Discount Kevin Sorbo with the spear.

#Monsterdon #BattleBeyondTheStars

"No violent ending is beautiful"? Clearly he missed firefly death a couple of scenes ago.

#monsterdon #BattleBeyondTheStars

oh wait, it's an AI, it fakes grief

#monsterdon

hold on... is that John Boy? #monsterdon

Oh yea, right, Zed, that's his name.

Zed's dead, baby.

#Monsterdon

He was the last of the Jedi. I mean, the Great Ones

#Monsterdon

ZED'S DEAD BABY

#monsterdon #BattleBeyondTheStars

the computer... got all emotional

#monsterdon

lol, "two minions with one spear"

"Priest turns to violence to defend his flock"

classic stuff

#monsterdon

oh noooo not the old man character we care about very much

#Monsterdon

This... this whole shot. Just everything...
Lizardman keeping warm with two warm aliens.
Roasting hot dogs on said warm aliens.
Sybil Danning changed her outfit and it's MORE ridiculous.
All the aliens.
Just everything here... Perfection.
#Monsterdon #BattleBeyondTheStars

"Get them to the protein tanks, hurry!"

A pork chop will revive them! #Monsterdon

just fucking T-posed and blew everythign the fuck up damn
#monsterdon

Now you’re cooking w/ Kelvin #monsterdon

"For one thing, the Kelvin have no ears...."

Everyone in #Monsterdon suddenly jealous of the Kelvin

Apparently their retroreflective shiny coats turn people into purple glitter!

#monsterdon

I don’t think the writers quite understand what pacifists are but idk
#monsterdon

#Monsterdon 👨‍🚀 👩‍🚀 🚀 🪐 ⭐ ⭐ 🥊🥊 😱

"Even if we plug our ears we can't get any closer!"

Cowboy: "I love it when a plan comes together!"

Oh, wait. Sonics. Run away! Run away!

#Monsterdon

Yes, gate shenanigans like in the better movie!

#monsterdon #BattleBeyondTheStars

Unaccustomed as we are to close-quarters combat we would like to shoot you in mass quantities now, our apologies

#monsterdon

Green blood!

#Monsterdon

Oh, no, not the Napoleon Solo!

#monsterdon

This movie is dumb. It is flawed. It is messy. It's badly written. But I think I love it.
#Monsterdon #BattleBeyondTheStars

Star Wars had two styles of ships, and they were color-coded.

In this film, every ship is completely different. It's hard to follow the battle.

#monsterdon

26. Some of the people who made this movie somehow went on to make other movies

#Monsterdon

It’s more amongst the stars, innit? #Monsterdon

Just saying we could have been watching Piranha right now

#Monsterdon

pewpewpewpewpew

xooom xxxxommmmm

Love it!

#monsterdon

@rebeld I'd love a space opera setting where for Reasons, the people have mechanical firecontrol computers.

#monsterdon #BattleBeyondTheStars

Bisexual Valkyrie Lady is coming up behind though, her chaos bi energy there!

#monsterdon

I unironically love that the future gadget they gave the cowboy is a belt that dispenses alcohol, mixers and ice cubes

#Monsterdon

Were you bad when you were little?

I was born a bad man.

#monsterdon

#Monsterdon #BattleBeyondTheStars

Mister? Are you a bad man?

No, I'm just drawn that way.

#Monsterdon

Battle Beyond the Stars? More like Battle Beyond Meat

#Monsterdon

So glad somebody said something to stop the impromptu harmonica melody

"The Future Will Have No Meat" is a bold statement I welcome though.

#monsterdon

OMG they’re doing a bonfire around the Kelvin!

#monsterdon

"There's no dog in this."

Okay, that was funny. #Monsterdon

Ahh, a classic space western scene

All the aliens are clearly bored out of their minds

#Monsterdon

stop this now

#monsterdon

Oh good, I was worried they weren't going to be able to squeeze in a deeply uncomfortable romance scene, what with all the eighteen plotlines running simultaneously. Thank god >_> #Monsterdon

just two 😔
#monsterdon

ma'am, he has no idea how procreation works, don't ask him. #monsterdon

“I love it when a plan comes together…in space.” #monsterdon

Just 2 genders? How boring! #Monsterdon

Are they going to have to fly into a kind of channel/canyon on the enemy ship and hit a target no bigger than a womp rat?

#monsterdon

#monsterdon dude she's asking you to show her the ropes, dingus

Space Aryan swings both ways. #monsterdon

"Capacitators"

#Monsterdon

he... dispenses drinks via his belt??? i... #monsterdon

He is all of us. #Monsterdon

That halter looks like alien hands

#monsterdon

I think the Robert Vaughn character is the most badass of the Seven so far.....

The abducted and raped Priestess choosing death over submission is a bit dark for a kids movie but that's the 80s!

#monsterdon

YES lady! fight back! take em! #monsterdon

i just tuned in here, but man does this swing wildly back and forth between "pretty decent visuals" and "what"

#monsterdon

And then the death star^H^Hstellar converter killed them all. The end. #monsterdon

Lol I know it's supposed to be sexy that the scantily clad Valkyrie woman's captain chair puts her in a reclined position, but that means every shot is the boomer angle right up her nose with her neck all squished

#Monsterdon

Barbarella-ass character design. #Monsterdon

"i don't like anyone behind me"
i think this movie doth protest a little too much.
#monsterdon

“…I was born in space."
"Well, everyone is kinda, if you think about it.”

#BattleBeyondTheStars #Monsterdon

Oh casual misogyny, very rare in a monsterdon movie.

#Monsterdon

Now this is a costume.

#monsterdon

Valkyrie! #Monsterdon

What do you think john-boy is drinking
#monsterdon

She wants ... sex, right?

#monsterdon

Wait, he has Plutonium in one of those treasure chests?

That is a bad thing.

#monsterdon

Dude is hiring mercenaries but doesn't know what the word means.

#monsterdon

"We hurt others and then they ganged up on us and beat the crap out of us.....it's so unfair"

Actual countries on Earth do this

#monsterdon

#monsterdon The kiddo's assessment so far: too many characters and not enough actual stuff happening.

Galactic HOA doesn't like mercenaries?

#Monsterdon

DIAL-A-DRUG

can we get those here? Please?

#Monsterdon

Ooooo, Robert Vaughn!

#monsterdon

He’s really giving David Tennant’s doctor rn
*pushes all buttons, licks things*
#monsterdon

Oh great. Space slavers.
This feels like a racist caricature of lizard men.
#Monsterdon #BattleBeyondTheStars

Don't dial drugs, kids.

#Monsterdon

original design for Nell #monsterdon

@allanb "Back in the Studio 54 days I was a looker!"

#monsterdon

Ah right, he's looking for the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles now, isn't he?

#monsterdon

Also like Transformers: The Movie, the score is objectively amazing and the story is objectively a mess.

#Monsterdon #BattleBeyondTheStars

this movie is visually ambitious

I'll give it that

#monsterdon

if this film hadn't come out in 1980 I'd say they nicked Cloud City, too.

#monsterdon

Drink up, this is Nestor's blue urine.
#monsterdon

"We always carry a spare" Chekov's Nestor. #Monsterdon #BattleBeyondTheStars

I feel like the sound team got all the coffee during the making of this movie while everyone else was forced to drink herbal tea.

#Monsterdon

like borg but good??? #monsterdon

It's a discount Schwarzenegger too! They're not proud.

#monsterdon

I'm getting interior design ideas for my lab.
#monsterdon

I think those ceiling panels in the lizard's ship were either milk crates or bread trays. source: used to stock shelves in a grocery

#monsterdon

This Gorn guy has Binars working for him. #monsterdon

Protein! From! The Sea!

#monsterdon #BattleBeyondTheStars

The lizard guy is named CAYMAN!?

#Monsterdon #BattleBeyondTheStars

Too much John Boy & nowhere NEAR enough John Saxon 🤦🏻‍♀️

Not even George Peppard can tempt me to keep torturing myself with #BattleBeyondTheStars

Imma give up and watch... paint dry 😵 #Monsterdon ✨ https://mastodon.social/@SesameSquirrel/113818621389106720

Hanging from the ceiling, huh. Once again,

#Monsterdon

Was that a star trek 'photon torpedo' sound? I love those!

#monsterdon

#Monsterdon 👨‍🚀 👩‍🚀 🚀 🪐 ⭐ ⭐ 🥊🥊 😱

Cowboy with the confederate flag and a Custer's Last Stand joke? 🤢

custer's last stand?

not JUST a space slaver but also a proud genocider. amazing

#monsterdon

Earth's chief export? GUNS.

#monsterdon

@Tim_Eagon Battle Beyond the Boobs. Uh. Boobs Beyond the Stars. Uh. Battle Beyond the Balls. Goddammit

#monsterdon #BattleBeyondTheStars