"Show us their weak points"

Vanity, Insecurity, our genitals...we've quite a few!

#monsterdon

so the cat women have been astral projecting into her mind for like her whole career and taught her all her navigational skills and are why she is on the ship in the first place. so in the universe of the movie, the only way that a woman would be able to go to space is if she was like a marionette for some magical superhuman cat force #monsterdon

@whknott #monsterdon and air so they’d light

“This is too silly even for me” #Monsterdon

@LK_877 Cases, you need to be thinking in cases of cartons for a trip of this magnitude.

Same with the bullets 🙄

#monsterdon

I would also like to point out that our intrepid astronauts just encountered a Muppet Spider, a verified Alien Life Form, and then kind of just didn't care that they made an incredible discovery and just sort of ignored it.

Maybe they needed a scientist who could get excited that they just made an incredible discovery on this mission.

#monsterdon #CatWomenOfTheMoon

This movie is more than half over.

#monsterdon

To be fair, I'd also be afraid of a spider that size

#monsterdon

As Helen takes a nap in the space cave, another very stupid thing to do, a mysterious figure dressed like Death in an artsy Scandinavian film wanders by her and waves its hands ominously, then runs away. No one saw the mysterious figure, and now people are upset.

Anyway, we can't go back now because the space suits we took are missing, another sign that this is a voyage of the damned.

#Monsterdon #CatWomenOfTheMoon

Adventure, discovery, knowledge, and sexy moon women!

#monsterdon

Uh-oh....looks like....MOON MIMES!

#monsterdon

I think we have leotard, I repeat leotard has been achieved.

#monsterdon

The spider was not the trespasser in this situation though. #monsterdon

Yeeaaahhhhhhh! Horned Giant Moon Spider!

"Welcome to the Mo......."

Humans attack it

#monsterdon

that cave looks very Ray Harrihausenesque

#Monsterdon #CatWomenOfTheMoon

lol "there's Oxygen here"

Everyone immediately takes their suits off, just trust that and not everything else you've been taught about the Moon

#monsterdon

It could mean other gases too

NEVERMIND

#monsterdon

"IT'S BURNING! THAT MEANS OXYGEN"

but it didn't for the cigarette??

#monsterdon

"How can there be water without atmosphere" he said to the other, in a vacuum

#monsterdon

They landed on the dark side of the Moon, which they even specifically pointed out can't be seen from Earth, but they've got a clear view of Earth.

#Monsterdon

Cigarettes and guns: necessary even if silly.

#monsterdon

* lyrically scientific flutes and harps *

#Monsterdon #CatWomenOfTheMoon

betcha those helmets are decommissioned fishbowls

#Monsterdon #CatWomenOfTheMoon

What fucking moron brings cigarettes to the moon?

#monsterdon

"Did you bring the keys to get back in the lander?"

"I didn't bring them, I thought you did!?"

#monsterdon

So they described their landing spot as the Dark Side of the Moon, which I think normally means "the Far Side of the Moon", except they can clearly see Earth in the sky, so that must not be it.

I think they just landed on the Night Side of the moon, but still on the side that is tidally locked to the earth. Anyway, we get a nice panorama of craters and mountains and stuff.

#Monsterdon #CatWomenOfTheMoon

Always the American side of Earth facing, isn't it?

#monsterdon

#Monsterdon guns and smokes. It makes you feel like home. Take them there, back to Detroit! No! No! Anything but that! Nooooo!

Okay so we land and put on our goofy looking space suits, which have these like... extremely baggy looking pants and radial arm cuff poof things. Also, we have two types of space helmets... the fishbowl type and the conical helmet types.

Anyway, Helen is taking cigarettes to the moon, because that's dumb, and Captain Grumpypants continues to be grumpy. Anyway, a dude disembarks and tells the other astronauts to come along also.

#monsterdon #CatWomenOfTheMoon

uh-oh Helene doesn't remember saying Alpha. guys think it's about them but she's the Alpha pussy queen.

#Monsterdon #CatWomenOfTheMoon

Already siding with Helen against the antics of the 'boy scouts'

This is why they keep Elon away from things at Space X

#monsterdon

@Configures @Sorl I'm assuming that she's a secret catgirl spy #monsterdon.

So far, #CatWomenOfTheMoon is doing a shockingly good job of showing us a realistic atomic rocket. The rocket clearly points down, it has a radioactive engine room below its crew deck, and the engineer even has special protective radiation gear.

I would say that it might be more realistic for the (presumably first) moon mission to have prepared for a public relations phone call as they blast into space, but that's more a story realism than a rocket realism issue.

#Monsterdon

whoa, they are....and that escalated.

This is why you can't have Heterosexuals in Space

#monsterdon

Looks serious! #monsterdon

"It's not working"
"It's got to work!"

"Okay, fine it's working. Jeeze"

#monsterdon

So anyway, the radio dialogue is the base guy asking them to say some words to the press people on Earth, which allows the movie to introduce the astronauts and state their jobs. Of course, I did not pay attention and will just make up my own names for the astronauts.

#monsterdon #catwomenofthemoon

#Monsterdon Helen, how do you know if you’re on course, you weren’t even looking at the instruments. Not even the clarinet! ;)

Oh wait, it turns out I was wrong and there are four dudes, and the one lady is doing her makeup after getting out of the bunk, to remind the audience that she is indeed a girl. Her name is Helen. I don't know the boys' names.

Anyway, the space ship is named the Ranger and their headquarters ("White Sands") is radioing them to answer. They finally pick up the phone and answer, announcing that their spaceship is fine and talking about lubrication.

#monsterdon #catwomenofthemoon

aaaaaaaaah 1950s opening monologuing

#Monsterdon #CatWomenOfTheMoon

AAAAAAAAAAACK! IT STARTED!!!! AM LATE #Monsterdon

Don't kick the panel!

#monsterdon

White Sands calling Moon Rocket 4 Code 63.... your slip is showing

#monsterdon

lol @ G-force looking like climax

#monsterdon

okay opening on a space ship. good start

#monsterdon

Launching my #monsterdon thread for #CatWomenOfTheMoon, which I assume is a translunar academy spinoff, except that it was made in 1953. Excited because of all the space, and also for probably evil catgirls.

Monsterdon is the thing each week where we watch an old scifi or horror movie and make fun of it. Mute the hash tag if that is not your jam or your jello.

Space -- it just sits there doing nothing

#monsterdon

Sonny Tufts used to like to bite Stripper's legs!

#monsterdon

#monsterdon Off to a cheap start

BTW that's right: BRAKES

on a ROCKET

#Monsterdon #MissileToTheMoon

"We won't be able to feel the sensation of slowing down."

Why the hell not?

#MissleToTheMoon #DoubleFeature
#Monsterdon

Hm, pre-set landing coordinates and some kind of mystery medallion.

Do cat-women have the ability to compel men in this one?

#Monsterdon #MissileToTheMoon

"Meteorite", he says, very far from the Earth's surface.

Ackshully, sir, those are called meteroids.

#Monsterdon #MissileToTheMoon

TINFOIL ATTAAAAAAAAAACK

#monsterdon #MissleToTheMoon

I hope the cat women stab Gary.

#monsterdon

Meteors are the biggest hazard in space, not say lack of gravity or radiation

#monsterdon

@north The control panels are great, and are unfortuantely making me think about McMaster

#monsterdon

All rockets in the 50's apparently had comfortable house-sized rooms inside

#Monsterdon #MissileToTheMoon

He needs volunteers to man his suicidal moon trip and a couple escaped cons fell into his lap. Sure, that sounds like prime crew material.

#monsterdon

ok so we have upgraded from the corrugated steel spaceship walls, but we now have chosen to make everything from pegboard, so maybe this is the innovation promised by private space travel? #Monsterdon

Lot of particleboard in that rocket.

#monsterdon

He steals cars...and rocket ships. Sure, why not?

#monsterdon

You can tell they're badasses on account of the rolled up sleeves.

#Monsterdon #MissileToTheMoon #DoubleFeature

"fly it to the moon"

Δv does not work like that.

#monsterdon

Another one? Okay…

“First rule in government spending: why build one when you can have two at twice the price?” S.R. Hadden, “Contact”

#Monsterdon #MissileToTheMoon

@randy_s @Lazarou @Configures That I buy! But a camera might come in handy, too! And maybe some baggies or jars to collect samples to bring back?

I mean, they went to a lot of trouble to get to the moon in their radioactive nitric acid rocket? Seems rude to go on a trip that long & not bring back any souvenirs for the kids & eggheads to gawk at in some museum...
#monsterdon

Okay, Missile to the Moon.

Starting with an Atlas I think?

#monsterdon

@Lazarou @JoeWynne @Taweret @cheribaker I would have been satisfied if the leader of the alien women had a tail stuck on her leotard #monsterdon

@moira I frequently ask myself that while watching Monsterdon flicks.

#monsterdon

@jonny Lets do it. 1h03m is too little time to waste on a Sunday night. The night is still young!

#monsterdon

@SordidAmok Not that I've heard, but @Taweret or some of the other "old-timers" would know better

AFAIK #Monsterdon isn't really about *bad* movies specifically, it's more focused on movies that feature some kind of monster (loosely defined), and we kind of mix up bad and not-so-bad which I think is a good thing, it keeps it interesting.

@RufusJCooter @Configures @randy_s "We never even landed on the Moon, we just went fucking mad and killed Walt....I can't explain it...we ....did things...."

#monsterdon

@YsengrinWolf @Taweret@octodon.social sometimes the monster is 'Society' but usually it's very literal

#monsterdon

@catagent101 @hanabananana67 It's exactly that. This week we watched Cat Women of the Moon.

It starts Sundays at 8 pm Central time (US), so follows DST. If you want to join in, follow #monsterdonalert , where we vote on each week's movie. If #monsterdon isn't your thing, we recommend that you mute the hashtag to avoid getting spammed.

Wait! I think I know why the Cat Women wanted to get to White Sands so badly. You see... #Monsterdon #CatWomenOfTheMoon

@apLundell the least they coulda done was hit it 'til candy came out

#monsterdon #CatWomenOfTheMoon #SonnyTufts #Thighbiter

@Lazarou @moira I kind of missed what they said at the end but somebody else said they all died (boooo sad)

TBH I would always trust that job to Godzilla first though

#Monsterdon

@moira @hollie godmonster was cinema at its finest, i don't know what you're talking about

#monsterdon

@SordidAmok Oh yeah, we did that one way back when. The bird's a hoot #monsterdon

#Monsterdon
Flying out of White Sands, NM probably made sense in 1953. Lot of rocket testing, sounding rockets, etc. then.

After Apollo, of course, everybody assumes US mission control is in Houston.

Also nuclear tests, of course.

There's still a big base and rocket range there, of course.

And now, there's Spaceport America near there.

anyway they all deserved to die for killing spooder frien

#monsterdon #CatWomenOfTheMoon #SonnyTufts #Thighbiter

No coffee, did have moon wine.

Kept waving cigarettes and matches around, but I don't think anybody ever actually smoked.

Felt unfinished because apparently it *was* unfinished.

#Monsterdon #CatWomenOfTheMoon

@moira @ottaross Also Alpha spent considerable time yelling at Lambda for being a dummy #monsterdon

@ottaross I thought Alpha and Beta might have had some non-male oriented conversation at some point #monsterdon

@hollie i could not tell if they were in a polycule from when they launched or if that just developed on the moon, it would be very progressive to send a whole mature polycule up as a space team #Monsterdon

Whew! That had everything!
Implausible propulsion system!
Dodgy understanding of how atmospheres work!
Moon tarantulas!
Catwomen! Elaborate eye makeup! Interpretive dance! Horny astronauts! Genocide!
Wish I coulda found my 3-D glasses :(
Thanks for watching everybody! Thanks @Taweret for hosting! Have a great week, good luck dealing w/ the holiday, see you next Sunday!

#monsterdon

And the end! Just like that! Well, I now understand why Earth sucks. We don’t have catwomen.

Thank you for hosting and joining tonight! #Monsterdon

@CactuarJoe ok at least in cat women of the moon the women had agency and a plan even if it was, yno, eugenics. #monsterdon

@Taweret it went by so fast! We should do a double-header sometime, with two shortish ones (and an intermission).

#Monsterdon

Okay but, "Let's go to the moon with our cigarettes and guns and excessively dramatic love triangles," does feel like an American sort of vibe...

#monsterdon

#monsterdon

Yes! The men are killing each other!

"The spiders were controlling everyone all along! Now, stowed away on the ship, they are ready to take over the Earth! "

- director pitching the sequel in 1954.

#monsterdon

That movie was so terrible, it left me speechless at multiple points. You can't put a price on that kind of sensory confusion, I'm truly grateful for the experience. #Monsterdon

@trixter I guess the Moon Council will be displeased?

#monsterdon

The rocket is #63. What happened to the other 62?

#monsterdon

lol, classic 'well just wrap everything up in a sentence and finish before anybody notices' ending

I missed what happened to the Catwoman traitor and why her Earther mate was sad

#monsterdon

Another #Monsterdon is in the can!

Thanks to @Taweret for hosting!

Tonight's feature, #CatWomenOfTheMoon was from 1953, and featured a trip to the dark side of the moon. Instead of Pink Floyd, we had:

man this was a fun movie for just long enough and then it was like "haha!!! we tricked ya fuckers! this movie sucks!!!"

needed more spiders imo

#monsterdon

WHT DO YOU MEAN "THE END"

#monsterdon

So they kill the villain off-screen and just fuck off back to Earth. Well, that was pointless. #Monsterdon