I think Critters 4 is best understood as a sort of Zen meditative experience
Things happened in the movie. And yet, nothing happened in the movie.
Time passed, and yet, there was no passage of time.
Characters did things. And yet, there was no agency.
And thus was #Monsterdon enlightened.
Me: [on the phone] "Hello 911? I need to report a crime. I was forced to watch Critters 4 by a bunch of cyber bullies"
911 Operator: [muffled sounds]
Me: "Well... yes... I voted for Critters 4, but... "
#monsterdon #spacemadnessthemakingofcritters4 #monsterdondoublefeature #monstermiru #miru
And then our heroes fucked off into space! That movie did not know what it wanted to be. A serious derelict space station movie? A goofy dark comedy? A movie with actual Critters in it? Yes, apparently, just yes.
G'night #monsterdon! Give a nod to @Taweret for hosting and see y'all next week!
Couldn't we have had an hour and a half of Angela Bassett's arms instead? #Monsterdon #Critters4
That wasn't a good movie but I am now positive Angela Bassett makes any movie she's in at least watchable. #monsterdon
Ok, next week, nobody vote for Critters.
"That movie is somebody's favorite movie"
Look, I'm not saying that it's impossible that someone's favorite movie is CRITTERS 4
But I would not be surprised if that person worked on CRITTERS 4.
At least these guys are very open about "yea it's a budget flick as part of a deal"
In space, no one can hear you use reverse psychology.
Love those little critter guys
I don't know why that computer sequence has a cute heart in the middle of it.
Really Angela Basset's character should've been the lead. #Monsterdon
you guys I don't really feel like I just watched a movie
@maple Lo-Fi Alien Jazz Beats To Shoot Critters To
βI cannot accept compliments from waste material" is a great line #monsterdon
this movie has characters and events
Aww, critter eggs, just in time for easter!
(Which reminds me, we should run an all-zombie-movie ballot for next weekend in observance of the general theme of rising from the dead.)
See the thing is, I don't know that Critters 4 was a bad MOVIE just in a general sense -- like, it wasn't GOOD, but there was a coherent plot, which is more than you can say for a lot of bad movies -- but it was an awful CRITTERS movie.
There were only three actual Critters! Half the plot isn't about the series' established characters! The sense of humor is *completely gone*, which for a Critters movie is half the point!
Like, I'd call Critters 4 more watchable than 3, but 3 was a better CRITTERS movie.
It's almost Easter. Can we dip the Crites eggs in food coloring?
okay I'm seeing that this movie had FOUR writers so maybe I am starting to understand what went awry here
Angela Bassett made this film in the same decade as Waiting to Exhale and Strange Days. Ponder that.
So we are gonna all come back and rewatch Critters 4 in 2045. RIght? Watchalongaiversary.
#Monsterdon #Critters4
#Monsterdon I like how they went through all that trouble to introduce that giant Critter and then nobody cared and it didn't do anything interesting at all.
That was just a load of Sci Fi clichΓ©s thrown at a wall and poorly shot with no sense of drama or depth.
So classic Monsterdon then! hurrah!
Just straight up stealing the escape scene from Alien too, eh?
OK, let me get this straight: you've defrauded a multi-trillion dollar corporation, killed several of their employees, destroyed what appears to be a research space station of theirs with military applications, stolen their ship, lost more than half your own crew, and destroyed your own ship. And that's supposed to be the good ending..?
"wait for them to come rescue us" that's hilarious, yeah I'm sure the evil corpos are gonna save you AAAAAAAANY second now #Monsterdon
#monsterdon [clutching my pearls] the critters have committed INCEST
He's like a kid in a Vicodin store
the thing is that the movie took pains to make me hate the captain so that I'd enjoy his death but the problem is that there is nothing enjoyable about this movie whatsoever
Another win for democracy on #Monsterdon
Good grief :blobfoxdeadinside:
The moral of the story is Critters is good for exactly one of the cornerstones of comedy, which is little things eating each other. If you take away little things eating each other, it just doesn't work.
Sorry everyone I remember Angela Bassett in the shower and then I blacked out. Did anything else happen?
In space, no one can hear you do a barrel roll.
Protip: remember how these characters acted in any of the previous movies to make this scene 220% more hilarious
The amount of people posting "chekhov's juggling" is hilarious!
YOU DO NOT SLAP ANGELA BASSETT she will fuck your shit up
This movie is trying oddly hard to take itself seriously.
(Absolutely nobody in the audience this evening is taking this movie seriously.)
edit: oh! But I guess that arguing-with-the-elevator scene is our Dark Star reference!
An AI that can be tricked with reverse psychology, this movie truly predicted LLMs.
#monsterdon
I truly do not understand what the point of any of this is except as a way to fill time without having too many puppet sequences :(
This movie is THE most accurate depiction of interacting with an AI that has ever been committed to film.
Oh wow Angela Bassett #monsterdon
All thanks π to @Taweret !
"Critters 4 is a slow, pointless, plotless wreck of a movie. The effects are laughable and writing is terrible. It has a scene of Angela Bassett taking a shower. Five Stars."
Critters 4! We don't have to vote about it anymore! π₯³
Thanks again to @Taweret for keeping this one alive in a stasis pod and to the #Monsterdon crew for egging me on. If anyone needs me, I'll be on the life support level, checking our supply of cigars and juggling items.
π¬π€Ήπ€
Dissappointed the fall of the Galactic Federation wasn't depicted in more depth, as well the actual Critters...who barely featured at all.
wait did I miss the plot?
the stakes matter so little that the computer has completely randomly started a 10 minute countdown to who-gives-a-shit
#MONSTERDON
Yes, I have some hundred year old bullets. I'm sure they'll be fine. Keep the gun real close to your face.
BUT HE GOT HIM
#monsterdon Ass Tesla
Code nine emergency? That's twice as bad as a code 4.5 emergency!
the passage of time in this movie can be measured in minutes, seconds, and hours
Angela Bassett is the only *actor* in this movie
Yβall just need a long stick
#Monsterdon
"If you are not waste material, you would not be in this movie." #Monsterdon
I know people keep making allusions to the Alien movies, but this is completely different. In this movie, a greedy corporation uses an artificial intelligence to trick a bunch of blue-collar space mooks into collecting a hostile alien species, and then... okay wait I see it now.
The synth stings keep making me think that they're showing BLADE RUNNER in the next theatre over
The white male authority figure goes mad after perving over the black female crewmember who is actually running the ship by being the only competent one.
The AI is shit, the ship is called 'The Tesla'....
What IS the captain's deal though, ffs...
oh there's something worse than drug ads and it's mobile game ads
"Take me to the pilot of your soul." #monsterdon
RSS Tesla? No wonder! Grok is running this thing.
Gotta mock something
Critters 4 has a much better cast than it deserves #Monsterdon
So⦠E102.
Which implies that they went through 101 other regulations before deciding maybe genocide was bad?
:blobcat_cute:
#Critters4
#Monsterdon
(The dynamic range in this DVD release is not great: the blacks are pretty crushed, it's difficult to make out much detail in these opening shots. No I am NOT asking for a 4K HDR re-release of the Critters franchise.)
Oh God... I prayed I'd never have to see this... I mean, oh look, it's Brad Dorif! #Monsterdon #Critters4 πΏ
@SnoopJ I blame perverse incentives, by which I mean, the voters
Critters was fun, as usual!
As always, thanks to @Taweret for hosting, @cherizilla for the bingo card, @JoeWynne for the drink recipe and trivia, @ryan for the live stream, @paco for data analysis at https://gallery.don.monster, @combatwombat for the replay, and all of you for making it awesome!
Itβs so funny. These guys know they made a shitty movie, but they donβt want to disparage it.
What happened to the script? How did this go so wrong?
#monsterdon #spacemadnessthemakingofcritters4 #monsterdondoublefeature #monstermiru #miru
Ug and the Critters deserved better than that...
....I hope this paid for a few months rent in LA for Angela Bassett as she looked for proper movies to be in.
NO Charlie!
"Absolutely no Critters were harmed in the making of this motion picture"
oh
so they were acting
which implies Critters SAG-ACTRA membership
OH MY GOD THAT'S THE END
oh thank goodness that's the end
The surviving characters fuck off not into the sea but into space! Or possibly towards earth? The space station full of critters has exploded in deep space, making sure that there is no possibility of any Critters features after this movie.
WE DID IT Y'ALL
WE GOT THROUGH IT
Our long Critters nightmare is over
That's a wreck!
Thank you for hosting, @Taweret . Really glad we wrapped this one up.
Is this the worst Critters movie (that I have seen, I think there's a 5th one...)? It shouldn't have been. The cast is mostly good outside of a petulant teenagers. Furbie pirhanas in space is a solid idea. Just like it's so slow and doesn't have enough of a sense of humor like the first two. I guess 3 is more dull and is missing really good actors slumming it.
#Monsterdon #Critters4
@Taweret Happy Birthday. I hope your birthday #Monsterdon was everything you hoped it would be!
This film needed to take itself an order of mag less serious.
i swear to god there were more critters scenes in the trailer than in the movie
We've had Monsterdon movies that were "barely-a-movie" but... this might be the MOST barely
this third act was written by the writers teenage son
chekhov's juggling
Chekovs juggling skills
temu-ass stormtroopers
people in this movie were alive, and then they were dead
To be fair I'm not sure why Brad Dourif thought using righteous indignation against a bunch of guys with guns was gonna go his way.
at least the computer graphics are pretty good. and the Brad Dourif.
It was accidental... so it's not murder. it's Shipslaughter
I don't know why she's so pissed, so far the Crites have given her a promotion and a dead drug dealer. #Monsterdon
Ironically, this was the placebo pharmacy. Bernie died for nothing.
Bernie died as he lived, providing illicit chemical sustenance for ungrateful yet desperate customers. #Monsterdon
I like that in Alien, Dallas is killed in tense scene trying to save his crew while they watch the xenomorph stalk him on the motion detector.
And in this movie, Bernie is killed in the same scenario trying to steal space Vicodin