is this where we talk about suspension bridges not failing like that?

#monsterdon

try doing that in a waymo suckas

#monsterdon

see, Godzilla's like a cat, trying to get in the tunnel

#monsterdon

We previously established that Godzilla was galloping around downtown at >=80 knots, about 150km/h. We're supposed to believe now that our protagonists are doing more than that in their hotwired yellow cab? Or is it that Godzilla is so heartbroken about the building full of its offspring being barbequeued by surface-to-air missiles that he can only just barely slug along at less than half his running speed which, as we just covered, was explicitly called out earlier in the film?

#monsterdon

Oh I know why this is still going on, they must have a joke or two about the French they haven't used yet. Frog legs, probably?

#monsterdon

I cannot get over the panther noise omfg

did your audio engineer even try

#Monsterdon

@ricci on the bright side: we cannot ever watch a worse Godzilla movie

#Monsterdon

this part of the score sounds like it belongs in a batman movie tbh

#Monsterdon

FINALLY they got someone who could hit something.

#monsterdon #godzilla1998

#Monsterdon #Godzilla1998 damn the bombs missed the characters

selecting from 10 different armaments on my F-18 like I'm ordering at a drive-thru

#Monsterdon

The Zrouble with Zillas

#Monsterdon

we paid for the entire score

and by god, we're going to use the entire score

#Monsterdon

It's not like this isn't the first movie where New York is just abandoned to the Dinosaurs....

Did she just say "the Internet" in a way which implied the writer does not know what The Internet is?

#Monsterdon

@trixter "an intranet. I know this. " #monsterdon

I wonder if this was pitched as a Godzilla episode of The Simpsons and things just got really out of hand

#Monsterdon

It was a law in the 90s that every action movie had to have a scene of someone awkwardly waiting for the elevator

#monsterdon

"This is not good. Oh this is not good." every critic coming out of this film.
#Monsterdon #Gino

"That's not a kaiju...this is a kaiju ;)

#Monsterdon

Oh wow, are there actually some practical effects in this scene?

#monsterdon #godzilla1998

Smells like fish, tastes like Simpsons

#Monsterdon

are these literally spare Jurassic Park models

#monsterdon

excuse me I've seen a baby godzilla and you sir are no baby godzilla

#monsterdon

teeth TEETH teeth teeth

#monsterdon

"don't fire until you can see the whites of Godzilla's eyes"

#monsterdon

The main thing I remember from this movie is when the helicopter missile misses godzilla and the pilot is like "Uh... negative impact" and then the mayor is like "Negative Impact? That's the Chrysler builder!"

I forgot most of the other stuff that happens.

#monsterdon

*neither* of them is concerned about the third rail

these characters are definitely from NYC

#Monsterdon

I chew chew choose you 🫠

#Monsterdon

@ricci Godzilla, a franchise famously about unpacking the horrors of violence perpetuated upon Japan by *checks notes* the French

#Monsterdon

lol @ 'America is a Gun'

#Monsterdon

Oh no, the French have captured our Strategic Matthew Broderick Reserves!

#monsterdon #godzilla1998

"Oh my god. Oh my god she took it." One of the worst line reads in history. Get out of the tent and get out of the movie.
#Monsterdon #Gino

DEATH TO THE PATRIARCHY!

he stole your story girl, burn his office down! Do something interesting!

#Monsterdon

"the lizard can reproduce, actually" is an example of this movie trying to learn something from JURASSIC PARK and failing miserably

because it didn't earn that

#Monsterdon

the music is just so inappropriate in this movie

#Godzilla1998 #monsterdon

The movie on the TV in the pawn shop is I believe IT CAME FROM BENEATH THE SEA

#Monsterdon

so, logistical question

Godzilla eats.

where's Godzilla gonna shit?

will it ever be clean again?

#monsterdon

Chekhov’s Flatiron Building?

#Monsterdon #FakeZilla #Godzilla1998

#Monsterdon #Godzilla1998 comedy gold! the frenchmen do not appreciate american pastries and coffee

This movie would be so much less stupid without a "old sweetheart romance rekindled" subplot. It would also be better without 9/10 of the characters to which we've been introduced so far, and all of the jokes. And most of the musical lines. Godzilla can stay though, and also the fish. They were perfectly fine fish.

#monsterdon

@Lazarou "no other island in the world, which as a scientist, I know consists of at least 3 islands!"

#monsterdon

#Monsterdon how many The Simpsons voice actors are in #Godzilla1998

This CGI probably looks a lot better on VHS on a CRT TV.

#monsterdon #godzilla1998

okay Mayor Ebert is actually pretty funny.

#monsterdon

Boy, this sure did come out after Jurassic Park, didn't it

#monsterdon

so, the rest of this is what?

an hour of Godzilla gags?

#monsterdon

In other news, I tried making salt & vinegar popcorn for the first time tonight. It came out pretty okay. Noticeably acidic, but maybe I should use more of the powder next time.

#Monsterdon

Aw shit y'all it's the French!

#monsterdon #godzilla1998

The thing is, this is, in fact, roughly what I remember movies being like, by and large, in the late 90s.

#monsterdon

Gojira send feet pics

#monsterdon #godzilla1998

Godzilla walks without rhythm

doesn't attract the worm.

#monsterdon

Aww, Jean Reno is in this?! I had forgotten! That this film was hot garbage juice wasn't because they picked a bad cast, at least.

#monsterdon

Wait... Who tf is that? #monsterdon #Gozilla1998 #WrongGodzilla 🦖🦎

I saw this one for the first time at a drive-in. The drive-in itself is far more memorable than the movie, but I do remember the movie not being great.

#Monsterdon

Wait did I just see...
I did! Hello Al Leong! Possibly the greatest "HEY THAT GUY!" character actor who you never learn the name of.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Al_Leong
#Monsterdon #Gino

Obvious a Japanese boat would have a "Godzilla Drill"

#Monsterdon

All Japanese vessels are equipped with kaiju detectors #monsterdon

Public domain atomic testing footage with superimposed iguanas has never had such an overly dramatic score. #monsterdon

Roland Emmerich is gay culture's Michael Bay.

#monsterdon #godzilla1998

It's just weird watching a Monsterdon movie where an astonishing amount of money was spent.

Obviously too much money, but still...
#Monsterdon

I might once have had more merch from this movie. But all that's left now is this silly cup holder.
#monsterdon #gino

*Tristar Entertainment pegasus gallops in slow motion towards the screen*

SHOULD HAVE USED A GIANT GALLOPING LIZARD THERE YOU COWARDS

#monsterdon

As far as movies that are crazy mashups go, that was quite enjoyable:
- #Aliens
- #HuntForRedOctober
- #JurassicPark
- #KingKong1976
Lotsa kaiju, military action, and espionage intrigue to hold my attention. 🙏

I assume budgetary constraints forced New York to look like some drab communist state factory city in the rain. 🤷‍♂️

The biggest drawback was the whiney leads Broderick and Pitillo and their strained romance. 😖

Other than that, I quite enjoyed this rewatch. 🙂

#Monsterdon #Godzilla1998

(i also need to report that my younger sister, who often hears me giggling in the other room, has decided to tell me that this was one of her favorite films. now, even taking it with the information that she often watches bad movies on purpose, like not for monsterdon purposes, just because she finds bad movies funny, but like... is there a medicine i can give her?)

#monsterdon

Ah the comforting embrace of a Toho giant monster movie
#Monsterdon #DaigorovsGoliath

still the best #Gojira music moment
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=C8Iv5kq93K4

🗣 AND THEY’RE FRENCH

#Godzilla1998 #monsterdon

They tripped on gumballs

#monsterdon #godzilla1998

What if we kissed at the closing credits to Godzilla (1998)

#Monsterdon

@moira

Chin Godzilla

#monsterdon #godzilla1998

Also the movie gets +1 point for having a toy boat, -1 points for having NO atomic heat breath and an equal number of + and - minus points for having a silly number of almost relevant characters.

#monsterdon

@SnoopJ #monsterdon

like the movie itself, this song recalls a better, earlier work of art.

Oh no, I just remembered the remake of The Stepford Wives that Matthew Broderick was complicit in.

#Monsterdon #FakeZilla #Godzilla1998

@Fanfalla _Wow_ cool, I've never had complete coverage

#monsterdon #FakeZilla #Godzilla1998

In a tragedy for the audience, Godzilla is seemingly killed, so the puny humans celebrate and all kiss each other randomly, but heterosexually.

The mayor decides to take credit for this and his assistant gives him a thumbs down and leaves, another nod to the famous film reviewing duo they are named after.

At least Curly tells her boss that she quits, so that's good.

#monsterdon

lol, what if the soldier were Father and Son and they just squeezed all that it in at the end

This Movie could take a lesson from the Lord of the Rings on 'succinct endings'

#Monsterdon

Ewww, Ginger Lady could do way better...

#Monsterdon

and so Godzilla fucks off into the afterlife, and the movie is STILL NOT OVER

#Monsterdon

anyway, there's my #MonsterdonBingo

#Monsterdon

I hope Roland Emmerich bites his cheek while eating dinner tonight. He deserves to suffer for making us suffer like this.

#monsterdon

YOU SHOT GODZILLA!

RIGHT IN HIS LOVELY LEGS!

#monsterdon

that's not how gravity works

stupid Loony Tunes-ass movie

#monsterdon

"We're in Godzilla's cloaca

#Monsterdon

@strangefour I remember reading that some of the close ups are practical as well as the babies in the elevator, but they really should've used more practical effects, imo. #Monsterdon #Godzilla1998

Well it's just getting silly now

#Godzilla1998 #Monsterdon

ok better sourcing (not that reddit AMA april fool's joke): director Emmerich really wasn't a big godzilla fan

"I was never a big Godzilla fan," acknowledged Emmerich. "They were just the weekend matinees you saw as a kid, like Hercules films and the really bad Italian westerns. You`d go with all your friends and just laugh."

https://www.scifijapan.com/godzilla-toho/godzilla-unmade-the-history-of-jan-de-bont-s-unproduced-tristar-film-complete#hunt

#monsterdon

hilarious how Jurassic Alien are all calcinated instantly but not the humans

#Godzilla1998 #monsterdon

Zilla back like "how fucking DARE"

#monsterdon #godzilla1998

well this feels like an end

why isn't it the end

#monsterdon

Why is it called a Square Garden when the building is clearly ROUND?!

AMERICAN LIES!!!

#Monsterdon

"you know what's just as cool as stomping buildings? stomping concession stands" - the dipshits who wrote this movie, apparently

#monsterdon

OVER TWO HUNDRED EGGS

WE GOT EGGS ON CLEARANCE

AT MADISON SQUARE GARDEN

#monsterdon

@Lazarou I think she might have said "Intranet" instead of "Internet" (an "Intranet" being a sort of mini-internet that a business might use for internal communications.

#monsterdon

@gnomon The motion model for Godzilla was lifted directly from the Jurassic Park velociraptors.

#monsterdon

"Angry refugees"

Imagine folks, being cast out of your land and having nowhere to live for reasons beyond your control....

#Monsterdon

#monsterdon In a good movie, the CG, the model work, and the puppets all compliment each-other, cover each-other's weaknesses and create a strong sense of reality.

I'm afraid in this movie I'm noticing all the problems with all three.

next at Madison Square Garden, Jurassic Alien

#Godzilla1998 #monsterdon

Alien, but make it the #Knicks home court

#Godzilla1998 #monsterdon

#Monsterdon #Godzilla1998 "fire at will [with small arms]!" yes because that has been _so_ effective so far

The French are chewing gum to look like Americans and the American girl is wearing a beret?
#monsterdon

I did enjoy the Elvis reference

#MONsterdon