It came! (Did I get this just because of the monster ant? maybe!) #monsterdon

and off into the ocean, once more, Godzilla, fucks off

well... that was craptaculously marvelous.

#Monsterdon #Mechgodzilla

I think she killed herself to get out of that awkward relationship with that man, the monster thing was incidental.

#monsterdon

#monsterdon And that's a wreck!

That movie had a _lot_ going on for less than ninety minutes of runtime.

You know what? It was kind of perfect. It didn't overstay its welcome, it delivered on absolutely every bonkers promise it made, it was goofy, it was hilarious, many small models were stomped upon. Fair to say that a good time was had by all.

Thank you, @Taweret@octodon.social!

GODZILLA FOREVER

#monsterdon If I have this right, the invaders from the Black Hole planet 3 are building a second Mechagodzilla to smash Tokyo so they can build themselves a new city in its place for their incoming planetary invasion, and they are hedging their bets by also remote controlling the suboceanic Titanosaur with the mechanically reanimated daughter of the dino researcher... to attack a research vessel... operated by INTERPOL... while Godzilla waits in the wings?

BEST MOVIE EVAR

#Monsterdon I give #TerrorOfMechaGodzilla 5 out of 5 cyborg hearts. It precisely matched my expectations by leaving me deeply confused. I'd rate the characters but they confused me also.

Dismayed that the mad scientist didn't also have a redemption arc, or maybe he did but I missed it? Who can say?

Anyway, thanks to @Taweret@octodon.social for hosting!

#monsterdon That helicopter has been in the air for at least a full ten minutes at this point, surely it must land soon for fifteen hours of maintenance and a complete overhaul

@Taweret@octodon.social i think that's fucking awesome. #Monsterdon has given me a newfound respect for the ingenuity that goes into making craptacular monster movies. and you gotta admit, Honda made Toho a multibillion, multinational company. not shabby at all.

#monsterdon That gargling giraffe-elephant monster roar sounded the same underwater as in the open air! TERRIFYING

"I'll fix you up good as new, and then we can go to the cinema, and I can show you to my parents, and...."

*she reaches for the space pistol

#monsterdon

"Even if you're a cyborg Katsura, I still love you"

If I had a nickel for every time I tried that line on a girl…

#Monsterdon

#CopaAmerica and #Monsterdon is the crossover nobody asked for but it's the one y'all gonna get with me

"He's dead, goodbye"

That's as far as my social battery would go too lady

#monsterdon

So, in summary I think the moral of the story tonight, is that if someone uses a mechanized monsters against you, and a grudge-holding scientist brings another prehistoric monster out of the ocean depths, we should all just EAAAGHH, EAGGHHH, EEEEAGGGHH.

#Monsterdon

@ryan @jmelesky there's a "cyborg boobs" option on every Criterion blueray set. Every one of them. #monsterdon

#Monsterdon #TerrorOfMechaGodzilla While every shenanigan was happening at once, Captain Sunglasses escaped and taunted the humans saying "hahaha your bullets can't kill me" and then I guess jumped into the sea and was picked up by a flying saucer, one of several that flew off, but Godzilla destroyed some of them with his atomic breath?

then the bury the cyborg daughter in a hillside funeral and Godzilla fucks off into the sea. The end?

#Monsterdon #TerrorOfMechaGodzilla The Cunning Linguist escapes and kills one of the aliens, whose face turns all mottled, which I guess is his alien form. The cyborg lady tried to threaten him but I guess was overcome by humanity and is dying in the Cunning Linguist arms maybe?

And I had to step away so I am not sure what's going on any more but there were a lot of explosions.

Katsura the real hero of the story, not some RealDoll™ for a man to toy with.

bad ass.

#Monsterdon #Mechgodzilla

#monsterdon ...and Titanosaur has been fucked off into the sea, this time courtesy of some atomic fire breath.

Godzilla victory lap!

And now Godzilla fucks off into the sea as well, victorious once more.

i think i just saw Luigi of SuperMario Bros pop up from a hole in the middle of the forest. tis a surprising crossover.

#Monsterdon #Mechgodzilla

…and our playback has caught up to everyone else with Godzilla going for a dip, and fade to black.

And that's that until they pull Gozilla out of the ocean for another sequel. I can only imagine how long the back-story catch-up intro will be for the next one! Whew.

#Monsterdon

Godzilla's vocabulary is rather limited. It's kind of an early "I am Groot" but voiced more simply as "eaaaagggh."

#Monsterdon

Titanosaurus kicking a kaiju while they're down. chump.

#Monsterdon #Mechgodzilla

#monsterdon (I'm glad they bolted that sonar ray weapon in place under the helicopter in several spots but (1) they should have used a torque wrench instead of a crescent wrench _especially_ since they're in a hurry, (2) please for the love of OSHA also include a safety chain, that's a suspended load, (3) just can't trust those helicopters (cc: @lmorchard))

Messi is walking, he's rising again just like Godzilla

#CopaAmerica
#Monsterdon

The oscilloscope budget for this movie must've been huge.

#Monsterdon

Man, how many cuts from how many movies are we watching?

#monsterdon

#Monsterdon #TerrorOfMechaGodzilla Characters so far:
Captain Sunglasses (alien)
Agent Chadbeard (alien)
Doctor Mifune (mad scientist)
Daughter of Mad Scientist
Interpol Cops
Godzilla (big, dinosaur)
Mechagodzilla (big, dinosaur, robot)
Titanosaurus (big, dinosaur, mind controlled)
other puny earthlings
other puny aliens (who look like earthlings)

#Monsterdon #TerrorOfMechaGodzilla Also, I think its kind of dumb for the aliens to start their world conquest with Tokyo, a city that they know has a Godzilla sort-of-kind-of defending it.

Like if they just decided to attack New York or Lagos or Mumbai or somewhere they would probably at least avoid having to fight a Godzilla.

"SPACE titanium"

so just titanium then

#monsterdon

Honestly, I had no idea what was going on there most of the time

I think I was able to nail down a few characters – Doc Mafune, his daughter Katsura, and alien goatee guy,

The smooth-talkin' Interpol dude with the Camaro was our hero, kind of I guess?

I think there was a love triangle with another chick who had a thing for Interpol guy, but I lost track of that plot line.

#Monsterdon

@kurth the big lizard knows when to bow out of a party #monsterdon

Needs more surge protectors

That was actually kind of an awesome movie, or possibly a lousy movie with great hair and an awesome audience. Thanks to @Taweret for hosting as always, and thanks to everyone for the great commentary!

#Monsterdon

WA HAHAHAHAHAHAHA YOU CAN'T KILL ME WAHA HAHA

#Monsterdon #Mechgodzilla

"hey, you win some, you lose some, plenty more in the sea" says the Big Lizard to the guy mourning his cyborg girlfriend

That was fun!

#monsterdon

#Monsterdon #TerrorOfMechaGodzilla as an aside, where the heck is this Kaiju arena supposed to be anyway? It looks like its a hollywood desert or one of those planets captain Kirk lands on... but like... we saw the monsters smashing the Tokyo region a second ago, and last I checked Tokyo was not a desert or remotely desert like?

Maybe the Japanese government decided to make an artificial desert just to have a place to put all the Kaiju battles

"I beg you, please kill me"

I bet this is how real robot girlfriends will go down

#monsterdon

lol "got your head motherfucker, what about that!"

Unexpected backup head

#monsterdon

#Monsterdon #TerrorOfMechaGodzilla It is notable that both Titanosaurus and Mechagodzilla make weird noises, sort of like "RAWR" but not.

Fortunately, Godzilla gets sick of their nonsense and appears, to great Orchestral Fanfare, and starts punching Titanosaurus, who later grabs him by the nose and swings him around a bit.

#Monsterdon #TerrorOfMechaGodzilla I think we have the outline of this plot, where the Cyborg Girl who is supposed to just be full of hatred, is going to do a Redemption Arc and be like "no there is good in me!" and also "I am secretly horny for the Cunning Linguist" at some point near the climax and that will mess up her control of Mechagodzilla and allow Godzilla and the puny humans to save japan.

I cannot take those henchmen seriously with those helmets

#monsterdon

Wait, they linked the cyborg chick to the giant robot monster?
This is very Neon Genesis Evangelion, how bizarre is the ending to this movie?
Will everyone become goo?

#monsterdon

HA ha HA HA
HA ha HA HA
HA ha HA HA HAHA HAHA

#Monsterdon #Mechgodzilla

#Monsterdon #TerrorOfMechaGodzilla The submarine shoots a sparkle beam at Titanosaurus, which I guess is a supersonic weapon. Because the same people who make the control panels on the Starship Enterprise make the titanosaurus control panel, when the remote controlled monster is hit the control panel explodes and causes the Cyborg Daughter to faint, letting the submarine escape.

in case there was any doubt the extraplanetary illegal aliens have nothing to do with the Chinese Communist Party

#Monsterdon #Mechgodzilla

Doctor Shinzo Mafune's daughter Katsura does a fantastic shocked reaction head spin.

#Monsterdon

extraplanetary illegal aliens taken away the jobs of Earthling project managers of evil mecha dinosaurs of doom

#Monsterdon #Mechgodzilla

Nothing says evil lair like the sliding stone wall.

#Monsterdon

#Monsterdon #TerrorOfMechaGodzilla In the Very Next Goddamned Scene the mad scientist, a Doctor Mifune is doing a toast with the bearded alien guy, who explains that they have attached the Titanosaurus controller to the Titanosaurus, and they both cackle evily.

Then the daughter appears and is like "hey dad some UN cops came to ask you about dinosaurs" which probably a biweekly occurrence for any scientist in the godzilla universe. He replies with "hahaha fools ill destroy them all!".

Classic

#Monsterdon #TerrorOfMechaGodzilla Also OMG this movie has so much stuff going on so fast. Like I can normally do a summary with some snark, but this script is just on speed!

lol, wouldn't we all love a secret lair like that?

Be honest nerds.

#monsterdon

#Monsterdon #TerrorOfMechaGodzilla Other aspects of the anime recap episode to note:

1) the aliens look like dudes in retro 50s diving suits with goggles
2) I love the special effects, they are the best
3) I also like how the Earth people are just teaming up with Godzilla to defeat aliens but also can't really talk to him because he just says "rawr" and smashes things a lot.

YASSSSS!
BALLAD OF THE KAIJU!!!

#Monsterdon #Mechgodzilla

#Monsterdon #TerrorOfMechaGodzilla About five minutes in, we get some aliens, as a derpy white flying saucer shoots some lasers and the narrator nonchalantly explains that some aliens from a black hole decided to fight godzilla for unclear reasons, I guess because they wanted to destroy Japan, and Godzilla has a "no one messes with my little sister but me" rule for Japan.

Anyway, the aliens sent some monsters to fight godzilla but it didn't work, and we see happy jumping Godzilla celebrating.

it's funny how basically Toho has made it a business strategy to TL;DR the #Godzilla story at the beginning of each movie with footage from their previous movies and just slapping new film for even cheaper

#Monsterdon #Mechgodzilla

@davesdogmaggie @annathepiper The actor who played the biologist Ichinose also dubbed the voice of Hannibal Lecter in “Hannibal”. #monsterdon

https://mastodon.murkworks.net/@annathepiper/112788201050036852

even if you're a cyborg, i still love you... wink wink nudge nudge my little RealDoll™

#Monsterdon #Mechgodzilla

#monsterdon "IT'S ALL RIGHT, EVEN IF YOU ARE A CYBORG I LOVE YOU"

oh my god
oh my god

Shakespeare wept

#Monsterdon #TerrorOfMechaGodzilla Human drama intensifies as the Cunning Linguist sneaks into the island for some reason and gets captured by aliens, who gloat at him that they're going to destroy Tokyo because humans are icky or mean or something.

Then cyborg girl activates her laser eyes and Mechagodzilla powers up, to ominous music! Oh no!

Our friendly Interpol guy is taking a beating in this flick.

#Monsterdon

Fun as it is to watch, there were probably hundreds of people in those exploding buildings.

Now who is the real monster, yeah?

#monsterdon

#monsterdon Real talk for a second: if you wanted to hide evidence in your secret space base from your adversaries, an explosion is cinematic and probably fun, but it would be quite a bit more effective to just fill the underground structure with concrete. If you can plot a planetary invasion you can order some cement mixers.

Rising out of a mountain on jets to the awe and horror of those around.....that's how I''d like to get up in the morning

#monsterdon

#Monsterdon #TerrorOfMechaGodzilla Godzilla has decided he has had enough of Titanosaur messing with his favorite sandcastle and appears, to great fanfare.

Meanwhile, the Daughter sneaks around outside and uses her laser eyes to disable some soldiers for reasons I don't understand yet. I didn't know that she had laser eyes, but I guess I'm not surprised because she is a cyborg, and laser eyes are probably a pretty common cyborg feature.

#monsterdon "If we win this war we will build a villa for you and your daughter in New Tokyo" betraying your planet and species is a mighty tall ask, but in this real estate market...

#Monsterdon #TerrorOfMechaGodzilla oh wait we had another scene where Captain Sunglasses was looking into a hugely big TV tunnel that showed a map of japan, and explained that mechagodzilla was their plan to defeat godzilla, who would obviously fight them because they decided to attack Tokyo instead of someplace that was comparatively godzilla-free, which is what smarter aliens would have done.

#monsterdon And there it is, Titanosaurus has fucked off into the sea. This round goes to Godzilla. (Also every other round, because he is Godzilla, these are his movies)

TITANOSARUS bearing a punk fauxhawk hairstyle before it was cool

#Monsterdon #Mechgodzilla

"nobody fucks Tokyo but me!" bellowed the implausible lizard

#monsterdon

little red katsura hood

#Monsterdon #Mechgodzilla

lol circular firing squad again, these aliens are shit

#monsterdon

Space titanium is like regular titanium, but much more spacious.

#Monsterdon

oh wow, they cut out their vocal chords, proper supervillainy!

#monsterdon

Right there is a circular firing squad. Not a best practice. #monsterdon

The #Monsterdon plots are really enthusiastic about the repeating trope of a scientist and his daughter taking on the world.

Mecha-moo mecha hiney-hoo
#monsterdon

Lovely model work on the robot godzilla factory, reminds me of Neon Genesis Evangelion

#monsterdon

all these illegal extraplanetary aliens are all into real estate ponzi schemes. they're always wanting to destroy Tokyo just so they can all have the monopoly of urban development projects and rebuild it.

#Monsterdon #Mechgodzilla

"You two know each other?"
"No, we've never seen each other before, but I find his hair attractive."

#monsterdon

i haven't seen any matching helmets yet but does matching 1970s helmet hair count for the bingo?

#Monsterdon #Mechgodzilla #MonsterdonBingo

only the Japanese would draw a mechanical Godzilla in a sexy pose

#Monsterdon #Mechgodzilla

#monsterdon Just so we're on the same page, this fight between Godzilla and Mechagodzilla that is being intercut with the opening credits is... it's from a previous film, right? The audience is expected to have seen this all before?

are we just gonna not talk about this

#DancesOfMonsterdon #Monsterdon

@RufusJCooter @jonny "Godzilla Signal"
Project it onto the Moon to make Batman feel very insecure

#monsterdon

@CactuarJoe "Maybe you should have left the body where it was, I think that's what they recommend buddy?" *looks worried

#monsterdon

And that was that!

#monsterdon

guy on pcp thinking bullets can't kill him, jumps into the sea

#monsterdon

#monsterdon "get back here, Titanosaur, I just want to talk"

#Monsterdon #TerrorOfMechaGodzilla With titanosuarus out of the fight, we learn that this movie's fireworks budget amounted to several bajillion dollars and at least a hundred thousand traumatized dogs, as Mechagodzilla shoots all the finger rockets and all the death rays at regular Godzilla, who closes to melee range anyway and starts punching him, then grabs his tail, which seems like a good move as it keeps Godzilla out of rocket range.

“I love you but I’ve chosen cyborg” #monsterdon #TerrorOfMechagodzilla

#Monsterdon #TerrorOfMechaGodzilla So the battle is going bad for Godzilla as he's having trouble fighting two giant kaiju at once, and at one point he is pushed back and does a weird hover thing as he floats away.

The puny humans are I guess working on putting together their sound gun, which I guess is not just made out of oscilliscopes, but also more cool retro scifi hardware, like a giant satellite dish mated with an egg beater. Also, they're gonna raid the mad scientist''s house

You know what's awesome? There exists a CRITERION edition of this movie and I'm watching it. #monsterdon

I'm here for the WWE monster moves.

#Monsterdon

Just because a lizard is buried under ground doesn't mean he's out of the match

#monsterdon

#monsterdon lol idk what the hell is going on. Or how this will end.

#Monsterdon #TerrorOfMechaGodzilla One of the action hero dudes breaks into the island, finds a jail with moaning people in it and frees them with a gun. I'm sure this makes sense in context but I am very confused.

#Monsterdon #TerrorOfMechaGodzilla oh no I lost internet briefly, but I saved up posts so I'll toot them in a chain.

We're clearly setting up a redemption arc for the mad scientist, who will probably realize he doesn't really want to destroy Tokyo and so this might be a father + daughter double redemption arc.

When Titanosaurus breaks out the unexpected destructive tail fan - that must've given every kid with a fan stuck in a boring waiting room material to fantasize with for years after this movie debuted in Japan.

#Monsterdon

The physics of this fight don't conform to our universe. #monsterdon

The rockets were so powerful, they knocked over the entire table the set was on!

#monsterdon