YβALL!
today was a solid Monsterdon with quality actors doing horrible acting with a gawdawful script but not too shabby special effects and score/soundtrack.
this may be the best of the worse in the Corman cinematic universe and we got to enjoy this hot mess.
well done!
OMG BILL PAXTON OF TWISTER FAME WAS A CARPENTER IN THIS MOVIE!!!
am reading the Wikipedia page and itβs way more engaging than this awkward kissing scene.
itβs blowing my mind James Cameron designed this and the teen from the Waltons is the star of the movie.
whatβs even more mindblowing is that the interior of the ship looks like the ship in Star Trek, The Next Generation; and Wil Wheaton is just a doppelganger of Richard Thomas.
This morning I watched a matinee of Nosferatu (2024) with my sister and brother Josh, and this evening I watched Battle Beyond the Stars (1980) with a bunch of #monsterdon weirdos. I think I may be suffering from cinematic whiplash.
so, whether he admits it or not, Roger Corman is huge influence on James Cameron
In 1983, there was a highly successful miniseries about lizard people secretly coming to earth to steal our water and use us as a protein source. Coincidence! I think not.
Long live V!
I've never participated in #monsterdon , and indeed a few weeks ago I had to temporarily mute the hashtag because it just overtook my timeline, but this week I am seeing some Dorothy Parker class insults to cinematic dreck.
Great going, folks! I think I've benefited more by the hashtag reviews than you did by watching the "film," and I thank you for your sacrifice.
That was fun! Thanks for the laughs, monster people. Goodnight. π #monsterdon
UPDATE for future me: Paul Verhoven made Total Recall, which, if you think about it, makes sense: Verhoven was like a German Corman.
also, as i corrected, he made the plural not singular alien and it was deep sea aliens movie, The Abyss
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OMG am seeing so many of Cameronβs early movies in this movie: Aliens, Terminator, The Abyss. canβt speak for anything after Titanic. i refuse to watch Space Pocahontas.
so the villain i have seen in a kabillion tv shows and b-movies. John Saxon. canβt believe Corman spent money on him and George Peppard in the role of space Crocodile Dundee.
this could only happen because of that SAG clause that you have to work a certain amount of hours a year to keep your health care and pension benefits without some penalty or another.
OMG Robert Vaughn. i guess those residuals from Man from UNCLE werenβt paying the bills.
BTW didnβt know James Horner killed himself in a flying accident. why canβt rich guys pay others to fly them instead of wanting to play space cowboys in real life? damn.
so many interruptions tonight, ugh.
just reckoned Space Chadβs ship looks like ovaries with their fallopian tubes attached to a scrotum
#monsterdon The ship's computer being afflicted with rapid-onset robot dementia while being forced to commit suicide is the most emotionally resonant part of this movie.
#monsterdon Oh are we about to find out why Space Cowboy is in this movie?
(about a full minute passes)
Well, I guess not. It was a thought, anyhow.
#monsterdon I couldn't tell if that psychically haunted graft arm sequence was supposed to be Dr Strangelove style humour or body-horror disquieting. The emotional tone swings in this movie all seem properly timed but... not meaningfully stitched together?
OMG Nell is the OG GlaDOS
You don't need a bra in space. No drag. No gravity. Let your space boobs soar! #monsterdon
Unironically I enjoyed this more than any of the Star Wars films after the original trilogy. Sure, those had technical competence, but they didn't have this sideshow madcap entertain-at-any-cost mania... And besides, the double-entendres and the cheesiness... they had to know. #monsterdon #BattleBeyondTheStars
Destructive Valkyrie Bisexuals, Vagina-Craft, space-based polycules, it's fucking WILD in the Lambda Zone!
#monsterdon omg at 1h41m50s or so the horn section flubbed a fanfare
sheer perfection
#monsterdon AND THAT'S A WRECK
Most of the protagonists have died! Almost all of the antagonists too? We're not really sure that the planet they were fighting over is safe! I think Space Cowboy fucked off into the sea, or fatally crashed into it at least.
What a hunk of junk! She may not have looked like much and she didn't have it where it counts. (Actually that's a lie, the sets and props were good.)
Thank you for hosting, @Taweret@octodon.social! That definitely was 1h42m31s of our lives!
never understood why that burnt ends with a waffle maker was the look with white women during the 1980s
LOL theyβre the Akira, as in Kurosawa
so space cowboy recycles his urine in his space belt and turns it into beer? when folks say the beer tastes like piss, just think of this beertap belt
to think this is a ripoff of a ripoff of Seven Samurai
#monsterdon No kid, don't drink the mouthwash even if it's served in dollar store stemware
#monsterdon That horn section before Hephaestus Station was _extremely_ close to some of John Williams's Star Wars sections. I kind of want to do a section-by-section comparison of the soundtracks now.
Oh hmm, now we're doing Aliens musical cue references?
I definitely want to watch this more analytically some other time.
DANGIT! didnβt time cooking/dining so am starting and gonna be eating thru this. shoulda gotten a tv dinner
@blogdiva there's so many dick shaped space ships and not enough representation of lady parts
I like the design of Shad's ship
#monsterdon This movie is just as good as I remember. Now, don't think I said it was good, but it was a part of my growing up, and movies were huge for me. So, more good-nostalgia than good-quality. Still a lovely time and a lot of fun. Boobship too.
I wonder if there was a screenplay for this movie or just a stack of Post-it notes.
NOOOOOOOOO NOT BORED ROBERT VAUGHN!!!
There's fun stuff to look at, at least. This is a huge jumble of space tropes swirled into a confusing stew. #monsterdon
#monsterdon WAS THAT SEQUENCE WITH THE KIDS AND THE BOUNTY HUNTER AN ATTEMPT AT GRAVITAS
Did I take a gummy before this movie and forget?
Lesbian Space Valkyries is definitely a genre and one whose time will come!
These minions really are incels, aren't they?
#monsterdon And the androids are all reply-guys. This is hilarious.
We're laughing at them, not with them.
#monsterdon There are seven minutes left and at least half of them must be credits, we can do this
Nell literally only wants blood, her character is consistent
#monsterdon
LMAO i like the weirdo chalk guys. one takes a bite and they all chew.
So, around the time Battle Beyond the Stars was being made, Iran was having a revolution and took a bunch of American diplomatic personnel hostage. Some managed not to get captured and hid. The CIA launched a plan to get them out by pretending to be a film crew scouting for locations to shoot a SciFi film. The ruse was at believable because everyone was making Star Wars knockoffs.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Canadian_Caper
The story got turned into a movie called Argo.
Ahhh, here comes Titty McTits from the Warrior Woman planet....
#monsterdon George Peppard probably had to take this job because he hadnβt landed the A-Team gig.
Peppard in a Corman movie. damn.
James Horner is so much better than the rest of this movie
This opening sequence is the future in Space I was promised as a child but denied by Reagan and Thatcher
@SnoopJ @diazona @Taweret@octodon.social truly an 80s movie in all glorious ways. #monsterdon
That wasn't a good movie, but it did have a bunch of fun bits. And my copy fucked off into the void before the credits. o_O
Also, I feel like I need to watch (or in a few cases rewatch) more Akira Kurosawa films.
such an abrupt ending as there was no sea on than planet, so....
But seriously this is a good movie to watch with kids
1. To show how villains are often given facial differences
2. To illustrate how hard costume designers have to work when confronted with very busty bodies
3. To inspire some wee one to grow up and bring back belts that dispense alcohol
4. To hear what would happen if you put all the great music from all the great science fiction movies into a blender
5. To explain why we don't steal arms and attach them to our own bodies
Space is so noisy. I would not want to live in that spacebourhood.
#Monsterdon Ah, now I remember the movie Battle Beyond The Stars. The cow ship, and the defenders mercenaries completely unaware of anything known as battle tactics.
#BattleBeyondTheStars
The Valkyrie, like all Bisexuals, has a nuclear self destruct capability
In 1981, Michael Caine stared in a movie called The Hand in which a man loses his hand in an accident and it goes on a murderous rampage. James Horner did the music in that one too.
I swear, a bunch of people saw this film and decided to extend bits of it into full films.
#monsterdon ...did the Kelvin just Care Bear Stare the stormtroopers to their sparkly deaths
This is making less sense every minute!
#monsterdon Valkyrie costume change for no apparent reason..?
Well no, I take that back, I guess the reason is apparent.
LMAO so the space Valkyrie is the Han Solo in this movie?
I watched Battle Beyond The Stars a few weeks ago, or rather tried to watch. Got about halfway through. And my tolerance for crap is very high. Good luck to you all. #monsterdon
#monsterdon You hear of Earth? No? Well, uh, we were supposed to be...uh, nevermindβ¦
You can't just have your principle-less character announce "I have no principles." What is this, a Netflix original? #monsterdon
These aliens are neat. #monsterdon
#monsterdon This plot feels like a sequence of rolls from a GURPS random encounter table, what the heck.
she even had her space suitcase ready. she wanted her own ride, cuz sheβs an independent whoahmam
This was a quick one! β #monsterdon
#monsterdon "Come with me, you know about computers! You can help us!"
This is how we know for sure that this kid is hopelessly incorrect about all things
![[empty]](/media/avatars/287224a269fbaefbc7e94920b207f9dca8b6e0415d818373c9f1528359b6a0e8.jpg){kind=small}
She's taking her Xbox
"I like you....you can fuck my daughter. My eyes are every camera on this station...."
Very Steve Bannon
#monsterdon Oh is _this_ movie where Waymo got the idea of grabbing riders by the throat with steel bands like that??
#monsterdon Aw dang, the DVD I rented has no subtitle track. Phooey! Once again, format piracy would have provided a better experience than going out of my way to track down a licensed version.
(These spaceship interiors are excellent.)
@Zerofactorial @catzilla "Fanny-Pack Bourbon" sounds like a Drag name #monsterdon
@SnoopJ @Taweret@octodon.social so much goes on in that movie, I think we'd have some fun #monsterdon
@SnoopJ now there is a movie which happened!
@smallsees @Taweret@octodon.social and the inevitable 'holocaust' as a the remains of a small metal world rain down on their moon...
I can imagine the conversation in the editing room while making that movie:
"We still have some spare footage sir"
"Okay well, just splice it all in there and ship it. I've got a plane to catch."
I think my favorite characters were Nestors and the Boob Girl.
I didn't like Space Cowboy, he didn't come through very well
and then it ended very abruptly
almost as tho they didn't bother filming an actual final scene
almost...
anyway, ty for joining, everyone
#monsterdon Every once in a while, when Saxon is just frowning, I sort of mentally insert βLINE!" in a teeny tiny voiceβ¦
WAIT! i just got that the bad guyβs name is SADO? LMAO
I like these funky old space ship designs but I also like how in modern movies you get some idea of what is happening in a space battle
cool noises though
a miracle none of these space hippies have broken into Age Of Aquarius
I think perhaps cloning new body parts would come before interstellar travel but maybe this dude just has a kink for stealing other people's body parts like Mark Zuckerberg does
#monsterdon The Kelvin need to plug in, their little lithium ion cells are all tuckered out.
did they change the kidβs name mid movie?!?!?!
Peppard wore that outfit, unironically.
Love how the baddie flying his ship looks like he's angrily typing in his tax statement five hours before deadline
Belt loading a glass of your own urine is a metaphor for appearing in this film
Is it weird that once again I want the two main ladies (virgin and valkyrie) to run off together?
#monsterdon
@Taweret@octodon.social the movie will continue until moral improves!
#monsterdon Temba! His butthole clenched tight! ;D
I wonder how the diversity of these mercenaries sits with that reviewer on Internet Archive, all those weird alien cultures working together for a common cause......bet that shit went right over his head!
lol, love that shutdown on chitchat......"I WAS BORN I SPACE"
I like how nobody has heard or cares about Earth
Space is very busy.