All the babies in the audience were traumatized by this scene. #Monsterdon

Launching my monsterdon thread for #tentacles1977, which I guess is a monster movie about a scary octopus!

Monsterdon is the thing each week where we watch an old monster movie together and make fun of it (and/or praise its glory). You may wish to mute the #monsterdon tag unless you want to see all the posts by me about a scary octopus movie.

@r343l FIFTEEN TIMES Oscar winner John Huston.

#monsterdon

4 minutes in, RIP Billy. I can already tell this is going to be a masterpiece.

#monsterdon

@diazona @jonny I think I heard some of that on the radio today #monsterdon

Imagine being so White you can be in a boat and just pick anywhere in the World for your next adventure, no passports or anything, ....or even enough food and water for the journey.

The Orcas were right to slaughter them afterwards.

Night folks!

#monsterdon

#monsterdon Overall the movie was slow paced it was a little boring, but it was alright.

Anyways have a good folks.

Hopefully the blu-ray features include orca commentary and subtitles. #Monsterdon

#monsterdon And that's a wreck! The orcas fuck off into the sea, the soundtrack orchestra noodles on to their hearts content, the story... well I guess we ran out of that.

Thank you, @Taweret@octodon.social ! That one was a lot of fun to mock. Insufficient octopus victory, but I guess we can't have everything. And thank you @cheribaker for the bingo card!

TENTACLES (1977), ONE OF THE FILMS OF ALL TIME

that helvetica grotesque

#Monsterdon #Tentacles

I think we can all agree that the real monster was the dialogue. #Monsterdon

i think that's enough of the orcas eating ceviche. you can stop now.

#Monsterdon #Tentacles

#monsterdon #tentacles1977 in a victory for the forces of mammaldom, the evil octopus sinks back into the sea after being bitten a lot.

On the surface, the human sailboat guys are like "lets go on a safari because that's a dumb idea", but then their Orca buddies decide to follow them and whistle as they fuck off into the sunset.

#monsterdon This octopus took out an entire yacht, right? And now it's being presented as being about the same size as two orcas?

Even if this wasn't a scale problem I honestly would still have bet on the octopus in this scenario. For one, it doesn't even have to wound the whales, it just has to hold them underwater until they drown.

Y'all

This scene is STILL GOING ON

Are they going to keep rolling until they run out of music??

the Orcas music is very Godzillaesque

#Monsterdon #Tentacles

#Tentacles1977 Perhaps the strangest #monsterdon fight scene, as the Octopus tries to escape into a cave, but can't because an Orca keeps biting it and chasing it into the hole. It responds to getting eaten by screaming.

Meanwhile the two humans ascend, one guy carrying the other guy (who lost his breath mask) to safety.

motherfuckers really going into the cave with a little harpoon

#Monsterdon #Tentacles

#monsterdon We never did get an explanation for why all those dead fish had been lawn-darted nose down around the middle of the film, did we? That was definitely a thing that happened and then was never explained?

#Monsterdon Shelly Winters hair secretes the hats as a method of camouflage. Like the chromophores in the octopus. Helps her blend into each scene.

The Orcas left the film because it sucks so hard

#monsterdon

POLO, by Ralph Lauren

#Monsterdon #Tentacles

killer whales are dolphins, well actually 🤓

#Monsterdon #Tentacles

This guy told the hair-dresser to make him look like Luke Skywalker.

#monsterdon

dude, you're not supposed to give names to your dolphins

#Monsterdon #Tentacles

Wait, did they bring that poor trapped Orca all the way out to sea in that metal can to fight the Octopus?

I hope they do what all sentient beings do in the Monsterdon universe, and fuck off into the sea

I think the Human's monologue is telegraphing this ending

#monsterdon

#monsterdon Did we just get a forty five minute boat race sequence during which our hero octopus managed to destroy one single skiff? One??

I am suddenly less concerned about missing a critical plot development when my laundry timer goes off in 18m24s.

Lost of people drowned, or were eaten but the crowd is only mildly curious and slightly distraught

#monsterdon

#Monsterdon #Tentacles1977 I think the searching for missing yacht racing children and relatives is actually kind of a moving scene... its very much like the more humanized evacuation scenes in monster movies in that it lets you see how normal people cope with the monster induced devastation.

Pictures of th3e crowd picking their noses

#monsterdon

that lady is gonna bear out into a yodel any minute now, isn't she?

#Monsterdon #Tentacles

#monsterdon What is with this MUSIC

Did they even let the composer read the script, or was it just "write some octopus music, you have six days"?

Did they let the composer read the movie *title*??

This yacht race music is like the end credits music for a 70s sitcom about a suburban family trying to hide a giant talking octopus in their basement from the neighbors. And the octopus is a sassy stand-up comedian.

#Monsterdon #Tentacles1977 Okay, I'm guessing this yacht race is gonna be like when you sprinkle the food pellets in the aquarium and the fish surface to eat them, only the food pellets are tiny boats and the fish is a giant murder octopus.

Shelley Winters with another fun Nautical ensemble, at least she's living her best life in this movie

#monsterdon

#Monsterdon okay, so now John Michel Jarre is doing the soundtrack. Trance with maracas. Classy.

#Monsterdon way more harpsichord. Look, seawater makes the soundboard warp. It’s gonna start sounding funny.

LMAO that guy looks like whatshisname country singer that had an emo alter ego

#Monsterdon #Tentacles

unnecessary crotch shot

#Monsterdon #Tentacles

#Monsterdon the Big Mac Meal is in the water! I repeat the Big Mac Meal is in the water.

welp... Pulpo Paul's cousin found himself a dumpling for lunch

#Monsterdon #Tentacles

lol @ octopus attacking the boat

#monsterdon

"nobody likes a fat man"

Sacrifices himself to the Octopus God

Harsh

#monsterdon

The octopus will move the plot along shortly. Please be patient.

#monsterdon

#Monsterdon #Tentacles1977 Official Floatybirb Correction!

The kid is the Big hat Lady's son, not grandsom. She is a MILF and not a GILF.

Sincere Apologies to Big Hat Lady.

The plump lady will die
It just has to be
#monsterdon

Monster octopi were the real reason Radio Shack went out of business. #Monsterdon

#monsterdon The Octopus isn't that scary, lol it seems pretty chill. It just doesn't wanna be bothered lmao.

@LK_877 Chekov's Giant Mexican Hat #monsterdon

we all agree the harpsichord is diegetic and being played by the octopus, right?

#monsterdon

That hat out-acted everyone in the scene. #Monsterdon

So many ass and crotch shots of middle aged guys in this movie, I think I know what the Directors' kink was

#monsterdon

The octopus has been pirating cable tv, haven't they? #Monsterdon

i don't care who but i want to see someone get eaten by an octopus

#monsterdon

the sound engineering in this movie is not shabby at all

#Monsterdon #Tentacles

Remember Titan dot lol

#Monsterdon #Tentacles

Those poor orcas, imprisoned by humans and forced to perform tricks, this town deserves what's happening to it

Is John Huston perving on those guys at the pool?

#monsterdon

#monsterdon

Just few notes on a harpsichord is cheap and won't incur royalty payments

#monsterdon

Bring back full length dressing gowns.

#monsterdon

#Monsterdon #Tentacles1977 We cut to a sheriff and his better looking deputy on a pier, talking about finding the dead dude in the water. The deputy guy mentions that they are using some Buck Rogers esque technology to make an underwater tunnel, leaving the audience to wonder if the tunnel has made the Octopus mad.

Personally, I thought the Octopodes loved tunnels because they are all bendy and can climb through them. But what do I know? I am not the marine biologist.

#Monsterdon #Tentacles1977 we then cut to some high schoolers on a boat and also on a bad date. The guy complains to the girl that she sucks at kissing, which is not a thing you should usually tell girls your on a date with, and then compares her kissing to that of other girls.

Anyway, they start fighting and/or kissing, and then the Scary Corpse of Denim Peg Leg man appears to frighten them, oh no!

Oh no! I've missed the first 5 minutes of Tentacles!
I hope I can follow the plot.
#Monsterdon

Oh that yacht race is fucking doomed, bring it....

#monsterdon

@davesdogmaggie I really, really wish I'd been able to do #Monsterdon today. Judging from the posts it was one of those that's so bad you wish you'd seen it.

#Monsterdon Well, I asked for a “real stinker” this week, and the movie surely delivered. A real inker, too. Ahem! “Tentacles” grade report:

Music: D-, barely passed because of classical at the end.
Cinematography: A, surprisingly good, camera people managed not to die laughing. Cool underwater shots.
Acting! … No. 0/10.
Octopus model: B+, excellent until it became a sunk cost.
Orcas: A++ needed to take over the film
Script: Hahahahahah (breathe) hahahaHA.
Pacing: X- needed a pacemaker.

So it was the oceangoing version of a spaghetti Western? What would that be called.
Spaghetti surf?

#Monsterdon

buh-bye

buh-bye

#monsterdon #Tentacles

I wonder why octopus sucked people's bone marrow out.

I wonder how the octopus sucked people's bone marrow out.

#monsterdon

Well, that one fell firmly into the "technically a movie" category, but lots of bonus points for the completely wild soundtrack and all of the neat ocean stuff. (I like neat ocean stuff.) Thanks to @Taweret for hosting and see y'all next week! (I should have my tee by then!)

#monsterdon #tentacles

@yatsu I hope that was a model and they didn't just kill an octopus...it was the 70s....
#monsterdon

#Monsterdon What a truly loopy movie. It would have been really tied nicely if they riffed that Harpsichord one last time.

maybe if they hadn't wasted that million bucks on the sinking octopus model, they could have finished the other plot lines. #monsterdon

@WhiskeySailor no, more high energy underwater scenes, surely? 😉

#monsterdon

@ricci I feel like the prop guy was not giving it his best effort that day #monsterdon

#Monsterdon This movie requires us to wait. This is a waiting room movie. You don’t need the sound. You’ll just start thinking of it as a dusky impressionist video of what an Italian was told happens on the coastline of California. He read “Orcas are the wolves of the sea” and just went with it.

#monsterdon So they basically went underwater with no real plan.

#Monsterdon This is… not how… cetaceans… behave. Oh whatever. Yeah, okay. Battle music. Sure.

So this time, it's the Humans who fuck off into the Sea, with the Orcas.

Or he's really not dealing with the death of this wife at all, and there are no Orcas...

#monsterdon

@VKNask unsettling watching the octopus limb, I know they grow back, but still #monsterdon

Sure ruin the coral bed for that shot
#monsterdon

The music thinks this is now a Hercules movie
#Monsterdon

Well I think we all know Orcas wouldn't do any of that

#monsterdon

#monsterdon Why did he kiss a killer whale? What was that?

#Monsterdon #Tentacles1977 After more futzing around, our cool sailboat does the sideways shake, like when the Enterprise is hit by a photon torpedo, but it is actually because the boat was hit by an octopus.

We go above deck to find that our submarine tunnel segment has sunk. We observe our killer whale pals fucking off into the sea, which i guess I can't blame them.

Very few directors can make an underwater scene seem fast paced and dramatic enough for the end of a movie

#monsterdon

#monsterdon Lol seriously wtf is this moaning?

I swear, this movie wants to be The Stranger From Venus, but accidentally has stuff happening.

#monsterdon #tentacles

#Monsterdon #Tentacles1977 Mortal Enemies of the #Orca, by Century:
19th century (and earlier): unknown
20th century: giant killer octopodes
21st century: yachts
22nd century (and later): unknown

I'm not convinced any of these people aren't Italian actors

#monsterdon

#monsterdon That's crazy how no one was paying attention to the race, and instead was occupied by uncle sam.

#Monsterdon #Tentacles1977 some martial music starts playing as a Large Sailboat pulls up to a yellow submarine that's probably a tunnel segment. Curly Hair Guy is on the sailboat, with the grim resolve to vanquish the evil Octopus.

This movie decides that the plural of Octopus is "Octopi", instead of "Octopuses", "Octopodes", "Octopussies" or any of the other equally acceptable alternatives (according to me).

Anyway, we have an existential discussion about how Cephalopods thirst for blood.

@moira I wanted carnage, I got just one dead child. This film is cowardice #monsterdon

Didn't she have two kids?

#monsterdon

#Monsterdon I love the life preserver with “Sinks” written on it. OSHA approves of this workplace safety statement.

#monsterdon that’s a lot of blonde kids…

THEY'RE SAVED!!!!

#Monsterdon #Tentacles

OMG, they're going to do that scene in Jaws where they're in the boat and telling each other scary stories, but also bonding in that way men do, and then the creature strikes....aren't they?

#monsterdon

#monsterdon is an octopus like a bird and it has to eat 6x its body weight every day?

And another Junior Incompetency Regatta comes to close

#monsterdon

OK, they're going to use Whale Song to speak to the Octopus, I mean it's all fish, right? 🤡

#monsterdon

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO NOT TOMMY!!!!

#Monsterdon #Tentacles