by the sewer and he really looks wasted!

#monsterdon `

Apparently the Curse of Dracula causes chapped lips. #Monsterdon

Meanwhile, in the middle of nowhere, the Romani are humming while a person is passed out or dying on the ground next to them....?

#monsterdon

Someone in this village could make a fortune selling WD-40. A few silver pieces per squirt, and you'd be set for life.

#monsterdon

I have to say, the Doctor's Wall of Sound is pretty minimalist. You think maybe he was one of the first trance artists? Wub wub noises and screaming. #Monsterdon

@strangefour That's a valid take and also explains its surreal train of thought and fetish adjacent material #monsterdon

#monsterdon Wait, I'm lost again. Is he turning these people into Frankenstein monsters? I thought the plan was to force Dracula to enslave them via vampire bites?

When I was a kid I remember these little comic booklets they had at the bible book store. There was a vampire one. Anybody remember these? #monsterdon

internet reconnected in time for vampire sapphism, happy pride everybody #LoveWins

#monsterdon

Okay they already USED that coffin opening shot, look we have literally no dialogue, so we know when you're reusing coffins and horse butts, what do you take us for

#Monsterdon #DraculaPrisonerOfFrankenstein

After more quality cinematography that involves the painter girl showing her fangs and screaming at the sky, we are introduced to new character for no reason, a rich guy who lives in a house full of carpets and his girlfriend/wife who he starts kissing.

Then a bat screams and flies through the window and bites one of them and that one bites the other one so I guess both are vampires, and also they're rich so I guess they're powerful too.

#monsterdon

@wohali Thanks, this is much better information that I am getting from the movie

#Monsterdon

@davesdogmaggie "Understand" is a loaded term in this context. It's more like "uh... I think the strangely horny shadows on the wall of this cave might mean... (interpretation)." #monsterdon

BATS ON A STRING, CLASSIC #Monsterdon

A *host of vampires were in my power.

And by host I mean 2

#monsterdon

Okay, movie, that is enough screaming. You can take a break. We get the idea. It is very scary. Much scream. Yes.

#monsterdon

Having inspected the painter girl and determined that she is a vampire (I think), the hunter removes his lab coat and takes another horse but powered journey to Dracula's castle, where he meets a Frankenstein (monster) who karate chops him. In the next scene, the painter girl (now a vampire) is on the Mad Science Gurney in the evil lab.

#monsterdon

You know this was a quality date movie back in 1972 when it has a terrified woman in her nightdress, then a shot of thongs around her neck, then a loving focus on her bare feet in the first eight minutes.

Also gratuitous castle-in-the-mist porn (check out the crenelations on her!) but that is a rarer fetish. #monsterdon

Under the circumstances I kind of think two women screaming in the same scene should satisfy the Bechdel test 🤦

#Monsterdon

So the Vampire Hunter guy has two forms, lab coat doctor mode and no lab coat badass mode.

#monsterdon

#monsterdon They phoned in the ADR. LITERALLY.

The evil doctor has figured out that the vampire hunter is after him. And also the painter girl is the Roma character from before and she is good instead of bad but for some reason she can defeat the doctor; this is not explained. So he sends the OG dracula to um... ambush her and Vampireize her while she's conveniently bedridden.

#monsterdon

"And now the battle begins!"

Let's not kid ourselves, guys. This is gonna be like The Mummy vs The Robot, the whole fight's gonna be five seconds at the end of the flick. #Monsterdon

#monsterdon This isn't a movie, this is a film studies art project where nobody cared and in the last ten minutes someone threw a box of D-cells at the ladies and said “record your best foley, I guess..." and chucked the final result.

Oh my god every time they try to do a dialogue I just hate them more

#Monsterdon

also, am pretty sure Blondie didn’t have to undead herself to have a lesbian liaison. that’s what am saying about the weird lengths to have sex.

#Monsterdon #DraculaPrisonerOfFrankenstein #DraculaContraFrankestein

Wait, NOW we are getting internal monologue?!

#monsterdon

#monsterdon Stop. Moaning.

"What is it? What's the matter?'

I'm still in this movie! God *damn* it! #Monsterdon

And now we are speedrunning a lesbian vampire movie!
Wait. have we done a lesbian vampire movie? We did those twins I remember but...
#Monsterdon #DraculaPrisonerOfFrankenstein

So....It's a vampire pyramid scheme??

#Monsterdon

but once you have Humanity under your control, then what?

Shit still needs to run, will you mess with that?

#Monsterdon

Peacocks. At night. Okay. 🙄

#Monsterdon

I feel like this movie started by showing that vampires are pretty destructible actually

#Monsterdon

#monsterdon More orgasms. This movie has the wrong rating.

Just to recap:
We incapacitated Dracula.
We dragged him to Frankenstein's lab.
We killed the chanteuse to bring Dracula back.
We put Dracula back in his coffin at his castle.
As if nothing ever happened.

Yep, seems on brand.

#Monsterdon #DraculaPrisonerOfFrankenstein

#monsterdon Movie, don't try to have a plot. We are passed that.

#monsterdon "Turning college degrees into lifelong regrets.”

(screams in the background)
same.
#monsterdon

@blogdiva you could easily get funding for that idea right now #Monsterdon

Watch them hands, Cheech Igor. #Monsterdon

#monsterdon Who sets up these shots of people starting with random shit right in their face?

Dracula: I don't feel dead. Actually I feel pretty good! #Monsterdon

Okay - not impressed with the cruelty to the bat. Fast fwd through that scene.

#monsterdon

HARDLY ANY ANIMALS WERE HARMED IN THE MAKING OF THIS FILM

#Monsterdon

Okay, so the Frankendracula, or maybe its a normal Frankenstein (monster) kidnaps the caberet lady and takes her to Frankenstein (doctor)'s lab, where she wakes up, strapped to a gurney of mad science.

It seems the evil doctor is planning to drain her blood to resurrect dracula? Which is rather disturbing. As he starts the murder machine, his non-bat car alarms go off.

#monsterdon

#monsterdon Dripping blood all over a bat? WHat are you doing?

the bat is now singing POUR SOME SUGAR ON ME

#monsterdon

#Monsterdon

lol - those are some low-energy rescue attempts running after Frankenstein's monster.

#monsterdon

Dracula-Frankenstein pictures are always in need of a little of that Weimar Republic dark glamour, I am always saying this on letterboxd

#monsterdon

Anyway, after the Dracula Frankenstein this movie has become Moulin Rouge, as we get a fancy lady singing in French and prancing about a pole in a fancy establishment to popular acclaim. At least I think its French.

She shows her panties and the audience claps. Then she returns to her dressing room, which seems to be in a cave so we can get a gratuitous undressing scene. But then a Wild Frankendracula appears!

#monsterdon

"Oh god, Frankenstein! You're slightly less attractive than the men out in the restaurant!" #Monsterdon

i can't not think of young frankenstein

#monsterdon

wait! the viejo verde Frankestein turned the country doctor into his monster?

#Monsterdon #DraculaPrisonerOfFrankenstein #DraculaContraFrankestein

#monsterdon Whoops, stairs out. “You mean at the bottom of a disused lavatory, with a broken sign that says "Beware of the Leopard!?!” WHAT. Yeah, we'll just start making shit up because the only thing we have yet is la la nah nah, blah blah.

If you saw that audience in isolation, would you imagine they are watching a French burlesque dance?
#monsterdon

My personal fav Frankenstein movie......above average TV series spinoff as well. #monsterdon

@combatwombat Someone tell Scotty!

#Monsterdon

anyway, the movie is taking a time-out to be horny (FR)

#Monsterdon

Spain, Portugal, France and Liechtenstein produced this film jointly

4 countries...

#monsterdon

Igor, as portrayed by Cheech Marin. #Monsterdon

#monsterdon It's not my fault you bought ad-time on Plex. I'll mock your city still. No mercy, Indianapolis. You know what you did.

It's kind of amazing to think how long special effects teams just had to make a bunch of flashing lights in various configurations

#Monsterdon #DraculaPrisonerOfFrankenstein

HA HA HA HA HA

WOW

That Frankenstein :D #Monsterdon

Appreciating there are no touchscreens or apps to operate this stuff

#Monsterdon

Oh, hey. This castle has been retrofitted with electricity.

#Monsterdon

Ah, yes, a DRAK-ULA class blood powered reactor

#Monsterdon

I wonder what Frankenstein is up to right now

#Monsterdon

@Rozzychan The bat is trying to flee the movie for a better one. #monsterdon

<new jersey accent>
'ey baws! Dis actor guy here says he don' wanna say dem stupid lines. Whatcha wan me do with him?"
</new jersey accent>
#monsterdon

That hearse/bus vehicle contraption looks pretty cool. Gotta book that for the production of "GhostBusters VII European Undead"

#monsterdon

"what...is it?"

just saving this quote for later in case it's the movie summary.

#monsterdon

Clearly neo-Torgo wants to join the European Union.

#monsterdon

@TerryHancock @apLundell Absolutely. Incidentally, there's at least one copy of it on wikipedia.

#Monsterdon

Was that a self-driving carriage?

#Monsterdon

I missed last week's Godzilla-rific #Monsterdon, which I really wanted to see. But I was doing something that I needed to pay attention to.

I'm watching tonight's Monsterdon, though, secure in the knowledge that I need pay no attention to "Dracula, Prisoner of Frankenstein."

(It is, however, a nifty hearse that they're driving around. I might need to try to catch a better view of that.)

I really appreciate that dialogue being simple Spanish words that I know so that I can synchronize my subtitles to this movie that has basically not had dialogue so far!

#Monsterdon

oh gee thanks narrator!

#monsterdon

For how the wind is howling, not a single one of his hairs is moving the entire walk.

#Monsterdon

Part of this soundtrack sounds like the sound that GSM phones used to induce in cheap speakers

#Monsterdon

They're saving a fortune on paper for printing up this script.

#monsterdon

The way they labour the sound effects like it was a radio play for children is quite something, as is the lack of dialogue

#Monsterdon

In the next scene, there is a rush to get into the shop that sells toilets, or possibly have toilets, I assume its in the morning and everyone ate their coffee already. Or maybe Italians like afternoon coffee, I'm not sure if this is Italy or not, maybe its Eastern Europe, because all of the Draculas?

Then we're in a church and there's a dead (?) lady laying on a bed and a guy comes in and we hear somebody praying for forgiveness, and then the dude stabs the lady in the eye.

#monsterdon

Weeping man, "Have mercy on all of us, have mercy on all sinners"

Okay so that's the lead writer, in his cameo

#Monsterdon #DraculaPrisonerOfFrankenstein

After another Architecture-Friendly Orchestral Interlude, or "AFOI" as they are called by me, we introduce another character, the painter babe who is painting and also being stalked by a vampire. Maybe she was also vampire bitten but maybe I'm wrong because I am trying to post and also type at the same time. Regardless, she decides to sing more later.

#monsterdon

That shot made it look like the candelabra was holding her body down.

#monsterdon

dat wig though

#Monsterdon #DraculaPrisonerOfFrankenstein #DraculaContraFrankestein

@blogdiva the dude just said "WAAAAHHHHH" to that horse, does that count? #monsterdon

(heh... count...)

@ricci

You know, these neck bolts are bad enough; there's just no way to get a date that way. But that huge stainless steel shod peen? The one with occasional blue sparks of electricity? Honestly, what woman would ever want that...?

#Monsterdon

In the next scene a lady is puttering around and then decides to undress, making the audience interested. But before she is finished a wild Dracula appears, looking exactly as you might expect and then bites her, to much shrieking.

#monsterdon

Well, they're solving the question about subtitles or dubbing by not actually having any dialog so far.

#monsterdon

The wildlife got most of the dialog. #monsterdon

You know, what this movie could use now, a few more random zoom-in sequences.

#monsterdon

very cute kitty

#Monsterdon

We've done it folks, the worst Dracula seen in #Monsterdon to date

we have rubber bat on string already

#monsterdon

Clocks bonging, clocks ticking, SOMEONE has been to film school and heard of "themes"

#Monsterdon