I gotta get me a deserted tumble-down castle. You think Enya is ready to sell yet?

#Monsterdon

"Flute music to stake draculas by"

#Monsterdon

#monsterdon Dialog!!!

Okay, so the bat is probably a vampire, maybe its one of the draculas that's a prisoner, because I'm pretty sure normal bats are not that goddamn loud.

#monsterdon

Alright so Eyeball Stabber and Horse Butt Observer Guy arrives at his destination, a sand colored castle with a giant door. It creaks open and shut on its own to fuck with him, and then he manages to walk in, at which point the weird shrieking bat from before yells at him for trespassing.

#monsterdon

In the next scene, the dude is drive a carriage through the woods at sunset or maybe morning and we see some Horse Butts. I guess the dude is like a vampire hunter.

I have to say I never thought of how many horse butts an experienced carriage driver would have to see until now, although I guess that's kind of obvious.

#monsterdon

#monsterdon so, how long does this scene go on?

The severe eye-stuff phobe has logged off. #Monsterdon

@Violinknitter Real cat, Fake bat, Film at 11.

#monsterdon

A least he didnt hurt the kitty #monsterdon

This movie starts with quality orchestral noises and pictures of stone buildings, reminding us that this takes place in europe, a continent famous for its stone buildings and health care.

We then hear some screaming, or maybe its a bat ramming a window repeatedly and screaming as it rams the window, but the screaming sounds like beeping.

#monsterdon

@cocaine_owlbear I'd like to point out that, since Taweret's instance blocks mine, I have never ever voted in a #monsterdon poll. So you can't blame me!

@paco you ever wonder what happened to that girl or why she’s working for the current administration? #Monsterdon

@log DOCTOR FRANKENSTEIN WILL RETURN

IN

absolutely nothing, thank god #Monsterdon

In conclusion:
#monsterdon
#draculaprisoneroffrankenstein

@rebeld @Taweret just not too deep, it's pretty stanky in here after that flick

#monsterdon #draculaprisoneroffrankenstein

@Taweret It's OK, just breathe, just breathe and let it go.

#monsterdon

🦇
#Monsterdon #DraculaPrisonerOfFrankenstein

@Configures @Taweret @Cherizilla That’s great!

Frankenstein is one of my favorite novels. I’ll have to give this whole episode a listen.

#Monsterdon

Oh, hey! Tubi actually provides a plot synopsis!

‘Dr. Frankenstein uses his Monster and a captive Count Dracula to abduct a can-can dancer as a test subject for his experiments in world domination.’

I guess that… sounds… close? #Monsterdon

17-year-old review of the movie is more informative than the Wikipedia page.

https://classic-horror.com/reviews/dracula_prisoner_of_frankenstein_1972.html

#Monsterdon

I think they should have stuck to their convictions and made a movie with no words at all. They might have done a horror equivalent of Koyaanisqatsi or something #monsterdon

“Please, Putrid Carrion was my father’s name!”

#Monsterdon

I would make a #Monsterdon wrapup post but I don't think I can justify using more words than were in the movie

Thanks as always @Taweret for hosting and everyone for posting! See you next

I think this was also my first Jesús Franco experience.

Are they… all like that? Or is this bad even on his scale?

I mean, I can see that the man worked on A LOT of movies so necessarily his attention to making something good was probably being spread thin?

#Monsterdon

@allanb Palate cleansing like Godzilla Final Wars? Whatever movie style you hadn't seen recently, you got it. Whatever your palate lacked, it got it in one film.
#monsterdon

@diazona you missed the shock "Statue of Liberty" ending then! #Monsterdon

F I N

#Monsterdon

And I thought *I* was burned out, hyuk hyuk!

#Monsterdon

#monsterdon That wasn't the worst monsterdon I've seen. But it might have come in third.. FIN.

@_L1vY_ I bet he and J.D. Vance are good friends.

#Monsterdon

Fin.

@paco "wow"

Me: "yep"

#Monsterdon

@sean There was a burst of it in a monologue about 10 m ago
#monsterdon

#monsterdon And so, Frankenstein's monster was defeated by an equipment malfunction.

lol, you can clearly see those are medical skeletons from a college or something, bless....but actually no...fuck this movie

#Monsterdon

he doesn’t look like a Jonathan. he’s more like a Juancho.

#Monsterdon #DraculaPrisonerOfFrankenstein #DraculaContraFrankestein

Yeah. Me too, Franky. Me too. #Monsterdon

Poor Drac turned into a plastic skull now!

#monsterdon

#monsterdon These torches are just making smoke!

Okay, so we get a final battle but it makes no sense. The wolfman fights frankenstein (the monster) and a vampire babe wakes up. Then a fake bat flies around the retro lab which starts exploding. Then the vampires go to nap in their coffins and the evil doctor gets a halbred to stab them because he's mad at them because they failed him and then he kills them to come up with a new type of evil minions..

#monsterdon

yes yes your own race of atomic supermen we know, we know

#monsterdon #draculaprisoneroffrankenstein

CHRIST man will you DISCIPLINE your DOG? He's humping everyone in sight!

#monsterdon #draculaprisoneroffrankenstein

Also I was right

Five minutes left, and the fight finally starts.

The similarities to The Robot vs. The Aztec Mummy are really piling up here. #Monsterdon

those poor, poor, guinea pigs

#monsterdon #draculaprisoneroffrankenstein

Monsters in this movie mapped to US High school cliques, because I'm bored:

Vampires: goths + preps
Frankensteins (monster): jocks
Frankensteins (doctors): nerds
Werewolves: rednecks (the neutral kind)
Hunters: superpositions of jocks + nerds

#monsterdon

Now we’re cooking with natural gas, Werewolf vs Vampire, Vs Frankenstein’s Monster… Let’s go!!
#Monsterdon

Before expiring out of boredom, the painter lady mutters another prophecy and we see that its a full moon, so the wolfman appears. He's mostly just a dude with more hair than normal and some very jawing prosthetics.

Then Frankenstein (doctor) tells the audience that this was the Roma girl using a magic curse to summon the wolfman from beyond the grave.

#monsterdon

“Put. The candle. Back.”

#Monsterdon

thought the movie was fucking off back into the fog for a second

but no, there shall be no mercy

#Monsterdon

No, too many monsters
#monsterdon

Rosencrantz and Guildenstern
#monsterdon

He got that dog in him

#monsterdon

Okay, so more nonsense happens, some of it screaming. The evil doctor's assistant gets bitten by a vampire in bat form; not sure why. The bat screeches a lot before hand. A church bell rings because this movie loves loud sound events.

Then its either morning or night and the villagers (maybe other Roma?) are carrying the painter lady and laying her down on a bed. Maybe she's a casualty now, who knows.

#monsterdon

@RobynGoodfellow I really thought this was going to be worse, but in a funnier way

#monsterdon #draculaprisoneroffrankenstein

Lotta yawning happening over here right now. #Monsterdon #DraculaPrisonerOfFrankenstein

TACO BELL TIME

#monsterdon #draculaprisoneroffrankenstein

I like how the painter lady has to use the pot full of ash to draw pictures and predict the future that way.

#monsterdon

...The camera's moving? I don't believe it, this shot was actually PLANNED, wow :o #Monsterdon

#monsterdon How are they going to bring the Wolfman back? Drown a wolf cub in a cylinder full of chew toys?

Extremely excited that the painter lady is predicting that the vampire hunter will be assisted by a Wolfman in this battle, because that gets us all the classic horror monsters in one movie.

Also because werewolves. Awwwoooooo!!!

#monsterdon

I don't know if I can finish watching this one guise 😖

#Monsterdon

"The Devil has challenged us."

#monsterdon

lol, this single character has 90% of the dialogue....

#Monsterdon

WHOA! ACTOR DIALOGUE? IN THIS MOVIE? #Monsterdon

@sean no, she's trying to come up with a band name, since "Earth Wind and Fire" is already taken. #monsterdon

And now for a little light wax play. #Monsterdon

"Do not be afraid, I am here"

Yeah, that's the PROBLEM #Monsterdon

@combatwombat Dr. Sewer is down by the sewer and he really looks wasted!

#monsterdon `

Apparently the Curse of Dracula causes chapped lips. #Monsterdon

Meanwhile, in the middle of nowhere, the Romani are humming while a person is passed out or dying on the ground next to them....?

#monsterdon

Someone in this village could make a fortune selling WD-40. A few silver pieces per squirt, and you'd be set for life.

#monsterdon

@strangefour That's a valid take and also explains its surreal train of thought and fetish adjacent material #monsterdon

#monsterdon Wait, I'm lost again. Is he turning these people into Frankenstein monsters? I thought the plan was to force Dracula to enslave them via vampire bites?

internet reconnected in time for vampire sapphism, happy pride everybody #LoveWins

#monsterdon

Okay they already USED that coffin opening shot, look we have literally no dialogue, so we know when you're reusing coffins and horse butts, what do you take us for

#Monsterdon #DraculaPrisonerOfFrankenstein

After more quality cinematography that involves the painter girl showing her fangs and screaming at the sky, we are introduced to new character for no reason, a rich guy who lives in a house full of carpets and his girlfriend/wife who he starts kissing.

Then a bat screams and flies through the window and bites one of them and that one bites the other one so I guess both are vampires, and also they're rich so I guess they're powerful too.

#monsterdon

@wohali Thanks, this is much better information that I am getting from the movie

#Monsterdon

@davesdogmaggie "Understand" is a loaded term in this context. It's more like "uh... I think the strangely horny shadows on the wall of this cave might mean... (interpretation)." #monsterdon

BATS ON A STRING, CLASSIC #Monsterdon

A *host of vampires were in my power.

And by host I mean 2

#monsterdon

Okay, movie, that is enough screaming. You can take a break. We get the idea. It is very scary. Much scream. Yes.

#monsterdon

Having inspected the painter girl and determined that she is a vampire (I think), the hunter removes his lab coat and takes another horse but powered journey to Dracula's castle, where he meets a Frankenstein (monster) who karate chops him. In the next scene, the painter girl (now a vampire) is on the Mad Science Gurney in the evil lab.

#monsterdon

You know this was a quality date movie back in 1972 when it has a terrified woman in her nightdress, then a shot of thongs around her neck, then a loving focus on her bare feet in the first eight minutes.

Also gratuitous castle-in-the-mist porn (check out the crenelations on her!) but that is a rarer fetish. #monsterdon

So the Vampire Hunter guy has two forms, lab coat doctor mode and no lab coat badass mode.

#monsterdon

#monsterdon They phoned in the ADR. LITERALLY.

The evil doctor has figured out that the vampire hunter is after him. And also the painter girl is the Roma character from before and she is good instead of bad but for some reason she can defeat the doctor; this is not explained. So he sends the OG dracula to um... ambush her and Vampireize her while she's conveniently bedridden.

#monsterdon

"And now the battle begins!"

Let's not kid ourselves, guys. This is gonna be like The Mummy vs The Robot, the whole fight's gonna be five seconds at the end of the flick. #Monsterdon

#monsterdon This isn't a movie, this is a film studies art project where nobody cared and in the last ten minutes someone threw a box of D-cells at the ladies and said “record your best foley, I guess..." and chucked the final result.

Oh my god every time they try to do a dialogue I just hate them more

#Monsterdon

Wait, NOW we are getting internal monologue?!

#monsterdon

#monsterdon Stop. Moaning.

And now we are speedrunning a lesbian vampire movie!
Wait. have we done a lesbian vampire movie? We did those twins I remember but...
#Monsterdon #DraculaPrisonerOfFrankenstein

So....It's a vampire pyramid scheme??

#Monsterdon

but once you have Humanity under your control, then what?

Shit still needs to run, will you mess with that?

#Monsterdon

Peacocks. At night. Okay. 🙄

#Monsterdon

I feel like this movie started by showing that vampires are pretty destructible actually

#Monsterdon

#monsterdon More orgasms. This movie has the wrong rating.

Just to recap:
We incapacitated Dracula.
We dragged him to Frankenstein's lab.
We killed the chanteuse to bring Dracula back.
We put Dracula back in his coffin at his castle.
As if nothing ever happened.

Yep, seems on brand.

#Monsterdon #DraculaPrisonerOfFrankenstein

#monsterdon Movie, don't try to have a plot. We are passed that.

#monsterdon "Turning college degrees into lifelong regrets.”