#Monsterdon chekov's pit: if you introduce the pit in act iii you have to use it two minutes later

God. Fuckin' klutz even as a vampire. #Monsterdon

Me at work: "I'm losing myself bit by bit. It won't be long now."

#Monsterdon

#Monsterdon Iron Maiden?? Excellent! (air guitar riff)

"Now you understand you're not to leave her unattended for even a moment"

Yeah, you guys were so good at that with all the other ladies so far.

#Monsterdon

They're gonna find Jonathan crumpled in the corner like an empty Capri Sun pouch. #Monsterdon

This would be a great scene for some rats.
#Monsterdon
#dracula

@Lazarou @diazona @plaidtron3000 There is at least one mythology where a vampire turns into a *flock* of bats. How they all then get back together and if you kill one is the vampire now missing their spleen is left an an exercise for the reader.

#Monsterdon

where's that bug eating guy i miss him #monsterdon

#Monsterdon Our heroes are here to kill vampires and chew bubble gum, and I think they brought plenty of bubble gum. 🤦‍♂️
#Dracula1974

@catzilla "The Fucking Useless Vampire Hunters" #monsterdon

@Sorl Day for night, dog for wolf

#monsterdon #mastoween

I desperately want to clean that crystal -- SO MANY SMUDGES 🤦🏻‍♀️ #Monsterdon 🧛🏻 #Dracula1974

"What do you see?"

"Darkness"

Obviously she isn't watching the same #Monsterdon movie we are

@srol "Is there a plan B at all?" #monsterdon

Miss Mina is not available right now, please leave a message at the groan and I'll get back to you. #monsterdon

Despite the many events, this film moves very languidly... #Monsterdon 🧛🏻 #Dracula1974

the dirt is still there, drac. its just on the floor. get a broom

#monsterdon

He really, really loved that soil

#monsterdon

@plaidtron3000 or an Air B'nB ? #monsterdon #Vampires

If you're trying to fit out a Dracula-proof estate, you may not want to paint all the walls blood red like that. I mean it's just an invitation to blood suckers, surely.

#Monsterdon

Dutch angles? In a british hotel?
#Monsterdon #Dracula1974

@Lazarou I've literally had this argument playing D&D. Fucking poorly documented vampires.

#monsterdon #palanceIsDracula

Gun shots -- Boob shots

#monsterdon

The Dutch angle that slowly goes to level, then cants again, then goes to level again, is symbolism that represents the camera operator being drunk. #Monsterdon

Guns, if they don't work the first time, try and try again
#Monsterdon

<opens letter>

"What is it?"

"Gone back to <some unheard-of British town>

anddd... CUT

#monsterdon

@strangefour Sherlock Holmes vs Dracula could be funny, but I don't like how it violates a key part of the Sherlock setting (unless it's a person pretending to be a vampire)

#monsterdon #mastoween

@catzilla Hotels are a public place. (yes, I have read an unfortunate amount of vampire lore, why do you ask?)

#Monsterdon

Oakley Court, aka "Carfax Abbey" is now a hotel. I feel a need to visit

#Monsterdon

Boxes of earth sent to the Carfax estate? Some sort of new car lease terms we hadn't heard about?

#Monsterdon

Harker: Carfax Abbey is in terrible condition.

Drac: That's fine. I'll be in the basement mostly.

#Monsterdon 🧛🏻 #Dracula1974

Wait, this Dracula has killed one person to in part turn her, and a bunch of people for revenge.

He also presumably killed the crew of the Demeter, though it's kinda striking that that was 100% offscreen.

#monsterdon #mastoween

#Monsterdon each coffin is a Dracula save point

#Monsterdon let us sneak around in wooden shoes. Clop clop clop.

That man's hair could pass for the 70s, and the 00s, but not the 1880s

#monsterdon

@Louisa Yes, my sister and I gasped when he suddenly saw dead Lucy at the window, staring in! #Monsterdon #DanCurtisBramStokerDracula

"How many boxes of earth was the ship carrying?"

like this is the most important thing to ask, Van Helsing? a+ investigative skills there

#monsterdon

Ah, I see, they've moved Carfax to Whitby…because they got rid of Seward and Renfield and had no need for an asylum. RIP my boys :(

#Monsterdon

All the zoom-in close-up shots on Jack Palance in this flick - hope they had lots of lens wipes on hand.

#Monsterdon

THRILL as they TRACK Dracula's PACKAGES! #Monsterdon

Drac, shouldn't you be able to -- I dunno -- FLY AWAY? 🦇 #Monsterdon 🧛🏻 #Dracula1974

Stockton-On-Tees has a lot of call centres now, and less horse faeces on the roads. Human feaces though...well it has been raining...

#monsterdon

dracula chop!

#monsterdon

I'd feel more menaced if Dracula didn't look like he was having intense gas pains. #Monsterdon

Dracula-Palance able to take out a whole hotel full of British swingers with his cowboy chop!

#monsterdon

No bat flapping silliness in this one
Drac uses transport
#monsterdon

fawlty towers was a nice enough place back in the day

#monsterdon #Dracula1974

@Lazarou Yeah I'm assuming that's what the story was supposed to represent but I did not pick up on that at all

TBH I think the alternate version of Lucy who wants to become undead is a much more interesting character

#Monsterdon

And fuck that, and fuck that, and especially fuck that over there.. #Monsterdon #Dracula1974

@diazona she was in Kinski-Nosferatu's thrall....|

#monsterdon

@Bluedepth thats cool as hell and makes me wonder what a vampire MRI would look like #monsterdon

Imagine playing dead while Jack Palance drools over you in emotion

#monsterdon

Dracula can only walk around when its blue out

#monsterdon

Palance to his agent

"Do I get to wear a cape?"

#monsterdon

This VanHelsing is way more competent than others we’ve seen recently. #Monsterdon

Stake. It’s what’s for dinner. #Monsterdon

#Monsterdon the vampire craze was real for a time. They used to put metal grates on top of freshly interred graves just on the off chance that your dearly beloved came back. Somehow the notion of coming back wrong was from the start. That’s fascinating to me.

Being unable to cross a threshold without an invitation feels like a recessive trait among vampires. #monsterdon

@Louisa I'm loving that actress. She's doing a great job! #Monsterdon #Dracula1974

lucy's dead, bela lugosi's dead, all the best vampires are dead, that's the whole point, where are you even _going_ with this, doctor?!

#monsterdon #Dracula1974

Whoa damn, the first scary moment for me in any of these movies— Lucy at the window 😬

#Monsterdon

Actually,...Vampire's hate right angles, it's not the religious significance of the cross.....

#PeterWatts #monsterdon

Arthur is suspiciously well-groomed
#monsterdon

Pubby wanna play! Who's a good boy? Who's the goodest boy?
#Monsterdon #Dracula1974

Arthur, buddy. your hair. we need to talk about your hair

#monsterdon

Is it just me or does Arthur's hair make him look like Mark Hamill in Star Wars. Love the 70s shag/proto-mullet

#Monsterdon

in sure and certain hope of resurrection... in a couple of days. #monsterdon

So this version has no Renfield, killed off Harker, does have the brides, does have more wolves than expected - assuming that we're going to grace those nice doggos with the title "wolves".

I guess it's all on you, Van Helsing.

#monsterdon

I just can't get over Palance-cula's expression that he pretty much has all the time #Monsterdon

Pro tip: try working with clients who do not imprison you in a castle and who do not pick you up by the neck and throw you across the room

#Monsterdon

@RobynGoodfellow lol, that'll go well

*Luke Skywalker comes to and there is a dead dog in the room and his aunt refuses to ever speak again

#monsterdon

So what I'm getting here is that the more useless a man is, the more anachronistic his hairstyle? #Monsterdon

That's not a wolf, that's a German Shepard with some long fur glued to it.

#Monsterdon

Oh good. The guy hopped up on meth ALSO has the gun. #Monsterdon #Dracula1974

All of Renfield’s best scenes were left in the cutting room floor… along with the rest. #Monsterdon #DanCurtisDracula

#Monsterdon

Reading a boring book to stay awake.

This should work nicel...

Toshiro Mifune would be a good Dracula I bet #monsterdon

it's only 1974 so this guy doesn't want desperately to be luke skywalker but every time i look at him i think he wants to be luke skywalker

#monsterdon #Dracula1974

>Wolf growl
>It's a dog

#monsterdon #mastoween

*character casually pulls out a gun

You can tell Americans made this one...

#monsterdon

"Now stay awake my boy, here's an entire pint of smack." #Monsterdon

#Monsterdon "stimulant" here's a big bottle o' cocaine solution

#Monsterdon Every man has picked out a fancy bow tie, every half hour, a new one! Bigger! More spangly! More elaborate! Like a big beautiful flower! Pollinate me! Pollinate me!

ALWAYS read the fine print in every contract! 💉🩸 #Monsterdon

From: @paco
https://infosec.exchange/@paco/113342873199507206

"this time i shall make sure we stay awake"
by doing a lot of coke.

#monsterdon

Mea feratu?
Nos feratu, comrade.

#Monsterdon #DanCurtisDracula

Wow that guys haircut is so not 1880s

#monsterdon

I think many of the male characters in this have a drinking problem...or it's jus the 70s...I'm not sure.

The camera operator is drunk, I know that.

#monsterdon

That's a surprisingly realistic blood transfusion scene

#monsterdon #mastoween

#monsterdon the maid looks thrilled

"...blood transfusion wasn't in the job description"

#Monsterdon #Dracula

Well now that he's in England, Drac wants to fit in -- and with those teeth, he will #Monsterdon 🧛🏻 #Dracula1974

From: @combatwombat
https://hachyderm.io/@combatwombat/113342858521663080

Dracula-Parlance going at that woman's neck like a horny teenager round the back of a school dance....

#monsterdon

#monsterdon wow that change in music was a lot

"I won't give you a clue of what's going on in my reasons for my absurd methods, but I'm the doctor so you'll do what I say and like it"

#Monsterdon #Dracula1974

If this were an anime, someone would have heart pupils right now

#monsterdon #mastoween

I will definitely give this version of Lucy props for enormous entranced spooky eyes.

#Monsterdon

@RamenCatholic but my 30+ year long study of the subject is far from complete! #monsterdon

Not really feeling this as 'Count Dracula' more, 'Jack Palance dresses up as Dracula for a Hollywood Halloween Party and took too many 'luudes'

#monsterdon