Okay well we know which boat crew needs a stern lecture about toxic masculinity

#Monsterdon #JasonAndTheArgonauts

*freshly out of a terrifying disaster, Argonauts jump into the water where they think they see some unfortunate sailors who might have survived*

Hey, what do you know, sailors offering aid and succor for others in peril notwithstanding their allegiance. What a concept, what a good idea, maybe we should think about this a little bit

#monsterdon

@jonny don't forget to tip your god of the sea

#Monsterdon

Just call Zeus and ask. 99% chance he forgot about this guy years ago

#Monsterdon

This really puts annoying mosquitos in perspective

#Monsterdon #JasonAndTheArgonauts

"Oh, and with your fifth favour granted, your card is stamped, and here is your free pastry. Come again."

#monsterdon

the techbro metal killing machine is just filled with petroleum-powered hot air.

some things just never change, don't they?

#Monsterdon #JasonAndTheArgonauts

well now that the statue is dead, waste not want not, go and get your ass equipped with giant anal beads and whatever else was in there. the gods probably smile upon that kind of shit #monsterdon

*Jason unscrews the access hatch on the back of Talos the bronze giant's heel*

Ah, so Hephæstus also follows the righty-tighty-lefty-loosey-and-fill-with-ichor screw thread standard, good to know

#monsterdon

"Aha! His Achilles' heel! Or whatever we're calling that a generation before Achilles"

#Monsterdon

Wow that guy really didn't want anyone to steal his brooch pin

#Monsterdon #JasonAndTheArgonauts

Uh-oh. Now Harry's in the Hausen.

#Monsterdon

Hera at the helm

She looks seasick

#Monsterdon #JasonAndTheArgonauts

"Here, take this card, and I'll stamp it every time I help you. Get five stamps and you get a free pastry."

#monsterdon

The beard game is strong in ancient Greece

#Monsterdon #JasonAndTheArgonauts

Shouldn't he have oven mitts on

#Monsterdon #JasonAndTheArgonauts

#monsterdon *opening credits roll*

Hmmmm I wonder what the argonauts are doing right now

RAY HARRYHAUSEN CREDIT SPOTTED

oh man this is gonna be good

JSON and the Args

#monsterdon #jasonandtheargonauts1963

🦖#MONSTERDON 🎞️

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And Jason blows some Golden Fleece healing action on the chick, but his compatriots who travelled across the planet to be impaled by nasty skeletons aren't worthy of a little Golden Fleece action?

Bad form, Jason.

#Monsterdon

DID THEY GET THE FLEECE? what about the rest of the movie!?!?!?!? #monsterdon

They did fuck off into the sea, classic Monsterdon

#Monsterdon

SKELETON 1: Argh! I've been run through!

SKELETON 2: Get up you idiot

#Monsterdon

Stabs the skeleton in the chest and it goes "OH NO, I'M... fine? I'm actually fine, I'm a skeleton." #Monsterdon

growing the Hydra’s children from her hungry teeth to be and army of bone-headed slaves in a tyrants petty war is very late-stage capitalism and end of the American empire

#Monsterdon #JasonAndTheArgonauts

Oh yay, it's the dancing skeletons scene.

#Monsterdon

Okay but they were introduced to a random plant that also has the power to heal before, I do feel obligated to point that out

#Monsterdon

"the children… of the niiiight" line delivered with the same drama as "it's a faaaaaake"

#Monsterdon

Jason: I killed yer hydra and stole yer fleece, SUCKAS

#Monsterdon #JasonAndTheArgonauts

Too good to mock

#monsterdon #jasonandtheargonauts1963

HAIL HYDRA!

#Monsterdon #JasonAndTheArgonauts

fuck me up with this hydra, as usual in harryhausen movie, the final-15 monster shoudl have been the whole movie #monsterdon

Wow, keys on a ring on a hook on the belt. You don't often see traditionalist fantasy jailers like this anymore. #Monsterdon

I wonder what the crites in Critters 4 are up to right now

#monsterdon

1:18 into the film and we get a hint of racial diversity

#Monsterdon

Okay I think maybe give up the golden fleece and start a small pharmaceutical company with that flower

#Monsterdon #JasonAndTheArgonauts

yeah i guess that's what you get for having a crew of mercenaries that you chose just because they are the strongest guys without them having any ideological alignment or commitments #monsterdon

never question a captain who never takes a turn rowing and dives overboard to bring an unknown dame on board and tells her our entire mission #monsterdon

BTW the old man in the diaper monokini was doing body positivity before it was cool

#Monsterdon #JasonAndTheArgonauts

Things are getting rocky!

AHHHahaha heh <cough>

#Monsterdon #JasonAndTheArgonauts

If kaiju films are any indication, this net has a 75% chance of working

#Monsterdon #JasonAndTheArgonauts1963

So, are there, like, anti-harpies who deliver the food

#Monsterdon

was greek mythology concerned with sin? i didn't think it had like a set of commandments or the concept of sin #monsterdon

very, very nice work on the grabbing-the-cloth bit. AND the food theft. but _particularly_ the cloth pull.

#monsterdon #JaconAndTheArgonauts1963

Bends down like a middle aged person...

#Monsterdon

I mean, you guys rowed right to him, what did you think was going to happen

#Monsterdon #JasonAndTheArgonauts

the metallic, creaky sounds of Thalos moving 👩🏾‍🍳💋

#Monsterdon #JasonAndTheArgonauts

compared to his early movies, J&TA was not at all stingy about its special effects. from the start it gives us quality monsters.

with that said, Hercules is an ass.

#Monsterdon #JasonAndTheArgonauts

If the captain of the ship started having conversations with the figurehead of the boat I would start talking mutiny...

#Monsterdon

"I will call the vessel.....'The Titantic II'"

#Monsterdon

Jason just announces his intention to kill the king to some rando nobleman he rescues from drowning? Oh heck, this kid is going to get canceled. 😖

#Monsterdon #JasonAndTheArgonauts1963

That's not Hercules, that's not Lou Ferringo

But at least it's not Kevin Sorbo

#Monsterdon

dude you want to pick people based on how good of sailors they are not... whatever this is #monsterdon

Not the proper Olympics, you can't see their dicks flap around. That's the point...

#Monsterdon

Greece lightning!

#monsterdon #jasonandtheargonauts1963

Eleven minutes in before the first incomprehensible dance number!

#monsterdon

A tree at the end of the world?

#monsterdon #jasonandtheargonauts1963

Thanks y'all again for the great fun watching #monsterdon #JasonAndTheArgonauts1963.

My son happened to come in, in time to watch the skeleton scene and hear me rant about how great it was. Passing on the classics...

It was a very White ending, in that some raiders from a foreign land were supposed to be the 'heroes' and everything should go well for their heist and to hell with the consequences.

#Monsterdon

Really? It just ends suddenly like that? #Monsterdon

Split review

#monsterdon #monsterdonReviews

This is the most dynamic stop motion skeleton fight I have ever seen (complementary)

#monsterdon

What, we're ending it there?

But he's gotta get back through the clashing rocks and all that stuff!? And what about taking down the king. Ugh, these abrupt endings.

#Monsterdon

Hera chooses to skip the cutscene

#Monsterdon

The most impressive part is the live action actors are just miming and they don't even have a tennis ball on a stick like modern greenscreen actors do. #monsterdon

ONE MINUTE LEFT IN THE MOVIE "oh no i guess that didn't work out. THE END" #monsterdon

Imagine, Jason is doing all this because the dude he is trying to kill told him to go do it to keep him out of his hair. 🤦‍♂️

#monsterdon #JasonAndTheArgonauts1963

MORE SKELETONS, LESS EVERYTHING ELSE

#Monsterdon

Aw yeah, this is the stuff :D #Monsterdon

My skeleton makes screams that sound just like that. #monsterdon

"Destroy Them!"
"Kill!"

"Does anyone know the command for these things? I don't have the manual with me...."

#Monsterdon

10 minutes is not a ton of time to wrap things up, here, but we seem to be fully under way to a sudden ending

#Monsterdon

@SRLevine The level of critical thought in this response is just way more than I expected anyone to give me 😂

#Monsterdon #JasonAndTheArgonauts

Well, that was kind of lame. But at least he didn't kill the hydra by decapitation (unlike SOME Hercules movies I could name >_>) #Monsterdon

Medea looking on like she has money bet on this match

#Monsterdon

@jonny the crew of the Argo did not include a hero named OPSECos

#Monsterdon

"We've been in three scenes together, you see, so by Movie Law we're in love now." #Monsterdon

Betrayal! Jason's own crew member! Curse his sudden but inevitable betrayal etc etc

#monsterdon

Jason and the Vaguenauts #Monsterdon

#Monsterdon #JasonAndTheArgonauts1963

king: "welcome to colchis -- we're throwing you a big feast to welcome you! we just have one law: don't steal our fleece. why'd you come here anyway?"

jason: "to steal your fleece! i mean _in peace_"

My HS bf and I saw a community theatre production of Medea, not really knowing what we were getting into. He was mortified; I was like, YES, DESTROY HIM EVEN IF YOU DESTROY YOURSELF IN THE PROCESS and I think that might have been the beginning of the end for us. 😅

#Monsterdon #JasonAndTheArgonauts1963

Second incomprehensible dance number, 1h16m!

#monsterdon

"We're not pirates.....we're COLONISERS!"

begins stealing precious icons and relics...

#Monsterdon

I really, really wish I could’ve been a hand on this set. Nobody has this much fun with papier-mâché, latex, and water anymore

#monsterdon #JasonAndTheArgonauts1963

throw the guy a courtesy wave as you pass by or something man, #monsterdon

EGADS

A LARGE MOIST ZEUS

#monsterdon

i am literally asking because some stories don't have like a narrative arc and that's fine, epics can just be epics and lengthy series of things happening one after another, but it's also a movie and usually movies have plots #monsterdon

Don’t you just hate it when a harpy gets trapped in your Parthenon and you’re trying to shoo-it outside but it just won’t go out the door?

#monsterdon #jasonandtheargonauts1963

And that's how we domesticated harpies and how you can buy one in a pet shop to this day. #monsterdon

*Argonauts try to use a huge net to catch the harpies tormeting Phineas*

Whoever directed this scene has absolutely tried to wrestle a cat into a carrier.

#monsterdon

"Find some wood to build a cage"
"Oh sure, I'll just run over to Domus Depot and get right on that."

#monsterdon

Maybe just build him a house with a door he can lock

#Monsterdon #JasonAndTheArgonauts

...because Zeus is an asshole, that's why.

#Monsterdon

Hercules, ruining it for everyone

#Monsterdon #JasonAndTheArgonauts

Hercules is upset about the loss of his 'friend' just as Alexander the Great was upset about his 'friend'

#Monsterdon

They're ancient greek sailors,...it's one giant polycule on that boat!

#Monsterdon

#Monsterdon #JasonAndTheArgonauts1963 it's like Titanic all over again *sniff*

reverse-reverse abandon ship!
#Monsterdon

🦖#MONSTERDON 🎞️

⁉️ TRIVIA AND THE ARGOS ⛵🌊

Does anyone watching know the answer?

Recall the scene of Talos's head initially coming to life and turning towards Hercules. Ray Harryhausen said it was inspired by a *Japanese film*, but he could not remember its name.

Do you know the Japanese film that inspired this scene?

#JasonAndTheArgonauts1963

Put the brooch pin back please, Hercules.

(These creaking metal sound effects are really doing a great job of covering up for the sense of scale that is robbed a little bit by the absence of motion blur from the movement of the bronze Talos statue.)

And this scene definitely looks to have inspired the metal laser giant on the amazon beach in Starcrash!

#monsterdon