Please can this hacker just stop talking. #monsterdon

@Binder They may know tautaulogy, but they don't know topology #monsterdon

Sound guy got the day off and took the boom mics with them. #monsterdon

“It only gets progressively worse” #Monsterdon

@bunnyhero I'm ok with them spending their money on knocking over buildings.

#Monsterdon

We interrupt this godawful piece of shit for a much more exciting movie about a giant monster wrecking stuff #monsterdon

"It only gets progressively worse" It does. It really does. #monsterdon #Zarkorr1996

What this Zarkorr movies needs is more Zarkorr.

#monsterdon #zarkorr #zarkorr1996

Oh god, walk away five seconds and we're deep into the ableism, "torts are bad," and environmentalist only care about rare owls tropes. That's really 1990's. #Monsterdon

After several hours of the cybernaut guy being ignoring Dr. Steph and Tommy decide to watch the news. A news guy is arguing that the animals falls under the Endangered Species Act so we can make fun of environmentalists. Then the cybernaut gives them print outs of um... something. words. research they can defeat the monster with I guess. Somehow.

#monsterdon

They forgot to turn the microphones on

#monsterdon #ZarkorrTheInvader1996

#monsterdon This movie, like many that we view together, often times makes me think, "This is just a money laundering thing…”

They got one room mic setup in this warehouse. Accurate reverb. #monsterdon

Once again, they can't afford to SHOW the destruction, just talk about it.

#Monsterdon

wow, major 90s Ableism going on!

#Monsterdon

"I will speculatively ship everyone and then giggle" - the hacker guy

#monsterdon

oh god, they're getting help from a fanfiction writer

#Monsterdon

Quest token #3 appears to be a cybernaut who read Neuromancer and thought it was nonfiction.

#monsterdon #Zarkorr1996

#monsterdon What if put a character in our movie that was performed in such a way that everyone wanted to just turn the movie off?

We drive to a warehouse and Tommy decides he's sick of holding Dr. Steph hostage and gives her the gun. Then I missed whatever else happened and we're talking to a hacker who Dr. Steph knows who prefers to be called a cybernaut.

#monsterdon

what is any of this?

#monsterdon

@xerozohar Also a bag of pistachios. #Monsterdon

doot doot, here comes the ableism

#monsterdon

This is the guy that runs the Teen Mall Tramps website

#Monsterdon

I prefer L33t Hax0r

#monsterdon #ZarkorrTheInvader1996

they're repeating it again

#monsterdon

Are they not going to define “tautology” for the audience?

#Monsterdon

Everything contains the key to its own destruction? Wait what now?

#Monsterdon #Zarkorr1996

@saucerlost I received so much hate email. So much, you wouldn’t believe.

#Monsterdon

@ramsey they have to pay the actors overtime to work at night

#Monsterdon

So Zarkorr is the Key Master? #Monsterdon

Meanwhile, at the Jersey Lair

#monsterdon

@kshernandez @bunnyhero Don't forget the crochet crop top. #monsterdon

A 417 in progress? They have a code for one officer turning on his partner and handcuffing him to a bathroom sink in a TV studio? That's a really comprehensive code system.
#Monsterdon

After a sequence of bad decisions, Tommy, the White Cop and Dr Steph are in a police car chasing Zarkorr. They listen to the radio and learn off screen that it has defeated the National Guard and is immune to napalm.

#monsterdon

Wonder how much merch this movie moved ...

#Monsterdon #ZarkorrTheInvader

@eigen lol, innit?! #Monsterdon

#monsterdon This was actually some great acting on everyone's part in the hostage scene in the restroom, right up until George completely lost the plot.

Like Falling Down but with an imaginary Kaiju. I kind of want to watch that movie. Maybe it was the 1.23x speed helping it

@bunnyhero

I'd say so. They blew their whole budget on this guy's Postal Worker uniform.

#Monsterdon #ZarkorrTheInvader 🦖

noooo go back to Zarkorr

#monsterdon

This is a film student movie, right?

#Monsterdon #Zarkorr1996

(once again these crisps are the best thing about the movie)

#Monsterdon

Yes, please be careful with the gun which I took from my partner at gunpoint. He'll need it for evidence.
#monsterdon

OH THE HUMANITY!!!

#Monsterdon

If this movie was real, what group of humans would you be in?

#monsterdon

"I've waited 22 million years to destroy that shack!"

#Monsterdon

This is like what dreams sound like when you describe them to someone else. "Aliens told me I was the savior of the planet, so I went to the TV station and took a cryptozoologist hostage and the cops came to arrest me but one of the cops said he was on my side."

#monsterdon

The sergeant here is WAY too intense for this film.

Repeating the first minutes exposition a third time is not improving things.

PLOT ADVANCE, please.

"It makes sense that other civilizations would be testing us."

Yes, it makes sense.

#monsterdon #zarkorr #zarkorr1996

@flowerpot or she might be a figment of his imagination since only he can hear her. #Monsterdon #ZarkorrTheInvader1996

Laser eyes? not bad, not bad

lots of buildings go smash, tanks of unidentified flammable chemicals go boom

#Monsterdon

"No, he's a White Dude, maybe we should believe his wild story"

This is how the Teleport Dude got hired

Yes I can believe White Cop would turn his gun on Black Cop

#Monsterdon

OMG This has SO much talking. #monsterdon

Larry, I love you, I meant to tell you somewhere more appropriate, like the locker room.
#Monsterdon

oh just fucking shoot him already, enough dialogue, it's not working!!

#Monsterdon

Humans are normally distributed in this setting

#Monsterdon #Zarkorr1996

okay zirconians

#monsterdon #Zarkorr1996

The Going Postal jokes are thick on the ground in this one … the 90s were an interesting time.

#Monsterdon #Zarkorr1996

Say everything possible that will make you look crazy right away

#Monsterdon

oh just fucking shoot him

#Monsterdon

I'm guessing some of this was meant to be comedy. #monsterdon

@heathen_cat Pretty sure it’s slang…

You skibidi served Skyrizi fam! Flex on ‘em with the Zarkorr! Are we cooked?

#monsterdon #ZarkorrTheInvader1996

Starring Rhys Pugh and Hark Hamilton, names that sound almost famous. 🤔

#Monsterdon #ZarkorrTheInvader

this movie thinks its a comedy right?

#monsterdon

"He's a postal worker!"

The officer's expression is priceless

#Monsterdon #ZarkorrTheInvader1996

#Monsterdon 👽️👾👦🧚‍♀️🥊🫣 😱

I wonder how many guns the postman will collect before he reaches the next level.

The Monster's name sounds like a prescription medication. Don't take Zarkorr if you're allergic to it. Side effects include mall tramps and being mediocre. #Monsterdon

Do they not have one single lighting tech on this entire movie?

#monsterdon #Zarkorr1996

This is a story someone wrote down. A second person thought it was a good enough story to film. They gathered other people with money to pay for this. And they hired a director and crew to put on this so called story. Why?
#Monsterdon #Zarkorr

@Lazarou No idea. Maybe they were inspired by Speed and the "shoot the hostage" bit?

#Monsterdon #Zarkorr1996

@flowerpot Alien mall trash, apparently

#monsterdon

Have a little self awareness dude, you sound nuts

#Monsterdon

I wonder if "positive action against Zarkorr" is something like inviting him to high tea

#Monsterdon #Zarkorr1996

Guys, this is why women don't want to date you....behaviour like this....and why is no one helping her?!

#Monsterdon

they didn't employ a single professional actor for this, did they?

#Monsterdon

@kshernandez Try to care for it… in a careless way?

#monsterdon #ZarkorrTheInvader1996

#monsterdon Worlds smallest little helper gets the worlds smallest cup of COFFEE! YOU WENCH! THIMBLE US!

I keep expecting the Satellite of Love to zoom past the set

#Monsterdon

he smash

#monsterdon

Their moral code allows them to do whatever they want. That's not much of a moral code at all.
#monsterdon

who are you talking to dude? don't break that fourth wall, you've not earned that right

#Monsterdon

#monsterdon She gave it away... the power of HR. What Zarkorr needs is a PIP!

Tink Kathy Ireland disappearing are pretty good effects. For 1960. #monsterdon

“You can’t hide from Zarkorr.” Not even if I go by a fake name, like Michael Talbot?

#Monsterdon #ZarkorrTheInvader1996

hard to believe this guy didn't become a star #monsterdon

There we go. Back to the monster and destruction. #monsterdon

We turn on the TV to learn about the invasion, Tommy didn't know about the giant monster because he was watching cartoons. An on-the-scene reporter explains a giant animal is attacking things then he gets eaten or squished, so the talking head reporters just kind of... shrug that off.

Then we get a new character, the Knowledge Lesbian, who is being interviewed for her cryptozoology skill. She helpfully explains more science than most kaiju movies bother with.

#monsterdon

There will be a test on this material

#Monsterdon #Zarkorr1996

Can you turn the reverb down?!

#ZarkorrTheInvader1996 #Monsterdon

Why is his TV so echoey?
#monsterdon

@CactuarJoe I blame Dan Akroyd

#monsterdon

That scene with the reported was very similar to the one with the reporter in Starship Troopers.

#monsterdon #zarkorr #zarkorr1996

Interview with a kaiju?

#Monsterdon #Zarkorr1996

@Lazarou

The Writer's Barely Disguised Disguise?

#Monsterdon #Zarkorr

I had several VHF/UHF tv's. #monsterdon

Bruh!! Ask for the winning Power Ball numbers!

#Monsterdon #ZarkorrTheInvader 🦖

After the opening the camera goes to New Jersey to show off our nice American city model. A mailman is wandering his flat drinking coffee at night like a twin peaks character.

Then a flash appears and a tiny girl appears on his counter calling him "Tommy" and explaining that she's an illusion that only he can see. He gives him the quest, some alien species have picked him to defend his planet against an an invader.

#monsterdon

So the tiny hallucination of the teenage mall tramp shows up and tells this guy he has to defend the planet, and THESE are the questions he asks to lead with?

#monsterdon

"Is there life after death?"

Tiny Mall Tramp Fae: "No."

#Monsterdon #ZarkorrTheInvader1996

is it still called shobijin if it's a murican movie

#Monsterdon

Ooh I like the part where Zarkorr is squishing the houses and oil barrels and stuff. Nice practical squishy effect

#monsterdon