LMAO i thought the henchmen are watching a space telenovela

#Monsterdon #BattleBeyondTheStars

Wait, he has Plutonium in one of those treasure chests?

That is a bad thing.

#monsterdon

"I could buy your planet" is giving "I could buy Greenland" #monsterdon

Dude is hiring mercenaries but doesn't know what the word means.

#monsterdon

"We hurt others and then they ganged up on us and beat the crap out of us.....it's so unfair"

Actual countries on Earth do this

#monsterdon

#monsterdon The kiddo's assessment so far: too many characters and not enough actual stuff happening.

Galactic HOA doesn't like mercenaries?

#Monsterdon

DIAL-A-DRUG

can we get those here? Please?

#Monsterdon

Ooooo, Robert Vaughn!

#monsterdon

He’s really giving David Tennant’s doctor rn
*pushes all buttons, licks things*
#monsterdon

Oh great. Space slavers.
This feels like a racist caricature of lizard men.
#Monsterdon #BattleBeyondTheStars

Don't dial drugs, kids.

#Monsterdon

original design for Nell #monsterdon

@allanb "Back in the Studio 54 days I was a looker!"

#monsterdon

Ah right, he's looking for the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles now, isn't he?

#monsterdon

Also like Transformers: The Movie, the score is objectively amazing and the story is objectively a mess.

#Monsterdon #BattleBeyondTheStars

this movie is visually ambitious

I'll give it that

#monsterdon

It kinda feels like this could've been better as a series. They're trying to tell a bunch of story in an hour and a half, and moving a record pace.

#monsterdon #BattleBeyondTheStars

It's going by too fast for me to actually see if it says anything, also, I don't know Hebrew.

If it was Yiddish, well, that'd be a Mel Brooks joint

#Monsterdon

if this film hadn't come out in 1980 I'd say they nicked Cloud City, too.

#monsterdon

Drink up, this is Nestor's blue urine.
#monsterdon

"We always carry a spare" Chekov's Nestor. #Monsterdon #BattleBeyondTheStars

I feel like the sound team got all the coffee during the making of this movie while everyone else was forced to drink herbal tea.

#Monsterdon

Don't drink the windex kid!!! #Monsterdon

like borg but good??? #monsterdon

It's a discount Schwarzenegger too! They're not proud.

#monsterdon

I'm getting interior design ideas for my lab.
#monsterdon

I think those ceiling panels in the lizard's ship were either milk crates or bread trays. source: used to stock shelves in a grocery

#monsterdon

This Gorn guy has Binars working for him. #monsterdon

Protein! From! The Sea!

#monsterdon #BattleBeyondTheStars

The lizard guy is named CAYMAN!?

#Monsterdon #BattleBeyondTheStars

Too much John Boy & nowhere NEAR enough John Saxon 🤦🏻‍♀️

Not even George Peppard can tempt me to keep torturing myself with #BattleBeyondTheStars

Imma give up and watch... paint dry 😵 #Monsterdon ✨ https://mastodon.social/@SesameSquirrel/113818621389106720

Hanging from the ceiling, huh. Once again,

#Monsterdon

Was that a star trek 'photon torpedo' sound? I love those!

#monsterdon

#Monsterdon 👨‍🚀 👩‍🚀 🚀 🪐 ⭐ ⭐ 🥊🥊 😱

Cowboy with the confederate flag and a Custer's Last Stand joke? 🤢

custer's last stand?

not JUST a space slaver but also a proud genocider. amazing

#monsterdon

Earth's chief export? GUNS.

#monsterdon

@Tim_Eagon Battle Beyond the Boobs. Uh. Boobs Beyond the Stars. Uh. Battle Beyond the Balls. Goddammit

#monsterdon #BattleBeyondTheStars

And so begins a series of picking up uglier and uglier ragtag spaceships.
#Monsterdon #BattleBeyondTheStars

#monsterdon lol this is where Snider got his plot for Rebel Moon, battle beyond the stars has better pacing already

if I had been seeing this in a theater I would've left and snuck into see a different movie like 20 minutes ago

#monsterdon

I bet he has a lot of letterbox reviews

#Monsterdon

Not from behind!

#Monsterdon

why does this ship even need a pilot then?

#monsterdon

"No! Not from behind! No!"

That's what he said/she said.

#monsterdon

"oh that's just Nell" #monsterdon

Wait, they have the Confederacy? Is this the future?
#Monsterdon

so the goofy laser sound is supposed to be funny tho, right? I can't tell which parts are supposed to be funny

If any

#monsterdon

#monsterdon I love motherships with random blinking bullshit. So many blinking beeping and flickering bullshit! I love this bullshit! :)

wish dot com-ass klingons

#Monsterdon

I too am always telling people to wait for me in the Lambda Zone #monsterdon

This is a Unix system! I know this! #Monsterdon

SLAPSTICK! IN! SPAAAAAACE!!!!!

#battlebeyondthestars #monsterdon

why does this guy look like a card carrying member of the church of latter day saints

#Monsterdon

#Monsterdon She has lots of toy boys but you can be her boy toy. Of course creepy daddy will be watching.

They saw that mouse droid on the Death Star and said, "I can beat that!"

#Monsterdon

Why does that android have glasses?

#Monsterdon

Mimes need jobs too

#monsterdon

I guess he’s the “head” of the family. #Monsterdon

They really forgot to give the guy a neck
#monsterdon

Battle Beyond the Stars was inspired by a previous Corman flick called Battle Beyond the Sun which featured a vagina monster fighting a penis monster. Battle Beyond the Stars give us The Boob Ship.

#monsterdon

oh, so she's just an average fedi user
#monsterdon

That doesn't look like the most precise tool in the android-builder's toolbox.

#monsterdon

YOU ARE NOW ON THE RIDE, REMAIN SEATED #monsterdon

"i'm not an android"
coulda fooled me.
#monsterdon

11. A smart person would not get into a random autonomous chair that approached them in an empty space station

#Monsterdon

Does that ship have fallopian tubes?

#monsterdon

The director REALLY liked Star Trek The Motion Picture.

#monsterdon #BattleBeyondTheStars

Ah, #Monsterdon #BattleBeyondTheStars

IIRC, James Cameron invented a few major SFX techniques for the film, which was quite impressive considering it was a Roger Corman production.

Bit rude to dock without permission kid.....

#monsterdon

I've always wanted to retire to a gigantic and mysterious old space habitat, go old and weird....

#monsterdon

The ship is cussing? She's a sassy ship. #Monsterdon

#monsterdon I don't like that ship

[legally-distinct soundtrack swells]

#Monsterdon

not many electric shavers can do warp drive

#monsterdon #BattleBeyondTheStars

10 minutes in and I already want #TeamJohnSaxon to wipe out John Boy's character 🤦🏻‍♀️ #Monsterdon ✨ #BattleBeyondTheStars

Some real Dark Star vibes with this one.

#BattleBeyondTheStars #Monsterdon

hey look it's Almost Star Wars font!

#monsterdon #BattleBeyondTheStars

Tip your hand? You're about to be blown up dumb dumb

#Monsterdon #BattleBeyondTheStars

I see bad guys can't shot here either

#Monsterdon

Why is *he* necessary, exactly? Never seen a farmboy to do a sassy sapient spaceship's job.

#Monsterdon

Fuck your varda pacifism kid!

#monsterdon

pewpewpew YES!
#monsterdon

I appreciate that we didn't waste any time around the village and got right into space

#Monsterdon #BattleBeyondTheStars

"rather than lay down and submit, we must do something"

Not Earth then

#monsterdon

A flying hunk of junk? You don't say. Now where have I seen that before?

#monsterdon

Why does Nell The Spaceship have BOOBS?! 🤦🏻‍♀️ #Monsterdon ✨ #BattleBeyondTheStars

It's almost Luke Skywalker am I getting this right?

And Nell is almost like C3PO, I think I am getting it now

#monsterdon

"You're a boy. You're a John-boy!"

#monsterdon

wait why does he already have a gun if they are a no-violence society? #monsterdon

You? You’re a boy, John Boy from The Waltons

#monsterdon #battlebeyondthestars

This Luke has feels very Wesley Crusher.

#Monsterdon #BattleBeyondTheStars

"to fight creatures of violence, we must use creatures of violence"

oh boy, is this sort of thing happening around our silly planet right now.....seeing as that Galactic order is breaking down

#monsterdon

Nice Blaster Beam sounds from Horner, just a year after Star Trek The Motion Picture #monsterdon

Yep, this conversation is literally from The Seven Samurai

#monsterdon #BattleBeyondTheStars

"We must use violence" says the old man with a cane wearing a long button-down sweater...

#monsterdon

This movie really wants to be Star Wars so hard doesn't it

#Monsterdon

Fuck the varda!

#monsterdon

You? You're a boy!

Yes. Yes, a John Boy.

#monsterdon

They’re sniping from the ship‽

#Monsterdon #BattleBeyondTheStars