@wyatt_h_knott Everyone should have been credited as Allen Smithee. Allen Smitthee should have played every part and filled every role on set.

#Monsterdon

Holy fuck. Not an ending has pissed me off more since last week’s weaksauce “let's walk through a portal while the world burns” ending.

#Monsterdon

This movie was a great piece of crap.

Sincerely.

#Monsterdon

... and they all lived happily ever after until they died, then nothing else happened to them because there is no afterlife, the end

#Monsterdon

Yep, called it. Lame lazer eye reflection. Weeeeeeeak. #Monsterdon

Why did the cop not try to get past the other cop by simply telling him "I'm a cop," the metric by which all cops allow all other cops to get away with everything?

#Monsterdon

Heh, uh

guys

I can see the stage lights

I'm not COMPLAINING, at least it's more Zarkorr, but, uh ^^;;

#Monsterdon

I haven't loathed Tommy in a while. I think because he's mostly stopped talking for the last 15 minutes

#monsterdon

...Did we miss some character development or something? Why's he acting like a hardass now? #Monsterdon

Them sneaking off with the alien artifact and loading it into the trunk is pretty funny.

Anyway, time for the abusive cop to out-abusive cop the Sherriff in some Local vs. Federal cop trope.

#Monsterdon

Always with the penetration with these films 9_9 #Monsterdon

Experts from the *checking notes* State Department

uh huh

#Monsterdon

I love how all this super technology in the film is now just the everyday technology of our Authoritarian Super-State

#Monsterdon

I think the computer expert is behaving erratically because he has overdosed on problematic stereotypes.
#monsterdon

ellipses are famously constrained only by their loci

hackerman

#Monsterdon

I honestly don't know how to take this "hacker" part. #monsterdon

Oh, good, they found an ACTUALLY MAD HACKER.
"Hacker is a demeaning term. I prefer Cybernaut."

OH SHIT this movie is Fediverse. Did @thegibson write this? Is he the guy?

It'll take a while, they have lots of shitty conversation to sit thru. Oh, making fun of the EPA, great.

Paperwork. Great.

OH HEY DID YOU KNOW THERE WAS A MONSTER IN THIS MONSTER MOVIE‽ I ALMOST FORGOT!!! YEAH, FUCK NEW MEXICO!

#monsterdon #zarkorr #zarkorr1996

no seriously, a dude in a rubber suit wrecking a styrofoam mini set is a breath of fresh air compared to that last scene

#Monsterdon

I wonder is Zarkorr is dating anyone?

#monsterdon #ZarkorrTheInvader1996

This movie is so bad I'm hanging in there to see just how bad it gets!

#Monsterdon

What the fuck is this dude supposed to be? I feel like he's a meta comment on us all at Monsterdon...

#Monsterdon

"he's a hacker" oh no

#monsterdon

WHAT AM I WATCHING #monsterdon

A tautology is a tautology.

#Monsterdon #TeamZarkorr

"I can probably force her."

Okay, NOW he's a believeable cop. #Monsterdon

George, when you say something makes perfect sense to you, NOBODY feels better about it.

#monsterdon

"Larry, I love you--"

😀 ?

"like an older brother"

😞

#Monsterdon

George is no exception. ACAB.

#Monsterdon

Okay okay okay, I know I've been shitting on this movie a lot, but "Larry, I believe him" made me laugh pretty hard.

#monsterdon

The Black Cop's resume had the bullet point "Can shout, really loud"

#Monsterdon

I hope someone's having fun with this TV station hostage, because I think we're going to be here for a while.

#monsterdon

one might say
he's going

postal

#monsterdon

We may need to update the USPS motto:

"Neither snow nor rain nor heat nor Zarkorr..."

#monsterdon #zarkorr #zarkorr1996

What about weaponized incompetence?

#monsterdon #ZarkorrTheInvader1996

"We're superior beings, so we can do whatever we want to you."

Great, the universe is ruled by moral techbros. :/

#Monsterdon

This really feels like some film student found a video rental store that had the entire Ishirō Honda filmography, binged it all in a weekend, and then realized he had a finals project due.

#monsterdon #karkorr1996

yayy, giant pencil prop!

but if she's a projection, then what threw the pencil to him?

fucks sake movie...

#Monsterdon

Zarkorr cannot be defeated.

-THE END-

#Monsterdon

This is like the teens who remade Raiders in their backyard but Godzilla and worse. #Monsterdon

Ha ha ha, a cryptozoologist :D

I love that there was a brief period in the 90s where everybody pretended cryptozoologists and parapsychologists were actual scientists :D :D :D

#Monsterdon

Uh.... they are clearly trying to do a Robocop style satire with the news.

Trying.

#monsterdon

"Stan, I'm getting word now from this lock of hair I'm hooking behind my ear that we have a man live on the scene."

#monsterdon

The world's most average man being a white loser from New Jersey says a lot of things about the Writer..

#Monsterdon

this dialog is 10/10, no notes.

#monsterdon #zarkorr1996

Man, Teenage Alien is really a downer. #Monsterdon

That city fly-through was really well done. I bet that was a blast to shoot.

#Monsterdon

YES ZARKORR! GIVE THE PEOPLE WHAT THEY WANT, which is miniatures getting BTFO by a person in a monster suit.

Please don't nosedive, please don't nosedive…

#Monsterdon

"Avalanche."

#Monsterdon

90 seconds to miniatures? I'm here, movie, I'm yours. It's your ball-game now, win or lose.

#Monsterdon

Tonight's Monsterdon snack is another bag of Sweet 'N Spicy cones that I have been looking forward too since Friday

#Monsterdon

The snake puppet has had more screen time than Zarkorr already.
#Monsterdon #ThunderofGiganticSerpent

Big thanks to @Taweret for another Full Moon Entertainment extravaganza! The titular kaiju definitely carried the film, though it was still a struggle.

Smoking, don't think we had coffee drinking though it looked like there were coffee cups on the bar at the diner. Gratuitous waving around of firearms.

Fun Kaiju footage (a couple of folks I know were on the effects crew, which I did not know beforehand).

When Zarkorr wasn't on screen, it was ... bad. Needed more crush, crumble and chomp. And more stomping.

#Monsterdon #ZarkorrTheInvader1996

RE: https://mstdn.social/@davesdogmaggie/116830976038321460

Proper Monsterdon experience, job done!

#Monsterdon

In full agreement that the best part of the movie is the end credits. #monsterdon

Now class what did we learn by watching a Full Moon entertainment movie?
That's right, Charles Band want to hurt us. He's done it before, he will do it again.
#Monsterdon #Zarkorr

Aaaand, that's it. Just hold the mcguffin and the movie ends. You did it, Tommy, you ended the fucking movie! The key was not inside the monster. No closure with the aliens.

Why is he hospitalized? Will they finally remove his brain, or give him one?

Kick-ass music video over the credits, where was THIS in the movie?

♫ ZARKORR! ♫

★☆☆☆☆
Is this the worst Full Moon movie ever?

#monsterdon #zarkorr #zarkorr1996

That movie sucked, but I did have a laugh. The #monsterdon crew helps.

The reporter tells Tommy that there's a movement to draft him to be President of the USA, which he shrugs and says he'll go along with. I guess we have done worse. Much much worse.

#monsterdon

Sometimes it feels good to be a hater

#monsterdon

#monsterdon This was totally a money laundering sort of thing. We're all dumber for watching it. I love it.

okay so wait who's dating who now?

#Monsterdon

He wouldn't be the worst president we've had

#Monsterdon #Zarkorr1996

As soon as I saw the beams were reflecting off the big helmet, I realized what the move was about to do and ooooo ooooo OOOOOOO I'm MAAAAAAAD

#monsterdon

oh so he sort of reflected its laser beams and it fucked off back to space. cool movie great climax #monsterdon

are you fucking kidding me that was it?

#Monsterdon

She called the thing they put in the trunk a "sphere". I imagine the prop department didn't quite read the script. It's more of a giant metallic toilet flapper valve.
#monsterdon

God I hope the last 15 minutes of this film are ALL ZARKORR

#Monsterdon

these city smashing scenes are missing shots of panicked crowds

#monsterdon

Are we really gonna let George "Larry, I believe him" Policeman make the intimidation roll for the party?

#monsterdon

Can

can we move on from this scene please

please?

#Monsterdon

They are dressed like all the non-military human characters did on Babylon 5.

#monsterdon

Is that how you pronounce "foci"?

#Monsterdon #Zarkorr1996

You’re a crypto-zoologist! Quit thinking it's a robot or a beam of light.

#Monsterdon

oh thank god zarkorr is here to blow up more models

#Monsterdon

Um, are we doing entitlements discourse now or

oh thank god the scene is over

#Monsterdon

Okay. This scene is AMAZING 😂

#monsterdon #ZarkorrTheInvader1996

"CYBERNAUT"

Surprisingly modest, I was expecting ELECTROWIZARD

#Monsterdon

what are the spinning ♂️ and ♀️ logos on the TV about?!

#monsterdon

Now we are in Warehouse District, New Jersey, and we have a Star Trek font.

#Monsterdon

"Read the bible" okay the pieces are starting to fall into place about George

#monsterdon

"Moses didn't like it either."

Yeah, go forth and part the bad film. #Monsterdon

They're really going to get their money's worth from this rented cop car, aren't they?

#Monsterdon

"A postal worker, cryptozoologist, and a police officer walk into a bar..."

#monsterdon #zarkorr #zarkorr1996

This could be adapted in to a stage play pretty easy. But my God, why? #monsterdon

Little bit of Mercury Theatre's "The War of the Worlds" in that radio broadcast. A sure way to win my favor.

#Monsterdon

Noooo not cardboard Rutgers!

#Monsterdon

Bazooka teams, missiles, and heavy artillery have been tried.

Huh, that's… surprisingly coherent writing.

#Monsterdon

Movie understands that it needs to get back to what it does best and have Zarkorr! blow some stuff up.

Get 'em, Zarkorr!

#Monsterdon

We have two cops. The black cop is smart and disbelieves the plot of the movie. The white cop is dumb and believes the plot of the movie.

#monsterdon

Invader Zim-core!

#monsterdon #ZarkorrTheInvader1996

No, no, this movie makes nonsense at all.

#Monsterdon

@srol The whole movie is only 75 minutes, how much stockholm syndrome should we realistically expect?

#monsterdon

Security Guard Buzz Cut really thinks he's the main character

#monsterdon

ROFL at the doctor saying "please just shoot him, just shoot him!"

#monsterdon

This guy should just load from a save

#Monsterdon

"Oh Christ"

This movie keeps stealing my lines. #Monsterdon

You know, every time I start having a little fun with this movie, they bust out the term "mall tramp" again.

#monsterdon

Spaghetti is gonna start flooding out of his pockets any minute now.

#monsterdon

"crisco zooologist"

hey can I keep that? that's good.

#monsterdon

@srol It made me think of Sean Connery in SNL Celebrity Jeopardy

"swoords"

#Monsterdon