That's some sort of Tardis raft. It's bigger when on the water than when building it on shore.

#Monsterdon

#monsterdon Oh no, Glauben just ate a bunch of fish with her bare hands and then pushed her hair back, now she has fish hair

The professor does have a point, Olsen is being a Science Jerk

#monsterdon

Aw drat, I thought we'd rid ourselves of Axel.

#Monsterdon

Incel Axel will fuck this swimming scene up by getting his wanger out

#monsterdon

*Incel falls down a hole

#monsterdon

Oh man, he's such an incel

#monsterdon

lol, unreliable narrator alert

"The new man is a poopy head and probably has no penis"

#monsterdon

"OK, let's pretend I didn't do that and all go to sleep, right now...very tired Professor...."
*empty bottle of scotch rolls out of his coat

#monsterdon

And the heroine fell into a steaming pile of something, more on point with right wing cable TV. lol

#Monsterdon

#monsterdon oh no, it is dark and Glauben is about to be eaten by a grue

#monsterdon Ten points to the first nerd who dubs the Lord of the Rings soundtrack over this mountain trekking scene.

(Anyone else having trouble accepting that Glauben's cute hat isn't immediately blowing off in this wind?)

I want tweed pantaloons like the lady is wearing

#monsterdon

#Monsterdon this would dovetail with the HP Lovecraft stories. It’s non-Euclidean! Woo woo!

"the gas mask is for sex play, all this leather stuff is."

#monsterdon

i wanna take a ride in a sleeper train like that.

#Monsterdon #JTTCenterOfTheEarth

@CactuarJoe They are so doomed
#Monsterdon

the housekeeper is so not English, i already love her ethpanish attitude.

#Monsterdon #JTTCenterOfTheEarth

#Monsterdon We switch to scene number two, where some 19th century geologists are debating Platonism versus Aristoteliani... I mean, um, whether the core of the earth is made of lava or gas or ghosts or whatever. They all look exactly like what you'd expect.

This scene is a bit like a youtube comments debate in real life, where all the positions are probably equally mad.

I wasn’t able to watch along this week, but I’ll just leave this here: Hans - “Forward means sheep, backwards means nothing.” #Monsterdon

@ottaross He could foresee the future, when he would obtain a pregnant ewe lamb on a lava slope #monsterdon

honestly this just makes me want to watch AT THE EARTH'S CORE again, which adapted a different "centre of the earth" type story (by Edgar Rice Burroughs) and came out around the same time (1976) #monsterdon

so why was Olson so interested in helping those particular goobers go to the center of the earth where they did nothing and then went home?

#monsterdon

i figured it out - the Olsons are Doozers! #monsterdon

I can't get past the fact that (1) at no point did they get anywhere near the center of the Earth, and (2) clearly time did not begin during this movie because if it had I would only have had to sit through part of it

Kind of fun as long as it's not expected to make any sort of sense though, which is kind of exactly what I was in for. Thanks @Taweret for hosting!

#Monsterdon

@aburka @ottaross it's a sequel hook with no chance of happening #monsterdon

Location scouts, costumers and monster creators on this movie 4/5.

Writing, acting and cohesiveness 2/5.

The only thing saving it from being a 1/5 is Hanz and his sheep story, and the so bad it’s comedic romance sub-plot.
#Monsterdon

That film need less walking, less rafting, less volcano stock footage and more explanation of the Olson City and his adventures in Time

#monsterdon

#monsterdon So the underground Olson clone lab remains unexplained??!
Ok.

Journey to the center of the earth (1977): 0/5

"Nothing happens in this movie and nobody is in it that matters except hans and that sheep"

#monsterdon #monsterdonReviews

@strangefour best bit of acting in the whole damn movie #monsterdon

#monsterdon Idk what the fuck is going on at this point.

Another #Monsterdon is in the can!

Thanks again to fearless @Taweret for hosting and wrangling all of us!

Tonight's feature was #JourneyToTheCentreOfTheEarth from 1977. In lieu of a plot we had,
- Double entendres that turned into triple and quadruple entendres!
- Mighty caves!
- Hans, the sheep whisperer
- Giant acid mushrooms, but not the fun kind!
- Volcano eruptions!

RASPUTIN JESUS! BUT OLD!
and that's it? dang it.

#Monsterdon #JTTCenterOfTheEarth

#Monsterdon After fleeing the exploding caves, we emerge near a smoldering volcano, because fuck physics. We find a local child and try to figure out where we are by speaking random languages at them. The child says that the exploding mountain is Stromboli, which might be a type of pasta, I dunno.

As a reward for all of his suffering, Mr Whittle Pipe has found a nice goat that he would like to cuddle, and carries it away from the explosion. Bellhop Twink takes the child instead.

#monsterdon ALSO in the 1800 people where total cousin fuckers it's gross.

spending a full 5 minutes on volcano footage and going straight into the "where are they now" montage because nothing that happened in the center of the earth was worth saying anything about, not even the secret science base #monsterdon

It's a queer bookshop, that's why he goes

#monsterdon

Some call me.... Tim.

#monsterdon

obviously all four gas masks survived, no drama there

#monsterdon

i told you Hans had an unhealthy fixation with sheep.

#Monsterdon #JTTCenterOfTheEarth

Let me guess -- yep a bomb solves the problem

#monsterdon

#Monsterdon prediction: Cave Aragorn is an ancient greek guy who has been stuck in this cave for a long time. And the civilization in the cave have travelled back in time for some reason.

I guess the cave world is like a time tunnel or something. Maybe its where the Trodons in Dinosaur Train built their original time railroad and humans are just borrowing it.

#monsterdon BRUUH WHAT??!! TheRE's a LAB??

look, was the Olsen City a cut scene or what?!

#monsterdon

less walking, more 'Mysterious City of The Olsens' please

#monsterdon

that dinosaur scene totally inspired Jurassic Park

#Monsterdon #JTTCenterOfTheEarth

Shepherd whose flock of sheep was struck by lightning: “not this again!” #monsterdon #JourneyToTheCentreOfTheEarth

I understand why there were scared when the tortoises had them surrounded. But surely they're not worried the tortoises will chase them down?

#monsterdon

I'm so glad they were able to escape the tortoises. #Monsterdon

im not scared of tortoises. their 'prey' is dandelions. go back to the tortoises

#monsterdon

creepy ethpanish Rasputin is creepy

#Monsterdon #JTTCenterOfTheEarth

And with the Monster Fight I've got a bingo. 😄 #Monsterdon

That was two hand puppets playing with meat

#monsterdon

#monsterdon MONSTER ROAR

lol, they only look like they are a few metres from the beach in this raft scene

Oh dear fuck I feel sorry for that monster trying to be scary

Is that disturbing stick figure in the foreground of the beast meant to be Glouben?

#monsterdon

"Do you think it's edible?"
"Don't see why not"

You eat it first Professor, cocky....

#monsterdon

“Whatever you do, don’t touch the mush—“ *BOOM* #monsterdon #JourneyToTheCentreOfTheEarth

@slott56 #monsterdon
Entire generations grew up expecting quick sand to be one of life’s greatest hazards

Hopefully there's an after credits scene with Hans enjoying his hard earned sheep. #Monsterdon

#Monsterdon the location people did a good job finding enough caves for this movie, along with weird museums and other places.

Anyway, Rock Lady is wandering through the mud cave now, and ominous music plays because we might be being stalked by scary cave people! Anyway, she trips into some quicksand and starts screaming, because quicksand is a common cave hazard.

Anyway, a scary cave person secretly rescues her then runs off, but no one believes her, possibly because sexism.

that covered in mud continuation 🙄

#Monsterdon #JTTCenterOfTheEarth

"The only sensible thing to do would be turn back while we can still find a way out"

So of course that means you keep going

#Monsterdon

I’ll trade you wheat for sheep #monsterdon

Yay - first monster sighted. Drink!

#Monsterdon

#Monsterdon three minutes into this cave, we loose all our water and don't bother trying to recover it. Great job guys.

Fortunately, they find some water that Mr Whittler Pipe licks and then barfs up. I'm gonna guess he follows the dog philosophy of eating everything in case it happens to be food and gacking it up if it isn't.

@CactuarJoe disposable local guides, very Colonial #monsterdon

Aha - some facts about the #Monsterdon from #IMDB - apparently there's a Spanish version and an English dubbed version.

Filming is in Spain and the Canary Islands, and a bit in Ireland.

The Victorian way of testing things, stick it in your mouth and taste it

#monsterdon

#Monsterdon Appropriately, we find some initials of the past explorer who I guess wrote the Ominous Leatherbound Spellbook at the entrance of the smoking chandelier cave. Then everyone climbs the ladder down, except for Bellhop Twink, who is not afraid of war, but is afraid of volcanoes.

Notable Fact: they have food for 60 days and water for 10 days. Professor Muttonchops plans to drink the secret cave water they will undoubtably find.

oooo, weird cave people down here? Probably cannibals. They usually are.

#monsterdon

Europeans going into the unknown "of course we'll need weapons"

#monsterdon #Colonialism

The "bowels of the Earth" comment looks appropriate as the scenes of the descent have a distinctive colonoscopy look to them.

#Monsterdon

white guy is a weenie. i mean, there's no Black guy. he could be the first to go.

#Monsterdon #JTTCenterOfTheEarth

we can't see your beaver, darling.

#Monsterdon #JTTCenterOfTheEarth

"We're going to the centre of the Earth, we'll need plenty of wool and tweed"

#monsterdon

The intrepid explorers are headed across the landscape with minimal gear, but I'll bet the heroine has multiple costume changes along.

#Monsterdon

"I have no life on the Surface, I'll come with you, nobody will miss me"

Very Scandinavian

#monsterdon

They're carrying remarkably little gear. #monsterdon

*sceptical pipe smoking

#monsterdon

it's obvious the lady in the dirdnl is german because of her kachangas

#Monsterdon #JTTCenterOfTheEarth

and hirrrrrr ith ourrrrrrrrr kkkkkkrown joowell

#Monsterdon #JTTCenterOfTheEarth

#Monsterdon After a dinner of whatever it is that Europeans eat, Professor Muttonchops (chief Uncle of the house) and Bellhop Twink use their linguistic talents to decipher the book that Reddit Santa gave them at a book shop. Anyway, they discover it is a code that is read via mirrors to keep its secret hidden from vampires.

Whatever side this dude is on, I'm on the other side #monsterdon

"we forgot our tickets to the centre of the earth!" #monsterdon

@amyfou imagine having to live with those people on an island of shit #monsterdon

Didn't pay much attention to the opening credits, but some scenes appear to be dubbed. Other scenes still sound dubbed, but the mouth movements seem to be English. Just terrible re-recording? Strange audio track.

#monsterdon

haha he didn't have to explain why he was on his knees

#monsterdon

Opening scene, can't decide if the guy is supposed to be wearing a bad disguise, or the movie's makeup department is terrible.
#monsterdon

is it 1898 Hamburg in Ethpain? that's the year Ethspain lost the Spanish-American War and Puerto Rico 🧐

#Monsterdon #JTTCenterOfTheEarth

Like The Core, we are about to suspend our knowledge of the actual interior of the Earth

#Monsterdon

Launching my #Monsterdon thread for The Fabulous Journey To the Center of the Earth (1977) aka When Time Began. I'm not totally sure what this movie's title should be, so I'm not going to hash tag it.

However I am excited that this movie might have dinosaurs, caves and bellhops.

Nice to see #centre spelled properly. #monsterdon

Bookstore scene for the Mastodon nerds

#monsterdon

Okay, trying a #Monsterdon, joining in with my fellow Mastodonians for tonight's movie!

Mute if you must!

@floatybirb Cavers/miners knew about poison gas. A Prussian invented the respirator in 1799. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gas_mask#Early_breathing_devices #Monsterdon #JourneyToTheCenterOfTheEarth

In conclusion:

(h/t @annathepiper)

#monsterdon #JourneyToTheCenterOfTheEarth

Those guys in the underground city? The Olsen twins

#monsterdon
#JourneyToTheCentreOfTheEarth

@yatsu What kind of idiot shoots off a *flare gun* in an unknown cavern? #Monsterdon #JourneyToTheCenterOfTheEarth

@yatsu genuinely better idea for a movie than the 'walking holiday' movie we got #monsterdon