"We call him Cleaved Clive now...."

#monsterdon

How did his little camera know to zoom in on the head bonk moment? Is it powered by AI? #monsterdon

lol, how did he get that closeup?

#Monsterdon

Live footage of this guy's afterlife unfolding. #Monsterdon #TheAsphyx1972

Well that was unexpected.
#Monsterdon

A death by fifteen minutes? It'd be fortuitous, except this didn't involve a monster.

#Monsterdon #TheAsphyx

This plot reminds me of Robert J. Sawyer’s The Terminal Experiment, published in 1995. I wonder if he had seen this movie before writing his novel.

#Monsterdon

ok maybe there was some establishing information in the first 10 minutes but i'm tuning in and that guy was just murdered by hitting a tree branch at like 1 mph #monsterdon

now his CLOTHES are.... Black as night!!!

#monsterdon

You have to die here so he can record your death. Checkhov's ghost camera.

#Monsterdon

SSPCA called for cruelty to furry animal hair pieces
#monsterdon

That boy had a glass forehead.

#Monsterdon

🎶 dumb ways to die 🎶

#Monsterdon

is the asphyx just british people drowning because they can't swim? #monsterdon

HOW BLACK IS IT!? #monsterdon #theasphyx

"This will make a GREAT tik tok!!"

#monsterdon

Oh, that's why they were shouting. I thought they were only feet apart.

#Monsterdon #TheAsphyx1972

"For five hundred years now..."
*walks inside*
*takes of hat*
*prepares drink*
*walks into the cellar*
"...we have enjoyed enormous privileges."
#monsterdon

bonk #monsterdon

#monsterdon

HILARIOUS death scene.

Look out for that tr---
George of the Jungle he ain't.
#Monsterdon #TheAsphyx

Swamp Thing where?

#monsterdon

...and the river is full of piranhas #monsterdon

BONK

#monsterdon #TheAsphyx

Hahahahahahahaha. Period Britiain's funniest home movies. #monsterdon

lol, there it is!

#MOnsterdon

The exciting "boating in the river" scene.

#monsterdon

#monsterdon BONK

Is this Chekov's drowning incident?

#monsterdon #TheAsphyx

How cunning can ham be, really

#Monsterdon

it's for the 'gram

#Monsterdon

Row row row your boat. Gently down the plot contrivance~
#Monsterdon #TheAsphyx

@LuluHelle he's the inspiration fer the "broccoli cut"

#Monsterdon

#monsterdon

He's literally a punter.

I have also photographed the dead. The Grateful Dead. Coachella, 2015. My photos were all smoky, too. It's just what happens at their shows.

#Monsterdon #TheAsphyx

A movie camera? My anachronism alarm is blaring. #monsterdon

Ah, the genuine vampire crypt

#Monsterdon

yes, a river! portends death #monsterdon

What is that squeaking noise?
#Monsterdon

So far I've gathered that the main guy is remarrying after being a longtime widower, and 2 or more of his adult children are marrying each other? Is that right

#Monsterdon

they also talk too much. stop talking! #monsterdon

"The soul as it departs the body. [no reaction] At DEATH [gasp]"

#Monsterdon

That's a verry not-bumpy ride in a carriage
#Monsterdon

casually wandering around in the tombs for laff

#monsterdon #TheAsphyx

#monsterdon The Cunninghams? Can't wait for the Arthur Fonzarelli to pop up from one of the coffins, give the double thumbs and go EYYYY

“You may be an undigested bit of beef, a blot of mustard, a crumb of cheese, a fragment of underdone potato. There's more of gravy than of grave about you, whatever you are!”

#monsterdon

...Is there a reason we had to have this conversation in a tomb? #Monsterdon

these guys can't even do science-talk, just pseudoscience-talk. BORING #monsterdon

That's a really clean crypt. #monsterdon

This Glendale studio has access to a Hammer-quality crypt #monsterdon

#Monsterdon🧐🏡🤵‍♂️ 💀 👻 🧴 😱

ok they're clearly not in a buggy that's moving because they're bouncing at different rates and amplitudes

well *my* spirit is certainly leaving my body right now #monsterdon

I, A WEALTHY SIR WITH GROWN CHILDREN DESIGNED MY OWN PHOTOGRAPHIC EQUIPMENT, AND THEREFORE IT IS PERFECT.

#monsterdon #TheAsphyx

Smudgegate!

#Monsterdon #TheAsphyx

told ya

#monsterdon

Imagine you're trying to just die already and these pompous assholes are standing there with this giant Victorian cameras

#monsterdon #TheAsphyx

Three different incompetent photographers

#Monsterdon

The Smudge from Planet Yuggoth. #Monsterdon

Oh, my they are all so frightfully frightfully plummy. The recieved accent is so overdone, it's almost comical.

#monsterdon

The slides have one other thing in common: you picked them to be part of this presentation

#Monsterdon #TheAsphyx

Y'know, the Japanese have a stereotype for white people that we all have big noses. I think the cast of this film might prove them right. #Monsterdon

@MatthewTitus88 lol my sentiments exactly, just want to watch them get killed now #monsterdon

The last card in the deck 😏
Some might say, the joker 😏
I can't imagine what you mean 😏

All the actors in this went to the Royal Smarm Academy

#Monsterdon

My bingo card has "instant regret" on it.

Is that MY regret, or one of the characters'...?

#Monsterdon #TheAsphyx

These people are "sirs", they just gave that shit out to any random photographer of dead people didn't they

#Monsterdon

Mystery smudges! #Monsterdon

And this spot is when spaghetti sauce dripped onto my lens.

#monsterdon

I’m sure that’s exactly what I’ll look like when I die.

#Monsterdon

#monsterdon

THese are some scary dead people.

they have one thing in common: an Eton accent!

#monsterdon

everything in this scene is gingerbread hued
#monsterdon

have no idea who's getting to married to whom and I don't care #monsterdon

Tell her about your special interests, Sir.

#Monsterdon #TheAsphyx1972

"Then I will give you children. I'll scrounge them up somewhere, I'm sure."

#Monsterdon

Ghosts. He photographs ghosts. #Monsterdon

"Let's get married! What do I do for a living? OOOOH, it'd be BORING for you! *snicker snicker*" #Monsterdon

I do usually like it when the cold open isn’t separated from the main plot of the movie by more than 50 years

#Monsterdon

I think to myself sometimes during Monsterdon. Most of these movies were probably played in theaters.

#Monsterdon

Stop laughing y'all arent that funny

#monsterdon

"What did you make of Clive?" "Two lampshades, a wallet, and a lovely little handbag from his scrotum. Isn't it adorable?"

#monsterdon #TheAsphyx

Wait, wait, wait a minute. Is this a kissing book?

#Monsterdon #TheAsphyx

omg Robert Powell???
#Monsterdon

And our first, very jarring American paste-in. The sitting room continues, talking about the upcoming marriage.

And, we're back with a British kiss.

#Monsterdon #TheAsphyx1972

Ah the first extended scene, popping the cork on some champagne. They're getting married at once! This Saturday even.

#monsterdon

Stand on the rug, not ceremony! that's why we have it, for goodness sake!

#monsterdon #TheAsphyx

I hope they don't plan to introduce the movie staff as well.

#monsterdon

I'm not used to watching something with this many cravats but no Dracula.

#monsterdon #TheAsphyx

No offense, but more grunge and less upper crust, please.

#Monsterdon #TheAsphyx1972

#Monsterdon #TheAsphyx "there's nothing to be nervous about! we're just going to this country house for the weekend to binge opium like normal couples"

I'd bet good money on Elizabeth being really happy she's in Switzerland by herself

#Monsterdon #TheAsphyx

1970’s fashion: top hat and tails

#theasphyx #monsterdon

The director is obsessed with this doppler effect. First we get 3 cuts of a police car nee-noo nee-noo with doppler. Then we go back in time and do it with a horse. Again, 3 cuts.

#monsterdon

Man the production quality on Downton Abbey is not as good as I remember. #monsterdon

The Asphyx is a Hallmark movie about a man who never cleans his lab getting the holiday spirit

#Monsterdon

"This man is still alive!"
*piano and orchestral opening theme *

#Monsterdon

#Monsterdon #TheAsphyx in the past, we had different vehicles to die in

Aaand we're back in the 70s. The 1870s. #monsterdon

I always used to get a Maxine Julius at the mall back in college.

#monsterdon #TheAsphyx

"Ode to an abandoned pawn shop"

#Monsterdon

Bill McGuffie, is this your idea of creepy laboratory music? #monsterdon