This is going to blow all your minds, but I grew up in the 80's, played Tempest (still have the PC port) and my initials are almost right (DKM). This movie is about me!
I'm going to keep a photo of these fine folks in my wallet and tell people that they're my family.
Just want to do a shout out for those power utility engineers. That system pretty much runs itself even after Armageddon.
Even the street lights are still fine.
You sometimes forget that despite the 80s hair a lot of these people were just normal human beings
The creepiest part of this movie so far is the Beige Medical Techs telling the children that they need to knock them out with Nitrous Oxide so that they can go to the north pole and see Santa Claus forever.
#monsterdon The Blu-Ray has two ~15 minute featurettes and I am inflicting them upon Katie this very moment
#monsterdon AND THAT'S A WRECK
We have discovered the identity of Regina's arcade cabinet Tempest rival, our protagonists have survived a global extinction event for reasons implied but never explained, the antagonists have fallen prey (offscreen) to a doom they described but never confirmed, and absolutely nobody fucked off into the sea.
Thank you for hosting, @Taweret@octodon.social ! That was cheesy eighties fun. Thank you for the bingo card, @cheribaker !
(That one had surprisingly good pacing!)
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My parents told me never to breathe anything from strangers? I never got that warning
"Harvesting blood to stay alive in an underground bunker"
But this is just Peter Thiel, surely?
Watching saturday morning cartoons? This is the 80's.
There is a lot of 80s power hair in this movie
Also of note: Mary Woronov and Robert Beltran also starred in Eating Raoul, which is much sleazier and also features ridiculous costumes and scenery-chewing.
Mary Woronov and Paul Bartelβs cameo at the beginning of Chopping Mall was a reprise of their characters from Eating Raoul.
Characters in Order of Usefulness
Arcade Bellhop
Chakotay
Beige Science Lady (secretly good!)
Cheery Sis
Stuffed Bunny
Annoyed Children
All Other Characters
OMG! WASN'T THAT GUY IN DEEP SPACE NINE
OMG her Laura Ashley / Starship Troopers dress
WOW! Valve totally ripped up this movie's set design for Half-life and Portals.
We should watch every 80's film where almost everyone on earth disappears and goes shopping. This is practically a whole genre. Next up, The Quiet Earth?
#monsterdon *sigh* one of these days we'll find the 80s era Hollywood film with neither casual racism nor homophobia but today is not that day apparently
Yay - scientists in matching jump-suits.
β¦and we're just going to end in the middle of a city street with no actual plot resolution. Isn't everyone going to die shortly?
#monsterdon Whacking a dude with a keyboard and knocking him out in one strike will only pass the believability test to people who have hefted a Model M.
OMG this game was so good i totally forgot about #Monsterdon, LOL
How 80s is this movie? Montage in a shopping mall with Cyndi Lauper's "Girls Just Want To Have Fun" playing
This is a fun apocalypse!
Sorry man everyone is dust, you are the ultimate latchkey kid now
I locked myself out of work once. I had to crawl through the drive-thru window to get back in. #Monsterdon
#monsterdon I simply do not believe that people with the fashion sense implied by these piles of red dust and empty clothes were judged fit to be raptured
#monsterdon lol Katie was wracking her brains and scouring IMDB to figure out from where she recognized one of the actors
Turns out she worked with her when Katie was doing hair and makeup on a movie a year or two ago
Their heart really wasn't in delivering on the zombie angle at all.
Meanwhile, Cheery Sis is mad that she doesn't have a boyfriend. I suggest they start a Hector time sharing program, but my suggestion is ignored.
We get a fun argument about not crossing streets even though the street is empty. To prove us wrong, a weird car zooms up and almost hits Cheery Sis, but instead delivers her a boyfriend, whom she drives off with.
Dicount Eric Estrada had a good plan
Arcade Bellhop gets suspicious of this situation and asks the interview about her sister, who answers that she is dead and was euthanized, before leaving.
Oh wait, I was wrong about the vampire project, they are drawing blood so they can develop a serum to cure themselves before they turn to dust.
They developed this blood harvesting regime pretty quickly, didn't they?
Correction, the blood test was actually Euthanasia. This is a massive correction; I apologize for the grimdarkness.
I actually like this subdued action scene (with the actors ducking behind cover and being visibly worried) more than the gunfight scenes you usually see in 21st century movies (with people flipping around and dodging everywhere like feral goblins).
I think they're implying the radio station is also a swanky secret dance club, which is why it has fancy furniture and fixtures and whatnot.
Anyway, we get a Surprise Undressing Scene as cheery sis washes her hands and then is groped by a zombie cop!
But alas! It is another dream!
This movie is nesting the dream sequences to confuse its audience. How dastardly.
Does the dog crumble into dust dot com :( #Monsterdon #NightOfTheComet
Well, that's a quick end to our Michael J. Fox wannabe dude.
#monsterdon holy cow, Night of the Comet was in theaters along with Indiana Jones / Raiders of the Lost Ark, Ghostbusters, Cloak & Dagger, Karate Kid, and The Jungle Book? And Footloose? Dang, what a lineup!
(We're both watching the featurettes apparently.)
I'm actually afraid of what some AI bot on the Internet is going to deduce about my tastes in film
so i guess rains makes zombies stop existing
or the movie just forgot it had zombies in it
anyway, ty for joining, everyone!!
The whole burden of civilization has fallen on us.
We think we're safe, but then a zombie scientist tries to kidnap the kids until Chakotay shoots them. Realistically, the kids are now crying.
In the next scene, were back in the city and it has started to rain, washing the dust of the people into storm grates. I think we've decided to adopt the kids and take pictures of them dressed up and holding footballs and the toy bunny.
Also, Chakotay is throwing guns into a trash can, for reasons?
They definitely nailed 80's kids hating having family photos taken.
Successfully rescuing the children, we hook the medical techs to the nitrous oxide machines, with a tasteful "gone to see santa" sign next to them, then we drive away in the texasmobile.
Chakotay stops to flip off the people in the base, which is probably something voyager's Chakotay would want to do, but not. But its also a trick... he wanted the Beige Scientist Goons to get in a car and try to start it so his dynamite booby trap would explode them.
ok, seems i started at the right time. so basically, these creepy gringos are vampires?
Exploring the dungeon on her own, Arcade Bellhop discovers the blood draining factory where all the survivors are being milked to an extremely lit synth wave soundtrack. She is then ambushed and captured by more beige scientists.
Meanwhile, Chakotay is using his sabotage skill to plant dynamite under cars. Cheery Sis is sneaking about, probably to do a different type of mischief.
Chakotay is a smart shopper, concentrates on the essentials like dynomite.
Is it possible this whole thing is a Westworld theme park? I mean, they do have that maze symbol on the vehicles.
protip: if the evil Beige Scientists kill your sister and want to drain their blood, be sure to smash their computers and then hit them with things before leaving.
Okay, I'm guessing the underground base is connected to some kind of secret vampire project. That guess is probably wrong but everything in this movie is weird.
Anyway, while one of the survivors probably bleeds to death the medical techs leave to go blood drain some kids.
His bedside manner needs some work
So far this movie is looking like a pretty complete apocalypse... almost everyone is dead and also the vibes are surreal.
Anyway, Arcade Bellhop is doing her entry test with the base people who are asking her health questions, which she thinks is funny. In another room, some female med techs are discussing about how much blood they can extract from comatose people without killing them. Hmmm...
with the scientist pointing the gun at the santa claus this feels like a David Lynch movie, what with the furniture
Because they are suspicious of Cheery Sis and her rash, Beige Lady Scientist and another guy decide to stay with them and wait for Chakotay, for science. They give her a blood test and some lies but don't explain what the rash is and whether it means if she's gonna be a zombie or not.
So, the Beige Scientists have come to rescue the girls, using the logical reasoning that bored teenagers would go to a mall, logic which applied in the narrow window of time between the invention of shopping malls and the internet.
Anyway, the shopping mall goons threaten the girls with a russian roulette game because they're evil, then the beige scientists machinegun them, making the audience say, "good riddance".
Notable attire: Creepy Glasses Guy is wearing like... a bathrobe with one of those tie things that only Classical musicians wear. This is an efficient way to tell the audience that he perhaps needs some therapy.
Anyway, after a TV throwing and some ball kicking, the shopping mall goons take Cheery Sis hostage, but Arcade Bellhop has taken a goon hostage. Creepy Glasses Guy shots the goon the girl has taken so that both can be taken hostage.
Cheery Sis speculates that possibly Chakotay is Chakogay because he didn't try to make out with her last night, a prospect that seems to make Arcade Bellhop worried.
This worried state is interrupted by Creepy Glasses Guy dimming the lights and threatening them via the overhead microphones. In retaliation, Arcade Bellhop shoots the microphones leading to an Extended Gun battle with the Shopping Mall Goons in which Cheery Sis helps by throwing shoes at the enemy.
lol, those big old 80s TVs would fuck you though
Got to the clothing shopping montage - they splurged on a real pop song, but couldn't afford the Cyndi Lauper version, and got a close cover version.
Cheery Sis decides that the apocalypse has made her sad, because all the boys went away, so to cheer her up they decide to go "shopping", steal expensive clothes from Macy's and then dance while "Girls Just Wanna Have Fun" plays in the background.
Meanwhile, the spy cameras are watching them, meaning that Creepy Sungalsses Guy (different from Beige Sunglasses Science Guy) is watching them. He has some goons with guns that go out to ambush them.
even with 99% of people dead there's still pervs spying on girls in shopping malls
Not a single bear
Switching back to the secret research lab, where Beige Science Lady is doing a science when Beige Science Sunglasses Guy explains that they found survivors and should blood test them. She doesn't like them because she doesn't think that they should bring other people to their secret science lab.
Anyway, the survivors disembark their helicopter (it's some random kids) and she's mad.
OMG, the pace of this movie. I already forgot what caused all of this, it has been too long. #monsterdon
After searching his house for secret doors and treasure, Chakotay encounters a zombie child who tries to eat him. He has a gun but doesn't want to shoot him, because in general shooting children is bad. Zombie children are probably an exception, but we don't know if the child is all zombie or just like, partly zombie, causing an ethical dilemma.
Anyway, Chakotay runs away out of the house, which is a valid way to resolve this particular ethical dilemma.
I'm completely not sure if Bootleg Joe was eaten offscreen or if he just disappeared while looking for his bootleg buyer.
Anyway, meanwhile Cheery Sis is ad that the two of them are getting it on and also has a rash on her shoulder. An ominous rash.
Cheery Sis goes out for a car ride and some cops start chasing her. Because she's white and rich she is glad to see cops, so she stops to let them catch her and freshens her breath to flirt with them.
But alas! They are zombie cops and start eating her instead!
But alas! It was all a dream. She wakes up on the very nice curvy couch.
Yes, this underwear scene is totally necessary to the plot, totally
Arcade Bellhop makes it home to meet her sister, Lil Perma, who is a 1980s Cheerleader with an $80 sweater, which is probably the equivalent of a new phone or cheap laptop in the today times, but her parents can afford it because they're rich wasps.
I will call her Cheery Sis. Cheery Sis tries to gossip, while Arcade Bellhop explains that everyone she's gossiping about has disappeared, which she demonstrates by showing the dustified people outside.
"Chakotay off the starboard bow!"
I'm wondering how the comet dustification beams work. Like I guess you're safe if you're behind enough steel, but you turn into dust if you look at the comet, and maybe you turn into a zombie if you are partly shielded? maybe? or maybe there's other risk factors that could lead to zombification?
A lawn storage shed that somehow can withstand a comet's magic wrath
Wait, all animals are dust too?
These people are fucked unless they learn a good vegan diet
There are some pretty big clues that all is not normal, but they're only evoking mild curiosity in our heroine so far.
"Hmm, empty car running at the stop lightβ¦Β a little strange, but oh wellβ¦"
π΅ What fun it is to ride and sing a slaying song tonight πΆ
Anyway, after Bootleg Joe leaves, Arcade Bellhop futzes around in the theater for a while, playing her heart themed arcade game, then locks herself out by mistake and starts wandering the abandoned streets.
Like in the old JRPGs where you take too many steps and then encounter a monster, a zombie appears. She uses "negotiate" but it's not very effective, then uses kung fu, which is at least party effective. Then she steals a motorbike and zooms away.
The hair products that were used to prep the ladies in this flick could float an aircraft carrier.
I feel like they couldn't get Michael J. Fox's people on the phone, so they chose this guy.
I mean, I remember Tempest being fun, but not THAT fun.
She just had an orgasm over her score, didn't she?
#monsterdon was this week's movie better than Son of Godzilla?
@diazona @jonny @simrob okay the comet's tail has stuff that kills you if you're directly exposed to it while it's fresh - basically it turns you into powder. If you're only exposed a little it still turns you into powder but more slowly.
the scientists figured something bad was going to happen and set up an isolation bunker but fucked up and left the ventilation system open and fans on so it all got sucked into their air supply so they're exposed too
and samantha wasn't dead, dr. white was making her _look_ dead so the other compoundites wouldn't take her back to the compound to use for blood.
We really need to have an "If the comet came and you could wear anything" costume contest.
Is he driving his own car around despite the 23 other cars he claims he has?
How did he survive? What's his story? Where's he taking the Sister?
Sequel hook
Whenever I play an arcade game at the plentifully abundant arcades, I am entering DMK in the high scores list.
Another #Monsterdon is in the can!
Thanks to @Taweret for hosting!
Tonight's feature, #NightOfTheComet, is from 1984, is a fun eighties movie full of camp and circumstance! We also had,
- Tempest video game!
- Comet that turned people outside into Tang powder!
- Mutant comet zombies? That can talk!
- Zombie cop dream inception!
- Lots of red. Red dust. Red light. Red shirts. Red zombie blood. Just lots of red.
- Shopping montage!
- Eighties music!
- Who needs a serum when you have ..... rain!
Getting the feeling this movie was sponsored by Polaroid.
π¦ #MONSTERDON ποΈ
βοΈ TRIVIA OF THE COMET
Remember the "DMK" that messed up Samantha's takeover of the top ten in her video game? During shooting of the film, people kept asking writer/director Thom Eberhardt about what will happen with DMK. He didn't have any plans, but felt obligated to have DMK appear somehow.
So we see "Danny Mason Keener" drive a convertible that almost runs over Samantha at the movie's ending.
π look for the "DMK" on his license plate
is the sister that was supposed to be dead in that other mall movie?
I really don't think these people are dealing with the whole 'Civilisation is gone'
The NRA would like to thank everyone for purchasing a gun as shown by this potentially tragic scenario
I'm just now realizing that we have been given absolutely no motivation for the zombies. Unclear if they're flesh-eaters, gone violent with madness, or what?
Just ghoulies.
Should they throw the guns away though? There are other Truckers out there, and projectionists....
Cheery Sis turns off the lights, allowing Arcade Bellhop to escape. She shows up to rescue the kids and stick up the medical techs. My favorite part of this is when she takes a stuffed bunny that the kids throw her and keeps holding it in her non-gun hand.
Was the whole base in that jeep? Because it seemed busier than that
Continuing with his theater kid vibes, Chakotay has dressed like a cowboy and drives up to bother a guard at the gateway to the secret base, talking as redneck as possible. He beckons the guard over to look at the girl in his car trunk, who is an alive Cheery Sis!
Apparently Beige Science Lady was Not Evil and just knocked the sister unconscious to fool the other Beige Scientists into thinking she was dead. Surprise attacking the guard, they sneak into the base.
Wait, so cheerleaders are going to repopulate the earth? Decide already.
Beltran calling himself 'Hank', offering up drugged women as bait.....he's really gone MAGA
Dressed as Santa Claus because this movie is weird, Chakotay arrives at the radio station, carrying presents. He's looking for Arcade Bellhop, but meets Beige Lady instead, who is pointing a gun at him, because is Lawful Evil.
While loading up a suicide syringe and stabbing herself, Beige Lady explains that some of the evil comet air got into their secret underground base, which will turn the base people to dust. She tells Chakotay that he is cute and then dies.