Olsen is Zathras from Babylon 5
Both live in mysterious underground cities, mock those who hold onto the conventions of linear time and there may be many of them, or just one.
OK this was a monsterpalooza but the real monster was the whitemansplaining dingbat professor for shooting inside a cave.
well done crew! we did it! we choose a good awful one today.
thanks @Taweret@octodon.social and all you lovely dingbatty monsterdonians.
I give tonight's #Monsterdon a 4/5. The characters were mostly just there, but they discovered some weird underground shit, and that's neat! I love me a good subterranean ocean and some rando dinosaurs.
Party members in descending order of usefulness:
* Mr Whittle Pipe (does almost everything)
* Cave Aragorn (helpfully explodes)
* Bellhop Twink and Rock Lady (splash and look at things)
* Professor Muttonchops (almost gets everyone killed several times)
props to @Taweret@octodon.social for hosting!
i hate that i can read lips in ethpaΓ±ol cuz am catching their ethspanish mixed in with their esthpeaking the jinglish
I've just got to admire the audacity of having a whole underground future city of Olsen Time Lords and then......nobody ever mentions it ever again.
It's like some kind of SCP, erasing knowledge of itself. Or bad editing.
what kind of dingbat fires a shot inside of a cave?!?!
creepy white guy is probably the reply guy of caves, lurking in the shadows
#monsterdon This trash-talking of military manoeuvring is delightful to hear from a lady dressed up in perfect green camouflage to blend in to the walls, curtains, and carpet of this room.
well damn.
now i have yet another reason to find Tom Brady creepy. he's been turning himself into Pat Boone circa 1959 Journey To The Center Of The Earth
#Monsterdon territory... sorta.
#monsterdon AND THAT'S A WRECK
...they fucked off back out of an underground sea..?
These creepy eyes over the credits seem a little unnecessary, but OK
#monsterdon "How's that raft coming along?" ... "I hope that fossilized wood floats."
Fossilized wood is literally rock. Rock is known for many things but generally not its buoyancy..?
Massive bit of gaslighting from the Professor there.....is this why the University asked him to leave?
OMG this is the good wood paneling, not that 1970s ugly stuff.
am gonna watch the 1959 one... or fall asleep trying
"So the moral of the story, is always hold out to get your contract defined in terms of sheep, because at the rate GDP is discounted relative to productivity, the net present value is inverted without sufficient leverage and your investors will be under water. Thank you, I'll take questions now."
whitesplaining white man is whitesplaining
Hans is really earning his sheep.
AURORA BOREALIS!?
AT THIS LATITUDE?
LOCALISED ENTIRELY UNDERNEATH THE EARTH!?
#monsterdon Welp there goes Axel, shame about that, nothing to be done about it
That's quite an abrupt wrap up.
bitch, you gonna get pyroclasted to oblivion. get your ass out of there.
Dang, this Axel character is unkillable. They need to try harder.
#Monsterdon creepy cave man appears, having followed them. He reveals himself to be Aragorn, son of Arathorn, heir to the Throne of Gondor, only blonde and in a hat that's not quite a fez. He's as grumpy as Aragorn though, but he seeks science for the sake of science, rather than the defeat of a Dark Lord.
Anyway, he calls Professor Muttonchops a dumb ass, so that tracks. His name is now Mystery Cave Aragorn.
LOL!
just casually pulls out a gun, fires it off and collapses the whole cave.
Fucking idiot is drunk, isn't he?
lol, she cleaned up VERY well, didn't she?
AAAAACK AM LATE!!! fucking vpn is not working. wish me luck! #monsterdon
@Taweret@octodon.social he's a Time Lord, he just likes to fuck with humans. #monsterdon
@Ranjit I loved those guys, and hated that the Fraggles mindlessly destroyed their works.
There are some true monsters.
#monsterdon
The real monster was either the professor, or the plot.
@floatybirb that's the last we'll ever see or hear of the Olsen City ever again #monsterdon
#monsterdon Wait, are these all clones of Olsen, or are those just the Olsen twins?
Props to the actress for vomiting a bit of water there
well, that was gruesome. leave it to the ethpanish to go all metal with the killing
#Monsterdon Division of Labor, underground sea edition:
Professor Muttonchops: Management
Mr Whittle Pipe: Build Raft
Rock Lady: Splash in Water
Bellhop Twink: Recover from Injury, then Splash in Water
Cave Aragorn: Fondling Cloth, Brooding
#Monsterdon after everyone celebrates that they won't die of thirst because the underdark is full of water, Bellhop Twink falls down and hits his head. We discover an underground sea, one of my favorite underground tropes! Also the underdark is not dark, but mysterious lit from above!
Is there like a sun there? Is it glowing rock? Is there a day/night cycle I am completely not sure!
![[empty]](/media/avatars/287224a269fbaefbc7e94920b207f9dca8b6e0415d818373c9f1528359b6a0e8.jpg){kind=small}
Come on in! The waters 250C and boiling my skin off!
this guy Olso (?) totally played Jesus Christ in one of the ethpanish movies they showed us at catholic school.
See this is why we grew up with a fear of Quicksand....
#monsterdon "What possible progress could there be if science were a slave to democracy?"
I can only read that in Elon Musk's stupid, stupid voice while imagining it being repeated Greek chorus style by a bunch of TESCREAL cultists
Couldn't they go back for ten minutes, get some more water, then come right back? #Monsterdon
With those masks on they look like they're off to a steampunk convention.
Needs more brass though.
#monsterdon "It is herring season, and every able-bodied man is either out fishing or home mending the nets."
We need to find a porter with a herring allergy.
JAMES MASON! PAT BOONE!
@loren classic Monsterdon ending experience #monsterdon
#Monsterdon Shock Ending: Cave Aragorn was Santa Claus the whole time! Who would have expected it?
@jonny it was an oddly paced movie #monsterdon
#monsterdon If Hans and that little sheeplet he's dragging around get roasted by this exploding volcano that for some reason had fresh water under it about seventy five seconds ago I am going to be quite put out
They've discovered sheep! Hans will be pleased.
#Monsterdon our raft floats to a wall and Professor Muttonchops decides he needs to hack at it with a pickaxe until he finds a way out. At a random wall. Like he could hack at a different wall. He could hack at the floor. He could get back into the raft and sail somewhere else.
Cave Aragorn tries to talk some sense in to him, asking him to get on the raft while he... um... I dunno? Turns into the Kool-Aid man and breaks through the wall?
Kudos to the cast for doing all those scenes on the flimsy raft. It was legit floating, but not in a solid way.
"Never forget" he says, when they've already forgotten the Olsen City
nobody is going to explain the Olsen City then?
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA HE HAS CLONES OF HIMSELF WORKING IN THAT LAB.
lol, that ape creature thought the marriage proposal was shit too
so this movie is a monsterpalooza
we have to expect the unexpected... that was the title of a pregnancy book π€¨
"Quick! Off the island β too many turtles!"
#Monsterdon
we can't lose Hans. there's no movie without sheepboy!
How did they keep their shirts so white? That's the true miracle of this land
"No dinosaurs were harmed (much) in the making of this movie."
Jack Taylor, the actor who played Olsen, was in a bunch of Spanish thriller/horror/exploitation movies in the 70s. #monsterdon #JourneyToTheCentreOfTheEarth
#monsterdon "Those look like giant mushrooms!"
quoth @k8eb: Matang-uh-oh
Oh boy Axel, whatever designs you had on the girl went when this real man walked into their lives
@bunnyhero and 6 hours worth of water #monsterdon
"Follow this chalk sign to 'ASS'"
#monsterdon MONSTER SIGHTING
*Spelunking intensifies
#Monsterdon After leaving the Cool Gigantic Library Museum, we wander into a shop to barter for health potions and upgraded accessories... I mean... um... lamps and other real world supplies. We meet a guy who has a pipe and whittles. Having got some lamps, we proceed to hike up the zigzaggy Icelandic mountains while goofy background music plays. So far this movie is foreshadowing many JRPG conventions.
#Monsterdon Oh no I'm 17 minutes into this movie and there is ANOTHER character with muttonchops. I will call the second muttonchops guy (who I think is some kind of fossil museum spy), Ichabod Muttonchops to distinguish him from Professor Muttonchops.
#Monsterdon It turns out all of our characters are science people of various classes. Bellhop Twink knows linguistics, Rock Lady knows Geology and maybe Physics, and Professor Muttonchops is I guess also a geologist? Anyway, this team is going on an expedition to the secret center of the world (which is in Iceland), even if this means that Bellhop Twink has to do a mild desertion.
We begin our expedition by boarding a train and getting yelled at by the conductor, then switch to a sailboat.
#monsterdon heh heh "Sneffels" gonna need to pack some extra handkerchiefs, eh? eh? get it?? *is thrown off the train*
#monsterdon Damnnnnnn they make Dark Academia sooo apealing
Today's #Monsterdon starts with a tribute to a different movie with the same title, and then shifts to some Tinted Geology Slides. We then cut to Hamburg 1898, where Santa Claus has disguised himself as a reddit user to better sneak into a book shop.
He sells some Ominous Leatherbound Books to the bookshop dwellers, that I guess are Mysterious Explorer Logs, or possibly spellbooks from the adventurers Santa defeated. He leaves with an ominous warning, returning to his polar workshop.
@diazona @Louisa which is obviously how the Earth works and totally survivable in a fossil wood raft #monsterdon
@NovaCora I feel like not enough is being said of the cousin fucking in this movie #Monsterdon
So that was a movie about some folks who climb into a hole, find a guy in the hole who explodes, then they leave the hole. #Monsterdon
#monsterdon Thank you, @Taweret@octodon.social! This one was weird in a new way, and a lot of fun to heckle!
#monsterdon How ok that WAS A WILD MOVIE!
@amyfou I thought so too, but apparently the saying was originally βthe proof of the pudding is in the eating.β #Monsterdon
https://en.wiktionary.org/wiki/the_proof_of_the_pudding_is_in_the_eating
#Monsterdon the rest of this movie will be stock footage of a volcano going "boom"
wait! they had gone all the way up to Iceland to end up in Italy?
AAAAAAAAAARGH the movie just suddenly ended for me. dang it.
@Taweret@octodon.social We're in the land of futurism (Italy), so close enough?
bunch of adults in gas masks grab a shepherd boy....
Lucky they happened to be under a giant chimney
#monsterdon Look I'm sure it's all very dramatically effective to tell the other members of your party to back away from your current position but for the love of pete will somebody please begin a trend of _telling the other folks in your party what you're about to do before doing it_
#Monsterdon oh shit; inside the nested cave is a city of glowing advanced technology, where people in lab coats are I guess doing secret science. Cave Aragorn tells everyone not to tell Professor Muttonchops, because he's too stupid to try to leave the cave world already, and seeing a mysterious civilization of high technology white people inside a cave would make him want to stay even more.
Okay I'm thinking the plethora of clones is probably not in the original Jules Verne manuscript.
lol, oh it's a GIANT ape
i want to fuck you but there's a king kong here .
That notepad is just endless pictures of big cocks with little feet that go on adventure under the Earth
Ha. Ha - their sail is on fire in the rain! Who came up with that idea.
Please don't be all colonial and kill and eat the giant tortoises
@RobynGoodfellow it would have sounded better from Werner Herzog #monsterdon
βWhat a strange looking fish, do you think itβs edible?β βI donβt see coela we canth.β#monsterdon #JourneyToTheCentreOfTheEarth