#monsterdon That was a load-bearing stripper pole.

@JoeWynne I blame Theranos on Dracula, Prisoner of Frankenstein; it really hit Peter Thiel's zeitgeist I guess. #monsterdon

so am assuming several bats were killed in the making of this movie

#Monsterdon #DraculaPrisonerOfFrankenstein #DraculaContraFrankestein

is that how transition surgery works? wow, sign ME up. (^_^) #monsterdon

"But what makes your Frankenstein movie different?"
"It has Dracula. Ans is SUPER boring."
#monsterdon

#monsterdon Bats hate Kool-Aid.

¡ALTO O DISPARO!

the second full sentence in this movie

#Monsterdon #DraculaPrisonerOfFrankenstein #DraculaContraFrankestein

I know we've heard her voice already, but I'm mentally dubbing Fran Drescher in for the cabaret singer. #Monsterdon

Ah, French culture
#monsterdon

It's a song and dance number now. And I use the term dance very loosely.

#monsterdon

"Well, enough of that scene, that was boring"

#Monsterdon

Meanwhile, on the Moulin Rouge??? #Monsterdon

#monsterdon Lily von Stupp, everyone!

"Hello marketing? Why aren't my dolls selling on ETSY...?"

#Monsterdon

Exactly which school of overacting did Morpho attend

#Monsterdon

Okay so having killed one Dracula already, we learn that the hunter guy is named Doctor Stewart and he's looking for Dracula's castle. Also he has an enemy, a "Gypsy" who is opposing him for unclear reasons.

#monsterdon

@wohali

Another castle? Dracula will have you mated in 3 moves...

#Monsterdon

And that's why you shouldn't use lead paints.

#Monsterdon #DraculaPrisonerOfFrankenstein

@_L1vY_ WHAT.

IS.

THE SECRET?

#monsterdon #draculaprisoneroffrankenstein

Gasp! Oh no! the foley artist! Please no, stop making me sound like crunching celery!

#monsterdon

@paco Works if it's narrow enough to fit between the ribs. Or if you go up underneath the rib cage. Why do you ask?

#Monsterdon

#monsterdon I'm really not clear WHEN this is supposed to take place.

Is Toilettes the name of the pub or are they saying "go on the street"?

#monsterdon

LA TIERRA
EL AGUA
EL FUEGO
LATH THENITHAS

finally we have some words, but that’s a weird inventory of their front yard

#Monsterdon #DraculaPrisonerOfFrankenstein #DraculaContraFrankestein

Two syllables, sounds like...

#monsterdon

I don't know a lot about hammering a stake through someone's chest. But I'm guessing a ball-peen hammer, swung from the wrist, is not gonna get it done.
#monsterdon

They had a whole lot of extra foley artists on this one, didn't they.

#Monsterdon

mmm mmm mmm mmmmmm THUNK

mm mmmm mmm mmm THUNK

(hitting self in head)

#monsterdon

ooh, a horse carriage in 5/4 time!

#monsterdon

I gotta get me a deserted tumble-down castle. You think Enya is ready to sell yet?

#Monsterdon

"Flute music to stake draculas by"

#Monsterdon

#monsterdon Dialog!!!

Okay, so the bat is probably a vampire, maybe its one of the draculas that's a prisoner, because I'm pretty sure normal bats are not that goddamn loud.

#monsterdon

Alright so Eyeball Stabber and Horse Butt Observer Guy arrives at his destination, a sand colored castle with a giant door. It creaks open and shut on its own to fuck with him, and then he manages to walk in, at which point the weird shrieking bat from before yells at him for trespassing.

#monsterdon

In the next scene, the dude is drive a carriage through the woods at sunset or maybe morning and we see some Horse Butts. I guess the dude is like a vampire hunter.

I have to say I never thought of how many horse butts an experienced carriage driver would have to see until now, although I guess that's kind of obvious.

#monsterdon

#monsterdon so, how long does this scene go on?

The severe eye-stuff phobe has logged off. #Monsterdon

@Violinknitter Real cat, Fake bat, Film at 11.

#monsterdon

A least he didnt hurt the kitty #monsterdon

This movie starts with quality orchestral noises and pictures of stone buildings, reminding us that this takes place in europe, a continent famous for its stone buildings and health care.

We then hear some screaming, or maybe its a bat ramming a window repeatedly and screaming as it rams the window, but the screaming sounds like beeping.

#monsterdon

@cocaine_owlbear I'd like to point out that, since Taweret's instance blocks mine, I have never ever voted in a #monsterdon poll. So you can't blame me!

@paco you ever wonder what happened to that girl or why she’s working for the current administration? #Monsterdon

@log DOCTOR FRANKENSTEIN WILL RETURN

IN

absolutely nothing, thank god #Monsterdon

In conclusion:
#monsterdon
#draculaprisoneroffrankenstein

@rebeld @Taweret just not too deep, it's pretty stanky in here after that flick

#monsterdon #draculaprisoneroffrankenstein

@Taweret It's OK, just breathe, just breathe and let it go.

#monsterdon

🦇
#Monsterdon #DraculaPrisonerOfFrankenstein

@Configures @Taweret @Cherizilla That’s great!

Frankenstein is one of my favorite novels. I’ll have to give this whole episode a listen.

#Monsterdon

Oh, hey! Tubi actually provides a plot synopsis!

‘Dr. Frankenstein uses his Monster and a captive Count Dracula to abduct a can-can dancer as a test subject for his experiments in world domination.’

I guess that… sounds… close? #Monsterdon

17-year-old review of the movie is more informative than the Wikipedia page.

https://classic-horror.com/reviews/dracula_prisoner_of_frankenstein_1972.html

#Monsterdon

I think they should have stuck to their convictions and made a movie with no words at all. They might have done a horror equivalent of Koyaanisqatsi or something #monsterdon

“Please, Putrid Carrion was my father’s name!”

#Monsterdon

I would make a #Monsterdon wrapup post but I don't think I can justify using more words than were in the movie

Thanks as always @Taweret for hosting and everyone for posting! See you next

I think this was also my first Jesús Franco experience.

Are they… all like that? Or is this bad even on his scale?

I mean, I can see that the man worked on A LOT of movies so necessarily his attention to making something good was probably being spread thin?

#Monsterdon

@allanb Palate cleansing like Godzilla Final Wars? Whatever movie style you hadn't seen recently, you got it. Whatever your palate lacked, it got it in one film.
#monsterdon

@diazona you missed the shock "Statue of Liberty" ending then! #Monsterdon

F I N

#Monsterdon

And I thought *I* was burned out, hyuk hyuk!

#Monsterdon

#monsterdon That wasn't the worst monsterdon I've seen. But it might have come in third.. FIN.

@_L1vY_ I bet he and J.D. Vance are good friends.

#Monsterdon

Fin.

@paco "wow"

Me: "yep"

#Monsterdon

@sean There was a burst of it in a monologue about 10 m ago
#monsterdon

#monsterdon And so, Frankenstein's monster was defeated by an equipment malfunction.

lol, you can clearly see those are medical skeletons from a college or something, bless....but actually no...fuck this movie

#Monsterdon

he doesn’t look like a Jonathan. he’s more like a Juancho.

#Monsterdon #DraculaPrisonerOfFrankenstein #DraculaContraFrankestein

Yeah. Me too, Franky. Me too. #Monsterdon

Poor Drac turned into a plastic skull now!

#monsterdon

#monsterdon These torches are just making smoke!

Okay, so we get a final battle but it makes no sense. The wolfman fights frankenstein (the monster) and a vampire babe wakes up. Then a fake bat flies around the retro lab which starts exploding. Then the vampires go to nap in their coffins and the evil doctor gets a halbred to stab them because he's mad at them because they failed him and then he kills them to come up with a new type of evil minions..

#monsterdon

yes yes your own race of atomic supermen we know, we know

#monsterdon #draculaprisoneroffrankenstein

CHRIST man will you DISCIPLINE your DOG? He's humping everyone in sight!

#monsterdon #draculaprisoneroffrankenstein

Also I was right

Five minutes left, and the fight finally starts.

The similarities to The Robot vs. The Aztec Mummy are really piling up here. #Monsterdon

those poor, poor, guinea pigs

#monsterdon #draculaprisoneroffrankenstein

Monsters in this movie mapped to US High school cliques, because I'm bored:

Vampires: goths + preps
Frankensteins (monster): jocks
Frankensteins (doctors): nerds
Werewolves: rednecks (the neutral kind)
Hunters: superpositions of jocks + nerds

#monsterdon

Now we’re cooking with natural gas, Werewolf vs Vampire, Vs Frankenstein’s Monster… Let’s go!!
#Monsterdon

I haven't felt this insulted by a movie since The Robot vs. The Aztec Mummy and its 80% Flashback Runtime. >_> #Monsterdon

Before expiring out of boredom, the painter lady mutters another prophecy and we see that its a full moon, so the wolfman appears. He's mostly just a dude with more hair than normal and some very jawing prosthetics.

Then Frankenstein (doctor) tells the audience that this was the Roma girl using a magic curse to summon the wolfman from beyond the grave.

#monsterdon

“Put. The candle. Back.”

#Monsterdon

thought the movie was fucking off back into the fog for a second

but no, there shall be no mercy

#Monsterdon

No, too many monsters
#monsterdon

Rosencrantz and Guildenstern
#monsterdon

He got that dog in him

#monsterdon

Okay, so more nonsense happens, some of it screaming. The evil doctor's assistant gets bitten by a vampire in bat form; not sure why. The bat screeches a lot before hand. A church bell rings because this movie loves loud sound events.

Then its either morning or night and the villagers (maybe other Roma?) are carrying the painter lady and laying her down on a bed. Maybe she's a casualty now, who knows.

#monsterdon

@RobynGoodfellow I really thought this was going to be worse, but in a funnier way

#monsterdon #draculaprisoneroffrankenstein

Lotta yawning happening over here right now. #Monsterdon #DraculaPrisonerOfFrankenstein

Well we know he likes sloppily kissing things so I think vampirism might turn out to be his jam

#Monsterdon #DraculaPrisonerOfFrankenstein

TACO BELL TIME

#monsterdon #draculaprisoneroffrankenstein

The only truly undead thing is this movie itself

#Monsterdon

This stuff about Dracula being demonic feels like someone did actually read the book.

But again, that car makes this a very 20th century setting! You don't need to put together an expedition of the likeminded with semi-mystical advice!

#Monsterdon

I like how the painter lady has to use the pot full of ash to draw pictures and predict the future that way.

#monsterdon

...The camera's moving? I don't believe it, this shot was actually PLANNED, wow :o #Monsterdon

#monsterdon How are they going to bring the Wolfman back? Drown a wolf cub in a cylinder full of chew toys?

Extremely excited that the painter lady is predicting that the vampire hunter will be assisted by a Wolfman in this battle, because that gets us all the classic horror monsters in one movie.

Also because werewolves. Awwwoooooo!!!

#monsterdon

I don't know if I can finish watching this one guise 😖

#Monsterdon

"The Devil has challenged us."

#monsterdon

lol, this single character has 90% of the dialogue....

#Monsterdon

"it is all written here. i actually got a copy of the script, unlike most of you"

#monsterdon

WHOA! ACTOR DIALOGUE? IN THIS MOVIE? #Monsterdon

@sean no, she's trying to come up with a band name, since "Earth Wind and Fire" is already taken. #monsterdon

And now for a little light wax play. #Monsterdon