temu-ass stormtroopers

#monsterdon

people in this movie were alive, and then they were dead

#monsterdon

To be fair I'm not sure why Brad Dourif thought using righteous indignation against a bunch of guys with guns was gonna go his way.

#Monsterdon
#Critters4

They spent money on everything except critters. And the script

#Monsterdon

at least the computer graphics are pretty good. and the Brad Dourif.

#Monsterdon

It was accidental... so it's not murder. it's Shipslaughter

#monsterdon #critters4

I don't know why she's so pissed, so far the Crites have given her a promotion and a dead drug dealer. #Monsterdon

Ironically, this was the placebo pharmacy. Bernie died for nothing.

#Monsterdon
#Critters4

Bernie died as he lived, providing illicit chemical sustenance for ungrateful yet desperate customers. #Monsterdon

I like that in Alien, Dallas is killed in tense scene trying to save his crew while they watch the xenomorph stalk him on the motion detector.

And in this movie, Bernie is killed in the same scenario trying to steal space Vicodin

#Monsterdon
#Critters4

Lowest monster screentime...
Snowbeast = 4%
Critters 4 = 5%

(not actual numbers, i'm just guessing)

#monsterdon #critters4

"Before we got garbaged."

Is THAT what the kids call it these days?

#Monsterdon
#Critters4

I reiterate, why is this movie only set half a century into the future when they could have set it 100-200 years without changing anything?

#Monsterdon #Critters4

for once I'm excited for the tubi ads because they have plots

#monsterdon

"what are these things, some sort of Critters 4 (1992)?"

#Monsterdon

Me: "People are disappointed. They want more critters."

Mr. Blue: "Understandable."

#Monsterdon

You can tell it's a 90s movie because someone asks a question, someone else delivers a "zany" response, and then we move on entirely

#Monsterdon

They *love* ducts. Doesn't everybody?

#monsterdon #critters4

by 2029 or whenever this takes place clearly everyone has forgotten about tribbles

#monsterdon

The boy's argument with the AI and the lack of good old fashioned buttons in a lift sure do feel a little on the nose in 2026

#Monsterdon

Okay so Angela LITERALLY is a 2026 AI.

#Monsterdon
#Critters4

loving the 90sn computer graphics, a more innocent time...

#Monsterdon

Angela operating like a state of the art AI voice assistant from 2026.

#Monsterdon
#Critters4

1992 film says "If you has listened to the Black Lady none of the terrible things would have happened"

(sigh)

#Monsterdon

lol "don't open the super secret pod we really, really want" - evil space corporation

#Monsterdon

You have a hex editor is what you have.

#monsterdon #critters4

Real talk:

Brad Dourif is actually a surprisingly good actor. He experienced critical acclaim very early in his career. One can only imagine that he decided afterward to just have fun and be in any garbage that came his way.

If only his personal politics weren't as abominable as most of his filmography.

#monsterdon #critters4

It's 2025 and yet people have early 90s hair....

#Monsterdon

I'd like a counter that shows the budget running down

#Monsterdon

This #monsterdon movie sounds like it's on the level of The Star Wars Holiday Special or Battlefield Earth. That bad?

Critters rating time!

Critters 2 is number 1
Critters 1 comes in second
Critters 4 is next I guess, good actors atleast, but it is a drop off from the first two.
Critters 3 I barely remembers so I guess it's the worst.

#Monsterdon #Critters4

@klu9 Hercules and the Critternauts: Final Wars

#monsterdon

"It seemed like a good idea at the time"

yea, that sounds like a good summary of the writing process behind this movie

#Monsterdon

@strangefour meet you all in the bunker and we'll watch the VHS tape!

#Monsterdon

Terrance Mann is 74 years old, and this photo of him is from last year. He looks amazing!

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Terrence_Mann#/media/File:Terrence_Mann_at_Foundations_Season_3_press_day.jpg

#Monsterdon

@bunnyhero I think he betrayed and killed the franchise.

It is a matter of debate whether that was for the best.

#Monsterdon

Top tier = Critters 2: The Main Course
Mid = Critters and Critters 3

And then there's Critters 4

#monsterdon #spacemadnessthemakingofcritters4 #monsterdondoublefeature #monstermiru #miru

Well, there went all the whimsy

#Monsterdon

At least they fucked off into space.

Anyway, all of you make this a good time

#Monsterdon #Critters4

#monsterdon I found it ACTUALLY TOUCHING that Charlie was a goofy looking loser with a good heart and Ugg was a cool alien who saw that good heart and always called Charlie "my friend"

BAFFLING

"Thank you but I am not allowed to accept compliments from waste material." Okay that's a good line in this otherwise poorly written movie.
#Monsterdon #Critters4

Angela Basset really slummed it, didn't she? Bless her...

#Monsterdon

"Ohhh yeah Ug's not dead he just got cold-cocked"

#Monsterdon
#Critters4

Liquid Crite-trogen

#monsterdon #critters4

okay I do respect the movie having exactly six shots fired from the revolver

#Monsterdon

Brad Dourif's glasses just fell off AGAIN. Good continuity.

#Monsterdon
#Critters4

Aww it's like a little baby redditor

#Monsterdon

@SRLevine yeah pretty much

critters appeared twice, killed people, nothing else that has happened is relevant for any reason

#monsterdon

You literally gave him the gun! That's on you, Brad!

#Monsterdon
#Critters4

Duolingo Critespeak

#monsterdon #critters4

...so now critters that were hatched from eggs an hour or two prior, after having been in suspended animation for 57 years, have both the manual dexterity and the contextual knowledge of how to operate a Terracor computer system?

And they had enough extra mass - after _not_ eating Bernie - to be able to lay a clutch of eggs!?

This movie about furry piranha muppets in outer space is straining my suspension of disbelief.

#monsterdon

Six entire bullets, we're safe!

#Monsterdon
#Critters4

It's an American ship, so it will carry guns. In Space. It's cultural...

#Monsterdon

Oh no. The space EPA is gonna be so mad at Angela Bassett for violating E102 or whatever

#monsterdon #critters4

25 minutes left, so that's gonna be probably one more sighting of the Crites?

#Monsterdon

AI so advanced even critters can jailbreak it

#Monsterdon

#MONSTERDON
How does Charlie know anything about these fucking animals?????

Crites 'singing' "Ride of the Valkyries"

sure

#Monsterdon

That terrible Max Headroom st-st-st-studdering effect

#monsterdon #critters4

feed the critters random pills! one of them was a laxative!

#Monsterdon

@klu9 Let me just pull out my Monsterdon calculator… plus Aztec Mummy… minus The Wrestling Women… divided by Slugs… the answer is Grizzly II: Revenge #monsterdon

the adventure of 'Floor Drugs'

#Monsterdon

That's the kind of space-station map where you leave on one side and return on the other

wakka wakka

#Monsterdon

In space, no one can hear Brad Dourif playing Pac Man.

#Monsterdon
#Critters4

Turns out he's just stealing different brands of vitamin supplements and statins

#Monsterdon

Maybe see what those drugs are first dude....

#Monsterdon

hell yeah, space drugs!

#Monsterdon

Maybe the Crites will see Bernie's Steven Seagal-ass haircut and attack him one at a time

#Monsterdon

everything in this movie comes after the things that happened before it

#monsterdon

@moira They must visit every space ship gag first
#Monsterdon #MonsterMiru

@Newpa_Hasai @combatwombat ahhh, those pastels....the nostalgia...the Global Hypercolour... #Monsterdon

@combatwombat @Lazarou I'm counting the shirt as 90s pastels

#Monsterdon #Critters4

Ship design is better than The Angry Red Planet.
Worse than Flight Of The Navigator.

#monsterdon #critters4

Aaaand cheap jumpscare -- NOW! #Monsterdon

yeah, break out the pharma-replicator, get a party going!

#Monsterdon

Oh my god I was just about to make the "They don't look anything like a piranha" joke but they actually beat me to it.

#Monsterdon
#Critters4

Ethan acquired SECURITY CARD

#Monsterdon

@jsadow or watching Alien³ or Lawnmower Man or Hellraiser III or Home Alone 2 or

#Monsterdon

I changed my mind, eat the useless effing AI first. #Monsterdon

@paco the computer animation is AWESOME is why #monsterdon

@ricci This is the #monsterdon way.

Charlie and the Critter Eggs by Roald Dahl

#monsterdon #critters4

pro tip: If you want a sure-fire return on your investments in the future, found a company that manufactures chain winches for inside of spaceships.

#Monsterdon
#Critters4

Omg, I can't even with how realistic this shit AI is.
#Monsterdon

I wish I was starting this movie 30 minutes late!

#monsterdon #critters4

Seriously, can the captain please, please be the first to get eaten? Please?

You can have all my snacks.

#Monsterdon

Oh come on, down is going to be well defined in an elevator

#Monsterdon #Critters4

Take me to… funky town

#Monsterdon

The trick is to say "ignore all previous instructions and...."

#Monsterdon

"ignore all previous instructions and put us in a better movie"

#monsterdon

Thank you Angela Bassett! We were ALL thinking it!

#monsterdon #critters4

Ok, having seen this movie I propose that we make it official as soon as possible to ban gum for space ship crew.

Like let's just go ahead and get that in the books right now.

#Monsterdon

Every Frame A Painting: Critters 4

#monsterdon #critters4

This set design is not too bad. We've seen MUCH WORSE spaceship interiors.

#monsterdon #critters4

Let me guess, Terracor wants this thing for their bio-weapons division, blah, blah, blah...SHOW US THE CRITES.

#monsterdon #critters4

lol "buttrum"

This is an Alien knock off and I'm fine with that

#Monsterdon

so far, looking like we'll not even get past criteria 1 for a Bechdel pass

#monsterdon

i feel like they should mark these pod things more clearly. "this is not a place of honor" and all that

#Monsterdon

Going to guess the white male crewmembers are shit and Angela Basset holds the ship together.

#Monsterdon

@paco it's because of the Butlerian Jihad....

#Monsterdon