Seriously, though. Who is this redhead vampire?

#Monsterdon

winnowing down the character list, I see

#Monsterdon

@brooke zoom in on the full moon or maybe just a blurry dot!

#monsterdon

"...that car doesn't fit the time period. Who does it belong to?"
"No idea."
"Just throw a sheet over it then. And someone go find a donkey."

#Monsterdon #DraculaPrisonerOfFrankenstein

@Taweret At this point I year for Critters 3. And I hate Critters 3.
#Monsterdon #DraculaPrisonerOfFrankenstein

BUNK CHECK

#monsterdon #draculaprisoneroffrankenstein

Either this is the worst day for night shot, or these vampires can walk around in broad daylight.
#monsterdon

@Taweret Hey, I voted Grizzly #monsterdon

@moira@mastodon.murkworks.net "Several animals were harmed in the making of this film."

#DraculaPrisonerOfFrankenstein #Monsterdon

how is it only/already been like 1 hr

#monsterdon

#Monsterdon THE WOLF MAN yes there is a wolfman coming

you know, this ashes are from her great, greatgrandmother
#monsterdon

Maybe two bats were harmed. I dunno. #Monsterdon

gonna be a short one at this rate though 🥴
#monsterdon

that poor bat going "LEGGO MY ARMS! LEGGO! MY! ARMS!"

#monsterdon #draculaprisoneroffrankenstein

And suddenly we have desert lighting #monsterdon

Oh! Frank Jr. took those evil karate classes after all. Still white belt, though. Needs to practice the katas for 7-footers. #Monsterdon #DraculaPrisonerOfFrankenstein

This is right before the Gorn blast the living shit out of this starbase, right?

#monsterdon #draculaprisoneroffrankenstein

@Rozzychan We got our money’s worth with last week’s movie. This is just a bonus.

#Monsterdon

her: "we're having a very special dinner tonight!"
him: "mm"
(will it happen?!)
him: "my love"

HOLY FUCKING SHIT 55 MINUTES IN

#monsterdon

#Monsterdon
Hmm, in that close-up, Amira appears to actually be speaking the English words. 🤨

So, anyone want to watch a real movie after this?

#Monsterdon #DraculaPrisonerOfFrankenstein

This folk-healer lady, is she saying these things in her head in this “Our story so far” reanimate the doctor scene?
#Monsterdon

"Rest"? Lady this movie's already put me half-asleep! #monsterdon

Ash Wednesday already? #monsterdon

No one told me there would also be a wolf man.

#monsterdon #DraculaPrisonerOfFrankenstein

I think these women ought to just forget about getting a night's sleep and have some nice coffee #monsterdon

@srol It's not you this time, it's the cameraperson's inability to focus
#Monsterdon

You will be well.. and strong.. your disco fever will die away... around 1981... and you... will be FURRY

#monsterdon #draculaprisoneroffrankenstein

So they’re all part of the vampire army? But, wait was Dr. Seward the protagonist? #Monsterdon

TALK

FASTER.

#Monsterdon

ANOTHER will arise to help you...The WOLF MAN!
WE really are getting our money's worth this #monsterdon.

The dubbing is just bad lip reading. #Monsterdon

oh, this ashes knows a lot. Now tell me how "severence" will end better or worse than "lost"
#monsterdon

The sand trying to redeem itself for Star Wars

#Monsterdon

#Monsterdon I don't usually feel the need to make this clear, but I need absolutely everyone to know:

The Owlbear *did not vote for this*. The Owlbear wanted more Kaiju.

oh, IT'S PLOT EXPOSITION LADY

a handy guide to making sense of the first _three quarters_ of this movie.

#monsterdon

Spoilers, lady!

#Monsterdon

#Monsterdon she's a witch, burn her

Vampires! Vampires everywhere! #Monsterdon

DJ FemmeDrac spinning some wax. #monsterdon

Dracula and Frankenstein aren't enough? You need a twelfth hour wolf-man to save the plot? But there's no plot to save!

#DraculaPrisonerOfFrankenstein #Monsterdon

Those are the rubberiest rubber bats ever.

#Monsterdon #DraculaPrisonerOfFrankenstein

Now, she’s prophesying that the wolf man will come to help him? This sounds like a completely separate movie. Is she setting us up for a sequel?

#Monsterdon

Geez lady I just woke up and you're dropping a lot on me right now... #monsterdon

Fortune-telling sand? What the heck? #Monsterdon

@Louisa findom

#Monsterdon

Oh ok, there is a wolf man in the mix

#monsterdon

@paco @jeffron @culturednyc Dracula has a name, and so does "Frankenstein." imdb gives the female characters designations like "Chica Vampira" and "Primera Victima" mostly, which hardly counts #monsterdon

"The combat I see it terrible" Guess she's watching the same movie we are. #Monsterdon #DraculaPrisonerOfFrankenstein

oh heck yeah the wolf man!!!

#monsterdon

don't bring the wolf man into this. allow at least one monster to retain their dignity #monsterdon

“The

director

told

me

to

talk

very

slow

or

this

would

accidentally

be

the

most

interesting

scene

in

the

movie

#Monsterdon

THE WOLF MAN ENTERS THE CHAT

#monsterdon #DraculaPrisonerOfFrankenstein

We're getting some Wolfman action in this movie too? Wild.
#Monsterdon

He’s not dead, he just needs to accessorize his outfit! #Monsterdon

@moira or Dracu for short #monsterdon

His eyes are that 70s brown
#Monsterdon

The what man??! #monsterdon

#Monsterdon 🧛 ⛓️ 🧟‍♂️ 😱

The wolf man!?!

oh, so it soul imprisonment #monsterdon

#monsterdon Looks like Frankenstein's Monster did a stint in Sicily, he has his Shiatsu massage technique DOWN.

and failed after 30 seconds. Looks like I won't get to see this vivid narrative tapestry woven to completion. C'est la vie, but we have season 4 of the Sopranos to get through

#monsterdon

Is she going to wax burn him?
#monsterdon

@apLundell
#Monsterdon

Perhaps he wants to create "The Hybrid"..?

Now if movie vampires have taught me anything, you really don't wanna be raising no vampire army in the styx.

No sir. You want to do that in the big city in the middle of an economic downturn.

Why people would practically *volunteer*.

#monsterdon

#Monsterdon I kinda feel like we all will deserve a trophy for making it through this one.

@nantucketebooks Interesting thought either way. I may keep a closer eye on this in the future.

#Monsterdon

That was the most meaningful dialogue so far.
My wife: You just don't understand the struggle to write a good screenplay
Me: this guy had blank page syndrome for 90 minutes and somehow got a film out of it

#monsterdon

@JoeWynne It's really just expanding foam colored grey #monsterdon

@Taweret
🚨 Writer's fetish

#Monsterdon

@jeffron @culturednyc come to think of it, I'm not sure there are even two characters with names either

#Monsterdon

wow, you made the lady with mysterious malady take over nursing Dr Seward to health?

jerks. JERRRRKS.

#monsterdon

Mmmm, salt.

#monsterdon #DraculaPrisonerOfFrankenstein

Maybe we were Dracula Frankenstein's prisoners all along

#Monsterdon #DraculaPrisonerOfFrankenstein

As someone who's not great with faces, I'm really struggling here telling any of these actors apart without dialogue. I'm certain about Morpho, Dracula and Dr. Frankenstein, but that's about it. #monsterdon

I don't think her coffin ought to be making that ratchety sound #monsterdon

I'm starting to think this is a vampire movie also in the sense that it consumes the lifeblood of real movies in a futile attempt to sustain itself

#Monsterdon

I wish they would decide if horses tap dance or use typewriters. Consistent sound effects matter damn it.

#Monsterdon

Sorry Doc. You're still in the movie. #Monsterdon #DraculaPrisonerOfFrankenstein

@bunnyhero OH okay way back then

10,000 years ago

#monsterdon #draculaprisoneroffrankenstein

Blondie's awake, now you're all in trouble!

#Monsterdon #DraculaPrisonerOfFrankenstein

"Grunt, grunt, grunt..."
"Grunt...?"
"Grunt, grunt, grunt."
"Danny... here... do you speak Grunt?"

#Monsterdon

honestly have _any_ two people talked to each other in this movie before literally this moment?

#monsterdon #draculaprisoneroffrankenstein

@Zerofactorial

Can I get that on Etsy?

#Monsterdon

@Taweret I’ve said this before, but 70s movies and 70s porn are but two sides of the same coin. #Monsterdon

@wohali I nominate this comment for best #Monsterdon post of the movie 🍿

@TerryHancock Subtitle: "(anxious music continues)" #Monsterdon #DraculaPrisonerOfFrankenstein

@moira when franky smashed his ride and stole maria (?) #monsterdon

There, I put a sling on his arm and now when he wakes up he'll think he has a broken arm! April Fool's!!!!!!

#Monsterdon

#Monsterdon Wait how come the gypsy woman didn't get turned into a vampire?

Yes, lady, those are certainly all nouns. #Monsterdon

#Monsterdon ok they're just kidnapping people to turn them into vampires

this is the most pretentions experimental piece of smoking shit I ever watched
#monsterdon

This latest vampire attack could have been avoided by installing a basic home security system. smh #monsterdon

"We better get help" spoken with all the urgency of "could you pass the salt" #Monsterdon

Where is Frankenstein getting the money to pay for all these coffins?
#Monsterdon #DraculaPrisonerOfFrankenstein

@davesdogmaggie I have 22 minutes left (no commercials). #Monsterdon

They didn’t explain it earlier, but it appears these folk are the Romani people, and now their presence in the film makes more sense.

#Monsterdon

#Monsterdon
Oh no, the ominous singing...