"5 times, Mrs. Bueller"

#Monsterdon #JasonAndTheArgonauts

In the kingdom of the no-sandaled, the one-sandalled man is king

#monsterdon

"Why was I not told the whole prophecy"

Gods are fucking with you, it's what they do. They're bored...

#Monsterdon

Red capes seem like bad planning, like how do you tell who has an arterial bleed and who just got their cape wet

#Monsterdon #JasonAndTheArgonauts

Who wants to smoke a bowl with me

#Monsterdon

GOGOGOGOGOGOGO

#Monsterdon #JasonAndTheArgonauts

@apLundell skeletons! are always immortal! they are the shape of the body animated by something that is localized to their being but must be outside of it! because unlike other undead, it is plain to see that there is nothing that could serve as the source of their animacy within them. they are a body without a body! #monsterdon

@MichaelKlamerus You can copy and paste this comment to about 98% of Monsterdon movies

#Monsterdon

@msh @Taweret I'm choosing to call this a sequel setup

#monsterdon #JaconAndTheArgonauts1963

And that's a wreck! Jason and the Argonauts fuck off into the sea with the golden fleece they stole, and with several fewer crewmates who were murdered by skeletons! Jason and Medea make out! The gods chuckle indulgently! THE END

Thank you for hosting, @Taweret , and thank you to the whole #monsterdon crew for a delightful Sunday evening and a fine return to form. Good choice, and good night!

SKELETONS, SKELETONS, SKELE... *is hooked off stage*

What, we're ending it there?

But he's gotta get back through the clashing rocks and all that stuff!? And what about taking down the king. Ugh, these abrupt endings.

#Monsterdon

"Just as King KOng got me interested in music, in trying to trace Max Steiner's score... I became interested in Wagner and the classics, and the picture opened up an entire world to me. So I am so pleased that our pictures opened up a whole new world for them."

Like Ray I hope #monsterdon opened up a whole new world for you - great (!) films and even better company.

Big thanks to @Taweret for organizing our group watches! Also special thanks to @cherizilla for the bingo, @JoeWynne for the trivia, and each and every one of you for the fantastic time we shared together!

♥️ see you next week!

...Wait, that's it? #Monsterdon

Quick, check the guidebook. Can skeletons swim?

#Monsterdon

👏💀👏💀👏💀👏💀👏💀👏

#Monsterdon

And the Oscar goes to… Ray Harryhausen!

#oscars #monsterdon #jasonandtheargonauts1963

"Destroy them! Kill! Kill! Kill them all!"

Right, OK, so more of a nec-rofighter, less of a nec-romancer

#monsterdon

you know what fuck it, 5 minutes left, skeletons. let's go. #monsterdon

@moira @SnoopJ the fleece has some utility value as a healing item, so one could characterize the economy of this kingdom as being based on hyperspeculation on healthcare technology #monsterdon

My sister had shag carpet like that fleece when we were kids #monsterdon

Hecate is more interested in cleaning up a dead hydra before it stinks up the place than in listening to you

#Monsterdon

"Wait!"

I'm Greek Abraham Lincoln, I can't go onto a balcony! #Monsterdon

Medea looking on like she has money bet on this match

#Monsterdon

use the pointy end

#Monsterdon

Why is it so hard to hit the hydra, it's RIGHT THERE #Monsterdon

#Monsterdon #JasonAndTheArgonauts1963 it *was* the *bronze* age

The argonauts are mad at Jason for not immediately wanting to attack the city they are visiting (he thinks that would be mean and also dumb), but I immediately wanting to do a shore piracy is very on brand for most mythological Greek heroes.

Anyway, one guy is extra mad we can't do a shore piracy and so we have a swordfight until Jason knocks him off the boat, then we get a swimming scene and then that guy dies.

#monsterdon

This scene has me expecting Shatner to burst in, ripping his own shirt #Monsterdon

"I go another way."

It's ancient Greece, doesn't everyone? #Monsterdon

movies without a Naired man’s chest are a delight

#Monsterdon #JasonAndTheArgonauts

what the hell man i literally just deployed my giant fish man to save your ass and how you're throwing your little guy obelisk necklace overboard and suggesting as king you will promote a secular society less reliant on the gods? #monsterdon

"In time all men will learn to live without them (gods)"

The lack of a sea god popping out of the water to prove doubters wrong....

#Monsterdon

*rockslides sink the other boat in the narrow channel*

Boats: 0

Rocks: 1

*very Guy Fieri voice for some reason* you just got ROCKED

#monsterdon

Chips ahoy!

#monsterdon #jasonandtheargonauts1963

homies have had the concept of fashion and not wearing only diapers this whole time they just choose to diaper up and get a full body sunburn for fun #monsterdon

No harpies were harmed in the making of this film.

#Monsterdon

And that's how we domesticated harpies and how you can buy one in a pet shop to this day. #monsterdon

*Argonauts try to use a huge net to catch the harpies tormeting Phineas*

Whoever directed this scene has absolutely tried to wrestle a cat into a carrier.

#monsterdon

"Find some wood to build a cage"
"Oh sure, I'll just run over to Domus Depot and get right on that."

#monsterdon

@jonny we might charitably interpret the film's use of "sin" to mean defiance of the gods, but this is excessively charitable. just bad writing

#Monsterdon

...because Zeus is an asshole, that's why.

#Monsterdon

Cats would look at that table push and call it excessive

#Monsterdon

Oh, hey, it's my self-insert OC's

#Monsterdon

"You're on thin ice Jason, don't fuck me over again or I will cut you" - Hera

#Monsterdon

I never thought I'd see less self-preservation than in Prometheus

#Monsterdon

"My goo, my precious hot goo....ohhhh what a world....."

#Monsterdon

I... Was... Just... Learning... To love...

#Monsterdon

Not my giant ankle plug! My one weakness! #monsterdon

Use a quarter

#Monsterdon #JasonAndTheArgonauts

This week's #Monsterdon is unexpectedly high brow in a low brow way. I mean way to learn your Greek mythology on a Sunday night!

I just watched Harryhausen’s 1977 film Sinbad and the Eye of the Tiger. The compositing is AMAZING in that one.

#monsterdon #jasonandtheargonauts1963

"I wonder why that giant stone monster came to life and tried to kill us all. Did anyone take anything besides food and water? Hercules?" #monsterdon

Hey, remember JUST being told not to take anything. Are you 5 years old? #monsterdon

Hercules smol

#monsterdon #jasonandtheargonauts1963

That statue is going to move, isn't it?

#Monsterdon

Reminder: Hephaestus canonically regularly made objects so fine as to be self-moving

#Monsterdon #JasonAndTheArgonauts1963

that Hera head has strong body horror and “Virgin Mary in that movie about the Lourdes miracle” vibes and it’s the thing of nightmares.

#Monsterdon #JasonAndTheArgonauts

"We had sails all along? But the rowing? Why?"

#Monsterdon

Bro you're burning through Hera Help points like it's going out of style. #monsterdon

HELP_COUNTER -= 1

#monsterdon

Hera closes her eyes at this lacklustre drum playing

#Monsterdon

what in the fuck is that. do not leave that animatronic snake babe on my ship #monsterdon

See, this level of pettiness is a much more proper depiction of Zeus. This movie gets what Zeus is all about

#Monsterdon

BTW i find it fascinating that the greeks considered curliness (of the hair) with godliness

#Monsterdon #JasonAndTheArgonauts

"Hey Zeus, sup. I brought you a lil man"

#Monsterdon

EMBIGGENING!

#Monsterdon

OMG that guy with the big white eyebrows looks like Michael Palin in greek drag

#Monsterdon #JasonAndTheArgonauts

Why don't they People elect a leader instead of wait for a 'king' to save them?

*starts to analyse with Marxism

#Monsterdon

"Do you like my sexy dancing girls? I take them where ever I go..."

#Monsterdon

She was a ghost the whole time!

#monsterdon #jasonandtheargonauts1963

We’re slaughtering children. Are *we* the baddies?!

#monsterdon #jasonandtheargonauts1963

104 minutes? #monsterdon

lets fucking go..
#Monsterdon

5...4...3...2...1.. and we have GO!

#Monsterdon

"That's the one I picked :) "
#Monsterdon #TheBeastFrom20000Fathoms

An arctic dinosaur? What like some kind of wooly tyrannosaurus?
#Monsterdon #BeastFrom20000Fathoms

Big thanks to @Taweret for tonight's Harryhausen classic; the skeleton fight still sets the blood to racing.

No smoking (duh), no coffee (duh).
Heavy on the sausage fest. Maybe fewer bald old man titties (I can look in a mirror for that). Poseidon's hairless armpits, up close and personal.
The finest knitted hats/helmets.
Exotic healing flower.
Bronze guardian golem. Wimpy hydra guardian. Screechy harpies. Coordinated skeleton fighters.
And a golden fleece in a dead tree (thought it healed everything).

And, that was only half the story!

#Monsterdon #JasonAndTheArgonauts1963

It was a very White ending, in that some raiders from a foreign land were supposed to be the 'heroes' and everything should go well for their heist and to hell with the consequences.

#Monsterdon

The movie had a large number of anachronisms in it, but I think we were supposed to view it as sort of an out-of-time version of Ancient Greece - like the Ancient Greece that appears in renaissance paintings, or on Xena: Warrior Princess so it seems fine.

#monsterdon

@apLundell They’re usually some of the first monsters you face at level 1 in D&D, so judging by that, Jason and his crew have only just begun their adventure.

#Monsterdon

the 6 words she really wants to hear

#Monsterdon

Another wonderful entry in the Saga of Shirtless Men! Thanks again to @Taweret for keeping the stage grease filled and to the #Monsterdon crew for collecting my teeth.

......

............

....................(dies)

I mean, am I really supposed to root for, Jason, the guy trying to steal another people's sacred relic?

#Monsterdon #JasonAndTheArgonauts1963

@CactuarJoe 100% hydra and harpie score, weighted by screen time #monsterdon

After defeating the skeleton army we get in the rowboat and sail away. Because we used up all of our special effects money the movie has to end now, even though we haven't resolved the prophecy so we get another scene were Zeus and Hera are watching Jason and Medea kiss and they're like "hmmm well thats enough of our Mortals: the Board Game for now, let's finish it later!" and then they turn off their fountain TV and the movie ends.

#monsterdon

There will be part 2 (probably not)

Thanks #Monsterdon folks and @Taweret for hosting!

If I stab them, do they not bleed? Oh wait. #monsterdon

"Knocking 'em down is easy. It's getting them to stay down that's the problem."
#Monsterdon #JasonandtheArgonauts

How did I not ever notice that cheerleaders are wearing Ancient Greek Fighting Skirts

#Monsterdon #JasonAndTheArgonauts

WHY WOULD YOU PUT YOUR SWORD *DOWN* #Monsterdon

@LuluHelle [screaming in Skeleton]

#Monsterdon

#monsterdon what we've been waiting for!
The children of the hydras teeth.
Skelongtons!

You can't kick these things in the bollocks or any of those tricks

#Monsterdon

skellington said AAAAAAAA

#Monsterdon

Keel zem. Keel zem aul. #Monsterdon

time for the skeleton war :blobfoxhyper2:

#Monsterdon

I don't know why you set up a healing flower and then invoke a random fleece power instead

#Monsterdon

SKELETONS, SKELETONS, SKELETONS, SKELETONS

#monsterdon

I wish I could summon the Dead against my enemies...

#Monsterdon

Nice touch - the Colchis outfits/armour and shields are distinctly Persian. The ancient enemies of Greece.
#Monsterdon #JaconAndTheArgonauts1963