I love you, super unappealing man I met a couple hours ago

#monsterdon

Death by slow shoulderblade stab

#monsterdon

@Lazarou they have catlike grace though!

#monsterdon

how does this cat-lady know about beaches and sand and coke? so they aren't just asian, buddha-loving lesbians but also Colombian 🤨

#Monsterdon #CatWomenOfTheMoon

Ladies and Gentlemen, the solid gold dancers

#monsterdon

so I despise all these men and want them to die in pain

that's what the movie is going for, right?

#monsterdon

Okay, so more bullshit about this movie... the catgirls are trying to seduce their way into learning how the space rocket works, and also report that the moon is rich in gold.

Captain Grumpy questions Helen's loyalties and then does a sexual harassment, causing her to confess that the Catgirls are controlling her and that they want the spaceship, which the audience has already figured out.

#Monsterdon #CatWomenOfTheMoon

Still on cat women team TBH
#monsterdon

"I'm not hurting you that much"

someone please shoot him. thank you

#monsterdon

Wait, his name is Walt Walters?
#monsterdon

#monsterdon

I am going to be so disappointed when they don't actually kill all the men.

"Gold, gold everywhere"

Oh sure, tell the White Dudes that, we'll be perfectly calm

#monsterdon

I choose to believe their cat suits are made from moon spider silk

#monsterdon

The guy with a thin moustache is a predator and they Moon Ladies should poison him first

#monsterdon

Alpha, Beta and Mandy?

#Monsterdon #CatWomenOfTheMoon

#Monsterdon Helen was driven to unexpected levels of sapphic bliss when she spied the truly bananas eyelashes of the cat-women of the moon! Like a bunch of scissors in an open drawer, being jostled vigorously while men poorly cope.

You suits will be washed, ironed and folded

#monsterdon

"They were definitely after my pe... I mean, this gun."

#monsterdon

If only they'd brought lasers instead of a handgun. They could get the cat ladies to do anything.

#monsterdon

We have no use for ... MEN
#monsterdon

Lighting the mysterious brazier triggers the spawning of a Mysterious Figure, which turns out to be a dark haired girl in makeup which I guess was the 1950s idea of a cat girl. The catgirl attacks one of the boy astronauts while Helen watches, but the boy astronaut brings reinforcements, leading her to teleport away.

Helen has wandered off, and the boys debate whether they want to search for her.

#Monsterdon #CatWomenOfTheMoon

It's caturday and monsterdon - together at last!

#monsterdon

@whknott #monsterdon Good thing their ship was bigger on the inside.

A Cat-woman touched her hand and suddenly she's a moon amazon and defying male authority.

#monsterdon

THEY HAD CIGARETTES AND MATCHES IN THE MOON WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK?!?!?

#Monsterdon #CatWomenOfTheMoon

Okay, so we reach I guess the edge of a the light side of the moon, and to show how hot it is in the daytime, we drop a cigarette in it, and it somehow catches fire without any oxygen on the moon.

This movie has an interesting relationship with physics.

#Monsterdon #CatWomenOfTheMoon

Learning so much science in this movie!!
#monsterdon

"If Helen will hand me a silly cigarette"

Let us hotbox these suits with weed

#monsterdon

Dark Side Of The Moon
https://youtu.be/OErz0ZONcIQ

#Monsterdon #CatWomenOfTheMoon

During the Apollo missions, there was a scandal involving letters brought to the moon just so they could be sold at high prices on return to earth.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Apollo_15_postal_covers_incident

#monsterdon

I think she's an undercover lunar cat woman!

#monsterdon

Uh oh - they're reinforcing the dark side/bright side fallacy.

#monsterdon

Okay, so it takes three people to send the engineer to troubleshoot the broken valve that is spewing radioactive steam through the hatch, but only of those people has the protective radiation pajamas. This sounds like a logistics issue.

Despite that, we managed to fix the valve and use a fire extinguisher to... I guess save the spaceship.

#Monsterdon #CatWomenOfTheMoon

@moira lol

(Cried so hard when I first saw Spock die) #monsterdon

All the middle-aged men have this weird grin after they say their lines, what the hell is that?

#monsterdon

I love the Space chairs have wheels, because....gravity of course..no wait!

#monsterdon

#monsterdon THIS! THIS is what spaceships are supposed to look like!

Why did they stop making them like this?

The creepy astronaut oogling the lady astronaut is quite a vibe.

#monsterdon

Wait, this was befroe Twilight Zone
#monsterdon

Space Gumby sighting!

#monsterdon

The only one who knows how to fly the ship is going to die?

#monsterdon

OMG, the prisoners are going to steal the ship and fly it to the moon. Talk about a daring escape. Not just prison, but the planet!

#monsterdon

@diazona @SordidAmok @Taweret yeah hard to define what #monsterdon is, there is always some antagonist... i think? and some of us try to steer it towards old and low budget and shitty movies, but i don't think that's everyone by any means. ultimately @Taweret is what monsterdon is

I say we all hit play on Missile to the Moon at 9:30 CT and keep this cat-woman party rolling!

https://tubitv.com/movies/624905/missile-to-the-moon

#monsterdon

Thanks to @Taweret for introducing us to a truly stunning film. Shows what can be done with bare-bones funding (not much). Left me speechless.

The moon spider was easily the best part - we *did* have a monster.

#Monsterdon #CatWomenOfTheMoon

And why the spider? What did that have to do with anything?

Was it left over from another production?

#monsterdon

@moira @diazona did all the Catwomen die? Bummer, who's going to save Humanity now?

Godzilla?

#monsterdon

THE END...
Yeah that sure feels like a movie that ran out of budget and just stopped.
#Monsterdon #CatwomenoftheMoon

I'm still thinking about how... they ADRed a line explaining that the movie was resolved and then they said 'the end'

#monsterdon

Well, that was awful in entirely different ways than I expected #Monsterdon

Shout out to the Spider Muppet, killed tragically in its quest for hugs, and then sadly ignored the most incurious space explorers.

#Monsterdon #CatWomenOfTheMoon

We're cat-women of the moon
We'll take your spaceship soon
But a three-way love
And a shot and a shove
Consigned us to our doom

---

There you go, a five-second song replaces one hour of what could charitably be called a "movie", and now you all have to go watch Futurama now 😛 Thanks @Taweret for hosting and everyone for posting! Until next week...

#Monsterdon

@jonny I was thinking that, too! I also wanted to make a joke that "this is why poly people stay closeted, no one wants everyone to assume they're like Helen and Laird and Kip," lol

#monsterdon

What you all don't seem to realize is that these were the _childless_ cat women of the moon. There were tons of cats just off-screen. #monsterdon

No matter how bad this movie was, we can take solace in the fact that:

At least some "AI" was trained on its script

#monsterdon

@Lazarou More catwomen follow me on the #Fediverse than existed in that entire movie.

#Monsterdon

#Monsterdon #CatWomenOfTheMoon

Okay, so Lambda has opted to betray the space catgirls and is now siding with the boring astronaut boys. The catgirls steal the space suits and escape, but then the astronaut boys defeat them offscream with the power of Gun, Lambda also dying in the process.

#Monsterdon #CatWomenOfTheMoon

What happened?

Moon's haunted (by catgirls)

#monsterdon

[Off screen voice] "We've fixed everything, we can end the movie now!"

#monsterdon

I like counting how many shots are fired with those pistols and imagining the infinite ammo cheat they seem to have

#monsterdon

The Earth chick seems to be wired to do u-turns

#monsterdon

hahah

Let go of my hand!

(2 seconds later)

Oh thank you

#monsterdon

@Taweret this is why I stay on mastodon

#monsterdon

"she's the dangerous one"

and dude rushes out thinking he's joining a threesome. this won't end well.

#Monsterdon #CatWomenOfTheMoon

@Taweret@octodon.social I, for one, welcome our new feline overlords
#monsterdon

@Lazarou Honestly, if I wanted to watch a film in September of 1953 which evoked cat like women, Roman Holiday with Audrey Hepburn would have been the far superior choice.

#monsterdon

The horny astronaut who ran off with the dangerous dancing catgirl (Lambda) is told by her that she has to kill him and that he should go away to save himself. This doesn't make any sense to me, but I am not a femme fatale space catgirl.

I guess the moon is dying and they have to kill him... well just because. Maybe they plan on eating him.

#Monsterdon #CatWomenOfTheMoon

OMG the modern dance scene. I can't even...

#monsterdon

Captain Grumpy observes this romantic encounter, thinks about becoming Captain Cockblock instead, then thinks better of it and wanders back to gossip to Helen about it. Helen informs him that the catgirl the astronaut boy wanders off with was "the dangerous one" which might mean that the plan has changed.

#Monsterdon #CatWomenOfTheMoon

It's gold! Pointy, sharp, stabby gold!

#monsterdon

This is the Catwoman equivalent of a mosh pit, it gets sweaty and jumpy in a moment

#monsterdon

"These women are using their feminine whiles to lure us to distraction!"

Yeah yeah, same old stories sailors tell their wives when they're caught out.

Heterosexuals in Space....

#monsterdon

#monsterdon

Okay. I'm now voting for Jerky O'Pistol to get killed.

The autopilot is restricted information... ITAR strikes again?

#monsterdon

#monsterdon

I love how Helen is ready to kill the men. Like she's been waiting for the chance her whole life.

uuurrghhh, here comes the "what are Men? teach me your Earth ways...." bullshit

Much like these stories when the Earther rejects Earth and goes full alien.

#monsterdon

Where are your menfolk

#monsterdon

#Monsterdon I am Alpha, this is Beta. We don’t mention Omega, she’s such a bitch. Thankfully we nicknamed her “Spider Bait”, dumb dumb Omega.

Cat Women Of The Moon - zoomies

#monsterdon
#HeroOrVillainsUniqueTalent
#HashTagGames

"Show us their weak points"

Vanity, Insecurity, our genitals...we've quite a few!

#monsterdon

so the cat women have been astral projecting into her mind for like her whole career and taught her all her navigational skills and are why she is on the ship in the first place. so in the universe of the movie, the only way that a woman would be able to go to space is if she was like a marionette for some magical superhuman cat force #monsterdon

@whknott #monsterdon and air so they’d light

“This is too silly even for me” #Monsterdon

@LK_877 Cases, you need to be thinking in cases of cartons for a trip of this magnitude.

Same with the bullets 🙄

#monsterdon

I would also like to point out that our intrepid astronauts just encountered a Muppet Spider, a verified Alien Life Form, and then kind of just didn't care that they made an incredible discovery and just sort of ignored it.

Maybe they needed a scientist who could get excited that they just made an incredible discovery on this mission.

#monsterdon #CatWomenOfTheMoon

This movie is more than half over.

#monsterdon

To be fair, I'd also be afraid of a spider that size

#monsterdon

As Helen takes a nap in the space cave, another very stupid thing to do, a mysterious figure dressed like Death in an artsy Scandinavian film wanders by her and waves its hands ominously, then runs away. No one saw the mysterious figure, and now people are upset.

Anyway, we can't go back now because the space suits we took are missing, another sign that this is a voyage of the damned.

#Monsterdon #CatWomenOfTheMoon

Adventure, discovery, knowledge, and sexy moon women!

#monsterdon

Uh-oh....looks like....MOON MIMES!

#monsterdon

I think we have leotard, I repeat leotard has been achieved.

#monsterdon

The spider was not the trespasser in this situation though. #monsterdon

lol "there's Oxygen here"

Everyone immediately takes their suits off, just trust that and not everything else you've been taught about the Moon

#monsterdon

It could mean other gases too

NEVERMIND

#monsterdon

"IT'S BURNING! THAT MEANS OXYGEN"

but it didn't for the cigarette??

#monsterdon

"How can there be water without atmosphere" he said to the other, in a vacuum

#monsterdon

Cigarettes and guns: necessary even if silly.

#monsterdon

* lyrically scientific flutes and harps *

#Monsterdon #CatWomenOfTheMoon

betcha those helmets are decommissioned fishbowls

#Monsterdon #CatWomenOfTheMoon