OK, "for your listening pleasure" is a bit directly out of Dark Star

#Monsterdon

Two one liners. The writers were high fiving each other.

#Monsterdon
#Critters4

Charlie should deliver Dirty Harry's ".45 magnum" speech.

#Monsterdon
#Critters4

There is a danger of CRITEical mass in ten minutes

#Monsterdon #Critters4

Someone was really proud of that "Chill out, asshole" one-liner.

#Monsterdon
#Critters4

ethan you are not arnold. you will never be arnold

#monsterdon

*montage of stormtroopers finding themselves locked in the medical lab that is now filled with full-grown critters*

*point-of-view heads up displays show a distance marker in the bottom right corner bouncing between 800 and 900 meters*

those critters are not 800 meters away

#monsterdon

Just let Angela Basset handle things from here boys

#Monsterdon

This is some Wheatly level silliness with the nuclear core

#Monsterdon #Critters4

@bryanhowell you'd think the store with "radio" literally IN ITS NAME would sell better radios, but no

#Monsterdon

It's good they use the same four sets again and again....

#Monsterdon

The movie still has 10 minutes in it, so it's time for Ethan to go walkabout again

#Monsterdon

@bryanhowell apparently it's the same Ug!

#Monsterdon

As predicted, I boosted my own post

#monsterdon

@bryanhowell he's still alive, he tried to put them back on offscreen

#Monsterdon

tbf living in the 21st Century does this to you...

#Monsterdon

All Space Cops Are Bastards

#monsterdon #critters4

"Hooray! The Colonial Marines are here! Now everything will be fine!"

#Monsterdon

Okay so... why did this guy leave the ship with the gun? What did he have to do?

#Monsterdon
#Critters4

I'm not saying he should shoot that baby alien but he should at least squish it real good.

#Monsterdon
#Critters4

aaaand there goes Brad Dourif, who is NOT Ethan's dad!

#Monsterdon

Twenty four minutes left in this movie

*slow deep breaths*

OK OK OK we can do this

#monsterdon

@whiskeysailor way WAY more!! #monsterdon

And now daddy issues the subplot.
#Monsterdon #Critters4

Does the kids room have venetian blinds? on a spaceship?

#monsterdon #critters4

So is there really no way to repair this ship? Does it never take damage?

#Monsterdon
#Critters4

Guys let's just all relax and take a shower and think this through.

#Monsterdon
#Critters4

@ricci So I haven't been really been paying attention and what you're saying is that I could tune in now (it's been playing on the TV the whole time) and not have missed anything?

#Monsterdon

Okay but they still haven't made clear why the station was abandoned to begin with. Like, I'm waiting for the introduction of the OTHER alien menace. #Monsterdon

okay sure whatever we're all mad at Charlie for saving our lives

we don't care about these characters, so this doesn't work.

#Monsterdon

you guys I'm starting to think that the plot to this movie is never going to start

#monsterdon

DO NOT with the gun #Monsterdon

how can you be making a movie and filming the "the critters roll down the hall and sort of fuck up and crash into a trash can" scene and not wonder "now why the fuck aren't we doing this for the whole movie" #monsterdon

"Okay, you know that scene in Aliens where Ripley goes ballistic and shoots and flame-throwers the alien eggs?

We're gonna do that, but all we have is pudding and green food coloring and the boots Angela Bassett is wearing."

#Monsterdon
#Critters4

Aaw, they're planning a little cruise <3 #Monsterdon

I just got an ad for ... concussions, I think?

#monsterdon

@SnoopJ Intergalactic law requires preserving the species

#Monsterdon #Critters4

Okay, NOW it's The Cube. #Monsterdon

*benny hill theme starts playing*

#Monsterdon

This is your brain.

This is your brain being eaten by Critters.

Any questions?

#Monsterdon
#Critters4

Oh hey they can reuse the bald Crite puppet from part 2. How convenient they used laser hair removal on that one baby half an hour ago.
#Monsterdon #Critters4

Can we get a Critters: Generations movie with Fiona Dourif as the Crite Queen

#Monsterdon

Are we about to have a Cocaine Bear situation here? Cocaine Crites!
#Monsterdon #Critters4

There better be an 'Eye- Critter' and a sheep in this....

#Monsterdon

why is this man grabbing random drugs, oh who cares

#monsterdon

"Finally, I can get my space heroin."

#Monsterdon
#Critters4

I say we take off and nuke the whole site from orbit. It's the only way to be sure.

#Monsterdon
#Critters4

I haven't been able to make myself self-reproducing either, doc. Believe me, I've tried.

#Monsterdon
#Critters4

Are we going to get super-critters?

#Monsterdon

Oh yeah syphalloids you guys better get to the pharmacy after all.

#Monsterdon
#Critters4

I wonder what the Crites are doing

#Monsterdon

Budget: $1032 remaining

#Monsterdon

We're nowhere near Earth. We're at least... ten miles away.

#Monsterdon
#Critters4

@ricci One could argue the movie was made at some time. #monsterdon

Why is there an *AIR DUCT* leading into the garbage disposal that jettisons into space?

#monsterdon #critters4

lol, I love how shitty and therefore realistic this AI is...

#Monsterdon

Angela, shut down all the garbage mashers on the detention level!

#monsterdon #critters4

There is safety in those ducts kid, Newt knew this...

#Monsterdon

Called it. #Monsterdon

This movie came out on October 14, 1992. One could have been watching the second season premiere of Aeon Flux instead.

#Monsterdon

love that chonky 90s hard drive start up noise...

#Monsterdon

You've never been to Earth?

Luckyyyy 😤

#Monsterdon

This movie keeps on making me think of Alien and Aliens, which seems like a bad sign

#Monsterdon #Critters4

@Crazypedia I mean, they do reuse those sets, so....

#MOnsterdon

@SnoopJ With a few guitar twangs to make it Dark Star

#Monsterdon

this movie needs M Emmet Walsh #monsterdon

The guy that plays Charlie must be a wholesome and awesome dude for people to keep making Critters movies for him to be in

#Monsterdon

didn't the boy in the original wear the same colour shirt?

Are we getting that level of detail?

#Monsterdon

Was Charlie like frozen in space for decades or centuries or something?

#Monsterdon

"You've never been to Earth?"

"No. Is it cool? Do they have churros?"

#Monsterdon
#Critters4

No Crite subtitles this time? I guess they aren't born knowing language.
#Monsterdon #Critters4

awww, look at the little fellas!

let them live, feed them the captain!

#Monsterdon

Stop drop and roll! No wait, that's if you're on fire. What's the choking one again? Hug a tree and call for help! No wait.

#Monsterdon
#Critters4

Oh no! It's taking tiny bites of my wrist!

#Monsterdon
#Critters4

This movie is putting far too much effort into world building that would only make sense if sequels were planned

#Monsterdon #Critters4

Good(?) news, Charlie, there's a young boy you can befriend here, too.

#Monsterdon

Maverick Energy Discharge was my Collective Soul cover band in high school.
#monsterdon

Angela, increase the pacing by 50%

#monsterdon #critters4

*President* Asshole

#monsterdon #critters4

i feel like the first order of business ought to be fixing the central logic, not *finding a pharmacy*. usually in sci-fi if the ship's central computer is broken that's bad, unless the computer in question is hal 9000

#Monsterdon

@paco lol, exactly, somebody should make a film about a computer that kills it's space crew.... #Monsterdon

I'm actually kind of liking this film

a little bit

#Monsterdon #MonsterMiru

I am just a sucker for 'Incompetent space crew get into Cassette Futuristic hi jinks' and I put that down to Red Dwarf

#Monsterdon

I am just gonna spend the next hour wishing this was the Critters vs Chucky.
#Monsterdon #Critters4

Angela Bassett is the smartest and best-looking crew member.

#Monsterdon
#Critters4

Young Ethan would grow up and change his name to Malcolm.

The rest, as they say, is history.

*yes… firefly

#Monsterdon

kind of guy who is kinda a dick (everyone in this crew)

#monsterdon

So far the most unbelievable aspect of this movie is that any man could think straight in the same room as Angela Bassett in a tank top. It's nonsense.

#Monsterdon
#Critters4

i refuse to believe that the state of the art spacefaring society does not use metric

#Monsterdon

everything is easier with tractor beams

Are they employing a child as the engineer? Is this an American ship?

#Monsterdon

They really *ARE* just gonna do an Alien ripoff aren't they?!

#monsterdon #critters4

oh good establishment of characters who, over the course of the movie, I will grow to be entirely indifferent to, I assume

#monsterdon

Why is Otacon Metal Gear Solid in this movie

#Monsterdon

Goddamnit I'm gonna be useless as long as Angela Bassett is on screen. This isn't fair.

#Monsterdon
#Critters4

"20 straight days of juggling and telling the captain to fuck off. A new record."

#Monsterdon
#Critters4

it’s the mystical space juggler!

#Monsterdon

so what's the "there's gravity in space" excuse going to be in *this* movie

#monsterdon

There aren't even 4 critters!

#Monsterdon

Critters franchise reiterates that genocide is not OK

#monsterdon

This is going to be an Alien knockoff, isn’t it? (Based on the trailer.)

#Monsterdon #Critters4