Ah yes, Bog Dracula (1979) #Monsterdon

"We could have a Dracula running loose!"

*Things that are definitely real

#Monsterdon

"Two young lives, wasted like that!"

Yeah, being in this film was totally avoidable. #Monsterdon

Well the search party was successful...
In a normal world these two guys would be up on murder charges. But it feels like they are gonna vanish and we are going to spend the rest of the movie in the sheriff's office.
#Monsterdon #Bog

Oh noooooooo, bog bodies

#monsterdon

So now our disgusting hunters vanish from the film and leave us with the porky cops, right? I'd almost prefer that. #Monsterdon

Used to be any idiot could buy dynamite. They don't let you do that anymore

#monsterdon

The bog prepares bodies for embalming? That's pretty advanced technology for a bog

#Monsterdon #Bog1979

Dupont lure? Well that's an obtuse old euphamism I've never heard before.
#Monsterdon #Bog

Green Acres is the place to be~
Farm livin` is the life for me~
#Monsterdon #Bog

Whoever wrote this screenplay seems to really hate women, eh?

MONSTER CHOMP PART DEUX

Oh no, looks like May is being bogchomped! Presumably for the narrative crime of condemning her husband to take her and her mother out for dinner once they get through this weekend fishing trip she didn't want to attend?

MONSTER CHOMP PART THREE

Man, we're going to run out of odious protagonists in a hot second at this rate.

#monsterdon

Okay, I'm trying to figure out the character's motivations. They are horny. And also dumb. The girls may be less horny but are also more grouchy at being outside in the woods.

#monsterdon

What are these "jokes"?
There are bad even for dad jokes.
#Monsterdon #Bog

That's your grandparents, Joel. #Monsterdon

The comparisons with “Frogs” seem inevitable. #monsterdon

The opening credits for this #monsterdon show footage of a station wagon driving through rural america and eventually the woods as a lovey dovey song plays in the background.

The station wagon, which I will call the mystery machine, although I presume it is more heterosexual, disgorges its passengers at a lake for a camping/fishing trip. Passengers include hat guy, other hat guy, headband girl and headbandless girl. They exchange the Ritualized Gender Complaints.

Well this film is starting off strong with four unpleasant characters that I think none of us would be bothered to see be eaten by a bog. Or in a bog. ..."bothered to see be bogged down", I guess is what I'm getting at here.

bog bog bog bog bog

#monsterdon

#monsterdon Dude just mentioned incest.. holy shit!

...Are they dead yet? #Monsterdon

I find it interesting that the fisher guy didn't have a motor on his boat (to be quiet I guess, like going gigging for frogs), but was also fishing with explosives (which are extremely loud).

#monsterdon

My money's on tank top to survive

#monsterdon

This rip from VHS on archive.org is really blurry. But I guess so was VHS...

Oh wow, soundtrack with lyrics! The music somehow already reminds me of the Star Wars Christmas Special™️

#Monsterdon

What a lazy ass way to fish. DUDE. #monsterdon

This intro is the best part of the movie. All downhill from here

#monsterdon

I hope the explosives redneck gets it first....

#Monsterdon

@floatybirb @strangefour Rosemary's Baby? Though that might have to be a "too good for monsterdon palate cleanser movie".

Also I'm not sure I'd be able to sleep afterwards.

#Monsterdon

It took us what felt like a whole year to finally get to it. But Bog was worth it.

Or was it

?

#Monsterdon #Bog

@Lazarou @strangefour I have heard that the Shape of Water is a movie where a woman has sex with a fish, but we never see the fish's penis, which seems to me like they did not fully commit to their premise. #monsterdon

@SordidAmok A whole month of bog witches for the sick perverts that we are on Monsterdon!

#Monsterdon

@floatybirb @strangefour I haven't either, but that's the general impression I got, the relationship is not antagonistic for once...

#Monsterdon

Well, I was wrong about that one.

#monsterdon

@lapis ...one of us, one of us, one of us ...
#Monsterdon

"Got anything to declare?"

"Yeah. Don't go to Wisconsin."

#monsterdon #Bog1979

Yes, thanks @Taweret for hosting. All people should see this film once, just for personal enrichment. Or something.

#monsterdon

@Terencio @floatybirb i didn't say creepy in a bad way

#monsterdon #Bog1979

@purpleidea #monsterdon is a thing where we watch monster movies every week and make fun of them.

I am horrified that the mute button isn't working on the hash tag because I ask people to use the mute button on the hash tag if they don't want to get spammed by monster movie posts every weekend.

@yatsu how fucking dare they! #Monsterdon

In the 1970s, station wagons were designed to burst into flames on impact. Seat belts were an optional feature

#monsterdon

bog was delightfully awful i had a blast

#monsterdon

Oh yeah, that's a slime trail

#monsterdon

"This is a BOG PRODUCTION"

I do not know what that's supposed to mean, but yes

#Monsterdon

guh

Well, it wasn't that bad right? We book-learned much science!

#monsterdon

#monsterdon Let's hope so.

Can we have a moment of silence for the deputy who gave his life by driving his car into a tree? Nobody even thanked him.
#monsterdon

The End

?

#Monsterdon

they literally put a question mark on the screen. wow. #monsterdon

Boggone it, where's that backup!!

#monsterdon

#Monsterdon the shape of water (2017)

"rrrRRraarrrrarrrarararRARR"

Truer words were never spoken

#Monsterdon

guys the movie duration on my tubi ui keeps increasing i think we're all trapped and cursed

#monsterdon

@hollie The bog monster seems to have a healthy appetite for men too #Monsterdon

At least this film has an important ecological message that if you fish with explosives monsters will drink your blood #monsterdon

I guess "kill it with fire" only took out the lab

#Monsterdon #Bog1979

"Shoe!"

#Monsterdon

#monsterdon Everyone to the coroner: You had one job..

Who was she saying "It's a trap!" to?? The creature?

#Monsterdon

Yeah, just leave the monster under a net, I'm sure everything will be just fine

Ok, so it's not fine. I'm sure attacking it with a bunsen burner in the supply closet will work

#monsterdon

Genuinely feeling Jenny's death now that we had that middle aged romance subplot

#Monsterdon

okay, points for being the only person to manage to fend off the creature for a few minutes though. #monsterdon

IT LIVES YET

#Monsterdon

@catzilla Godzilla bukkakke #monsterdon #bog

@jonny ...but it's the perfect after-market accessory for my Torment Nexus! #Monsterdon

Because we captured a fish monster, we summoned a fish scientist to study it. He arrives in a Lake Seaplane because that's how all fish scientists commute to work. They take him to look at the monster, which is being gently showered, and he decided it looks pretty cool.

They already sent its DNA off to the DNA scientist. He asks why the fish monster is friends with the bog witch and why it didn't eat her. Science Lady furtively takes another blood sample.

#monsterdon

#Monsterdon They should build an onsen for the Bog Monster (yes I am thinking about the Capybara Onsen video)

I don’t have a favorite ichtheologist and now I feel like my life is somehow lacking #Monsterdon

Hands are everywhere with this throuple.....

#Monsterdon

We summon like 50 people to the lake to fight the monster via firehoses filled with deadly poison soap. We finally see the monster; it is a fishman with legs. It kills Mr. Garibaldi. RIP.

But, the poison soap knocks it out so we tie it up and put in into a truck for science. It's still alive, so we can study it.

It will probably eat someone else, because unfortunately this movie is not over yet.

#monsterdon

@Lazarou It is, by far, the coolest thing in the film

#monsterdon

suddenly, seaplane

#Monsterdon

there is still like 15 minutes of this movie left. #monsterdon

Oh great, the hillbilly Sweathogs have arrived

#monsterdon

a deep one??

#monsterdon

70s dr who ass monster

#monsterdon

That's a sad siren. #monsterdon

@_L1vY_ The rest of the cast is underpants. #Monsterdon

@yatsu I wish them well on their lives together, but that is the kiss of death for movies like this.... #Monsterdon

a sheriff was given the line of dialogue "so you shall" #monsterdon

"(Sigh)....well....let's have sex in the storeroom...while we wait for something to happen?"

#Monsterdon

Because this is America, the gun toting townies decide that the best plan is to buy lots of bullets to shoot the monster. Which, to be fair, is a reasonable use for lots of bullets.

Meanwhile, the monster eggs they just left outside unattended got stolen by the monster in the night. It is confirmed to have Crab Hands.

#monsterdon

@SRLevine
I think PCP had a lot to do with the making of this film.

#Monsterdon

@jonny I would also accept blowing up the angry mob

#Monsterdon

Why does the gun store have a microfilche reader? Was that a common thing in 1970s gun stores?

#monsterdon

No way a man with a beard like that who owns a gun store isn't in the Klan...

#Monsterdon

#monsterdon Goodbye.. dummies!!

After the monster ate a few more people, one of the bike teens (I think) drew a picture of the monster that we don't get to see. But it has a pointy bit.

Hearing about the monsters' pointy bit stresses out Mr Garibaldi, so he does a relapse and starts pouring whisky for himself and the science masters.

#monsterdon

they're getting a pitchfork mob together! #monsterdon

#Monsterdon okay here's my theory: they spent so much of their budget on the under water part they couldn't even make a remotely (by their standards) passable monster costume

@Taweret You'll get shadows and you'll dislike it!

#Monsterdon #Bog1979

Our scuba boys discover some Bog Grapes in the bogweed forest and put it on their boat. After which, the bog monster or something grabs them from beneath the bog and eats them.

After shouting advice from the shore, the Science Masters decide that the Bog Grapes are eggs and discuss the safest way in which to stab them. The gentleman wants to stab them in an isolation chamber, while the lady wants to stab them now because she is very eager to study monster reproductive parts.

#monsterdon

#monsterdon A drink is definitely called for.. for the audience..

#Monsterdon Gonna pretend they mean Girlfriend Romantically

#monsterdon

@SordidAmok Underrated album. #monsterdon

MECHANICAL MANIPULATORS MENTIONED

#Monsterdon

Like you, I only know it's the "diver down" flag because of Van Halen

#monsterdon

@mcsquank I think this is bog-standard for #Monsterdon 😛

music guy is getting a lot of mileage out of his ring modulator #monsterdon

@Newpa_Hasai @Cherizilla actually learning something on Monsterdon tonight,,,,

#Monsterdon

The Poseidon Adventure, the new ride at the Wisconsin Dells!

See: a sunken branch!

See: Some mossy rocks!

See: the diver in front of you!

#monsterdon

Ugh, 'Underwater Action Scenes'

the bane of 70s Monsterdon...

#Monsterdon