70s movies are like everyone looks like they haven't showered but some of their fashion is cool
90s movies are like okay everyone seems to have showered at least but I hate all their clothes
what critters 3 needed (and i'm not making this up) is
a much taller building
a lot more fleeing upstairs
a big parable about how constantly chasing upwards just to stay alive fits with reaganism
about 30 more critters on screen at once
they set half of their Critters movies in a stairwell and didn't even give us a scene where a bunch of critters come rolling down the stairs like an avalanche
leonardo dicaprio's film debut as the orphan who mercilessly beats the adorable but very hungry space furby to death with a shoe #monsterdon
Marcia as a character belongs in a better movie. I guess ALIENS wasn't too long before this, so kinda makes sense how much it felt like that in the red hallway.
JULIA CHILD LET'S GOOOOOOOOO
wait the egg ran over to the window and hatched?
unkillable lesbians!!!!!! that work at the phone company!!!!!!! #monsterdon
Who wore it better?
Critters 2 was legit fun. I dont care what anyone says
It is VERY STRANGE hearing "Big Rock Candy Mountain" in a context that _isn't_ the opening credits of O Brother Where Art Thou.
Which, by the way, is a much better movie.
(I am convinced of this despite having just seen two minutes of this one, so far.)
This is a threat. #monsterdon #critt3rs
Critters mischief sequence gives me #MonsterdonBingo (Edit: lol not it does not, I was having too much fun I guess)
Odds of coffee: close to zero 📉
Writer: “…and then Frank goes OW OW OW and everyone will expect it’s Critters but it’s just a shoe.”
Me when I spot an actor that I recognize
Also hell yes Frances Bay with the meat cleaver.
This movie can still win me back in the third act. The setup was a bit of a chore, but if Frances Bay gets a kill I'm going to lose it.
Invasive species hitching a ride on vehicles is a real thing, so points for credibility, Critters 3. #Monsterdon
It's always a mistake to flashback to a movie with a higher budget than yours. #Monsterdon
AND THAT'S A WRECK
Bad people get eaten, merely-OK people get injured, protagonists get... relocation reimbursements posthumously from their slimy landlord? Critters get murdered horribly in a bunch of ways. Nobody and nothing fucks off into the sea but Charlie fucks off into space. (Or not?) We are denied a crite katamri. Unforgivable.
Thank you for organizing and hosting, @Taweret !
i am totally mystified by the whole last part of this movie, i thought i was tracking it perfectly fine and then it just went through a wormhole and fell apart #monsterdon
excuse me !?!?!?!?!?! can anyone explain the last 10 minutes of this movie to me??????? #monsterdon
if I had a nickel for each person in this movie currently trapped hanging from a cable attached to a burning building, then I'd have two nickels... but it's strange that it happened twice #monsterdon
So Charlie just fake dies at the end of every movie now? #Monsterdon
EAT THE RICH
leonardo dicaprio is like ACAB includes landlords and my dad #monsterdon
Ma'am please for the love of god do not light a phosphorous flare in an enclosed environment.
@arrjay yea the noises are just dubbed over, but yup that's definitely the Tetris cart!
oh wow for a sec I thought this movie would have us believe that Frank fought off a critter attack
anyway, "oooh aaah ayyy I'm dyin here"
I'm WAAAAAAAULKIN' heeeeeah~! #Monsterdon
lol, love how Dicaprio is the ONLY name people recognise, there's not even Dick Miller!
OKAY TEAM #MONSTERDON WHAT'VE WE LEARNED?
I do like that Charlie continues to get an arc through these movies and that his whole thing is that he's just kind of a nice-but-dopey guy who learns to be brave. It's kind of wonderful
"I can do anything. I'm from the phone company" is a distant second to the exchange, "Who are you? How did you get in here?" "I'm a locksmith. And I'm a locksmith."
"Come out, come out, wherever you are! Your landlord is here to evict you!"
Well that characterization only got worse in the intervening few decades since this film first came out. Welp this guy is definitely going to be eaten viciously in the next few scenes, to no doubt thunderous applause and approval from #monsterdon .
i am loving how the butchy dyke, curler lady, and outspoken daughter are teaming up to save the train dad against the evil forces of critters, landlords, and leonardo dicaprio #monsterdon
WOULD YOU PLEASE JUST EAT THIS SHITHEAD ALREADY #Monsterdon
wait. there are apartment buildings where everyone just dumps their laundry down a hatch?
"The way I look at this, my accent can't get any more broad"
This is not bad for a review for people who hadn't seen the other movies. A little overdone, though.
@Taweret genuinely want to find what shenanigans the Crites get up to on the Moon in No 4
@jonny @strangefour @CactuarJoe @lytta @SRLevine Perhaps we should all describe what a bad #monsterdon is like to the same person, and that person can do like a composite police sketch and combine all our impressions of what a bad monsterdon is and use those impressions to write a single, terrible script.
@Taweret pleeeeaze it's like they set up their whole universe around "look at these carnivorous goofballs" and then give precisely 10 seconds to goofball time. i want them showing up in my cereal, getting landed on like anvils and having a bunch of critters explode out the side, making critter pyramids as they are cheerleaders for the other critters eating people, and so on #Monsterdon
Yeah I gotta say Critters 2 remains the high watermark of this venerable series in my eyes. 3 Just doesn't have the thematic consistency or emotional weight, I'm sorry. Clearly we have lost our auteur, and with him, our golden age. Where now shall we turn for truly classic cinema now?
Eh, maybe Hee-Haw's on another channel. Just as good. #Monsterdon
Was that a good movie? No. Was it a movie that made me hate everyone in it? Thankfully no. Did you people make it a fun experience? Yes.
flipping over to @ryan miyaku stream and realizing i must have been ahead, and also because i need to decompress from whatever just happened #monsterdon
i'm laughing so hard im' crying what is fucking happening #monsterdon
you can't! just keep ending the movie like this!!!! #monsterdon
Crittersong, so beautiful
2/3 of the way through the movie, still no signs of the interstellar bounty hunter deus ex machina, the green crystal kid remains undeployed, and we're really dragging on the 'crawling around the vents while the building burns down at 1 meter per hour #monsterdon
"Let somebody else do that!"
OH THAT'S A FUCKING CHANGE, DAD #Monsterdon
Ah, the requisite Critter Feast Scene. #Monsterdon
hell yeah, FINALLY we get a critter mischief montage #monsterdon
So, as the building is catching on fire, I will point out that this would not have happened if Marcia had not lit a road flare indoors.
Remarkably bad call there lady.
What's "badass woman in a tank top who saves the day" cribbed from, do you think? No way Critters 3 came up with the idea themselves. I'd say Terminator 2 but that came out the same year
this guy is walt disney as a landlord
@kb9ens @Taweret Yes. Communal garbage chute is fine. But it’s weird to disentanglge you clothes from someone else’s underwear #Monsterdon
again, curler woman are unkillable. she was just sitting there being eaten by the critters for a few minutes with them making no progress #monsterdon
Color Coding of Detector Crystals That Glow Red When Evil is Near
Blue: orcs
Green: critters
other colors: undetermined
no glow: no identified enemies are nearby
Man, if someone kept calling me "sport" I'd tear open their jugular too. #Monsterdon
He leaves on the 8:15 to Chicago, traveling at 60 mph, while the 8:30 from Chicago departs in the opposite direction traveling at 75 mph..
The Humans should eat frank and run the building as a co-op
E G G
I love that this guy found purpose in life, at least for a little while. #Monsterdon #Critters3
yes. yes he is some kind of pervert or something.
Launching my #monsterdon thread for Critters 3, a movie in which I assume some labubus eat people.
Monsterdon is the thing where we watch an old monster movie every week and make fun of it. Join us if you think this is cool and fun. Mute the hash tag if you do not think this is cool and fun, lest you see 9999+ posts by me and other people about monsters that eat people. Or whatever this movie is about.
Bon Voyage fellow monsterdoners, bon voyage.
@CactuarJoe @trixter it was like the early 90s Studio going "you can have a positive Lesbian coded character so long as they don't actually save the day" so she's literally left dangling while the plot resolves itself elsewhere
Holy shit, it's Ug!
the movie is still having plot-crucial action happening but it is also the credits?!@!??!?!?! #monsterdon
I don't want to cast aspersions or make anyone feel bad, but I feel like the music in this film has been particularly weak. These victory/relief synth riffs are wholly devoid of soul.
there are 9 minutes left how many more times can we end this movie #monsterdon
13 minutes remaining and the green crystal kid is activated!!!! #monsterdon
The puny humans escape to the roof and start screaming that their apartment is on fire, but no one hears them. The boy's crystal grows green again, but I'm not sure how that tells us what we don't already know.
The fuzzballs start sneaking onto the roof and one does a sonic the hedgehog dash attack on Johnny, the son. The weird forest guy bravely sacrifices himself to protect Johnny, who is rescued from falling over by the daughter and the dad, who finally decided to be helpful.
That's all it really took, this movie has won me over. I am official okay with CRITTERS 3 and think it is on sum worth the chore of the setup.
ok! i will grant them! the bit of having marsha be swinging around to catch the payphone! that is ok but you need to bring her back inside! she is the only protagonist! #monsterdon
the curler woman's role is to fuck the interstellar bounty hunter drunkard!?!?! that's why she was made unkillable!?!?? #Monsterdon
17 minutes remaining to find leonardo dicaprio a new dad #monsterdon
"Yes yes yes no no no"
"I can do this"
This movie is like a masterpiece in "tell, don't show"
"Adios!"
Vaya con dios, Marsha :/ #Monsterdon
the bubble puppet was pretty goddamned good. all of this puppetry is good. I'm being charmed by this. FINALLY, some good things are happening.
wait so the plot of the movie that was disrupted by the critters was that this family just moved into the apartment after their mom died and then leonardo dicaprio's dad was going to evict them right after moving in? and the critters are involved because the kids wandered off while the landlord dad and the train dad fixed their RVs??? #monsterdon
"my mom died, not eaten alive like your dad, but..."
just for the sake of data curation, #AllMoviesAreRealEstateMovies and the case for this movie being a movie about real estate is just in the literal text of the movie #Monsterdon
train dad is shtiting the goddamn bed, power levels a tiny fraction of curler women. even the dowdy grandma is locked and loaded while he falls into a hallucinatory slumber #monsterdon
Oh nice, I have a halloween decoration just like that. #Monsterdon
Yeah, there are exactly two competent people in this cast and they're both women #Monsterdon
"Brigg's Minimall"
Today, Chett here would be knocking their homes down to build a server farm for cryptomining. #Monsterdon
Leo's dad is like what would happen if Vincent Price was bitten by a radioactive Ed Helms
"Did you hear something?"
For legal purposes, no. Nothing. #Monsterdon
Putting off decisions until "tomorrow" makes Dad the most relatable character to me yet, sadly
what does he think is in the vent?
