#monsterdon IS THAT A CLIP FROM ATTACK OF THE CRAB PEOPLE

MAGNIFICENT, A PLUS, ZERO NOTES

Tonight was fun, I feel good and so I hope you all have a good night #monsterdon

She's just writing "80085" on that calculator

#monsterdon

Chekovs Boob Flare

#monsterdon

so many people worked in that piece of crap. movies are things of wonder.

#monsterdon

OMG chewing gum with your mouth open is just gross.

#MonsterdonBingo #Monsterdon

@Taweret@octodon.social i bow to your #monsterdon greatness. this was fun.

well done little monsters. that was craptacular.

#Monsterdon

DORKY DUDE IS ALIVE!!! they are reunited in slo motion too!

#Monsterdon

Virgin girl was the shero we didn't know we need yet we are happy we have

#Monsterdon

#monsterdon and that is why it is so important to have pockets in women’s clothing. #choppingmall

BTW from the POV of a art/culture critic and politologist, it's always been whack to me how American horror movies are a war on peace and love.

all the kinds wanna do is have have fun a good fuck but nOoOoOOOOOo can't have that. need to send killer robots or whatever form of mutant violence machine against them.

the American oligarchy paying for these movies spend an inordinate amount of money conditioning the masses to senseless violence

#Monsterdon

Lol, America

"TO THE GUN STORE!"

#monsterdon

He didn't take the gum out during sex

#monsterdon

#Monsterdon we got a bit of joy from spotting an old B. Dalton store. LOL. Funny what brings you joy.

These robots have some work ethic. They killed their bosses, and are still doing their job.
#Monsterdon #ChoppingMall

#monsterdon #choppingmall surprise plot twist as we reveal the Pure Boy was not dead, just bleeding from a head wound that looks like it needs serious medical attention!

satisfactory and emotional JRPG music plays all at once! then credits roll.

that that's all the synth too lit to print

#Monsterdon

#monsterdon #choppingmall our main girl realizes she is armed with a boob flare and concocts a mysterious strategy of going into a paint store and pouring some paint on the ground. I'm not sure what her plan is but with the pace of this movie I'll probably find out before I finish this post.

It's only a spinal injury -- she'll walk it off

#monsterdon

#Monsterdon The answer obviously is sheet sets from the JC Penny store and camp duct tape from the sporting goods store. Wrap the bots in the sheet, tape them with the duct tape and, oh yeah, aluminum baseball bats too. For clobbering.

#monsterdon #choppingmall guessing this is the kind of horror movie where the pure teens who did not have sex survive, while the cool teens who had all the sex die.

some audience members may think this is cosmic justice, but it also implies that you can either have sex or survive a killer robot attack, which is a bit of a bummer dilemma if you ask me.

OMG what is it with this guy chewing gum with his mouth open?!?!?

he aint gonna come back alive, ain't he?

#Monsterdon

wait! they're gonna boink on those beds in the store?!?!?

ewwwwwwwwwwwww

#Monsterdon

they are all so terminally white. OMG the dancing, or whatever they called that

#Monsterdon

BTW i have been wearing glasses since i was 11. even back then those were considered grandma glasses.

#Monsterdon

this movie is giving me too many flashbacks to the 1980s and i don't like it

#monsterdon

Dick Miller, amirite?

#Monsterdon

#monsterdon a detailed evaluation of #choppingmall :

pros:
polite killbots
interesting antics
Kickass Synth Music
horny
the 80s

cons:
somewhat generic characters
horny
the 80s

No chopping, and I guess technically no one managed to fuck off out of the mall, but there were lots of booms.

Thank you, have a nice night!

#Monsterdon #ChoppingMall

#monsterdon #choppingmall Anyway, I award chopping mall 5 clamps out of 5. It loses one point for taunting the audience with boobs in the beginning and not bravely showing us more boobs later. It loses one point for being bad. But it gains one point for being good, one point for polite killbots and six points for a kickass soundtrack! The points max out at 5, giving it a total of 5 out of 5.

OH WOW "Sherman Oaks Galleria" somewhere in California? so i guess all malls from the 1980s look the same.

#Monsterdon

#monsterdon #choppingmall so we don't actually know how the survivors explained what happened to them in this mall, or if they actually got out. hopefully the cops or whoever responds to this will buy their story of killer robots attacking them.

DICK MILLER!

That's the guy!

#monsterdon

#monsterdon #choppingmall okay so her plan was "lure the robot into a paint store, gunk up its treads temporarily with paint, and then explode it with a flare, because paint explodes like gunpowder.

seemingly victorious, lead girl fondles one of the clamps for a little bit than ambles away.

In lieu of a giant mechanical press or steel plant, a paint shop will do for your Sarah Connor shenanigans

#monsterdon

Hardcore lady walks through glass door like the Peckham Terminator (look it up)

#monsterdon

#monsterdon Those enormous spiders that just had their glass enclosures knocked off the shelves in the pet store would be dead! Or at least severely injured! They do not take falls well at all!

The snake would be fine. Snakes be snakes.

#monsterdon #choppingmall everyone is hiding in a luxury goods store of some kind while the robots slowly drill past the gate to kill them. one member of our party has never seen a horror movie and thus suggests splitting up.

after dismissing this advice, everyone decides to have a cuddle and an nap while hiding behind the perfume shelves.

you probably could fool a robot car with a mannequin, couldn't you?

In fact why not try it later!

#monsterdon

#Monsterdon That’s not robot blood. That’s how boy robots make little baby robots. Special hug and all. Tread frottage.

#monsterdon #choppingmall okay so the robots *can* penetrate the steel gate, it just takes them a while because they have to slowly drill through it with a concentrated beam to create tension.

What magical power source are these robots running on? All those lasers too, batteries made with antimatter or something.

For a mall

#monsterdon

Whiney Seinfeld guy is the next one to go

#monsterdon

I'm sure I played a level in Duke Nukem 3D like this....

#monsterdon

OMG! FLORSHEIM! we had one of those in Plaza Las Américas in Puerto Rico, LOL

#monsterdon

#monsterdon #choppingmall I really like that the robots in this movie have their own leitmotif, a nice little dark synth ditty that plays ominously when they roll up to kill someone.

of course, the virgins are watching a monster movie

#Monsterdon

i feel like this movie is slandering R2D2 instead of Daleks

#Monsterdon

#monsterdon #choppingmall we're introducing more characters who look exactly like how you imagine white people from the 80s to look. There's some bros in suits (maybe frat boys?) planning a party. There is a couple of people who wear denim and drive a truck; the wife is a mechanic and is horny. The dude is also horny, but maybe less so.

This movie has some libido. To prove me right, the next scene starts with one of the bros groping his girlfriend before being interrupted by his dad.

that guy with the feathery helmet hair and weird teeth looks familiar

#Monsterdon

lasers, big 80s hair, synth music

#MonsterdonBingo #Monsterdon

OMINOUS MUSIC!

GUYLINER!

WHITE SNEAKERS!

DALEK COP!

"the end"? what kind of post-modern asynchronous shit is this?

#monsterdon

@yogajedi@strangeobject.space Dick Miller though, 80s Movie legend! #monsterdon

Awwww, that was classic 80s b movie fun!

#monsterdon

The film ends with some kid saying in Spanish "a storm is coming"

#monsterdon

PPPAAAAIIIINNNNNNTTTTT!

#monsterdon

#monsterdon #choppingmall a strangely nuanced synth tune plays after the lead boy dies and the lady runs away, chased by the robot. It seems like something that would fit well in a JRPG. It's short lived, but it's the best tune so far.

if she had been called Liza she wouldn't have been just standing there.

#monsterdon

#Monsterdon technically a slurpee cup full of water and a couple of packets of salt from the food court would make saltwater. Just douse them with the saltwater. Gets into every little gap. Voids warranty. Sets off the little pink wetness detection strips.

#monsterdon We can pretty easily calculate the amount of energy necessary to cause a human head to explode, presumably from rapid steam expansion from that laser blast; and now the robots are using those same lasers to cut through sheet steel?

The bots have been rolling themselves around the mall this whole time, too. At some point the plot is going to have to address the fundamental challenges of energy density and discharge rates.

#monsterdon THE ROBOTS CAN RIDE THE _ESCALATORS_?! That challenges physics. We know how long they are, and the dimensions of the escalator stairs; is their center of gravity really that far forward??

UNLIKELY

I'm rooting for the killbots now #monsterdon

OMG this is the time before cell phones. they are really cut off from all communications.

#Monsterdon

#monsterdon #choppingmall not sure whats going on to set this up but the girls are running from the robots after trying to light them on fire and failing. the robots shoot lasers at them and one of them says "thank you and have a nice day" before shooting a gasoline can left around and lighting one on fire.

the boys run to the rescue but are too late and try to fight the robots with puny guns, that don't work.

"everybody run away" is the next scene.

Gents, find a woman who throws a petrol bomb at a Police robot without whining and screaming

Props to the stunt double there

#monsterdon

#monsterdon #choppingmall Q: "what's that"?
A: "robot blood."

of course.

A+ use of a propane tank

#Monsterdon #ChoppingMall

#monsterdon #choppingmall additional cool facts about the robots:
one of them says "have a nice day" after shooting the running girl
each of the three robots seems to shoot different color lasers, which is nice.

With the lasers and the tits and the nerd romance this is exactly the sort of movie I should have seen late night on TV in the 90s

#monsterdon

#monsterdon #choppingmall amused by the setup of the shy couple watching a monster movie with their back turned to the cool kids who are having sex.

#monsterdon #choppingmall we cut now to the main bro having a birthday party that consists of 3 dudes and 3 girls dancing lustily with each other.

Meanwhile, a nerdier bro is too nervous to go outside. eventually his friends drag him to the party's dance floor. it is revealed that this is the blind date and we see the locker room hairspray girl from before.

Oh god, 80s white people dancing, oh god no....

#monsterdon

wait! did the robots eat the other dude? what did they do with the body?!?!

#Monsterdon

#monsterdon #choppingmall and the next scene is a girl's locker room with the changing girls, both of whom have gigantic hair, which is lampshaded by them hairspraying each other and one of them goes to a blind date.

this movies 80ness is strong. its horniness is also strong.

#monsterdon Does anyone _ever_ remember having a job in a mall that had its own shower and locker room?? Was that ever a thing anywhere? Was it ever a thing specifically in American malls in the 80s?

#monsterdon #choppingmall seems like one of those 80s movies that had a crystal ball to realize how future times would perceive the 80s and decided to ham up its 80sness for the benefit of future moviewatchers.

the story was a typical purity play - each of the kills were due to a violation of one of the 7 deady sins.
IT guys: greed.
janitor: wrath.
jock guy 1: gluttony (cigarettes).
jock girl 1: horny (idk they didn't characterize her).
jock guy 2: pride (leading them up the elevator).
jock girl 2: sloth (just standing there).
jock guy 3: wrath (driving the cart into the killbot).

the virgins survived because of the purity of their conservative military upbringing
#monsterdon

Aww! The virgins survive! Congrats, sexually responsible teens of the eighties. Well done everyone. Ladies, always keep a road flare in your bra.

#Monsterdon

That film was too good for us

Thanks for hosting @Taweret@octodon.social

#monsterdon

"Have a Nice Day" and things exploding sums up the 80's perfectly. #Monsterdon

all these pastel colors gonna turn the mall into a hellscape

#Monsterdon

#monsterdon She just fell off the outside of that railing and into the center of the tent canopy! The center that was being held up with a support pole!

Ladies and gentlemen, we were just robbed of an impaling scene.

(OK now they're just showing the characters straight up _running_ through plate glass, not even bothering to throw things at the glass anymore!? Yeah sure why not whatever)

FINALLY she remembers the boob flare, too late for Ferdy though

#monsterdon

tarantulas and snakes because of course, why not. yup. this is a horror movie.

#Monsterdon

lol, so many locked fire doors, come on now!

#monsterdon

#Monsterdon The boys are obviously training to be imperial storm troopers. Their aim, impeccable.

#Monsterdon These bots have a Mr. Fusion somewhere on them. Headcanon accepted.

This dialogue is sharp, like a million year old knife

#monsterdon

#monsterdon lol RIP Greg i guess.

#monsterdon #choppingmall eventually someone gets a plan... which is go to the computer that ostensibly controls the robots and turn it off. anyway, they leave their diner hiding place and start running through the mall, so a robot can kill another fella. we are now down to two boys and two girls.

#monsterdon #choppingmall okay so only the first third of the movie was horny. the next half is a horror action movie. this movie followed the bad movie theory of putting nudity in the first part, so that people bored by the rest of it will keep watching in hopes that there will be another tit later.

You don't fuck the fuchsia, the fuchsia fucks you! #Monsterdon

#monsterdon #choppingmall after more running, shooting and hijinks, the protagonists deployed the robots' natural enemy, the elevator, and I think squished some of them. or maybe just blocked them out of their area.

anyway, we're now fortified in the diner from earlier and having some down time. one lady calculates that they'll be stuck in the mall for 85 years, which sounds like bullshit but I wouldn't tell her that, because it would be mean and she's under a lot of stress.

#monsterdon If the crew "is going to be in hock to this place for the next 85 years" and that's "two million, nine hundred and thirty four" some tuneups, that would be... 34,517 tuneups a year. That's ~95 tuneups a day. 8 hour workdays, that's 12 tuneups an hour. Five minutes per tuneup.

Wait, did she calculate how much they owe from the property damage?

#Monsterdon #ChoppingMall

JFC they let her to burn like that?!?!?

#Monsterdon

#monsterdon #choppingmall
meanwhile, one of the girls in the ventilation ducts panics and leaves, worrying about her boyfriend. they start collecting gasoline and making molotov cocktails. the pure girl grabs a flare and hides it in her bra, the most logical place.

one of the robots hides in an alcove, and then the other one that they thought they killed comes back to life. oh no; the robots have regenerate!

TAKE THE STAIRS, DUMBASSES, THEY DON'T HAVE LEGS #monsterdon

#monsterdon #choppingmall the boys, who i am now calling the fellas, break into a gun store and steal some guns. the nerdy one gets a propane tank and a handgun, which I will call chekov's gun and chekov's incendiary weapon. the cooler boys get a shotgun and an AR. One of them says "its time to send them a Rambogram", which admittedly, is both kitschy and badass.