So, I read the book all those many years ago. It was much better than the movie, and iirc… it contained wolf erotica.

#Monsterdon

hopeful for some bog standard bad werewolf movie to cleanse me now

#monsterdon

@CactuarJoe hm... lemme see.

#monsterdon

another rough one #Monsterdon. There was probably a story or something there. Lots of #MonsterdonBingo spaces. #EatTheRich in the establishing shots was my favorite and things just went down hill from there.

#Wulfen1981

Come on now, they’re spirit wolves. A legend. Myth. Of course they can scale a skyscraper. Weren’t you paying attention?

#Monsterdon

@moira fekken strengths and materials and shear forces! #monsterdon

Abrupt ending implies that there was something to end, right?

Thanks as always @Taweret for hosting and everybody for posting! Off to the almost-surely-more-entertaining double feature....

#Monsterdon #Wolfen1981

So it was neither of the nude guys. Huh. #Monsterdon

And so the Wolfen were once again free to eat hobos and the downtrodden, as nature intended. Wherever there's a hobo drinking bathtub gin out of a shoe, they'll be there. Just like god intended.

Jesus fucking christ.

#Monsterdon

That was awful. Just a complete potato of a story.
#Monsterdon

#monsterdon if you're cornered by a wolf: you need to make yourself look big, maintain eye contact, and visually promise to cancel the real estate project they don't like

and they fucked off into THE FREEZE FRAME OF THE WORLD TRADE CENTER, good night!

#Monsterdon

Wow! What a surprise, turns out the enemy is man. Who’d a thunk?

#monsterdon

well some of that was well shot and had neat effects

too bad it was really boring

ty for joining, everyone!

#monsterdon

This is what it sounds like when doves yawn #Monsterdon #Wolfen1981

I kind of half expected Dewey to shift into a wolf there at the end.

#Monsterdon

Wolfens are smart enough to understand property deals but *not* smart enough to realize a homicide detective can't cancel one by breaking dioramas?

#Monsterdon #Wolfen1981

Terrorists. It's always terrorists. Especially when it's an inside job. By puppies. #Monsterdon

Once again, the real villain was the real estate development. #Monsterdon

awoo! is this done

#Monsterdon

He didn't kill you because you weren't armed! No sport!

#Monsterdon
#Wolfen1981

AWOOOOOO

#Monsterdon

It's a symbolic demolition of their mutual foe, capitalism. #Monsterdon

Awooo!

#Monsterdon
#Wolfen1981

#monsterdon "Dewey, I just heard your inner dialog"

#monsterdon #Wolfen1981

Head is off the body.. YES.

Showing the naked gold torso statue falling off the table was a very important visual that the director/editor felt was necessary to keep in the film.

#Monsterdon

So are these wolfen just doggos? That the people could have shot if they had any interest in self-preservation? (I mean, not that I'm complaining that they didn't)

#Monsterdon #Wolfen1981

How can the the Wolfen afford that apartment?

#Monsterdon
#Wolfen1981

Airwolfen! #monsterdon

Is this a Jim Butcher story? #Monsterdon

OH COME THE FUCK ON #Monsterdon

#monsterdon #Wolfen1981

You guys are now talking about exploding cars and I just want to say that my mom and dad owned a Ford Pinto for about 5 years..

@cd0 I have to assume you're talking about the humans 😁

#Monsterdon #Wolfen1981

Dewey's boss really lost his head when the going got tough.

#Monsterdon
#Wolfen1981

They can't talk but the wolfens' eyes clearly said "put your hands up"

#Monsterdon #Wolfen1981

Was that a Ford Pinto?? You just shoot vaguely in that direction and it explodes?

#monsterdon

If they make it up in the elevator, it's over because they have the high ground, ani(mal)kin

#Monsterdon

Most realistic thing in this movie so far, graze a 70's car with a bullet and it explodes more dramatically than the Hidenburg #Monsterdon #Wolfen1981

All I could think about for this entire exterior scene

#Monsterdon

hell yeah decapitation

and explodium car

#monsterdon

He didn't check the back seat!

#Monsterdon
#Wolfen1981

@Taweret i know right? (plot)

#monsterdon

This music is giving me Wrath of Khan vibes #monsterdon

@allanb I thought there was a moment of human-like intelligence when the wolf was on the bridge with the graffiti and guys welding, and it was smartly dodging from side to side to avoid being seen

I mean maybe calling that human-like intelligence is a stretch but it seemed way closer than anything else up to that point in the movie

#Monsterdon #Wolfen1981

Is this the Wolfen ambassador coming to demand trade treaty?

#monsterdon

You could just get in the car, right?

#Monsterdon #Wulfen1981

You know what I think? I think this movie has been systematically draining the denouements from the other #Monsterdon movies. The ending of Wolfen is gonna last forever.

This ending scene actually takes place in the Mutara Nebula #Monsterdon

So are these Klingon wolves?

#Monsterdon #Wolfen1981

wolf council meeting

#monsterdon

some of this is well shot

#monsterdon

Okay, so Gotterdammerung group read too much of the Eddas or something for a wolf-related end of the world?

#Monsterdon #Wolfen1981

*having gotten distracted by wikipedia* oh my god did the wolf molt?

#monsterdon

Oh wait. 17 more minutes.

I thought that mirror scene was the end which would have really sucked but JFC this ain’t Tolkien. Let’s resolve already.

#Monsterdon

oh my god a SLOW version of Horner's danger theme?!

ffs

#Monsterdon

Is this just a meditation on urban renewal? #Monsterdon

He turns it on and it starts playing the Close Encounters theme. #Monsterdon

#monsterdon #Wolfen1981

Wolfen are basically coyotes that inhabit the slums of NYC.

This movie is trying too hard and taking itself waaaay too seriously. #Monsterdon

“Don’t even think about believing any of this shit. It’s the 20th century. We’ve got it all figured out” #Monsterdon

literall tinfoil hat #Monsterdon #Wolfen1981

This is the part of the movie where we look at our pasta in a series of mirrors while wind chimes play.

#monsterdon

I don't understand the pigeon noises. Is he embodying the spirit of New York City? Are we being punked? Was I hypnotized by windchimes? 😵‍💫

#Monsterdon

"Territory. Terrorism. Hmm. 🤔"

#Monsterdon #Wolfen1981

#monsterdon "You don't have the eyes of the hunter" /begins long, expensive quest of looksmaxxing #wolfen

That’s a lot of Albert Finneys.

#monsterdon

this absolutely does not explain why that black driver got killed at the beginning

#monsterdon

Hunting is a lot like cooking pasta #Monsterdon

"In their eyes, YOU are the savage. And they are gods!"

Yeah, but it's still a fucking dog that craps on the floor, gets intestinal parasites it can't treat, doesn't write novels, and would never even invent Pong, let alone Donkey Kong Jr or Pacman.

So they're just wrong, and nothing remotely like a god; and if we managed to drive them underground with muskets, I'm guessing they're not immune to napalm or nukes either.

#Monsterdon #Wolfen #Wolfen1981

Turning off the lightbulb might do something if you turned off all the 10ks and Kliegs too #Monsterdon #Wolfen1981

Director:
WALK SLOWER
SLOWER!!!
SLOWER DAMMIIT!!!
#Monsterdon

"All mimicking animal sounds" is just trolling the white guy

#Monsterdon

so in the meanwhile these poor German terrorists are getting scapegoated

#Monsterdon

We're back at Hydra headquarters again.
#monsterdon

Different Headband doubles back and finds his partner's body while poking around.

Back in the Law Enforcement Fusion Center, Natalie and the other cops are watching some other terrorism drama unfold.

Different headband goes to the local Indigenous Bar to consult with the literal natives. He meets Original Headband who somehow knows what he's asking about and tells them an ancient legend about Wolfren, a magic wolf who eats people, and also dispense Generic Native Wisdom.

#monsterdon

Look, fam, I'm sorry but I just can't take any more of this. Even the action beats in this godawful film are boring, and I make it a rule to stop watching boring movies when the last even kinda interesting character dies.

Final review: somehow mind-numbingly dull, wildly pretentious, racist, and did I mention dull? This one has my vote for Worst Monsterdon Movie Yet.

I made it through Dracula: Prisoner of Frankenstein, but Wolfen has defeated me.

And so, the Owlbear fucked off into the night. Take care of each other. Be kind, spread love, vote for the Giant grasshopper movie.

Love you guys, Owlbear out.

#Monsterdon #Wolfen1981

you know, for a movie which seems to think it's saying that native americans are better than white settlers, this movie is so pathetically, boringly racist.

#monsterdon #Wolfen1981

"...they might be Gods. And they might have a plan."

#Monsterdon #Wolfen

I'm sorry, I wasn't listening to your lecture, I was thinking about how pretty you are, Edward James Olmos. #Monsterdon

OH MY GOD
THEY KILLED GREGGY
YOU BASTARDS
#monsterdon

Whitley Strieber is scared of unhoused people #Monsterdon

✅ Said the movie name

#Monsterdon

he survived a wolfenscratch

he wants a beer now. in a wolfenstein?

#monsterdon

Oh damn that was a fine looking barfly #Monsterdon

“My friend was just brutally murdered. I'm going to a bar.”

#Monsterdon

saw people complaining about a sex scene so I took a bathroom break, got distracted by a cool spider crawling around in the sink. the spider has been relocated... what did I miss?

#monsterdon #wolfen

Oh no Wolfen, now you've made Finnley angry!

#Monsterdon
#Wolfen1981

You have an open mic with your partner, and that's when you choose to chow down on Bob's Extra Crispy Kettle-Fried potato chips?

THAT's why the werewolf took you out.

#monsterdon

So, what, was all of Whittington diseased?? #Monsterdon #Wolfen1981

Noooooooo awooooo

#Monsterdon

no, not my friend greg! i never told him how i feel about him! *movie becomes a revenge plot*

#monsterdon #Wolfen1981

Gregory Hines is asking "so, anything?" in a bid to make the plot advance. It failed.
#monsterdon

So now we're going to actually see the wolf?

That's pretty anti-climactic. It's just a wolfy dog? Hardly monsteriferous at all.

#monsterdon

That was not a scream to go out on

#Monsterdon #Wolfen1981

Oh boy oh boy a real on-screen wolf attack

after only 89 minutes

#Monsterdon #Wolfen1981

That’s right, Dew. Just fire at movement. Any movement.

#Monsterdon

@jonny trigger discipline tho :(

#monsterdon

Wait, I just cottoned on to the fact that the Medical Examiner is also a sniper?

#Monsterdon

Gee. Who could have seen that coming? (everyone. everyone saw that coming) #monsterdon #Wolfen