What fucking moron brings cigarettes to the moon?

#monsterdon

"Did you bring the keys to get back in the lander?"

"I didn't bring them, I thought you did!?"

#monsterdon

So they described their landing spot as the Dark Side of the Moon, which I think normally means "the Far Side of the Moon", except they can clearly see Earth in the sky, so that must not be it.

I think they just landed on the Night Side of the moon, but still on the side that is tidally locked to the earth. Anyway, we get a nice panorama of craters and mountains and stuff.

#Monsterdon #CatWomenOfTheMoon

Always the American side of Earth facing, isn't it?

#monsterdon

#Monsterdon guns and smokes. It makes you feel like home. Take them there, back to Detroit! No! No! Anything but that! Nooooo!

Okay so we land and put on our goofy looking space suits, which have these like... extremely baggy looking pants and radial arm cuff poof things. Also, we have two types of space helmets... the fishbowl type and the conical helmet types.

Anyway, Helen is taking cigarettes to the moon, because that's dumb, and Captain Grumpypants continues to be grumpy. Anyway, a dude disembarks and tells the other astronauts to come along also.

#monsterdon #CatWomenOfTheMoon

uh-oh Helene doesn't remember saying Alpha. guys think it's about them but she's the Alpha pussy queen.

#Monsterdon #CatWomenOfTheMoon

Already siding with Helen against the antics of the 'boy scouts'

This is why they keep Elon away from things at Space X

#monsterdon

@Configures @Sorl I'm assuming that she's a secret catgirl spy #monsterdon.

So far, #CatWomenOfTheMoon is doing a shockingly good job of showing us a realistic atomic rocket. The rocket clearly points down, it has a radioactive engine room below its crew deck, and the engineer even has special protective radiation gear.

I would say that it might be more realistic for the (presumably first) moon mission to have prepared for a public relations phone call as they blast into space, but that's more a story realism than a rocket realism issue.

#Monsterdon

whoa, they are....and that escalated.

This is why you can't have Heterosexuals in Space

#monsterdon

Looks serious! #monsterdon

"It's not working"
"It's got to work!"

"Okay, fine it's working. Jeeze"

#monsterdon

So anyway, the radio dialogue is the base guy asking them to say some words to the press people on Earth, which allows the movie to introduce the astronauts and state their jobs. Of course, I did not pay attention and will just make up my own names for the astronauts.

#monsterdon #catwomenofthemoon

#Monsterdon Helen, how do you know if you’re on course, you weren’t even looking at the instruments. Not even the clarinet! ;)

Oh wait, it turns out I was wrong and there are four dudes, and the one lady is doing her makeup after getting out of the bunk, to remind the audience that she is indeed a girl. Her name is Helen. I don't know the boys' names.

Anyway, the space ship is named the Ranger and their headquarters ("White Sands") is radioing them to answer. They finally pick up the phone and answer, announcing that their spaceship is fine and talking about lubrication.

#monsterdon #catwomenofthemoon

aaaaaaaaah 1950s opening monologuing

#Monsterdon #CatWomenOfTheMoon

AAAAAAAAAAACK! IT STARTED!!!! AM LATE #Monsterdon

Don't kick the panel!

#monsterdon

White Sands calling Moon Rocket 4 Code 63.... your slip is showing

#monsterdon

lol @ G-force looking like climax

#monsterdon

okay opening on a space ship. good start

#monsterdon

Launching my #monsterdon thread for #CatWomenOfTheMoon, which I assume is a translunar academy spinoff, except that it was made in 1953. Excited because of all the space, and also for probably evil catgirls.

Monsterdon is the thing each week where we watch an old scifi or horror movie and make fun of it. Mute the hash tag if that is not your jam or your jello.

Space -- it just sits there doing nothing

#monsterdon

Sonny Tufts used to like to bite Stripper's legs!

#monsterdon

#monsterdon Off to a cheap start

BTW that's right: BRAKES

on a ROCKET

#Monsterdon #MissileToTheMoon

"We won't be able to feel the sensation of slowing down."

Why the hell not?

#MissleToTheMoon #DoubleFeature
#Monsterdon

Hm, pre-set landing coordinates and some kind of mystery medallion.

Do cat-women have the ability to compel men in this one?

#Monsterdon #MissileToTheMoon

"Meteorite", he says, very far from the Earth's surface.

Ackshully, sir, those are called meteroids.

#Monsterdon #MissileToTheMoon

TINFOIL ATTAAAAAAAAAACK

#monsterdon #MissleToTheMoon

I hope the cat women stab Gary.

#monsterdon

Meteors are the biggest hazard in space, not say lack of gravity or radiation

#monsterdon

@north The control panels are great, and are unfortuantely making me think about McMaster

#monsterdon

All rockets in the 50's apparently had comfortable house-sized rooms inside

#Monsterdon #MissileToTheMoon

He needs volunteers to man his suicidal moon trip and a couple escaped cons fell into his lap. Sure, that sounds like prime crew material.

#monsterdon

Lot of particleboard in that rocket.

#monsterdon

He steals cars...and rocket ships. Sure, why not?

#monsterdon

You can tell they're badasses on account of the rolled up sleeves.

#Monsterdon #MissileToTheMoon #DoubleFeature

"fly it to the moon"

Δv does not work like that.

#monsterdon

Another one? Okay…

“First rule in government spending: why build one when you can have two at twice the price?” S.R. Hadden, “Contact”

#Monsterdon #MissileToTheMoon

@randy_s @Lazarou @Configures That I buy! But a camera might come in handy, too! And maybe some baggies or jars to collect samples to bring back?

I mean, they went to a lot of trouble to get to the moon in their radioactive nitric acid rocket? Seems rude to go on a trip that long & not bring back any souvenirs for the kids & eggheads to gawk at in some museum...
#monsterdon

@Lazarou @JoeWynne @Taweret @cheribaker I would have been satisfied if the leader of the alien women had a tail stuck on her leotard #monsterdon

@moira I frequently ask myself that while watching Monsterdon flicks.

#monsterdon

@jonny Lets do it. 1h03m is too little time to waste on a Sunday night. The night is still young!

#monsterdon

@SordidAmok Not that I've heard, but @Taweret or some of the other "old-timers" would know better

AFAIK #Monsterdon isn't really about *bad* movies specifically, it's more focused on movies that feature some kind of monster (loosely defined), and we kind of mix up bad and not-so-bad which I think is a good thing, it keeps it interesting.

@RufusJCooter @Configures @randy_s "We never even landed on the Moon, we just went fucking mad and killed Walt....I can't explain it...we ....did things...."

#monsterdon

@YsengrinWolf @Taweret@octodon.social sometimes the monster is 'Society' but usually it's very literal

#monsterdon

@catagent101 @hanabananana67 It's exactly that. This week we watched Cat Women of the Moon.

It starts Sundays at 8 pm Central time (US), so follows DST. If you want to join in, follow #monsterdonalert , where we vote on each week's movie. If #monsterdon isn't your thing, we recommend that you mute the hashtag to avoid getting spammed.

Wait! I think I know why the Cat Women wanted to get to White Sands so badly. You see... #Monsterdon #CatWomenOfTheMoon

@apLundell the least they coulda done was hit it 'til candy came out

#monsterdon #CatWomenOfTheMoon #SonnyTufts #Thighbiter

@Lazarou @moira I kind of missed what they said at the end but somebody else said they all died (boooo sad)

TBH I would always trust that job to Godzilla first though

#Monsterdon

@moira @hollie godmonster was cinema at its finest, i don't know what you're talking about

#monsterdon

@SordidAmok Oh yeah, we did that one way back when. The bird's a hoot #monsterdon

#Monsterdon
Flying out of White Sands, NM probably made sense in 1953. Lot of rocket testing, sounding rockets, etc. then.

After Apollo, of course, everybody assumes US mission control is in Houston.

Also nuclear tests, of course.

There's still a big base and rocket range there, of course.

And now, there's Spaceport America near there.

@moira @ottaross Also Alpha spent considerable time yelling at Lambda for being a dummy #monsterdon

@hollie i could not tell if they were in a polycule from when they launched or if that just developed on the moon, it would be very progressive to send a whole mature polycule up as a space team #Monsterdon

Whew! That had everything!
Implausible propulsion system!
Dodgy understanding of how atmospheres work!
Moon tarantulas!
Catwomen! Elaborate eye makeup! Interpretive dance! Horny astronauts! Genocide!
Wish I coulda found my 3-D glasses :(
Thanks for watching everybody! Thanks @Taweret for hosting! Have a great week, good luck dealing w/ the holiday, see you next Sunday!

#monsterdon

And the end! Just like that! Well, I now understand why Earth sucks. We don’t have catwomen.

Thank you for hosting and joining tonight! #Monsterdon

@CactuarJoe ok at least in cat women of the moon the women had agency and a plan even if it was, yno, eugenics. #monsterdon

@Taweret it went by so fast! We should do a double-header sometime, with two shortish ones (and an intermission).

#Monsterdon

Okay but, "Let's go to the moon with our cigarettes and guns and excessively dramatic love triangles," does feel like an American sort of vibe...

#monsterdon

#monsterdon

Yes! The men are killing each other!

"The spiders were controlling everyone all along! Now, stowed away on the ship, they are ready to take over the Earth! "

- director pitching the sequel in 1954.

#monsterdon

@trixter I guess the Moon Council will be displeased?

#monsterdon

The rocket is #63. What happened to the other 62?

#monsterdon

lol, classic 'well just wrap everything up in a sentence and finish before anybody notices' ending

I missed what happened to the Catwoman traitor and why her Earther mate was sad

#monsterdon

Another #Monsterdon is in the can!

Thanks to @Taweret for hosting!

Tonight's feature, #CatWomenOfTheMoon was from 1953, and featured a trip to the dark side of the moon. Instead of Pink Floyd, we had:

man this was a fun movie for just long enough and then it was like "haha!!! we tricked ya fuckers! this movie sucks!!!"

needed more spiders imo

#monsterdon

WHT DO YOU MEAN "THE END"

#monsterdon

LOL yep the entire plot was resolved with the off-screen murder of the cat-women of the Moon

Do you think they ran out of time while writing the script?

#Monsterdon

Stockholm syndrome for the win?

#monsterdon

The shots connected offscreen? what?

#monsterdon

"the best of the earth mongrels"

LMAO

#Monsterdon #CatWomenOfTheMoon

Every single person in this movie makes the worst possible decision at all times, I just want them all stuck on the moon forever

#monsterdon

@jonny Clearly the latter, said the guy in the gold cave.

#monsterdon

"there comes a time when you can't find it in a book, I know that now!"

Just love how that line came out of nowhere to me, and makes no sense

#monsterdon

I wonder what the people from PROJECT MOONBASE are up to right now

#Monsterdon

Ha! The unstoppable kissing urge foils them again.

#monsterdon

There's the wind-up. Here's the pitch. #monsterdon

@CactuarJoe dont forget the stupid but pretty wife

#monsterdon

Someone’s having a hissy fit

#monsterdon

"I don't wanna rule the world!"

I want two point five children and a Chevrolet! #Monsterdon

When they remake this with CGI, I have no doubt there will be, like, those Doctor Strange spell symbol things coming out of their hands. I can SEE it, they're soooo goooood.

🙄

#monsterdon

What is it with the blond guy always wiping the back of his neck

#monsterdon

Doug can get killed, that's ok actually

#Monsterdon

There's a lot more weird sexual tension on the moon than you would think. #Monsterdon

#Monsterdon Earth guys are easy.

#monsterdon

Why are they Cat-Women? Is it the tight outfits?

He brought a gun, but what he really needed was a laser pointer. #Monsterdon #CatWomenOfTheMoon

ugh you boys are gonna get toxoplasmosis if you keep this up

#monsterdon

I still don't see any cats or statues of cats, or mention of cats

#monsterdon

Are we sure this dance really was directed?

#monsterdon

Ah, yes, the traditional Catutsi of the Catwomen of the moon. A traditional dance whose history goes back centuries.

#monsterdon

"A Woman?! Take a Man's Job?! Is it the 1940s again oh we don't talk about that do we?"

#monsterdon

#monsterdon

Moustache will be killed because of greed.

Will they all have some fatal flaw? Lust? Gluttony?

"I like 'em stupid"

...may I introduce you to a mirror

#Monsterdon

@Lazarou Oh now that would be interesting

#Monsterdon

Whoa that was a tooth-chipping kiss

#monsterdon

Kip Kippering
Doug Dougington
Helen Helenson (canonically it's Salinger)

#monsterdon