"The foley work is terrible... but.... you must be strong. you will save us. you will bring us to the end of the film"

#monsterdon

@apLundell

At least it will help until we get him to the hospital where they can apply an ascot

#Monsterdon

...The soul of your ancient *dentist*? Did I hear that right? #Monsterdon

the sun, the moon, the... green water?!?!?!?!

#monsterdon

@hollie Aaassss you wiiishhh? #WrongMovie #Monsterdon

They all sleep with their eyes open so I guess death gives you great abs AND alleviates dry eyes

#Monsterdon #DraculaPrisonerOfFrankenstein

"OK, you are going to need to rise from the coffin very, very slowly.

"Oh, and stare RIGHT into the Fresnel while you do that. It's gonna make you blind and you won't know what you're doing, but, just try walking forward a couple of steps. The stumbling will only make it look more realistic."

#monsterdon

So is Doctor Frankenstein writing a report for the Amway home office or something? #Monsterdon

I've always been impressed by Frankenstein's innovative fighting techniques. #Monsterdon

#monsterdon It was a mistake to give the horse tap shoes.

So she's institutionalized, but still allowed an underwire bra? #Monsterdon

Oh yeah baby, shoot me up with the good stuff doctor. I'm up after her, c'mon I need it to get through this film. #Monsterdon

so Viejo Verdenstein is creating an army of super soldiers that will help him take over the world.

so, the Winter Soldier with no Captain America, nor The Avengers but lots of tacky vampires

#Monsterdon #DraculaPrisonerOfFrankenstein #DraculaContraFrankestein

"...And that's how I got my start with Amway." #Monsterdon

"And now my powers were limitless!"

...Apparently? ¯\_(:/)_/¯ #Monsterdon

After some light necrophilia, the servant is carrying Dracula back to his coffin; I guess the lab is in Dracula's castle that the Hunter visited before. He does not kiss the Dracula, even though the Dracula is also dead.

But then the camera turns to a second coffin, from which a Vampire Babe emerges. Was she also brought back to life? Is she the doctor's dead wife? Or was she just a passing Vampire Babe?

#monsterdon

but why a Francula? or is it a Drankenstein? anyways, WHY?!?!?

#Monsterdon #DraculaPrisonerOfFrankenstein #DraculaContraFrankestein

What? Wait, hold up, who's THIS chick? #Monsterdon

At some point, someone will make a facial expression in this movie that makes sense with what's going on in the movie

Haha JK

#Monsterdon

Okay, so I extremely like how the dracula resurrection machine involves putting the Extremely Loud Dead Bat into a vial and then dripping cabaret girl blood on it, and as the blood drips on it it comes back to life and starts thrashing and screaming.

#monsterdon

Okay, NOW the bat is not having a good time and neither am I

#monsterdon #draculaprisoneroffrankenstein

I must admit I have no idea what they are doing or why but this movie is not interested in even trying to explain. Things just "happen"
#monsterdon

Whoops, found the one gay guy in the audience. He's critiquing her fringe. #Monsterdon

Okay, I have to log more events. The Vampire Hunter and the Doctor are different characters. The Doctor is looking for Dracula's castle so he can... um... resurrect dracula with the blood of a young girl. He finds it and sets up a lab with an association of whirling glowing retro gizmos.

Also he has a Frankenstein (monster) that he's bringing to life, I guess it's a Dracula Frankenstein, which is another fairy chess piece like "Werewolf Vampire" and "Frankenwolf"

#monsterdon

This song might mean that there's more dialog in French than in English.

#Monsterdon

OMG Frank is SO STONED

#Monsterdon

Is "gypsy" a slur for Roma people? Or just an alternate term that lacks negative connotations?

Also, how do Roma people feel about being side characters in vampire movies?

#monsterdon

AQUÍ YO PODRÉ TRABAJAR Y TRIUNFAR.

that’s the first full sentence spoken in this movie. it’s now 24 minutes into this movie.

#Monsterdon #DraculaPrisonerOfFrankenstein #DraculaContraFrankestein

Lol and I also didn't know there's a #monsterdon on #dracula _and_ #frankenstein right now 🦇 :blobcat_smilehappyeyes:

It's just as we are all very familiar with the story of Dracula and Frankenstein because this movie is making a lot of assumptions

#Monsterdon

We're sorry, Frankenstein, but Victor is in another castle!

#monsterdon

@sean That door is doing is much acting than the actors

#monsterdon

and now, incidental music taken from 4 bars of Peter And The Wolf

#monsterdon

I'm guessing this #monsterdon will be one of the fancy ones you have to pay a lot of attention to in order to understand, which is probably a thing I'm bad at while also shitposting.

However, as of 12 minutes in it seems to have 5000% fewer events happening than Godzilla: Final Wars, so maybe that's a point in favor of its comprehensibility.

#monsterdon They wanted to make a movie that was the opposite of My Dinner With Andre

This is the longest time I've ever spent staring at a horse's ass

#Monsterdon

I forgot to vote in this week’s Monsterdon poll, and a Jess Franco film was chosen. Elections have consequences. 😭

#Monsterdon #DraculaPrisonerOfFrankenstein

oh goddammit we got dialogue sign

#monsterdon #draculaprisoneroffrankenstein

Our movie this evening takes place in a universe where shirt-closure technology is not widely available

#monsterdon

OK… I NEED THOSE BOOTS!

#Monsterdon #DraculaPrisonerOfFrankenstein #DraculaContraFrankestein

You can't go wrong with a foggy castle. #monsterdon

if you haven’t already,

GOGOGOGOGOGOGO

#Monsterdon #DraculaPrisonerOfFrankenstein #DraculaContraFrankestein

Based on the credits, the people who made this movie seem proud of it.

I'm not sure they should be

#Monsterdon

@CactuarJoe @strangefour too right

#monsterdon #draculaprisoneroffrankenstein

One assumes that the production company of tonight's Vampire/Frankenstein movie eventually made a stage version for Broadway with the same cast, and they all basked in the success of their roles for many years after.

#monsterdon

@kshernandez one might even say

drained

#monsterdon #draculaprisoneroffrankenstein

@ramsey @Taweret @Cherizilla Oh, I should mention, I sing a song about Viktor Frankenstein at the beginning of this podcast episode all about Mary Shelley's novel: https://funnynotfunny.bigego.com/podcast/homunculi-homunculus/ #Monsterdon #DraculaPrisonerOfFrankenstein

@diazona actually....don't bother...lol

#Monsterdon

okay but how do you fuck up dubbing 'la la la?" how?

#monsterdon

Did the lady gypsy witch doctor just info dump the entire story in a "For those who came in late" monologue, as if the previous hour and 15 minutes was supposed to make a lick of sense?

#Monsterdon #DraculaPrisonerOfFrankenstein

oddly, i can't find "guinea pigs screaming 12 hour loop" on youtube

#monsterdon #draculaprisoneroffrankenstein

#Monsterdon #DraculaPrisonerOfFrankenstein

Seriously though, how DARE Liechtenstein...

#Monsterdon

Just gonna repeat my meme from the beginning of this thing....

#Monsterdon

@Taweret Yeah, more of an extended trailer. #Monsterdon

"Thanks to god."

God had no part in this.

"To destroy these monsters."

But they didn't? The mad scientist just shut things down and left?

#Monsterdon

Okay, so the rules are

stab vampire with stake -> vampire turns into dead bat
stab vampire with metal -> vampire turns into fake skeleton

#monsterdon

why is boho chic dying?

and WTF, we’re going to have a Wolfman cameo?

#Monsterdon #DraculaPrisonerOfFrankenstein #DraculaContraFrankestein

Wait. Frankenstein, Dracula, AND the Wolf Man?? 😵

#Monsterdon

I never did get my subtitles sorted out

it's a good thing that it does not matter in the slightest

#Monsterdon

BTW that boho skirt is 🔥🔥🔥

#fashion #Monsterdon #DraculaPrisonerOfFrankenstein #DraculaContraFrankestein

@steggy You're totally right. Corrected!
#monsterdon

ARF ARF

ARF

ARF ARF ARF

#monsterdon #draculaprisoneroffrankenstein

had an interruption, so am running behind.

so everybody in the village was a slave of Dracula and the country doctor almost had gotten rid of all the vampires until “el extranjero” came to the village to revive the vampire.

so hippy chic is fortelling how el doctor will be able to fight them all.

well, now we’re getting somewhere… with just a few more minutes left?

#Monsterdon #DraculaPrisonerOfFrankenstein #DraculaContraFrankestein

#monsterdon All the principal actors are whacked out of their minds on DMT.

What is it about Vampires that they all leave their empties lying around? Clean up after yourselves, y'litter bugs! #Monsterdon

Maybe the wolfman namedrop is a lead-in to A SEQUEL.

#monsterdon #DraculaPrisonerOfFrankenstein

...Points off for the conspicuous Volkswagen under the sheet there, tho #Monsterdon

Okay, I think the logic might be this...

Because the painter is Roma, she knows the power of prophecy
So she can predict that the hunter will kill Doctor Frankenstein and free everyone under vampiric control.

#monsterdon

I'm SO SORRY that I implied at the beginning of the move that I MIGHT WANT PEOPLE TO SAY MORE THINGS! Please! I repent!

#Monsterdon

Okay, so instead of biting him, she makes finger guns pointed at the roof and starts chanting "The Sun, the Moon, the Sky, the Earth the Water" which I guess is a druid chant or something. Then the hunter is like "WTF" and the painter lady is like "you will free us from the evil doctor" and proves this by flying a candle around like its an airplane, or perhaps a blimp.

#monsterdon

casio synth chord distant sad honk ching ching meow

#Monsterdon

#monsterdon After this movie was released, they stapled "LOST PLOT" on all the signal trees in town…

THE HIIIIIILLS ARE ALI-oh

well

I guess they aren't, actually :/ #Monsterdon

#monsterdon I have completely lost track of half of the characters in this film.

if there’s a dude that looks like Jeffrey Epstein, you betcha there’s gonna be a swingers party

#Monsterdon #DraculaPrisonerOfFrankenstein #DraculaContraFrankestein

"Swinging Bats in YOUR AREA"

#Monsterdon

Are we going to see actual 'night' or could we not afford that?

#Monsterdon

I've never understood why they need young girls, an adult man has way more blood volume

#Monsterdon #DraculaPrisonerOfFrankenstein

Because I was so far behind due to ads I had enough warning to skip the actual bat torture 😩

#Monsterdon

@josh0 Here's what you'll miss:

(silence)

(silence)

footsteps.

AARGH (to a horse)

(silence)

#monsterdon

Okay, so painter girl is sick because maybe she's a vampire, maybe she just ate a bad turnip. So we get a lab coat doctor there who is the Vampire Hunter on his day job and he ties her up (erotically, OFC), then gives her a shot.

I was worried he was euthanizing her, but I guess it was a sedative or vampire vaccine and it calms her down.

#monsterdon

This isn't the worst movie we have seen for Monsterdon.
But it might be the least "movie" of all the movies.
This is a movie only on a technicality and not a factuality.
#Monsterdon #DraculaPrisonerOfFrankenstein

I have popcorn now. No idea what happened while I was in the kitchen. Based on the feed it clearly does not matter

#Monsterdon

I used to listen to the CBS Radio Mystery Theater all the time. Their wailing sound effects were so much creepier than this #Monsterdon

"what's the matter?" this lady's just looked at the movie's script and realized it never gets any better. #monsterdon

"I'll have what SHE'S having"

#Monsterdon

lol, remember how in last weekend's movie EVERYTHING happened?

#Monsterdon

Characters so Far in this #monsterdon :

Evil Doctor
Doctor's Henchman
Vampire Hunter
Boy Dracula (the OG Dracula)
Girl Dracula
Painter Girl (also a vampire now, I think?)
Horse Butts
Grunting Guy in Tavern
Caberet Girl (RIP)

#monsterdon Either it's a hair buzzer or a vibrator. “Little did he know we use 220 volts here in Eastern Europe! It took our best doctors two days to get the smile off his face.”

In the next scene, the evil doctor explains his evil plan. he's gonna resurrect a bunch of vampire minions and use them to conquer the world.

I'm a little unclear how resurrecting the vampires gives him control over the vampires, but okay, sounds like a valid evil plan.

#monsterdon

#monsterdon

Next scene, a girl is sleeping and minding her own business, when a bat appears, turns into a vampire (I forgot if it was a boy vampire or a girl vampire, I'm bi so I forget these details easily, apparently).

#monsterdon

look there is a lot of silly in this film but I don't hate it, yet

#monsterdon

Okay, so the Vampire Babe kisses dracula and just runs away. Is she Dracula's SO? Or does she just like smooching other vampires? Who can say.

#monsterdon

Aaaand she flees the movie. Wise woman. There but for the grace of god go I. #Monsterdon

Okay, so after one scene of Bat Abuse, the jar vanishes and the Bat and the Jar are replaced with a Dracula. Maybe the bat became Dracula and the Jar became Dracula's clothes. After which the Doctor's servant takes the body of the caberet girl away and starts kissing it before incinerating it, adding more weird fetishes to this movie.

#monsterdon

i don’t get it. he created a Francula? Drankenstein?

so, artificial intelligence that runs on young women’s blood?

#Monsterdon #DraculaPrisonerOfFrankenstein #DraculaContraFrankestein

Wasn't there another film we watched that had that same 3-note chromatic ascending thing? Was it the Hertzog Nosferatu?

#monsterdon

Ugh, can we... Not, with this scene D: #Monsterdon