We watched Summer Rental at #sundayfunnies this morning and now I'm reminded of another classic 80's Candy film....#monsterdon

@nev the ones that are in the river seem to be doing great, they are just constantly munching. the ones at the waterfall are just showoffs #BearFeed #Monsterdon

Shout out to Hunter Orange Hat for being A) the first boy to be targeted by the murder bear and B) the first person targeted by the bear to not die (yet).

#monsterdon

With the way it just cut away from the bear's head, I expect the bear to have some super scary head, and I will absolutely be disappointed.

#Monsterdon #Grizzly1976

Idiot dropped the gun, his pole dancing won't save him now

#Monsterdon

that way bears can go from "cuddly clownish giant rug" to "violent monster" depending on their mood...

#Monsterdon

@Taweret I'm not sure about superpowers but from the grunting it might have really bad asthma. #monsterdon

this bear is bad news, it's a bad news bear

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Oh dear god in heaven, the "actors" "acting" "dramatically" #Monsterdon

"There are no Grizzlies"

Big Mayor From Jaws energy from this dude

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The bear really hates horny humans then, huh?

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"Million Year Old Grizzly" is a good name for a band

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Next scene is Ranger Kelly having dinner with his wife, where they talk about ice cubes and the Murder Bear. Next Ranger Kelly is riding a helicopter around, and the helicopter guy from before is trying to give him bear advice. Then they find a splotch that they decide looks suspicious and land to investigate, triggering Dramatic Music.

#monsterdon

Next, we get a guy ranger and a girl ranger wandering through the woods with guns. They split up so the girl can take off her clothes and walk into a waterfall, so we get an underwear scene. Then she is murdered by the Murder Bear.

#monsterdon

every vampire in these here woods is gonna be attracted to this here creek

#monsterdon #Grizzly1976

Oh sure, he's DEFINITELY not anywhere around here, everything's DEFINITELY safe. I'll just sit down, take my shoes off aaaaaaaand

die

#Monsterdon

After a phone call where Ranger Kelly yells about regulations to prove that he's a tough, non-nonsense park ranger, Ranger Kelly calls a new character, who I will call Aragorn, who is secretly tailing deer while wearing a deerskin cape, so he can do a deer anthropology. Or a deer diplomacy. A deerplomacy.

Aragorn is mad that this phone call scared his deer friends away, Ranger Kelly explains that he had to tell Aragorn about the murder bear.

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Lol - all backpackers are literally running out of the park, having just heard the evacuation order on forest broadcast.

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What motivates the murder bear? Is it lust for power or gold? Or was it simply born with a heart full of... beary murder?

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the real tragedy about those girls is all my crisps are gone.

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So next Ranger Kelly is meeting up with Ranger Girl, who was Not Wearing Flannel, I Apologize Profusely For This Prior Mistake, and Ranger Horse Guy, whose name I don't remember tells them that they're missing some girls. So they do like a park ranger search and discover a shed. Then one of them pokes a post and the body of Bikini-Shirt falls down from the roof, because that's how dead bodies work in horror movies.

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"What story does this face tell you?" Frankenstein. #Monsterdon #Grizzly1976

I should buy a flannel shirt

#Monsterdon

You gotta give that bear a hand... #monsterdon

Wow, hit her so hard she turned into Resusci-Anne. #Monsterdon

"Don't take any unnecessary risks." #monsterdon

Sounds like my cat waking me up at 6am by breathing in my ear. #Monsterdon

In the next seen, we inside of a restraunt and witness a fascinating restaurant logistics argument. I think. I was typing a post and not completely paying attention. But the important part is that we have another character, who is Restaurant Girl, and her dad is the Restaurant guy I think. Maybe she's Ranger Kelly's girlfriend, I'm not sure. Follow me for more vague descriptions of characters.

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"You scared us!" We'd have preferred the bear! Like, statistically speaking! #Monsterdon

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The camera has decided to land, where a Green Station Wagon is drifting into a park, and the park rangers are having a briefing because they're about to get a lot of tourists at their Indian Trading Post themed tourist shoppe and other Park Facilities.

We learn that the boss ranger is named Kelly. Another character is Girl Ranger. A third character is Girl Ranger's boyfriend (I think).

#monsterdon

"Clean boots before entering"
the ideal tramp-stamp

#Monsterdon

So Grizzy starts with a helicopter flying over some North American Woodlands. Inside there are some senators and the pilot is a park ranger and trying to tell them that nature is good and parks are good and the government should stop encroachment on the park lands.

The politicians decline to respond; so instead credits roll, and we see an Exciting Woodland Flyover Sequence set to Orchestral Music. The credits are very yellow.

#monsterdon

♫ Oh what do you get when you taunt a bear ♪

♪ You'll only get mauled by that ~grizz~ly!~ ♫ #Monsterdon

THE HIIIIIIIILS ARE ALIIIIIIVE

WITH THE SOUND OF GRIIIIIZZLIES #Monsterdon

From now on, Terencio refer to himself in the third person, like Bouchard.

#monsterdon #WrongGrizzly

@klu9 #monsterdon

HEEEEY, fam! yeah, we're like 20 mins into Grizzly II. it's bad... dunno how to quantify it's badness... it's kinda entertaining tho....

The photographer lady was like a main character in the first few scenes, but then they dropped her like a hot potato half way through.

No Bechdel test win here.

#monsterdon

@Lazarou "WOKE Disney BANNED solving films with rocket launchers!" - youtube, probably (2 hours, 55 minutes, screencap of guy yelling in a podcast studo) #monsterdon

@Lazarou The problem with the rocket launcher is that it didn't feel earned. Like, if the back and forth shooting the bear happened back at the horse decapitation, and then there was a quiet moment where the 2 survivors discussed how 0.30-06 wasn't really penetrating...

#Monsterdon #Grizzly1976

@Lazarou It is a failure of cinema that every movie made after 1976 did not include a rocket launcher to explode loose plot threads. #monsterdon

“And what haunts me, is that in all the faces of all the bears that Treadwell ever filmed, I discover no kinship, no understanding, no mercy. I see only the overwhelming indifference of nature. To me, there is no such thing as a secret world of the bears. And this blank stare speaks only of a half-bored interest in food. But for Timothy Treadwell, this bear was a friend, a savior. He never thought to bring a bazooka” -Werner Herzog, probably #Monsterdon

#monsterdon Remember that scene where we learned that the photographer's father owned a tourist lodge, and he was obviously trying to cover up some kind of financial trouble the lodge was having?

In a normal movie, that would be the exposition for an important plot point, but this movie was so brilliant and original that it subverted expectations by never mentioning that scene again.

@Taweret Mixed feelings. #monsterdon

@cargot_robbie It's like some people have no respect for our commitment to Monsterdon.

#Monsterdon

The "Beardel Test": Two named, male characters, talking about anything other than a "goddamned bear."
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The music all through that movie was totally off base. Lots of cheery adventure fun-for-the-kids pieces.

I suspect they told the guy contracted with doing the score that it was a movie about "bears, and parks and stuff" and they went full Walt Disney on the project unaware of the slaughter angle.

#monsterdon

High score. Those sideplots really were just filler, and the park's finances, etc didn't matter #Monsterdon #Grizzly1976

two minutes later, the area is pelted with bear fat raining from the sky

#monsterdon #Grizzly1976

@SordidAmok Good, I hated him.

#Monsterdon #Grizzly1976

Okay whatever admittedly confused quasi-environmental theme that the movie began with just exploded with the bear.

#Monsterdon

So ends #Grizzly1976 and another #Monsterdon. Our heartfelt thanks to @Taweret for hosting, and to all of you who joined us this evening. And remember, #Monsterdoners: We don't have room for mavericks!

Oh man - and it's over without the park supervisor getting what he had coming.

#monsterdon

Kelly, the last maverick standing

#Monsterdon #Grizzly1976

HAHAHA. Omg. Fuck you helicopter. #monsterdon

Oh wait I was wrong, the helicopter does have rockets for some reason. But because Ranger Kelly is fond of the Ango-Saxon epic beowulf, he decides to land the helicopter and challenge the murder bear to personal combat.

The bear responds by spinning the landed helicopter and walking between its rotors. Ranger Kelly starts shooting it but does zero damage and it walks away from the blades to fight him.

#monsterdon

Oh no, bear is flying the helicopter. How can this be?

#Monsterdon #Grizzly1976

What was that movie that was basically the same as this except they were skiing?

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the bear is so cute

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he cast Ultima on the bear :D :D :D #Monsterdon

Oh wait, but as he was waking up the bear comes back so it roars at him and kills him for real. plot twist averted. Ranger Kelly and Helicopter Guy come up on his body and decide to bury him.

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@flowerpot Thank God - this film is total crap

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Okay, so on the way to meet Ranger Kelly, Aragorn's horse is somehow decapitated by the Murder Bear with one swipe, and then the bear murders him too and start badly burying him. Then we discover he was not really dead but just unconscious, so he wakes up.

#monsterdon

That's how I look after filing my taxes. #monsterdon

@jonny he ran out of women and had to start eating men with small penises #monsterdon

Wait why does this bear have lightsaber paws that can just rip the head off of a horse with one swipe?

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The bear just made an offer that Scottie can't refuse

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"I'm gonna check for the bear near the 12th green."
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The actor who played Scott was in Dirty Dozen. I thought I'd seen him somewhere

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He's doing the Family Guy death pose :P #Monsterdon

The bear will never leave if you keep providing it food. #monsterdon

My favorite part of this movie is that it has lots of trees in it. #monsterdon

extra close up of a pine - possibly my favorite shot so far. #TreeAppreciator

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That might be first time we've watched a 70s movie and I've thought to myself, "wow, cool zoom" but the camerawork here on the first watch was pretty good IMO? Not fancy, but well-done.

#Monsterdon

@LGS I think we should make #Trump watch this movie so he thinks that we need the park rangers back to protect us from the Grizzly Threat. #USPol #Monsterdon

"This bear's boots were made in the Strand!"

#Monsterdon

Our deer carcass plan almost works, but the bear notices the rangers at the last minute and it runs away, and they fail to shoot it.

We now have a Man Vs Bear chase scene where the grizzly is running followed by Ranger Kelly and Helicopter Guy. The grizzly escapes to safety by crossing a river, somehow confusing his pursuers.

#monsterdon

Vintage denim on the run

#Monsterdon #Grizzly1976

still processing that this 1976 movie had the balls to show a kid kill

it was a really big deal back then, not that it's any less uncommon these days! hell of a dismemberment

#Monsterdon

Reminder that I am bored by most of the park ranger dialog so I may not be a reliable reporter of the park ranger's latest anti-bear plans.

But, I guess this one involves taking a helicopter to the woods and putting up a dear carcass as bait and then lurking.

#monsterdon

@athena_rising a fine ursine

#Monsterdon

T-Rex doesn't want to be fed. He wants to hunt. #monsterdon

Wait, if this bear is 2000-3000 lbs, would a 0.30-06 be what you want?

#Monsterdon #Grizzly1976

Joke's on them, bear steals the helicopter while they're fighting with the deer carcus and flys into town!

#Monsterdon #Grizzly1976

It's pretty easy to get over PTSD, in 1976

#monsterdon

(is that an actual dead deer, by the way? is that listed in trigger warnings, coz i know some people who'd be turning this off right about now...)

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We have decided to use a helicopter to hunt the bear, I think, so Ranger Kelly and the Helicopter Guy start loading up the helicopter with supplies. Helicopter Guy tells a story about how he killed people (hopefully soldiers and not civilians) in Vietnam and called them "gooks" so it wouldn't get personal, but it got personal and gave him a trauma.

Meanwhile Aragorn has run off on a horse to do his own thing, probably try to tranquilize the bear.

#monsterdon

that is so extremely not a grizzly

#Monsterdon

When is Fat Bear Month?

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#monsterdon The RUSes? I doubt they exist. RAWR!

Great, now the bears is going to attack the helicopter. THAT would be fun!
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The real life tame bear does not seem like the monster the movie calls him out to be.
Bless him.

#Monsterdon

"Dat boy's weird"

Quote of the film

#Monsterdon

Oh did I get ahead somehow? Or is the main stream just slow? Have commercials hit the movie watching masses?
#Monsterdon #Grizzly1976

"He's alive?"

"Part of him is."

Jesus fucking Christ, movie! Lol

#Monsterdon

One Appalachian Possum-mom and chubby blond kid for a snack
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Ah, now we're bating the bear with human cubs. Clever! #Monsterdon

Carnival open?
Yes.
Everybody coming?
Yes.
#Monsterdon #Grizzly1976

Uh-oh, he'll have to turn in his forest ranger badge

This is what you get for being a ranger on the edge (of the forest)

#Monsterdon