My wife closed the film by saying to the child βSee, the takeaway is that anyone can make a movie, and when you think youβre not good enough just remember thisβ #monsterdon
this was the kind of bad i needed this week. still thinking about that hipster-sounding opening music. i take it back, it wasn't REM it was BECK i should have said was emoting during the opening credits. like, a BECK with early DAFT PUNK collaboration. and yet the movie sucked. hard. like a giant octopus *snort*
thank you @Taweret@octodon.social and the rest of the monsterdonian gang. it was fun!
that guy's sideburns are the real tentacles of this movie
what was the point of Henry Fonda and John Huston?!?!
so this movie was a 2 hour long preamble to this colonialist gay couple finding love and having Orcas become their sea puppies in their next big gay seamen adventure?
#Monsterdon Someone used this film as a money laundering device. Thats the only explanation for this stellar quality we are witnessing.
SERIOYSLY, WTAF?!?!?
you're in the deepest ocean, you see rocks falling from an underwater mountain cade AND YOU GO INTO THE CAVE?!?!
WATSWRONGWICHU?!?!?!
1.You are out of cocaine.
2.You know rich guy from cocaine party and tell him you're making a movie while he is stoned. He gives you money.
3. You buy cocaine. Lots of cocaine.
4. Rich guy remembers giving you money (bummer) and asks how movie is going. He wants to be in it and have a credit.
5. You have to make movie, so you make THIS movie, cheap. You spend the rest on cocaine.
6. You sell cocaine to cook books and give rich guy money.
7. See step #1.
In conclusion, #Tentacles1977 was weird, and now I want to watch an aquatic version of the X-Philes that centers on the mysteries of the sea and relies on whales to resolve most of the story problems.
Anyway, thanks to @Taweret@octodon.social for hosting another #monsterdon !
WHY ARE PEOPLE GOING INTO THE WATER IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT?!?!?!
am thinking about what could have led to all these underwater movies after Jaws, and i always forget how popular Jacques Cousteau was in the 1970s. grew up watching his specials.
#Monsterdon #tentacles1977 starts with a nice scene of water, and tells us that it is produced by "Ovidio Assonitis", which is a name that I would blurt out if asked to name an imaginary Roman Senator.
After then staring at a radio, we then get to look at the ocean more and a sign tells us that a Yacht Race is impending. Since this film dates from the era of vague social democracy, I'm assuming these are normal sailboats instead of billionaire megayachts.
asking Orcas raised in captivity to go kill a gigantinormous octopus once released into the open sea is a l little bit too much to ask
white guys and their penchant to lock themselves in tin cans to be fucked off, literally, to the bottom of the sea. y'all so... special.
How do you know that #monsterdon rules? This is how you know!
these guys are in the 17% who think they can fight a bear a win, aren't they?
Remember how the 60s and 70s were all about 'underwater cities' and then people went down there and it was all cold, dark and depressing and they don't talk about that any more
Now we just wait for the Ocean to come into our cities, lol......
FREE WILLY!!!!!
#Monsterdon Lord Summerisle blesses the Orcas! We will have a bountiful harvest! ;)
#monsterdon The humans didn't really do shit in the movie, they died, and kept doing failed submarine missions, if they would've let the whales free sooner it probably could've prevented more deaths, and the detectives were useless.
@floatybirb I hope they're leading them out into the deeper sea so they can sink the boat and the humans can't be saved.
That'll teach the bipeds for making them fight a Giant Octopus #monsterdon
i so wanted to be the lead twirling cheerleader in a marching band, even though that's like the biggest of gringadas and marching bands aren't part of Puerto Rican culture. but it looked so cool when i was growing up.
Henry Fonda's eyebrows are sentient, aren't they?
#Monsterdon I like the idea of an ocean investigation movie leading to a monster, but I think #Tentacles1977 kind of undercuts this by showing us everything that happened before showing us the characters investigating it.
I guess I think this movie might be better if it was an aquatic X-Files?
OMG ANGELICA HUSTON'S DAD!!!
OK this opening sounds like a R.E.M concept album. am totally digging this.
This movie should have ended with Shelley Winters diving into the water at the junior regatta and punching the shit out of the octopus and then everyone BBQ tentacles in the park. THE END.
that fucker survived being without oxygen under all that rock, under the water?
look, after eating all that puny fish in jail, i can understand whythe Free Willy Sisters are going HAM on the ceviche de pulpo
#monsterdon I usually find myself rooting for the kaiju in these movies but this time I really, really want the octopus to win, none of these characters deserve to live
Y'ALL!!! HE'S GOT THE KILLER WHALES IN THAT TIN CAN?!!?
but there was a helicopter, they must have seen everything, right?!?!?!
Always wear giant hats, the monsters won't be able to grab your head.
so the chief of police's hair... it must have it's own address and driving license. that widows peak right in the middle of his forehead is perfection.
that guy looks like Patrick Swayze and Ryan O'Neill had a baby
![[empty]](/media/avatars/287224a269fbaefbc7e94920b207f9dca8b6e0415d818373c9f1528359b6a0e8.jpg){kind=small}
I don't recall Ebeneezer Scrooge nightgowns as being trendy in the 70s
#Monsterdon #Tentacles1977 at this point, I'm suspecting this whole movie might just be five minute interludes of new random people dying in unseen octopus attacks.
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!
The baby actually threw itself in the water to avoid having to play pattycacke.
GOGOGOGOGOGOGOGOGOGOGOGOGO
#Monsterdon all done! John Houston, Shelly Winters and Henry Fonda are all free to⦠stay right where they are.
The orcas are nailing their lines, I must say. #Monsterdon
WHAT is this music
oh dear fuck what is this?
Is that supposed to be two orcas and an octopus fighting?
Is that what's being attempted here?
#Monsterdon #Tentacles1977 Anyway, I like the coral reef they jump into; it has some nice fish, including a guy who eats other fish loudly, and a stingray and also some nice corals. I give this coral reef 8/10; seems like a cool place.
#Monsterdon #Tentacles1977 As fifteen minutes of this movie remains, the boys suite up in their diving suits, which the martial music tells us is super cool, like putting on armor or something. Which I guess diving suits are just ocean armor. They have knives and harpoon guns to fight the octopus with, which is probably not the worst choice.
"Got high, talked to the Orcas for a bit...released them, sorrybye"
I hope this dude isn't one of those who wants to talk to Cetaceans so he can have consensual sex with Cetaceans.
They're out there y'know....
Shelley Winters, attack!
If Shelly Winters doesn't slay the giant octopus with her fashion sense, I will be very disappointed.
#monsterdon Truly, the flute and organ soundtrack is transforming a simple overly-long zero dialogue sailboat scene into something closer to a hallucination
the music & sound engineering in this movie is so trippy
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAACK!!!!
Pulpo Paul, never forget. 2010 was a glorious #FIFA year.
Shelley Winter's outsized mexican hat shows she is the 'fun one' of the cast and she will take no prisoners
so where John Houston and Henry Fonda the Affleck and Damon of their time?
that really scared the shit off me.
NOOOOOOOOO! NOT BABY BILLY!!!!
but who the fuck runs across a busy street and leaves their baby in the carriage all by themselves... oh, right, Lady Ms. Karen Hegemonic, that's who.
So, like, is there an organizing account for #Monsterdon? Like, a feed where you can find out when/what/where the next flick is happening? I feel like I'm missing out π¨ππΉ
@Taweret@octodon.social I bet she couldn't remember a thing about shooting that movie, bless her #monsterdon
#Monsterdon #Tentacles1977 characters in decreasing order of interestingness
- whale polycule with human component
- big hat lady
- toy boats
- octopus that feels only rage
- pithy journalist guy
- all other characters
@floatybirb those Orcas were institutionalised and abused like fighting dogs, what happened next was Justice....
AN AMERICAN INTERNATIONAL RELEASE
#monsterdon To be fair to the orca puppet operators, this is exactly the same way I fight to extract the last gherkin from those thin little jars, for about the same half hour duration
#monsterdon #Tentacles1977 Okay the composer just went so crazy with this choral fight music I'm gonna have to say I think the music is good now? But not like, Chopping Mall good, just like... so weird its kind of just barely good.
#Monsterdon #Tentacles1977 After swimming around the coral reef, our human characters are ambushed by an avalanche, and then we see a giant octopus being bludgeoned by our Orca Allies! For they did not fuck into the sea for good, but rather fucked into the sea temporarily, to deal a surprise nose battering attack on our Octopodal Enemy!
At least I think that's what's happening... its really blurry so I can't quite tell what is going on. Anyway, the epic fight music is turned up to 42.
who was the sound engineer in this movie? am having a love/hate relationship with them right now
feeling sorry for the poor real octopus they attacked with toy orcas
Christ, harpsichord riffs again
#monsterdon "All right, enough said..." YES I AGREE
A better, more 21st Century version of this movie would have the Orca and Octopus join forces against Humanity.
#monsterdon
There is still 30 minutes left of this film
OOOPS! they're all blonde, like children of the corn but with a suntan and smelling of Copperton
A woman with that much confidence in her wardrobe decisions would not be this anxious.
This is truly awful filmmaking
It's happy music because we are about to witness a mass slaughter
#Monsterdon #Tentacles1977 The boat's girl escaped its sinking and is swimming away, when all of a sudden she is captured by a giant octopus, hoisted into the air and either eaten or taken off-screen for hentai shenanigans.
Because this is not that kind of movie, we then cut to a party where people are watching some boats amble by somberly while strange orchestral music plays. This scene did not seem to advance the plot, but we got strange music out of it.
There's a real "Mr Burns and Smithers" vibe to Henry Fonda's character and his assistant
She's the hood ornament of the boat, and tonight's sacrificial offering to the octopus
#Monsterdon Convinced that the makers of #Tentacles1977 decided that if they had 500 scenes with 1000 irrelevant characters interspersed with lengthy diving footage no one would notice how bad their movie is.
Oh, the octopus is just unhappy about how loud things get. Which, same.
this lady's sombrero... i don't even know what's supposed to mean. that she's comic relief?
Chekov's SCUBA-certified mother?
#Monsterdon holy shit! Thatβs a hat! Thats a huge fucking hat! Holy shiiiiit! Sheβs the flying hussy!
#Monsterdon #Tentacles1977 The other diver gets back to the diving bell thing and starts screaming back to the fancy boat via the emergency telephone, asking to be lifted up, which the boat dudes dutifully do. Then bell starts leaking and we see A Giant Eyeball glare inside, before its owner presumably squishes the bell with muscular tentacles.
So far this film is doing the "show the monster only a little bit, and show a little more of it each time" which is a good monster movie trope.
#Monsterdon #Tentacles1977 we switch to the fancy boat, which is indeed owned by the business dude, which is lowering a tunnel segment into the sea so we can have a sea tunnel or something. Actually, it just looks like a big airlock/waterlock I guess used to launch divers more easily.
Anyway, the yellow airlock dive thing shakes a bit, worrying the divers, who talk about wanting to go to Mexico with some broads. Did people in the 70s still say "broads"?
#Monsterdon #Tentacles1977 We cut to a sea world where Turner is watching a half-naked dude feeding fish to a killer whale, the ancient enemy of the yachts.. The half-naked dude is accosted by glasses dude, who tells him that he is too nice to the Orca, and then explains to Turner that Orcas will one day unlock the mysteries of the sea. Which I guess is kind of badass.
i guess Houston had to pay for that drinking cabinet of his.
Is there a single movie in the 70s where Shelley Winters does not play a drunk? Am I wondering into a sad tale here?
#Monsterdon #Tentacles1977 introduces a new character, peg leg denim man. He works on a boat, because of course he does. We see him throwing a bucket into the water from his neat trimaran sailboat, which he is sweeping and also smoking, until another guy, bald visor guy, yells at him then decides to steal his sandwich.
We then hear some splashing and an Ominous Music Queue, and Peg Leg Denim Man has vanished! Oh no!
we got Patchy The Pirate's dad here, with a peg leg and cosplaying what's his name from JAWS, but with a dainty Tiparillo cigar
#Monsterdon #tentacles1977 On the shoreline, a mother is harassing her baby who wants to be angry about things because its a baby. We get an Ominous Camera Angle suggesting that maybe, possibly, a giant octopus is stalking them.
Anyway, the lady's friend drives up in a white pickup truck and so the mom abandons her lady to chitchat, only to find that the baby has vanished! Oh no!
This is a PSA to not abandon your baby for the Idle Chit Chat! If you do that, an Octopus might eat your baby.
All the babies in the audience were traumatized by this scene. #Monsterdon
Launching my monsterdon thread for #tentacles1977, which I guess is a monster movie about a scary octopus!
Monsterdon is the thing each week where we watch an old monster movie together and make fun of it (and/or praise its glory). You may wish to mute the #monsterdon tag unless you want to see all the posts by me about a scary octopus movie.
@r343l FIFTEEN TIMES Oscar winner John Huston.
4 minutes in, RIP Billy. I can already tell this is going to be a masterpiece.
@diazona @jonny I think I heard some of that on the radio today #monsterdon