#monsterdon

Checkov's alien graveyard, or just a silly line?

#monsterdon #critters3

also check out that Datsun!

#Monsterdon

if your vehicle does not have brakes, a good first step is to stop flooring it

#Monsterdon

look forward to Frankie getting eaten

#Monsterdon

Those critter eggs glued to the underside of the truck are disconcertingly goopy.

#monsterdon

The daughter tries to tell the dad about the weird guy they found in the woods, but the dad who is fixing a truck does not care and does not listen to her. Then he sticks his hand into some slime that was on his tire for unclear ominous reasons.

#monsterdon

"Step-father."

He's a newspaper editor. Hates some big masked spider guy. #Monsterdon

if the RV's come to life, we could finally have the Critters/Maximum Overdrive crossover that we were all waiting for

#Monsterdon

@SnoopJ i sorta got it from the first 10 seconds, but the rest of the 200 seconds you just gotta give them because this movie should have a $0 budget and they need all the padding they can get #monsterdon

"Some kind of a pervert or something?"

Give it time. #Monsterdon

💡 TURN DOWN YOUR CRITES 💡

(where applicable)

#Monsterdon

@moira the building was on fire the whole time but you would have no idea #monsterdon

@jonny YES. And the higher up they go the more swank things get BUT it's also more flammable and more flimsy

#monsterdon #critt3rs

@moira #monsterdon

the crites could have "trickled down"

Hey how come the posters made it look like the critters were in the most urban, skyscraperiest city possible, and then all the "action" took place in an apartment building modified from a townhouse on Main Street USA

#Monsterdon

Yowzers! Remember kids, things improve when you eat the rich!

Thank you @Taweret and #Monsterdon for a lovely night of ferocious furballs!

I'm outa here!

🥓🫘

This concludes my #monsterdon thread for Critters 3, where some fuzzy guys with big mouths eat beans, soap and also an evil landlord.

Thanks to @Taweret for hosting and to all who participated!

Until next time, um... don't try to destroy an apartment to build a mini-mall and also don't get eaten by weird little fuzzballs.

"Absolutely no critters were harmed in the making of this movie."

HAH

#Monsterdon

The Spy Who Licked Me #Monsterdon

K-pop Critter Hunters

#monsterdon

Sorry, Rosie. Gotta go chase your skinny tasty treat down, I guess. #Monsterdon

the butchy phone lesbian is straight and also the mom and everyone has a mom and a dad too!!>!>!> #monsterdon

Hey, Dad, good work! Finally doing something with your kids. #Monsterdon

Social services have been instructed to ignore calls for help from puppet-infested barrios since the Sesame Street incident of 1978

#Monsterdon

Reminding everyone that Marcia started this fire by lighting a road flare in a residence.

#Monsterdon

Look at that practiced thumping, Leo learned that from his landlord stepdad. #Monsterdon

Who I'm shipping:

Dad and Rosie

Annie and Marsha

Critter and Shadow the Hedgehog

#Monsterdon

*SMASH CUT TO* a lesbian dangling an inch off the ground #Monsterdon

...yeah okay why not #Monsterdon

The critters have unerring aim when aiming those soporific spines at unlikable or neutral characters but when targeting sympathetic protagonists they are suddenly no more accurate than Imperial stormtroopers

#monsterdon

Outta beans :/ #Monsterdon

So, they filmed this

#Monsterdon

@astroPug i think @lytta said it best, how could they not be burping up bubbles at least! they really didn't give the critters the mischief time they need #monsterdon

"I wish we could go back to this morning."

Kid believe me when I say there is *literally* nothing anyone could do to your stepdad to prevent him from being a shithead landlord. #Monsterdon

"Hey man, it's cool. One of *my* parents died, too. Completely unrelated otherwise, but like, get over it"

Annie kinda sucks. I sympathize with her but I do not empathize with her.

#Monsterdon

I wonder what the fire is doing

#monsterdon #critters3

Her talking wistfully about her and her husband crawling up into the storage area like they *definitely* used to fuck up there.

#monsterdon #critters3

Grandma over here workin' the sugar cane field in her spare time @_@ #Monsterdon

The emergency systems, don't pretend you have emergency systems in this building 9_9 #Monsterdon

...You cut the power TO YOUR OWN FLOOR? #Monsterdon

We learn Evil Sweater Man's evil plan is to turn the apartment block into a mini-mall.

For those unfamiliar with mini-malls, which I think are largely a USian phenomenon they are perhaps the saddest structures in the United States. they are like malls but less fun. they contain both commerce and sadness in equal measure.

#monsterdon

I like Rosie :D #Monsterdon

the curler woman is totally fine! just a little shaken! despite being eaten by the critter! get her to a lab and research what makes curler women unkillable #monsterdon

I cannot wait for Josh's step-dad to get eaten.

Real Carter Burke type shithead.

#Monsterdon

Annie? Are you OK? Are you OK? You OK, Annie?

#Monsterdon

This action score is seriously mid. Must have gotten a good deal on it.

#Monsterdon

Hey now! Was that scene with the critter revving up and then zipping up the laundry chute the precursor to the Super Metroid morph ball dash‽

(The sound effects coming from DiCaprio's Game Boy in the car with his father do _not_ sound machine-appropriate. Game Boy games had better sound effects than that. This is slander, or possibly libel.)

#monsterdon

they should just focus on what's happening on the Gameboy. That would improve the movie.

#monsterdon

This is the first time we've seen a DMG-01 in a #Monsterdon movie, isn't it?

I believe that cartridge is Tetris, which hey, classic for a reason.

Edit: Yup it's definitely Tetris: https://hachyderm.io/@SnoopJ/115483434842356983

MONSTER CHOMP

First critter perforated with a screwdriver! Fortunately not fatally? Or was that second chomp one of its buddies? In any case the annoying character seems to have been fully bitten to bits at the 28 minute mark. So far so good!

And that's our first rolling critter shot too!

#monsterdon

The red and green blood effect was honestly a good bit for no budget.

#monsterdon #critters3

28 minutes to first kill

#monsterdon #critters3

wow, they just throw the laundry down that hole and expect it to be washed by that perv Frank?

#Monsterdon

"situation comedy"

#Monsterdon

@Taweret I think he thinks it's one of his rats

it's certainly not his conscience

#monsterdon #critt3rs

lol, grandad on the Conspiracy before the Internet was barely out of it's crib...

#Monsterdon

Kid, don't lick that. #Monsterdon

Oh, fat jokes. Nice. How soon 'til he gets eaten? #Monsterdon

Trying to read the buttons on your vest

#monsterdon

...Huh. So Charlie made it out to space, then about a mile outside his hometown. He's really come up in the world, huh. #Monsterdon

"You're not as smart as you think you are" -Socrates, 2000 BC

#monsterdon

Chekovs homemade bullet thing

#Monsterdon

“Previously on Critters…”

#Monsterdon #Critt3rs

"It's a real town with real people!"

Made of real balsa wood! #Monsterdon

I think I had that shirt as an 80's kid. #Monsterdon

Tonight's #monsterdon feature is Critters 3, inexplicably. It's just a bit over an hour and a half long, so get your timed mute buttons set to 90 minutes. DON'T JOIN US THIS TIME FOR THE LOVE OF EVERYTHING YOU HOLD HOLY this one is going to go down in infamy.

@starkraving666 #monsterdon #DoubleFeature #WrongCritters

this vampire lady showed up at Charlies dorm room and bit him. also his girlfriend was bit by a rollerblading vampire. they had tea with the TV star guy. that's it.

Roller skating vampire? That's a little dumb but really stylish. Good work.
#Monsterdon #FrightNight2

@diazona @CactuarJoe ☎️

Guess she would have taken the spotlight away from Charlie!

#monsterdon #critters3

@moira FOR REAL if it was a flight to the penthouse kind of movie where they were crashing through a bunch of different apartments on the way up. they could have even taken a golden parachute on the way down. that would have 10x'd the movie with almost no effort #monsterdon

lol, Annie's dad was pretty shit though.
Not in a bad way, just 'meh'

#Monsterdon

And there we are, another #Monsterdon in the can. Honestly, was it the best Critters movie? no. But I've seen a lot worse come out of the early 90’s. And between that and reading the comments from y'all it kept me busy enough to forget I got this can of Pepsi out of the fridge when the movie started. So it was good for something. :)

Thanks as always to @Taweret for putting all this together.

Have a great night all.
#Critt3rs

@ryan the #PostMonsterdon #StillMonsterdon #Monsterdon lounge is what we all need right now on https://miru.miyaku.media/

I award Critters 3 a total of 4 out of 5 giggling murder fuzzballs.

The monsters were silly little goofballs. The puny humans were strangely likeable and provisioned with motivations and quirks. The movie was not so long that it dragged on for forever, even if the credit scene tried to drag on forever.

The best character was the competent lesbian. The worst character was the incompetent handyman/henchman. The movie was determined to punish evil but also to spare good.

#monsterdon

Genuinely looking forward to more Galactic Politics in episode 4

#Monsterdon

On Her Majesty's Secret Service Tray #Monsterdon

What if the Galactic Council had a new vote and the Critters were deemed people, so charlie is a big fucking murderer now

#Monsterdon

It was no Quiet Fire, but I've seen worse. Thanks #monsterdon gang. Take care. See ya soon.

what is going on #monsterdon

Anyway, Hi Josh's Mom, or whatever.

#Monsterdon

This movie could have been safely produced by Hallmark
#monsterdon

"Normal like a movie?"

Yeah, you could watch The Tingler! #Monsterdon

the final 8 minutes are all about finding leonardo dicaprio a dad #monsterdon

Denouement time

#monsterdon

"can't you hear us?!" I yell desperately at a parking garage

#Monsterdon

Just when I was getting disappointed with the lack of meat-cleaver payoff

#Monsterdon

MONSTER CHOP

The grandmother, in the attic, with the meat cleaver!

#monsterdon

Oh my god please tell me that for the rest of this movie butch Erin Gray just continues to dangle.

Please let this happen. It’d be the best gag ever.

#Monsterdon

A lot of "funny" scenes in this one are really pretty unnecessary. They could probably have tightened this up to an easy 75 minutes, or used the extra time to give the critters some actual goal to accomplish rather than just running amok for the heck of it.

#monsterdon

Is Charlie's space gun powered by beans? Or did he use the can to manufacture/modify/fix part of it?

#Monsterdon

...what the fuck #Monsterdon

Annie? Are you okay? Are you okay Annie?!

(hee hee)

#Monsterdon

@JoeWynne @Louisa She did have an undershirt thing going on, right?

#Monsterdon

@klu9 "Critters in your phone!"

Like that Gremlin from Gremlin II

#Monsterdon

Hey, it's Bill & Ted's time machine

#Monsterdon

@jonny @astroPug it finally made two whole bubbles when it was in the sink

#monsterdon

We already have Ripley at home and her name is Marsha

#Monsterdon

that fucking sucked! halfhearted critter mischief is almost worse than no critter mischief #monsterdon

Critter destruction / gluttony montage! Couldn't have #3ritters without one of those scenes, the fans would have revolted.

#monsterdon