It was a law in the 90s that every action movie had to have a scene of someone awkwardly waiting for the elevator

#monsterdon

"This is not good. Oh this is not good." every critic coming out of this film.
#Monsterdon #Gino

"That's not a kaiju...this is a kaiju ;)

#Monsterdon

Oh wow, are there actually some practical effects in this scene?

#monsterdon #godzilla1998

Smells like fish, tastes like Simpsons

#Monsterdon

teeth TEETH teeth teeth

#monsterdon

"don't fire until you can see the whites of Godzilla's eyes"

#monsterdon

The main thing I remember from this movie is when the helicopter missile misses godzilla and the pilot is like "Uh... negative impact" and then the mayor is like "Negative Impact? That's the Chrysler builder!"

I forgot most of the other stuff that happens.

#monsterdon

*neither* of them is concerned about the third rail

these characters are definitely from NYC

#Monsterdon

I chew chew choose you 🫠

#Monsterdon

@ricci Godzilla, a franchise famously about unpacking the horrors of violence perpetuated upon Japan by *checks notes* the French

#Monsterdon

lol @ 'America is a Gun'

#Monsterdon

Oh no, the French have captured our Strategic Matthew Broderick Reserves!

#monsterdon #godzilla1998

"Oh my god. Oh my god she took it." One of the worst line reads in history. Get out of the tent and get out of the movie.
#Monsterdon #Gino

DEATH TO THE PATRIARCHY!

he stole your story girl, burn his office down! Do something interesting!

#Monsterdon

"the lizard can reproduce, actually" is an example of this movie trying to learn something from JURASSIC PARK and failing miserably

because it didn't earn that

#Monsterdon

the music is just so inappropriate in this movie

#Godzilla1998 #monsterdon

The movie on the TV in the pawn shop is I believe IT CAME FROM BENEATH THE SEA

#Monsterdon

so, logistical question

Godzilla eats.

where's Godzilla gonna shit?

will it ever be clean again?

#monsterdon

Chekhov’s Flatiron Building?

#Monsterdon #FakeZilla #Godzilla1998

#Monsterdon #Godzilla1998 comedy gold! the frenchmen do not appreciate american pastries and coffee

This movie would be so much less stupid without a "old sweetheart romance rekindled" subplot. It would also be better without 9/10 of the characters to which we've been introduced so far, and all of the jokes. And most of the musical lines. Godzilla can stay though, and also the fish. They were perfectly fine fish.

#monsterdon

@Lazarou "no other island in the world, which as a scientist, I know consists of at least 3 islands!"

#monsterdon

#Monsterdon how many The Simpsons voice actors are in #Godzilla1998

This CGI probably looks a lot better on VHS on a CRT TV.

#monsterdon #godzilla1998

so, the rest of this is what?

an hour of Godzilla gags?

#monsterdon

In other news, I tried making salt & vinegar popcorn for the first time tonight. It came out pretty okay. Noticeably acidic, but maybe I should use more of the powder next time.

#Monsterdon

Aw shit y'all it's the French!

#monsterdon #godzilla1998

The thing is, this is, in fact, roughly what I remember movies being like, by and large, in the late 90s.

#monsterdon

Gojira send feet pics

#monsterdon #godzilla1998

Godzilla walks without rhythm

doesn't attract the worm.

#monsterdon

Aww, Jean Reno is in this?! I had forgotten! That this film was hot garbage juice wasn't because they picked a bad cast, at least.

#monsterdon

Wait... Who tf is that? #monsterdon #Gozilla1998 #WrongGodzilla 🦖🦎

I saw this one for the first time at a drive-in. The drive-in itself is far more memorable than the movie, but I do remember the movie not being great.

#Monsterdon

Obvious a Japanese boat would have a "Godzilla Drill"

#Monsterdon

All Japanese vessels are equipped with kaiju detectors #monsterdon

Public domain atomic testing footage with superimposed iguanas has never had such an overly dramatic score. #monsterdon

Roland Emmerich is gay culture's Michael Bay.

#monsterdon #godzilla1998

I might once have had more merch from this movie. But all that's left now is this silly cup holder.
#monsterdon #gino

*Tristar Entertainment pegasus gallops in slow motion towards the screen*

SHOULD HAVE USED A GIANT GALLOPING LIZARD THERE YOU COWARDS

#monsterdon

As far as movies that are crazy mashups go, that was quite enjoyable:
- #Aliens
- #HuntForRedOctober
- #JurassicPark
- #KingKong1976
Lotsa kaiju, military action, and espionage intrigue to hold my attention. 🙏

I assume budgetary constraints forced New York to look like some drab communist state factory city in the rain. 🤷‍♂️

The biggest drawback was the whiney leads Broderick and Pitillo and their strained romance. 😖

Other than that, I quite enjoyed this rewatch. 🙂

#Monsterdon #Godzilla1998

(i also need to report that my younger sister, who often hears me giggling in the other room, has decided to tell me that this was one of her favorite films. now, even taking it with the information that she often watches bad movies on purpose, like not for monsterdon purposes, just because she finds bad movies funny, but like... is there a medicine i can give her?)

#monsterdon

Ah the comforting embrace of a Toho giant monster movie
#Monsterdon #DaigorovsGoliath

still the best #Gojira music moment
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=C8Iv5kq93K4

🗣 AND THEY’RE FRENCH

#Godzilla1998 #monsterdon

They tripped on gumballs

#monsterdon #godzilla1998

What if we kissed at the closing credits to Godzilla (1998)

#Monsterdon

@moira

Chin Godzilla

#monsterdon #godzilla1998

Also the movie gets +1 point for having a toy boat, -1 points for having NO atomic heat breath and an equal number of + and - minus points for having a silly number of almost relevant characters.

#monsterdon

@SnoopJ #monsterdon

like the movie itself, this song recalls a better, earlier work of art.

Oh no, I just remembered the remake of The Stepford Wives that Matthew Broderick was complicit in.

#Monsterdon #FakeZilla #Godzilla1998

@Fanfalla _Wow_ cool, I've never had complete coverage

#monsterdon #FakeZilla #Godzilla1998

In a tragedy for the audience, Godzilla is seemingly killed, so the puny humans celebrate and all kiss each other randomly, but heterosexually.

The mayor decides to take credit for this and his assistant gives him a thumbs down and leaves, another nod to the famous film reviewing duo they are named after.

At least Curly tells her boss that she quits, so that's good.

#monsterdon

Ewww, Ginger Lady could do way better...

#Monsterdon

and so Godzilla fucks off into the afterlife, and the movie is STILL NOT OVER

#Monsterdon

anyway, there's my #MonsterdonBingo

#Monsterdon

I hope Roland Emmerich bites his cheek while eating dinner tonight. He deserves to suffer for making us suffer like this.

#monsterdon

YOU SHOT GODZILLA!

RIGHT IN HIS LOVELY LEGS!

#monsterdon

that's not how gravity works

stupid Loony Tunes-ass movie

#monsterdon

"We're in Godzilla's cloaca

#Monsterdon

@strangefour I remember reading that some of the close ups are practical as well as the babies in the elevator, but they really should've used more practical effects, imo. #Monsterdon #Godzilla1998

Well it's just getting silly now

#Godzilla1998 #Monsterdon

ok better sourcing (not that reddit AMA april fool's joke): director Emmerich really wasn't a big godzilla fan

"I was never a big Godzilla fan," acknowledged Emmerich. "They were just the weekend matinees you saw as a kid, like Hercules films and the really bad Italian westerns. You`d go with all your friends and just laugh."

https://www.scifijapan.com/godzilla-toho/godzilla-unmade-the-history-of-jan-de-bont-s-unproduced-tristar-film-complete#hunt

#monsterdon

hilarious how Jurassic Alien are all calcinated instantly but not the humans

#Godzilla1998 #monsterdon

well this feels like an end

why isn't it the end

#monsterdon

"you know what's just as cool as stomping buildings? stomping concession stands" - the dipshits who wrote this movie, apparently

#monsterdon

OVER TWO HUNDRED EGGS

WE GOT EGGS ON CLEARANCE

AT MADISON SQUARE GARDEN

#monsterdon

@gnomon The motion model for Godzilla was lifted directly from the Jurassic Park velociraptors.

#monsterdon

"Angry refugees"

Imagine folks, being cast out of your land and having nowhere to live for reasons beyond your control....

#Monsterdon

#monsterdon In a good movie, the CG, the model work, and the puppets all compliment each-other, cover each-other's weaknesses and create a strong sense of reality.

I'm afraid in this movie I'm noticing all the problems with all three.

next at Madison Square Garden, Jurassic Alien

#Godzilla1998 #monsterdon

Alien, but make it the #Knicks home court

#Godzilla1998 #monsterdon

#Monsterdon #Godzilla1998 "fire at will [with small arms]!" yes because that has been _so_ effective so far

I did enjoy the Elvis reference

#MONsterdon

Ze French have ACTION CIGARETTES

#monsterdon

blah blah blah blah character arc

less talky talky more stompy chompy

#monsterdon

fuck fucking goldie locks and her baby talk after stabbing him in the back

#Godzilla1998 #monsterdon

Siiiiiighhhhhhh

More lizard, less everything that is not lizard

#Monsterdon

"Life, heheh, finds a way"

#monsterdon

@ricci Checkhov's Pronouns #monsterdon

He’s amphibious. He’s pregnant. And he’s a GREAT kisser.

#monsterdon #godzilla1998

@ricci #monsterdon NEGATIVE IMPACT

@amyfou he came to New York to study the buildings, not destroy them. Is is a movie about Architecture

#Monsterdon

_definite_ ID4 vibes here.

#monsterdon

Why helicopters are annoying in cities (a list):

1) they are loud
2) they are often full of cops
3) their puny missiles cannot track godzillas and will instead destroy famous buildings
4) other

#monsterdon

nothing says military discipline like two helicopters flying in very close single file and *both* shooting at the same time

#Monsterdon

Is everyone watching the same Godzilla movie right now? How is this happening? #monsterdon

Look we just got a solid crotch shot and I think maybe they've been misgendering Godzilla, is all I'm saying

#monsterdon

MONSTER REVEAL

oh jeez they got the shape of his head just so wrong in this one, that's so embarrassing

#monsterdon

lmao a dolly zoom with a completely indiscernable background is a choice

#Monsterdon

GODZILLA CARES NOT FOR YOUR FISH

GODZILLA DEMANDS *PRAWNS*

#monsterdon

#Monsterdon #Godzilla1998 Jean Reno is better than this </3

While Godzilla (1998) does have at least seven thousand characters, it probably needs another two thousand added to match the Heisei films.

#monsterdon

The camera really likes to end on shots of random signs

#monsterdon

#Monsterdon #Godzilla1998 if only they had an oxygen destroyer they could just starve godzilla out

ugh, that annoying "Here comes the Heroic US Military" music the Empire has...

#Monsterdon

This one time, at earthworm camp…

#Monsterdon

💭(the taking of pelham one two three… by godzilla)

#Monsterdon

Actually, maybe Jean Reno should just be the lead. He could play a scientist character whose ideas we actually give a shit about

#Monsterdon

Her bosses' misogyny is authentic but depressing

#Monsterdon

“Mayor Ebert” seems like an unlikely way to get a good review from the Chicago Sun-Times.

#Monsterdon #FakeZilla #Godzilla1998