@Keiraleesharonart I dunno if anyone could take more than 90 minutes of this lol

#Monsterdon

And, so, our hero returns to his home planet, having assembled a rag tag gang of miscreants, who will somehow save the day and fight off the most fearsome force in the galaxy.

Okay.

#Monsterdon

#monsterdon the prima noctor victim got vaporized

Hey @randy_s, "Serpent Juice" is a good name for a cocktail.

@SarraceniaWilds
@Keiraleesharonart

#Monsterdon

Not the swiftest henchmen in the galaxy...

#Monsterdon

#Monsterdon I knew I'd seen these effects before! This movie did so poorly, they reused the effects in #SpaceRaiders!
#BattleBeyondTheStars

The creep zips up his shoulder as he comes up... Is THAT where he keeps it? #Monsterdon

22. This practice is called 'negging'. The movie has passed the 'two female characters to demonstrate the director's fetish' test

#Monsterdon

Dials a random drug, doesn't take it, did Nancy Reagan write this
#monsterdon

That poor lizard man is wearing a lot of prosthetics

#Monsterdon #BattleBeyondTheStars

the ship looks like a busty ithorian #monsterdon

21. Jet plane sounds in space. That is all.

#Monsterdon

Gelt never got over Macho Grande.

#monsterdon

He already knows he shouldn't do. He said it was the worst thing in the world.

#Monsterdon

Space Valkyrie? No more questions. Let's go, movie.

#monsterdon

Who died and made you Space surgeon General? #monsterdon

Yeah I'm smoking a movie. I have to say it's bad for the MPAA

#Monsterdon #BattleBeyondTheStars

this movie's plot is the inspiration for the parts in Final Fantasy games where you meet new PC's #monsterdon

Oh the spaceships and sets and lighting are so good and moody. I love a good cheeey movie made by people who care about the craft.
#Monsterdon #BattleBeyondTheStars

It's Valkyrie Barbie!
#monsterdon

Wowza. If I had seen this as a kid I'd have blacked out from blood loss to the brain.

#Monsterdon #BattleBeyondTheStars

okay officially from earth there we go

#monsterdon #BattleBeyondTheStars

see, he's all country and shit

#monsterdon

#monsterdon "counting coup" not "coo" subtitle writer

@ohiofi YOU DARE

#monsterdon #BattleBeyondTheStars

Also, "counting coup?" SPACE YIKES.

#Monsterdon

@Keiraleesharonart serpent juice 🤷 #Monsterdon

that is quite the costume…
#monsterdon

"i have come to coo upon you" ??? this movie is horny on main, huh.

-- okay, now i see her costume. nevermind.
#monsterdon

I cannot deal with watching this sexy lady torso ship zooming around, it's not okay.

#Monsterdon #BattleBeyondTheStars

The valkyrie have more space foam than any other space warrior!

#monsterdon #BattleBeyondTheStars

NOW the ship mentions the force field. #Monsterdon

They should’ve copied a bit more from Seven Samurai for things to make some kind of sense. #monsterdon

John Boy keeps running into shady characters with ambiguous morals who just happen to want to turn over a new leaf and help out for free.

#Monsterdon

DIAL-A-DRUG #monsterdon

You're literally offering sanctuary to a mass murderer if he fights on your side...

#monsterdon

Shut up and drink your propeller fruit.

#monsterdon #BattleBeyondTheStars

How about a new plan: kill this dude and take his treasure and then you can hire mercenaries and this story might make some sense finally

#Monsterdon

Aaaggghhhh this movie is huuuurting my braaaaaaiiiinn

This is worse than the Star Wars Christmas Special and that's SAYING SOMETHING

#Monsterdon

No, you're going to stay and listen to my speech. Oh man, this guy's been alone for a very long time and has been waiting to tell this monologue forever

#Monsterdon #BattleBeyondTheStars

#Monsterdon 👨‍🚀 👩‍🚀 🚀 🪐 ⭐ ⭐ 🥊🥊 😱

"I eat serpent seven times a week!" says the space mercenary for some unfathomable reason

is eating serpent supposed to be a metaphor for something??? #monsterdon

"I eat serpent seven times a week"

That's great for you, buddy, but I think that's oversharing.

#Monsterdon

Ooh I do like the former pacifist recruits rando mercenaries arc
#monsterdon

sir I’m not sure you should be sitting in the same room as your plutonium hoard #monsterdon

#monsterdon Scifi Mastodon on Sunday be like

#monsterdon a few more 70s television celebrities, and we'll have enough to field a team for battle of the network stars

did i hear plutonium? #monsterdon

mars bars ...

#monsterdon

I'm glad Robert Vaughn and the other actors are treating the expository dialogue with the respect it deserves.

#Monsterdon

I saw Space Balls. Why did I not see this?
Spouse: cause Space Balls was funny. This is sad #Monsterdon

So which one of these spaceships is the goofy show off with forged samurai lineage and which is the greatest swordsman?
#Monsterdon #BattleBeyondTheStars

The other plants in the federation made an HOA and then came and took my lawn ornaments

#Monsterdon #BattleBeyondTheStars

The subtle, “Just say ‘no’ to drugs.”

#Monsterdon #BattleBeyondTheStars

strictly business can be risky

it's a risky business

#monsterdon #BattleBeyondTheStars

Honestly, I *really* love the set and film work in Gelt's scene.

Singularly classes up the film.

#monsterdon

space grindr #monsterdon

"What happened here?"
someone saw the Cantina Scene from Star Wars and tried their best.
#monsterdon

He's a retired dentist. That chest is where you pick your toy after your cavity gets filled.

#BattleBeyondTheStars #Monsterdon

Welcome to the Bad Guy Bar™

#Monsterdon

Okay, that's spooky. Gynoids?

#monsterdon #BattleBeyondTheStars

#monsterdon More intergalactic overactive spiders. LOL…

what the absolute fuck is going on #monsterdon

What!? That's how I look in the morning too.

#monsterdon

Um, based on the music, this is the “cantina scene”, but with absolutely no actual aliens? #monsterdon

#monsterdon alien bar scene ✅

Did someone put this script in a blender? #Monsterdon

Grizzled Spacewave Beats to consider illicit drug use and dial an escort service to.

#monsterdon

@sean If in Star Wars it was called jizz, I shudder to think what the name is here

#Monsterdon

was this movie written by an AI? like I know that it couldn't have been. but it would explain so much

#monsterdon

Pretty sure those are the same notes in the Cantina Band theme just rearranged

#Monsterdon

Music which sounds vaguely like the cantina music from Star Wars.

#monsterdon

#monsterdon

Space Jazz!

#BattleBeyondTheStars #Monsterdon

Is that the same swing band from Mos Eisley?

#monsterdon

Wow this Cantina is really dead #Monsterdon

OMG this movie even has a Conan The Barbarian knock off

#Monsterdon #BattleBeyondTheStars

Beware of manhole covers carved with the sephirot?

#monsterdon #BattleBeyondTheStars

#monsterdon

I am refraining from making any jokes about the style of music being played by this jukebox

please clap

#IYKYK

#monsterdon how can he see anything with the blast shield down

Is that diegetic almost-jazz? Oh no is there a cantina

#Monsterdon

Aaaand around the corner comes a teenage mutant ninja turtle #Monsterdon

Have some of this, it’s blue #Monsterdon

#monsterdon These weird third eye people are like if the Talos aliens were a hive mind. But maybe less mean and manipulative?

Tastes like Listerine™️.

#Monsterdon #BattleBeyondTheStars

This #Monsterdon has Space John Boy *AND* Stephanie from Space Newhart! :blobaww:

#Monsterdon Nestor are definitely from the continuum

Somehow I think capturing someone would not be that easy if you have to hover over them with your spaceship

#Monsterdon

Occupiers practice stochastic terrorism, tale as old as time. #monsterdon

So, got any females?
#Monsterdon #BattleBeyondTheStars #FridayNightDinner

#Monsterdon "you're in the loading program"

A transporter is less useful if you have to get within thirty feet to use it. #monsterdon

@Lazarou I guess they could be clones too

#Monsterdon

They need to stop drinking mouthwash just for starters

#Monsterdon

Okay, NOW I saw some Hebrew as the "alien language" on the monitors lol

#Monsterdon

Damn, this thing of getting mercenaries is all too easy in this movie!
#monsterdon

you're supposed to let the jelloshot set before you serve it

#monsterdon

Nestors have a safety factor of 1.2

#monsterdon #BattleBeyondTheStars

The white Borg.
#Monsterdon #BattleBeyondTheStars

The group mind is a bored hedonist.....

#monsterdon