one thing 70s movies are very consistent about - they want you to hate every single character

#Monsterdon

I'm gonna let the deputy have the last word on this one:
#monsterdon

"I've got a BOG FEELING ABOUT THIS"

#Monsterdon #Bog1979

what if the movie just keeps going forever?

#monsterdon

wait

Metal. Long beak. Made of molybdenum.

CROW T ROBOT!? #Monsterdon

I

want

to

see

a

goddamn

monster

#monsterdon

There are a lot of B movies that feature bog witches. I vote we watch them all.

#monsterdon

Well, that was terrible and fun. Thanks for the laughs, everyone! G'night.

#monsterdon

Thank bog we're done

That was...slimy....and weird....and they said "human females" more times than I would have expected walking into this, but hey we did it!

Thanks @Taweret for hosting!

#Monsterdon #Bog1979

THIS IS IT. THIS IS THE BEST MONSTER REVEAL we will ever see #monsterdon

why were people in the 70s like this?

#monsterdon

the boomer humor of the nagging wife is so fucking tedious and not funny

#Monsterdon

Whatever party runs a bog witch for POTUS in 2028 gets my vote. Unless it's the GOP. Or the Dems. Gimme a Socialist bog witch.

#monsterdon

losing my absolute mind at the monster groaning to itself in the trees this is fucking spectacular #monsterdon

Worst. Gender. Reveal. Ever.

#Monsterdon

@strangefour I want a movie where a woman carries a monster around. #monsterdon

I gotta give credit to Gloria de Haven, a legit actor with a long, storied career, for doing her best with this script. It often felt like she was the only one who knew what acting was. #Monsterdon

Geez. This monster needs a CPAP machine. #monsterdon

I mean the monster lays eggs but everyone's calling him a guy just because he steals women - that's rather heteronormative

#Monsterdon #Bog1979

every part of that scene redeemed the whole movie. i have never seen a diamond in the rough scene that is so incredibly good-shitty in the middle of a movie that is so bad-shitty #monsterdon

Turns out aquatic vampiric cancerous crystalline metallic lobsters are super vulnerable to being hit by cars at 15 mph #Monsterdon

Tomorrow I’m going to work and I’m going to be communicating in bogmonster sounds, and it’s all your fault #monsterdon #bog1979

#monsterdon #bog

Thanks to everyone and our host @Taweret for this piece of Wisconsin Americana. Go have some WI cheese to celebrate the film's ending!

See y'all next week.

#monsterdon

Another #Monsterdon is in the can!

Thanks to @Taweret for hosting!

Tonight's feature, #Bog, from 1979, didn't get ... cough ... bogged down in silly details like plot or character development. Instead we got,

"i'm just an old country sawbones, but here is my theory about a parallel evolutionary history that took place during the last glacial period at the thermal interface between the bottoms of the glaciers and the granite underneath..." #monsterdon

Some species of ancient sea snails (chitons) do have metals in their raduli (teeth), so the science babble is slightly less stupid than it sounds.

Slightly.

#monsterdon

Hypodemic Nurdle is my ukulele death metal band

#Monsterdon #Bog1979

BOG WITCH
BOG WITCH
BOG WITCH

#Monsterdon

Poster for BOG does go pretty hard, tho

#Monsterdon

I am deeply disappointed in the lack of peat in this movie.

#monsterdon #bog1979

How can such a peaceful scene hold such danger, it BOGgles the mind

AAAHHAHAHAHAhahaha

I'm tired

#Monsterdon #Bog1979

Portrait of a 70's guy in his natural habitat

Grunting in a recliner. #Monsterdon

#monsterdon

Damn scuba divers. They went down and stole Bog monster's Capsela toy collection.
#Monsterdon #Bog

This is like Married With Children except the characters are even more unlikeable. Really a remarkable achievement, actually. #Monsterdon

if he's not drunk enough

we're not drunk enough

bring them into the lake

#monsterdon #Bog1979

These monster noises 🤣

#monsterdon

Oh, the traditional monster princess carry scene! It's true, Wisconsin really IS for lovers! #Monsterdon

Just let it be an egg, movie. Not everything needs to be a miracle of science in a rubber monster flick.

#monsterdon

"These are mucous-producing cells"

Yes, we've met the cast thank you. #Monsterdon

Despite myself, I like them. I hope this works out for them, and they get to leave this stupid plot and just be happy together being nerds.

#Monsterdon

I'm not sure we've ever turned against a cast this fast.

#monsterdon #bog

...wait

is the 70s love ballad meant to be the monster's Human Female Bride singing to the VAMPIRE SEX FISH??? #Monsterdon

These husbands do NOT seem bereaved in the slightest.
Maybe peeved?

#Monsterdon

who was that scene for???? #monsterdon

"Sorry about your wives, guys," is one of the lines of all time.

#monsterdon #bog

Anyway, despite the notable lack of an actual bog, that was certainly a movie in which some guy said, "Sorry about your wives, guys." Goodnight, #monsterdon, live with no regrets, thank you @Taweret for hosting!

#monsterdon What an incredibly low-rent movie.

It's like the director just got a bunch of his friends together to make a film.

I guess that 's probably what actually happened.

...That's it? No resolution? We never learn if Jenny was infected by the monster? They just... Don't look for the eggs?

Okay, fuck you too then. #Monsterdon

guys a little word of advice

if you're trying to shoot night for day

DON'T SHOW THE BRIGHT BLUE SKY

YOU DOLTS #Monsterdon

Umm... are we leading up to cryptid erotica? 😱

#monsterdon

I hope all of you who wanted to see the monster are happy now. 😐

#monsterdon #bog1979

A wild bog monster appears!

Neal used Charge For Nor Apparent Reason.

It's super effective!

At getting Neal CHOMPED

#monsterdon

"Your mortal asses." This movie does have flashes of fun dialog here and there.

#monsterdon

Angel dust? When was the last time you heard a reference to PCP anyway?

#Monsterdon

they've found some plastics at the bottom of the lake, imagine living in a world were that was everywhere...

#Monsterdon

ooooooh bulletproof monster

we honestly don't get that so much!

#Monsterdon

"Son of a bitch!" *hits car roof*

...

*sound of him hitting the car roof plays*

#Monsterdon

See, stuff like this is why I watch these kinds of movies. *Absolute shit* for twenty minutes and then they stumble into some of the coolest shit you'll ever see :D #Monsterdon

SWEET, BOG WITCH #Monsterdon

@RobynGoodfellow This film has neither the class nor the budget of Octaman, yeah. #Monsterdon

both men survived. this movie is terrible.

#monsterdon #Bog1979

This is why I go camping by myself.

#monsterdon #bog

New plan: stopped at a travel center and I am #Monsterdon -ing live from their parking lot. Such is the call of the bog

The traditional tender '70s love ballad that has *absolutely jack shit to do with the plot of the movie it's on*

Yay :D #Monsterdon

Jeezus, that was awful. Can't wait 'til next week.

#monsterdon

Oh wait I need to issue a correction; the best character was actually the mysterious bog witch. Shout out to the bog witches, one of my favorite genders.

#monsterdon

Suddenly it ends. And I close the tab as fast as possible to avoid hearing that song again.

#monsterdon

You can't just call a movie "Bog" and have it take place in a lake but it's called Bog Lake

#monsterdon #bog1979

Well that wasn't as bad as I expected but my expectations were LOW

At least we can all say we've done this now, we are united in fire.

#Monsterdon

Bog (1978): 3/5

wow that sucked a lot!

#monsterdon #MonsterdonReviews

outSTANDING job to the people responsible for that monster SFX. Some kind of effects stack + "okay so-and-so will basically eat this mic and make goofy noises for a bit. it's gonna come out great. we need about 5 minutes of it."

#Monsterdon

The boys wake up and decide that the bog monster has kidnapped the Science lady. So they send a fleet of rectangular 1970s cars in pursuit, but the bog monster has eluded them.

Their current theory that the bog monster has to "infuse" its mates with its bog juice, and that's how the bog witch became a bog witch and they have to rescue the science lady before she also becomes a bog witch I guess.

#monsterdon

"Why don't you two [men] get out of here and let me get to work." -female pathologist.

Was this movie progressive for it's 1970s time?

#monsterdon

THAT IS NOT DEAD WHICH CAN ETERNAL LIE
AND IN STRANGE AEONS EVEN DEATH MAY DIE

(the dead bog monster isn't dead, it woke up and it's smashing through a door, everyone act surprised)

#monsterdon

Bog monster wants blood, because it's into PHLEBOGAMY

Like "phlebotomy" not "polygamy", you know what I mean

The best puns are the ones ON THE EDGE

or something

#Monsterdon #Bog1979

None of this is any kind of bog.

#monsterdon #bog1979

I'm no expert, but is it normal to dive with tanks AND snorkels?

#monsterdon

i'm counting those two bicycling girls as "romance interrupted" for the sake of my bingo card. #monsterdon

"Mineralized tissue... Slimy"

WE'VE MET THE CAST. THANK YOU. #Monsterdon

For reference's sake, "The Andromeda Strain" was published in 1969 and the film adaptation was 1971.

So, yea, "what if life, but like, a crystal? 🤔" was absolutely floating around out there in earnest

#Monsterdon

#monsterdon 100% cancerous organism.. wait, what?

Y'know, you gotta be really dedicated to be a Bog Hag in Wisconsin. Like, that's not a prestigious hag post, you get no respect. #Monsterdon

YAAAAAAAAY THEY'RE DEAD! :D :D :D #Monsterdon

#monsterdon Their sex will lead to Bogmonster 2: The Sequel..

HA HA HA

The castle of AAAAARGH! :D :D :D #Monsterdon

Adriana is the actual bog

#Monsterdon #Bog1979

@Taweret leaded gasoline?

i got nothing

#monsterdon

@bunnyhero You're watching this a second time of your own free will? #monsterdon

i am not sure that we have confirmed the involvement of the bog at all. couple 1 hit a log, but the monster was clearly coming from the sky according to the camera angle. the bog could be getting framed for all this #monsterdon

The guy in the red shirt is giving me big Captain Lou Albano as Mario vibes.

#monsterdon #bog

Suddenly bisexual! hahahaaa #monsterdon

personal favorite line read remains "That's why we called our favorite icthyologist"

#Monsterdon

If only this movie was clearer we could have had another to add to the collection of great monsters carrying women.
#Monsterdon #Bog

End credits. Is...is the bog monster the sad protagonist of the Most Romantic Song in the World??

#Monsterdon

The End

?

PLEASE!

#monsterdon #bog1979

Top marks to the foley artist just howling into the microphone for thirty straight seconds there, kudos.

#monsterdon

"what if he doesn't have adriana anymore" so wait is the idea that the bog monster had been breeding with adriana for like thousands of years aince the glaciers melted or WHAT IS HAPPENING #monsterdon

It's like Beowolf. The monster was Grendel, but the real monster was Grendel's mother. Or something

#monsterdon