#Monsterdon these chains are made of the strongest Balsa wood available!!!

It just looks so weird to my 21st Century eyes seeing people smoke at the dining table, the monsters

#monsterdon

#Monsterdon Playing the piano in a duet with the monster. Excellent. Good job sweetie. Just play along with mystery whistling in the middle of the Siberian tundra. Everything is all fine and dandy!

omg #monsterdon you're watching The Horror Express! I own this one on DVD which... might tell you a little about me (but alas, I have a 9pm Sunday commitment).

ps what it actually tells you about me is that I am rather determined to watch Christopher Lee in everything he's been in

I'm afraid the doggo's days are numbered.

Poodles in horror movies can't last long, surely.

#monsterdon

#monsterdon Mysterious monster has surprising lock-picking abilities. But his beauty regime will make your eyes bleed.

Nice callback on the whistling.

Is the monster *also* a locksmith?

#Monsterdon

#Monsterdon she’s awful fresh for two million years. Also, a fair bit Homo Erectus to boot. But ohhhtay!

#monsterdon "Upon further inspection, this chalk is chalk, you need a Master's Degree in Engineering and Science to understand that."

So I got news for you. If that corpse was frozen solid in the tundra, and you pack it like this, it is gonna be smelly goo by this point. #monsterdon

#monsterdon The audio quality makes the train more terrifying than anything else in the movie.

@yogajedi@strangeobject.space Now I have that Boney M song in my head #monsterdon #Rasputin

(Train hooting) #monsterdon

Serious porn stache vibes #monsterdon

Hrm, a retrospective on an expedition disaster to a remote area. Compare with At the Mountains of Madness?

#Monsterdon #HorrorExpress

#monsterdon

LET THE NERDING BEGIN

Saruman the White couldn’t defeat Gandalf,
But Christopher Lee fucking could’ve if he’d wanted to. #Monsterdon

#monsterdon Report card for Horror Express:

Dialogue A+++ from a B movie! 🔥
Train Scenery: A
Monster makeup: B- (gross!)
Red Eye Glare of Doom: C
White Eye Glare of Death: C+
Saxton Glare of Scientific Disdain: A+
Actual geology: D-
Actual biology: somewhere around Q-

Did anyone do "Parasite by the dashboard lights?!🎶" #monsterdon (yeah, probably, just checking)

Spoilers #Monsterdon

"how did moscow know the train needed incinerating? how did telly know to expect satan earlier?"

I have a theory! The czar is actually another ancient alien energy field, left on earth to fix things if the first guy ever got loose.

#monsterdon

@plaidtron3000 They used him for only 15 minutes and he got pretty important billing in the credits: #monsterdon

@moira @Zerofactorial Seems plausible. it also might have been a bit of his species fancy technology, given a comment at the start of the movie about an excavated rock that was being moved with the corpse.

#monsterdon #HorrorExpress

Remember, the zombie alien energy lifeform lived on in plankton, sea greens and protein from the sea for millions of years. Maybe some part of it remains.

DO NOT EAT FROM THE FUCKING SEA. YOU COULD BE NEXT

#HorrorExpress #monsterdon

Telly Savalas was just like 'everybody get the fuck out the way. this is my movie now'

#monsterdon

Great. Now I gotta inspect seafood not only for freshness, but for the hidden consciousness of a murderous space zombie.

#Monsterdon

I love this weird horror movie so much. It's got cosmic horror and camp mixed together in a very Hammer Horror like shaped package and a great cast. But why Rasputin? Because we deserve him.
#Monsterdon #HorrorExpress

And that’s what we call

😎

a cliffhanger

#monsterdon

That was an elegant solution to the Trolley Problem

#Monsterdon

It’s just over?!
#monsterdon

are there any border crossings because man those customs agents are in for a nasty surprise

#monsterdon

What is that, n-scale? #monsterdon

BUT THEN we transfer into music that sounds like the out of tune recorder cover of the jurassic park theme why do you make a fool of me movie #monsterdon

You can kill zombies by stabbing them again. If you're Christopher Lee anyway. That man can do anything. He's probably killed zombies in real life, so he knows what he's doing. #monsterdon #HorrorExpress

HEY, HOLD UP MOVIE. You can't just THROW NEW POWERS at the monster in the last five minutes! #Monsterdon

These guards are so shit they're dying twice!

#monsterdon

wow, he's really honed his technique and killed like eight people at once

#monsterdon

#monsterdon “I am a form of energy, occupying this shell.” So he’s an orbital electron?

#monsterdon Yanno, I didn’t know they had red-eye trains as well as planes.

I bet Blacula could take out the ape in a fair fight #monsterdon

#monsterdon it WAS actually explained to all the passengers that looking into the monster's eyes would kill you.

@gnomon The secret is mixing the iron with a smidge of mithril #monsterdon

HEY GIVE THAT BACK! MOOOOOM!!

#monsterdon

Don't let the Alien get into your beautiful bald head Terry!

#monsterdon

Did I hear a Wilhelm scream in that carriage massacre?

#monsterdon

Rasputin wakes up with a hairy palm, well he was warned y'know. #Monsterdon

What if the monk is innocent?

We have lots of innocent monks!

#monsterdon #HorrorExpress

Like the old saying goes, "whip the monk, and he'll welcome being mindjacked by an alien pervert"

Important lesson about Populism there I think

#monsterdon

Lee and Cushing stumble around trying to solve the monkey monster mystery until Kojack shows up to solve all their problems.
#Monsterdon #HorrorExpress

kojak solves the mystery in 5 minutes #monsterdon

SAFE WORD, SAFE WORD #Monsterdon

Kiss the cross, whip the monk, this has gotten very random. #monsterdon

There are things happening and I don't understand why

#Monsterdon

lol @ the light switch red eye reveal

#monsterdon

#monsterdon “I’ll have you sent to Siberia!”
Lady, you’re already…
“Madam, we’re IN Siberia.”
Movie is faster on the quip than I am.

I think Telly Savalas is horribly miscast here, but omg is he so delightful. Shows up in Siberia and chews all the scenery.
Younger american actor gets to act against Cushing and Lee and holds his own.
#Monsterdon #HorrorExpress

"I'm not accustomed to being BULLED by FOREIGNERS in their OWN COUNTRIES"

#monsterdon #HorrorExpress

This is KOJAK'S MOVIE NOW, BITCHES #Monsterdon

So far we know the monster has excellent eye-ball bleaching skills, can load jpegs into eyeballs, and is excellent at turning down the lights.

#monsterdon

@CactuarJoe Maybe the monster is worried about getting dumber

#Monsterdon

"Monster? We're British, you know"

#Monsterdon

lol, these mindfucked corpses are just piling up now, it's getting tired

#monsterdon

Monkeys Paw - your knowledge is desired. It will be extracted through the balls.

#monsterdon #HorrorExpress

Can we whip up a quick anti-grav apparatus on this train in a few minutes?

#monsterdon

#monsterdon MONSTER ACADEMIC AND POSSIBLY INDUSTRIAL ESPIONAGE

"I use the hairy hand for wanking sometimes, when I'm feeling really perverted...."

"Waiter, I'd like to change tables please?!"

#monsterdon

Blowing smoke in your face, damn, he don't think much of you Little Papa

#Monsterdon

"Earth gravity. Can you measure it. I am normal earth baby too." #monsterdon #HorrorExpress

Now here's the real monster. Telly rears his ugly head.

#monsterdon

@Princejvstin The monster absorbed the thief's knowledge first, before they got on the train. #Monsterdon #HorrorExpress This train is in TROUBLE.

🚆 TRIVIA EXPRESS 🎞️

This is yet another similar plot to the sci-fi novella "Who Goes There?" by John W. Campbell Jr.

We know it from The Thing from Another World in 1951and then The Thing in 1982.

But it's NOT an official adaptation nor does it credit Campbell or his story. 😆

🦖#Monsterdon #HorrorExpress

MEANWHILE AT THE NEXT STATION!
One hour in, It's Telly Savalas time baby!
A cossack with no Russian accent.
#Monsterdon #HorrorExpress

just ask my wife, nobody gets off

#monsterdon

I just noticed the set was rocking back and forth which is a level of detail I didn't expect #monsterdon

Funny how the monster understands English. #Monsterdon

weren't there a few Star Treks like that, cheap episodes that didn't spend on guest stars

#monsterdon

#monsterdon MONSTER TELEGRAPH OPERATOR DEFENESTRATION

Wow that priest sure made a u-turn
#monsterdon

It's like a murder mystery where everyone knows who did it but they keep getting into situations where it can happen again

#Monsterdon

lol, the Alien Tourist mindjacked the cop!

Some fun twists in this!

#monsterdon

Okay so it might seem kinda wacky that the Russian priest stole the monster's eyeball.

But honestly the history of Christian religion is to good approximation entirely made out of the theft of body parts said to be imbued with theological importance, so this is quite accurate

#Monsterdon

GRAB IT RASPY

POP IT INTO YOUR MOUTH

#monsterdon #HorrorExpress

the Colonel's secret recipe is riiiiiight here

#monsterdon

It's a movie within a movie!
#monsterdon

Was this some two million year old alien tourist?

#monsterdon

The dinos aren't feathery enough, the memories are obviously fabricated!

#Monsterdon

The ape-man's memories are in it's eyes, not it's brain.
That's not how any of this works but ok

Oh wait...it saw dinosaurs now....that's REALLY not how a two million year old ape-man works

#monsterdon

Your puny bullets are no match for the great monster!

#monsterdon

#Monsterdon The monster was almost going to pull the Monty Python clip-clop effect with the cranium. Soooo close! Back to coconuts, Percy!

lol, back to the autopsy carriage then.

#monsterdon

the smoking jacket is giving Carol Burnett vibes

#monsterdon

#Monsterdon my god, the truth, nobody is even bothering to clutch pearls. Just admit it. Yup. It’s my monster, probably. Oh well. Ho-hum.

the monster just wants that stylish robe. #monsterdon

I wonder if the monster can be compared with a slake moth

#monsterdon #HorrorExpress

Aw man, the only female role is getting the old bleached eyeball treatment already? This flick is not doing anything for the ladies in film, that's for sure.

#monsterdon

That sure is a sound effect. Does the monster have a car alarm installed?

#Monsterdon

The combination is 0 0 0 0 0 #monsterdon #HorrorExpress

Me at work next year: "There is no morality in a fact."

#Monsterdon

#Monsterdon “I’m sorry, I can’t tell you. But wait until we destroy Alderaan!”

lol, his brain got smoothed! #Monsterdon