Y'know, in Alaska they would have done this whole chase in a cute little helicopter.

#Monsterdon #Grizzly1976

@yatsu There was a partial gut wound/cut but the guts didn't spill out when it was dragged so maybe it was a dummy? Not sure though.

#Monsterdon #GoTeddyGo

The bear knows what a bolt action sounds like, huh

#Monsterdon #Grizzly1976

Run with a loaded gun to where your friend is!
#Monsterdon

The bear has a cloaking device? How can he hide when he's 30 feet tall?
#Monsterdon #Grizzly1976

It's a bear theory called "territoriality."
#monsterdon

Chekhov’s helicopter
#monsterdon

@strangefour huh I think a lot of people are watching ad-free versions... we're 1h7m in

#Monsterdon

I can't get over the ketchup-covered kid tossed in the hay.

#Monsterdon #Grizzly1976

Friend: "The bear just telepathically ate those two people"

#Monsterdon

#monsterdon The bear is full of coca-cola and mentos.

This movie would be better if all the Arguing Ranger scenes were replaced with this dialog:

Ranger 1: "Well... a murder bear killed someone again."
Ranger 2: "Well... fffffuuuuuucccccckkkkk."

#monsterdon

HE'S ALIVE!?
"Part of him is."
Okay that's grim, I'll allow it.
#Monsterdon #Grizzly1976

...Does the bear have a mouth on its stomach? How'd it bite the kid's leg off with its head in the air? #Monsterdon

Okay now the soundtrack's just straight up ripping off Jaws. Like, come on. #Monsterdon

The filming location is Clayton, Georgia, USA. I've spent a bit of time in Georgia, but didn't see landscape like that. More mountainous than I realized. Nice.

#monsterdon

...Okay I guess we're done with that scene? #Monsterdon

I appreciate the theramin rockin' out in a 70s horror film about a bear. That was a solid choice.

#Monsterdon #Grizzly1976

Objects in binoculars are closer than they appear #monsterdon

The annual running of the hicks #monsterdon

"You go into the water. The bear in the water. Our bear? ♫Faaaaaaare weeeeell and~" #Monsterdon

How old are these actors? They sound and look like they're in their 50s but the gravel voices make me think they're 30 y.o.s with 15 years of smoking under their belts.

#Monsterdon #Grizzly1976

Ugh ✅ Human Arrogance fully manifest in this guy's smug-ass voice.

#Monsterdon

#Monsterdon #Grizzly1976 check snopes on that story pls

@Taweret i think this is why i don't remember much of this movie despite having seen it a few times #Monsterdon

"He could be listening to us, right now"

he's hacked their phones!

#Monsterdon

This park is lousy with loons. Maybe that's why the bear is angry, it can't get any sleep..

#monsterdon

"I'm coming with you"

Oh good, we need bait. #Monsterdon

In the next obligatory Angry Park Ranger scene, Ranger Kelly is mad at the Park Supervisor for opening the park and summoning hunters to try to shoot the bear, because this is dangerous. They snarl at each other over who is the real owner of the park, Ranger Kelly who has prowled the woods or the supervisor who has more Manager levels.

#monsterdon

We watched Summer Rental at #sundayfunnies this morning and now I'm reminded of another classic 80's Candy film....#monsterdon

"You're a maverick." This is one of the OG 70s movies, before that became so cliche no screenwriter would use it. Respect. #Monsterdon

@nev the ones that are in the river seem to be doing great, they are just constantly munching. the ones at the waterfall are just showoffs #BearFeed #Monsterdon

Shout out to Hunter Orange Hat for being A) the first boy to be targeted by the murder bear and B) the first person targeted by the bear to not die (yet).

#monsterdon

With the way it just cut away from the bear's head, I expect the bear to have some super scary head, and I will absolutely be disappointed.

#Monsterdon #Grizzly1976

Idiot dropped the gun, his pole dancing won't save him now

#Monsterdon

that way bears can go from "cuddly clownish giant rug" to "violent monster" depending on their mood...

#Monsterdon

@Taweret I'm not sure about superpowers but from the grunting it might have really bad asthma. #monsterdon

Zoom in on the No Hunting sign, yeah okay just shove the irony down our throats. #Monsterdon

this bear is bad news, it's a bad news bear

#Monsterdon

Oh dear god in heaven, the "actors" "acting" "dramatically" #Monsterdon

"There are no Grizzlies"

Big Mayor From Jaws energy from this dude

#Monsterdon

Because no kids have yet died in this movie, we switch to a forest party where a bunch of children are singing "I've been working on the railroad" while adults kiss each other heterosexually nearby.

Then the adult woman decides to check her makeup while the adult man drinks a bear. Then the woman is murdered by a bear and everyone screams.

I was expecting the children to also be mauled, but I guess they were lucky.

#monsterdon

The bear really hates horny humans then, huh?

#Monsterdon

"Million Year Old Grizzly" is a good name for a band

#Monsterdon

Next scene is Ranger Kelly having dinner with his wife, where they talk about ice cubes and the Murder Bear. Next Ranger Kelly is riding a helicopter around, and the helicopter guy from before is trying to give him bear advice. Then they find a splotch that they decide looks suspicious and land to investigate, triggering Dramatic Music.

#monsterdon

Next, we get a guy ranger and a girl ranger wandering through the woods with guns. They split up so the girl can take off her clothes and walk into a waterfall, so we get an underwear scene. Then she is murdered by the Murder Bear.

#monsterdon

every vampire in these here woods is gonna be attracted to this here creek

#monsterdon #Grizzly1976

Oh sure, he's DEFINITELY not anywhere around here, everything's DEFINITELY safe. I'll just sit down, take my shoes off aaaaaaaand

die

#Monsterdon

After a phone call where Ranger Kelly yells about regulations to prove that he's a tough, non-nonsense park ranger, Ranger Kelly calls a new character, who I will call Aragorn, who is secretly tailing deer while wearing a deerskin cape, so he can do a deer anthropology. Or a deer diplomacy. A deerplomacy.

Aragorn is mad that this phone call scared his deer friends away, Ranger Kelly explains that he had to tell Aragorn about the murder bear.

#monsterdon

Lol - all backpackers are literally running out of the park, having just heard the evacuation order on forest broadcast.

#monsterdon

Aw he wanted to be a deer. That's so cute. #monsterdon

#monsterdon

What motivates the murder bear? Is it lust for power or gold? Or was it simply born with a heart full of... beary murder?

#monsterdon

the real tragedy about those girls is all my crisps are gone.

#Monsterdon

So next Ranger Kelly is meeting up with Ranger Girl, who was Not Wearing Flannel, I Apologize Profusely For This Prior Mistake, and Ranger Horse Guy, whose name I don't remember tells them that they're missing some girls. So they do like a park ranger search and discover a shed. Then one of them pokes a post and the body of Bikini-Shirt falls down from the roof, because that's how dead bodies work in horror movies.

#monsterdon

"What story does this face tell you?" Frankenstein. #Monsterdon #Grizzly1976

I should buy a flannel shirt

#Monsterdon

You gotta give that bear a hand... #monsterdon

Wow, hit her so hard she turned into Resusci-Anne. #Monsterdon

"Don't take any unnecessary risks." #monsterdon

Sounds like my cat waking me up at 6am by breathing in my ear. #Monsterdon

In the next seen, we inside of a restraunt and witness a fascinating restaurant logistics argument. I think. I was typing a post and not completely paying attention. But the important part is that we have another character, who is Restaurant Girl, and her dad is the Restaurant guy I think. Maybe she's Ranger Kelly's girlfriend, I'm not sure. Follow me for more vague descriptions of characters.

#monsterdon

"You scared us!" We'd have preferred the bear! Like, statistically speaking! #Monsterdon

#monsterdon

The camera has decided to land, where a Green Station Wagon is drifting into a park, and the park rangers are having a briefing because they're about to get a lot of tourists at their Indian Trading Post themed tourist shoppe and other Park Facilities.

We learn that the boss ranger is named Kelly. Another character is Girl Ranger. A third character is Girl Ranger's boyfriend (I think).

#monsterdon

"Clean boots before entering"
the ideal tramp-stamp

#Monsterdon

So Grizzy starts with a helicopter flying over some North American Woodlands. Inside there are some senators and the pilot is a park ranger and trying to tell them that nature is good and parks are good and the government should stop encroachment on the park lands.

The politicians decline to respond; so instead credits roll, and we see an Exciting Woodland Flyover Sequence set to Orchestral Music. The credits are very yellow.

#monsterdon

♫ Oh what do you get when you taunt a bear ♪

♪ You'll only get mauled by that ~grizz~ly!~ ♫ #Monsterdon

THE HIIIIIIIILS ARE ALIIIIIIVE

WITH THE SOUND OF GRIIIIIZZLIES #Monsterdon

"...And out of the left side of the plane you can see the Grand Canyon" #Monsterdon

From now on, Terencio refer to himself in the third person, like Bouchard.

#monsterdon #WrongGrizzly

What's French-Canadian for 'mullet'?

Just 'hair'?

#Monsterdon

@klu9 #monsterdon

HEEEEY, fam! yeah, we're like 20 mins into Grizzly II. it's bad... dunno how to quantify it's badness... it's kinda entertaining tho....

The photographer lady was like a main character in the first few scenes, but then they dropped her like a hot potato half way through.

No Bechdel test win here.

#monsterdon

As an absurdist writer, I must admit - I'm really impressed.

#monsterdon

@Lazarou "WOKE Disney BANNED solving films with rocket launchers!" - youtube, probably (2 hours, 55 minutes, screencap of guy yelling in a podcast studo) #monsterdon

@Lazarou The problem with the rocket launcher is that it didn't feel earned. Like, if the back and forth shooting the bear happened back at the horse decapitation, and then there was a quiet moment where the 2 survivors discussed how 0.30-06 wasn't really penetrating...

#Monsterdon #Grizzly1976

@SnoopJ Wait wait wait the sequel has Laura Dern and George Clooney and Charlie Sheen? How could she be in both Grizzly 2 and Blue Velvet?

#Monsterdon

@Lazarou It is a failure of cinema that every movie made after 1976 did not include a rocket launcher to explode loose plot threads. #monsterdon

“And what haunts me, is that in all the faces of all the bears that Treadwell ever filmed, I discover no kinship, no understanding, no mercy. I see only the overwhelming indifference of nature. To me, there is no such thing as a secret world of the bears. And this blank stare speaks only of a half-bored interest in food. But for Timothy Treadwell, this bear was a friend, a savior. He never thought to bring a bazooka” -Werner Herzog, probably #Monsterdon

#monsterdon Remember that scene where we learned that the photographer's father owned a tourist lodge, and he was obviously trying to cover up some kind of financial trouble the lodge was having?

In a normal movie, that would be the exposition for an important plot point, but this movie was so brilliant and original that it subverted expectations by never mentioning that scene again.

@Taweret Mixed feelings. #monsterdon

@cargot_robbie It's like some people have no respect for our commitment to Monsterdon.

#Monsterdon

I almost didn't make it tonight, too. My coworker arrived at his hotel at 8:30 PM and I BEARly avoided needing to schlep out to Oakville to put a deposit on his room.

#Monsterdon #Grizzly1976

The "Beardel Test": Two named, male characters, talking about anything other than a "goddamned bear."
#monsterdon

I award Grizzly 1 out of 5 asthmatic bear snorts of approval. I'm rounding down from 1.5, because all the men yelling at each other made me bored. It suffered from trying to inject a lot of plot to seem serious, but also making that plot rather boring.

Good aspects:
Trees
Insane Orchestra
Bear Exploding when hit by Anti-Tank Rocket
Nonsensical Bear Behaviors

Bad Aspects:
Angry 70s Men
80% of the Dialog
Nonsensical Bear Behaviors

#monsterdon

The music all through that movie was totally off base. Lots of cheery adventure fun-for-the-kids pieces.

I suspect they told the guy contracted with doing the score that it was a movie about "bears, and parks and stuff" and they went full Walt Disney on the project unaware of the slaughter angle.

#monsterdon

High score. Those sideplots really were just filler, and the park's finances, etc didn't matter #Monsterdon #Grizzly1976

two minutes later, the area is pelted with bear fat raining from the sky

#monsterdon #Grizzly1976

@SordidAmok Good, I hated him.

#Monsterdon #Grizzly1976

Okay, probably a bazooka. Still, a wait wtf

#Monsterdon #Grizzly1976

Good luck flying that helicopter by yourself. #monsterdon

Okay whatever admittedly confused quasi-environmental theme that the movie began with just exploded with the bear.

#Monsterdon

So ends #Grizzly1976 and another #Monsterdon. Our heartfelt thanks to @Taweret for hosting, and to all of you who joined us this evening. And remember, #Monsterdoners: We don't have room for mavericks!

Definitely set it down so Don can get mauled

#monsterdon

Oh man - and it's over without the park supervisor getting what he had coming.

#monsterdon

absolutely incredible. possible contender for The Worst Movie, right here.

#monsterdon

Kelly, the last maverick standing

#Monsterdon #Grizzly1976

HAHAHA. Omg. Fuck you helicopter. #monsterdon

Oh wait I was wrong, the helicopter does have rockets for some reason. But because Ranger Kelly is fond of the Ango-Saxon epic beowulf, he decides to land the helicopter and challenge the murder bear to personal combat.

The bear responds by spinning the landed helicopter and walking between its rotors. Ranger Kelly starts shooting it but does zero damage and it walks away from the blades to fight him.

#monsterdon