Okay, I have to log more events. The Vampire Hunter and the Doctor are different characters. The Doctor is looking for Dracula's castle so he can... um... resurrect dracula with the blood of a young girl. He finds it and sets up a lab with an association of whirling glowing retro gizmos.

Also he has a Frankenstein (monster) that he's bringing to life, I guess it's a Dracula Frankenstein, which is another fairy chess piece like "Werewolf Vampire" and "Frankenwolf"

#monsterdon

This song might mean that there's more dialog in French than in English.

#Monsterdon

OMG Frank is SO STONED

#Monsterdon

Is "gypsy" a slur for Roma people? Or just an alternate term that lacks negative connotations?

Also, how do Roma people feel about being side characters in vampire movies?

#monsterdon

AQUÍ YO PODRÉ TRABAJAR Y TRIUNFAR.

that’s the first full sentence spoken in this movie. it’s now 24 minutes into this movie.

#Monsterdon #DraculaPrisonerOfFrankenstein #DraculaContraFrankestein

It's just as we are all very familiar with the story of Dracula and Frankenstein because this movie is making a lot of assumptions

#Monsterdon

We're sorry, Frankenstein, but Victor is in another castle!

#monsterdon

@sean That door is doing is much acting than the actors

#monsterdon

and now, incidental music taken from 4 bars of Peter And The Wolf

#monsterdon

I'm guessing this #monsterdon will be one of the fancy ones you have to pay a lot of attention to in order to understand, which is probably a thing I'm bad at while also shitposting.

However, as of 12 minutes in it seems to have 5000% fewer events happening than Godzilla: Final Wars, so maybe that's a point in favor of its comprehensibility.

#monsterdon They wanted to make a movie that was the opposite of My Dinner With Andre

This is the longest time I've ever spent staring at a horse's ass

#Monsterdon

I forgot to vote in this week’s Monsterdon poll, and a Jess Franco film was chosen. Elections have consequences. 😭

#Monsterdon #DraculaPrisonerOfFrankenstein

oh goddammit we got dialogue sign

#monsterdon #draculaprisoneroffrankenstein

Our movie this evening takes place in a universe where shirt-closure technology is not widely available

#monsterdon

OK… I NEED THOSE BOOTS!

#Monsterdon #DraculaPrisonerOfFrankenstein #DraculaContraFrankestein

You can't go wrong with a foggy castle. #monsterdon

if you haven’t already,

GOGOGOGOGOGOGO

#Monsterdon #DraculaPrisonerOfFrankenstein #DraculaContraFrankestein

Based on the credits, the people who made this movie seem proud of it.

I'm not sure they should be

#Monsterdon

@CactuarJoe @strangefour too right

#monsterdon #draculaprisoneroffrankenstein

One assumes that the production company of tonight's Vampire/Frankenstein movie eventually made a stage version for Broadway with the same cast, and they all basked in the success of their roles for many years after.

#monsterdon

@kshernandez one might even say

drained

#monsterdon #draculaprisoneroffrankenstein

@ramsey @Taweret @Cherizilla Oh, I should mention, I sing a song about Viktor Frankenstein at the beginning of this podcast episode all about Mary Shelley's novel: https://funnynotfunny.bigego.com/podcast/homunculi-homunculus/ #Monsterdon #DraculaPrisonerOfFrankenstein

@diazona actually....don't bother...lol

#Monsterdon

okay but how do you fuck up dubbing 'la la la?" how?

#monsterdon

Did the lady gypsy witch doctor just info dump the entire story in a "For those who came in late" monologue, as if the previous hour and 15 minutes was supposed to make a lick of sense?

#Monsterdon #DraculaPrisonerOfFrankenstein

oddly, i can't find "guinea pigs screaming 12 hour loop" on youtube

#monsterdon #draculaprisoneroffrankenstein

#Monsterdon #DraculaPrisonerOfFrankenstein

Seriously though, how DARE Liechtenstein...

#Monsterdon

Just gonna repeat my meme from the beginning of this thing....

#Monsterdon

@Taweret Yeah, more of an extended trailer. #Monsterdon

"Thanks to god."

God had no part in this.

"To destroy these monsters."

But they didn't? The mad scientist just shut things down and left?

#Monsterdon

Okay, so the rules are

stab vampire with stake -> vampire turns into dead bat
stab vampire with metal -> vampire turns into fake skeleton

#monsterdon

why is boho chic dying?

and WTF, we’re going to have a Wolfman cameo?

#Monsterdon #DraculaPrisonerOfFrankenstein #DraculaContraFrankestein

Wait. Frankenstein, Dracula, AND the Wolf Man?? 😵

#Monsterdon

I never did get my subtitles sorted out

it's a good thing that it does not matter in the slightest

#Monsterdon

BTW that boho skirt is 🔥🔥🔥

#fashion #Monsterdon #DraculaPrisonerOfFrankenstein #DraculaContraFrankestein

@steggy You're totally right. Corrected!
#monsterdon

ARF ARF

ARF

ARF ARF ARF

#monsterdon #draculaprisoneroffrankenstein

#monsterdon All the principal actors are whacked out of their minds on DMT.

What is it about Vampires that they all leave their empties lying around? Clean up after yourselves, y'litter bugs! #Monsterdon

Maybe the wolfman namedrop is a lead-in to A SEQUEL.

#monsterdon #DraculaPrisonerOfFrankenstein

...Points off for the conspicuous Volkswagen under the sheet there, tho #Monsterdon

Okay, I think the logic might be this...

Because the painter is Roma, she knows the power of prophecy
So she can predict that the hunter will kill Doctor Frankenstein and free everyone under vampiric control.

#monsterdon

I'm SO SORRY that I implied at the beginning of the move that I MIGHT WANT PEOPLE TO SAY MORE THINGS! Please! I repent!

#Monsterdon

Okay, so instead of biting him, she makes finger guns pointed at the roof and starts chanting "The Sun, the Moon, the Sky, the Earth the Water" which I guess is a druid chant or something. Then the hunter is like "WTF" and the painter lady is like "you will free us from the evil doctor" and proves this by flying a candle around like its an airplane, or perhaps a blimp.

#monsterdon

casio synth chord distant sad honk ching ching meow

#Monsterdon

#monsterdon After this movie was released, they stapled "LOST PLOT" on all the signal trees in town…

THE HIIIIIILLS ARE ALI-oh

well

I guess they aren't, actually :/ #Monsterdon

#monsterdon I have completely lost track of half of the characters in this film.

if there’s a dude that looks like Jeffrey Epstein, you betcha there’s gonna be a swingers party

#Monsterdon #DraculaPrisonerOfFrankenstein #DraculaContraFrankestein

Are we going to see actual 'night' or could we not afford that?

#Monsterdon

Because I was so far behind due to ads I had enough warning to skip the actual bat torture 😩

#Monsterdon

@josh0 Here's what you'll miss:

(silence)

(silence)

footsteps.

AARGH (to a horse)

(silence)

#monsterdon

Okay, so painter girl is sick because maybe she's a vampire, maybe she just ate a bad turnip. So we get a lab coat doctor there who is the Vampire Hunter on his day job and he ties her up (erotically, OFC), then gives her a shot.

I was worried he was euthanizing her, but I guess it was a sedative or vampire vaccine and it calms her down.

#monsterdon

This isn't the worst movie we have seen for Monsterdon.
But it might be the least "movie" of all the movies.
This is a movie only on a technicality and not a factuality.
#Monsterdon #DraculaPrisonerOfFrankenstein

I have popcorn now. No idea what happened while I was in the kitchen. Based on the feed it clearly does not matter

#Monsterdon

I used to listen to the CBS Radio Mystery Theater all the time. Their wailing sound effects were so much creepier than this #Monsterdon

"I'll have what SHE'S having"

#Monsterdon

lol, remember how in last weekend's movie EVERYTHING happened?

#Monsterdon

Characters so Far in this #monsterdon :

Evil Doctor
Doctor's Henchman
Vampire Hunter
Boy Dracula (the OG Dracula)
Girl Dracula
Painter Girl (also a vampire now, I think?)
Horse Butts
Grunting Guy in Tavern
Caberet Girl (RIP)

#monsterdon Either it's a hair buzzer or a vibrator. “Little did he know we use 220 volts here in Eastern Europe! It took our best doctors two days to get the smile off his face.”

In the next scene, the evil doctor explains his evil plan. he's gonna resurrect a bunch of vampire minions and use them to conquer the world.

I'm a little unclear how resurrecting the vampires gives him control over the vampires, but okay, sounds like a valid evil plan.

#monsterdon

#monsterdon

Next scene, a girl is sleeping and minding her own business, when a bat appears, turns into a vampire (I forgot if it was a boy vampire or a girl vampire, I'm bi so I forget these details easily, apparently).

#monsterdon

look there is a lot of silly in this film but I don't hate it, yet

#monsterdon

Okay, so the Vampire Babe kisses dracula and just runs away. Is she Dracula's SO? Or does she just like smooching other vampires? Who can say.

#monsterdon

Aaaand she flees the movie. Wise woman. There but for the grace of god go I. #Monsterdon

i don’t get it. he created a Francula? Drankenstein?

so, artificial intelligence that runs on young women’s blood?

#Monsterdon #DraculaPrisonerOfFrankenstein #DraculaContraFrankestein

Okay, so after one scene of Bat Abuse, the jar vanishes and the Bat and the Jar are replaced with a Dracula. Maybe the bat became Dracula and the Jar became Dracula's clothes. After which the Doctor's servant takes the body of the caberet girl away and starts kissing it before incinerating it, adding more weird fetishes to this movie.

#monsterdon

Wasn't there another film we watched that had that same 3-note chromatic ascending thing? Was it the Hertzog Nosferatu?

#monsterdon

Ugh, can we... Not, with this scene D: #Monsterdon

@JoeWynne I blame Theranos on Dracula, Prisoner of Frankenstein; it really hit Peter Thiel's zeitgeist I guess. #monsterdon

so am assuming several bats were killed in the making of this movie

#Monsterdon #DraculaPrisonerOfFrankenstein #DraculaContraFrankestein

is that how transition surgery works? wow, sign ME up. (^_^) #monsterdon

"But what makes your Frankenstein movie different?"
"It has Dracula. Ans is SUPER boring."
#monsterdon

#monsterdon Bats hate Kool-Aid.

¡ALTO O DISPARO!

the second full sentence in this movie

#Monsterdon #DraculaPrisonerOfFrankenstein #DraculaContraFrankestein

I know we've heard her voice already, but I'm mentally dubbing Fran Drescher in for the cabaret singer. #Monsterdon

Ah, French culture
#monsterdon

It's a song and dance number now. And I use the term dance very loosely.

#monsterdon

"Well, enough of that scene, that was boring"

#Monsterdon

Meanwhile, on the Moulin Rouge??? #Monsterdon

#monsterdon Lily von Stupp, everyone!

"Hello marketing? Why aren't my dolls selling on ETSY...?"

#Monsterdon

Exactly which school of overacting did Morpho attend

#Monsterdon

Okay so having killed one Dracula already, we learn that the hunter guy is named Doctor Stewart and he's looking for Dracula's castle. Also he has an enemy, a "Gypsy" who is opposing him for unclear reasons.

#monsterdon

@wohali

Another castle? Dracula will have you mated in 3 moves...

#Monsterdon

And that's why you shouldn't use lead paints.

#Monsterdon #DraculaPrisonerOfFrankenstein

@_L1vY_ WHAT.

IS.

THE SECRET?

#monsterdon #draculaprisoneroffrankenstein

Gasp! Oh no! the foley artist! Please no, stop making me sound like crunching celery!

#monsterdon

@paco Works if it's narrow enough to fit between the ribs. Or if you go up underneath the rib cage. Why do you ask?

#Monsterdon

#monsterdon I'm really not clear WHEN this is supposed to take place.

Is Toilettes the name of the pub or are they saying "go on the street"?

#monsterdon

LA TIERRA
EL AGUA
EL FUEGO
LATH THENITHAS

finally we have some words, but that’s a weird inventory of their front yard

#Monsterdon #DraculaPrisonerOfFrankenstein #DraculaContraFrankestein

Two syllables, sounds like...

#monsterdon

I don't know a lot about hammering a stake through someone's chest. But I'm guessing a ball-peen hammer, swung from the wrist, is not gonna get it done.
#monsterdon

They had a whole lot of extra foley artists on this one, didn't they.

#Monsterdon

mmm mmm mmm mmmmmm THUNK

mm mmmm mmm mmm THUNK

(hitting self in head)

#monsterdon

ooh, a horse carriage in 5/4 time!

#monsterdon