I am so glad they finally let Arnie speak in his own words.

And Hera is the wife of Zeus.

The Roman pantheon equivalent is Jupiter and Juno.

#Monsterdon

@hollie meets the Muppets, that sort of thing

#Monsterdon

I want there to be a New York montage, like where he visits the MET or goes to a Broadway show, or tries to fight the Statue of Liberty

#Monsterdon #HerculesInNewYork

Yeah Zeus was famously against arguing.

#monsterdon #HerculesInNewYork1970

Mt. Olympus has a lot of hot roller stations apparently

#Monsterdon #HerculesInNewYork

@bunnyhero

Of course!

I mean... SOITENLY!

#Monsterdon #HerculesInNewYork

Wow he needs to read a book to find out who Hercules is

#monsterdon #hercules

600 lbs grizzly bear in #nyc can only be #cocaineBear

#Monsterdon #HerculesInNewYork

I’m just confused how the Pretzel Guy got into this

#monsterdon #hercules

"Do you like to climb mountains?"

big red flag these days

#Monsterdon

An escaped grizzly bear? Thank goodness it's just Hercules and not RFK Jr.

#Monsterdon

Gratuitous man in an ape suit.

😃

#Monsterdon

Is this a prison for animals?!

#Monsterdon

yessss the bear

#monsterdon

How much did they production have to pay to get a suit tailored to fit Arnold? That had to be like a quarter of the budget.
#Monsterdon #HINY

What's the thing you do really well that other people would ask your friends to invite you along to see?

Mine is probably "bring your friend who draws really weird wobbly buildings"

#Monsterdon #HerculesInNewYork

"gratuitous muscle shot" scratched off my bingo board with a backhoe just then #monsterdon

ok so we got the plot all piled in and explicit in the first minute, hercules wants to just sort of wander around new york, but also he has to eventually realize it sucks and go back home. so we have about an hour of hercules being friends with this central casting new york jewish guy and i'm not mad at all #monsterdon

we don't have pretzel carts anymore in #nyc

#Monsterdon #HerculesInNewYork

Going to try getting a free taxi by saying the payment is the honour of transporting me

#Monsterdon

Jeez this poor cabbie just trying to make a living.

#monsterdon #HerculesInNewYork1970

"I don't have money, I'm from a post scarcity society....you fucking losers"

#Monsterdon

am trying to figure out if those docks are in Brooklyn, Jersey City or Manhattan.

i think that’s Brooklyn. looks like Red Hook area; close to were Ikea is now.

#Monsterdon #HerculesInNewYork

Herc and the cab driver having a mumbling contest

#monsterdon #herculesinnewyork1970

it’s 1969 #nyc and there are no Twin Towers

#Monsterdon #HerculesInNewYork

okay but he could just drop the wooden plank and still win against all of them tho

it's fine we need our yucks

#Monsterdon

BTW to continue with my dingbattery, i bookmarked the trailer instead of the movie 🤦🏽‍♀️

#Monsterdon #HerculesInNewYork

I feel like I should be getting seated at an Italian restaurant with this music...

#monsterdon #HerculesInNewYork1970

Confused as to the 'Strang' and 'Strong' thing, is he collect two paycheques for this?

#Monsterdon

Fun fact: This is the exact same score as in The Third Man. Don't bother checking.

#monsterdon #HerculesInNewYork1970

Fanny the Greek Gothess

#monsterdon #WrongHercules

So, a couple of things I'm noticing about Zeus' thunderbolts.

One, they're some pretty lazy rebar which is a weird choice for a god, but ok.

Two, Zeus doesn't have a single one. Zero. Nada. Zilch. It's the carrier who has them all. If the carrier ever rebels, Zeus will become powerless...

#Monsterdon

@diazona it's a positive when someone is thrown into space and a negative when they aren't #monsterdon

@catzilla it's kinda like the first Judge Dredd movie in that respect

#Monsterdon

@SnoopJ Definitely coulda had more astro-yeeting in this film.

#monsterdon

Smog! Station wagons! Radio sets!

HERCULES IN NEW YORK!

Thanks as always to @Taweret for throwing the rebar of cinema at me, and to the #Monsterdon pantheon for yyyeeeeeeaaaahhhhh

...I'm gonna go bring my throne inside before it rains.

🥃

he could have probably thrown that bear into space

#Monsterdon

okay that was the most epically pointless thing ever

peak #Monsterdon I love it

Thanks @Taweret for hosting and everybody for posting! Onward to MOAR HERCULES for the double feature which looks to be the *perfect* followup given my mental state

#Monsterdon #HerculesInNewYork

And so the movie ends with nobody having learned anything. But at last, at long last, the banjos are silent. As always, you have one last labor to complete:

Was HERCULES IN NEW YORK (1970) the WORST #Monsterdon movie of the year?

Hercules didn't throw anything into space . 0/10

anyway ty for joining, everyone!!

#monsterdon

That "I'll be in your heart" BS is so unsatisfactory

#Monsterdon

I really wish they leaned in more into the dude with demigod powers in NY, rather than this weird buddy plot and the gods and mob stuff. That would at least be funny.

#monsterdon #hercules

Hoping Pretzi yeets himself out a window.....

#Monsterdon

Zeus’ wife might be nicer if he called her by her right name. 😃

#Monsterdon

Is Herc getting the same redemption arc from Thor? Or vice versa, I guess?

Wait was Thor just a remake of this movie? He loses his powers, he's arrogant, he falls in love with a brunette...

#monsterdon #HerculesInNewYork1970

Warehouse fight. Who did it better, Arnold or Jackie?

#Monsterdon

so he just fucks off into the sky and that's that #monsterdon

"Okay guys, it's really important that we have Pretzi try the binoculars and that they not work. This is a key scene."

#monsterdon #HerculesInNewYork1970

*stock footage of thunderbolt

#Monsterdon

did they break into this paper warehouse or did half their budget go to buying big cardboard tubes #monsterdon

Herc pushing down two pillars.

Samson: Heyyyyyy! I don't do YOUR thing.

#monsterdon #HerculesInNewYork1970

lol, who are these other guys now?

I wasn't paying attention, and I feel like I am right in doing that

#Monsterdon

tickle him and he'll submit

#Monsterdon

they are now, indeed, charioting across Central Park

#Monsterdon #HerculesInNewYork

dog filming arnold as hercules on chariot vs. mobsters would have been a fuckign BLAST and you know it.
#monsterdon

My favorite part of organized crime is the station wagon

#Monsterdon

"Will jerk....500!"

#Monsterdon

the gods are gambling????
#monsterdon

Pluto usually does musical theatre, Dance...but time takes it's toll...

#Monsterdon

Pluto is busy crafting the Spider-man musical

#Monsterdon

I bet we don't see the three headed dog...

#Monsterdon

We won't be showing Cerberus but I assure you he's neat and has three heads

#Monsterdon

I swear she just forgot her line for a second

#Monsterdon #HerculesInNewYork

Those wretched mortals :AngeryCat:

#Monsterdon

Oh look a total Betchdel failure.
#monsterdon

"I am to give Hercules the Purple Nurples."

#monsterdon #HerculesInNewYork1970

"Mild megalomania"

what would that look like I wonder *eyes camera

#Monsterdon

*faints*

#monsterdon #hercules

i would wear the fuck out of that white turtleneck sweater

#Monsterdon #HerculesInNewYork

@rebeld @paco @ramsey I can't believe we are 45 minutes in and there hasn't been one homophobic Greek joke.

#monsterdon

every moment in this movie is so unsettling and uncanny, like it's a meta-story about how hercules saw a movie and tried to make a movie about hercules while barely understanding what earthly movies are like #monsterdon

Helen's thoughtfully pondering, "You know I've never given enough of a glance to guys who are really strong and make no sense when they talk"

#Monsterdon #HerculesInNewYork

Stop trying to make a plot happen, it's a doomed venture

#Monsterdon

this movie is all mid-century browns

#Monsterdon #HerculesInNewYork

there’s no special sound effects in this movie. if there were libraries of sounds for movies, they must have cost a pretty penny

#Monsterdon #HerculesInNewYork

Zeus is all powerful but doesn’t have the power to get himself a good wig

#monsterdon #hercules

Meanwhile, back at the asylum...

#Monsterdon #HerculesInNewYork

That boy of yours is a what now?

#monsterdon #HerculesInNewYork1970

FAT LIPS, NITRO AND ME!? #monsterdon

HERCULES LIVES UP TO NAME, BEATS BEAR TO DEATH IN PARK

#monsterdon #HerculesInNewYork1970

Ferrigno-Herc woulda tossed this bear at the moon by now.

#monsterdon #HerculesInNewYork1970

YEET IT!

#Monsterdon

Crossing my fingers for a bear-yeeting, hoping against hope

#Monsterdon

Guys guys I know everyone at home is freaking out right now, but I promise that's not a real bear. Just an uncanny special effect.

#monsterdon #HerculesInNewYork1970

Please stop saying dame, oh god he said broad. #monsterdon

fuck yes everybody fights hercules #monsterdon

Helen will be knocked over by his strange manners and awkward out-of-place compliments

#Monsterdon #HerculesInNewYork

there are A LOT of skyscrapers nowadays around Central Park. this could be the baseball/softball diamond in the upper west side area of the park, BUT! all major #nyc parks have a #baseball #softball diamond. at one point the city claimed we invented baseball

#Monsterdon #HerculesInNewYork

I still have yet to see a scene that would not work in a Marvel's Hercules movie. Just need to add a few scenes of the Wrecking Crew being criminal in the back ground to set up a super villain fight in act 3.
#Monsterdon #HINY

Helen and Hercules sittin' in a tree

It's inevitable

#Monsterdon #HerculesInNewYork

He's begging Herc to top. Begging.

#monsterdon #HerculesInNewYork1970

okay so now you see the first thing you wanna do for the javelin throw is to take off your shirt

and then wiggle your pecs a bit

#Monsterdon

Lay that discus down, Herc, lay that discus down 🎶

#Monsterdon

Two bucks for a cab ride. That was a useful amount of money back now.

(Perennial stolen MST3K joke)
#Monsterdon

Kraft Mac & Hercules

#Monsterdon

"Oh look, Central Park!"

lol, why is this movie though?

#monsterdon

this plank scene is dragging....
just yeet them all already!

#Monsterdon

Ahnold was practically a baby in this movie

#Monsterdon #HerculesInNewYork

I mean if you rescue someone from the water, and then you get to shore... surely they aren't your prisoner. This plot hole is merely artificial conflict. #monsterdon

Who had softcore shirtless wrestling on your bingo card? #monsterdon