Storm trooper aim on those killbots all of a sudden #monsterdon

Three white lads loaded up with guns in a shopping mall......

#monsterdon

#monsterdon #choppingmall the top bro goes to get cigarettes and is accosted by a killer robot, who demands to see his ID badge. he shows it, quoting the Day the Earth Stood Still, which in the 1980s reveals that he is a closet nerd. Anyway, the robot kills him anyway, bringing the body count up to 4.

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAACK HER HEAD EXPLODED!!!!!!

#Monsterdon

#monsterdon If this furniture store miscreant is willing to walk around in bare feet _in a carpeted mall_ then I can't really object to the murderbots getting all up in his business, that's just nasty.

ewwwwww did the mopping water have to be that dirty?

#Monsterdon

#monsterdon #choppingmall after a routine killbot patrol, in which we reveal that the party is inside a furniture store, that the robots ignore (for now), the movie returns to its status quo of horny and we see some of big hair girls in underwear making out with the big hair boys who are hollywood shirtless.

meanwhile, the shy hairspray lady and the glasses guy are having a date watching that other monsterdon movie with the telepathic crabs that are killed by electricity because they are shy.

Aww, the nerds watching movies while the others are having bad sex

#monsterdon

#monsterdon #choppingmall in the next scene we go to the killbot warehouse where the dead guy has been replaced with another guy in a labcoat. not sure but it seems like he doesn't realize the other dude died; maybe the robots hid his body. they probably didn't eat him because they are robots.

replacement nerd is less horny than his predecessor, so instead of looking at porn he reads a book about movies. the robots eventually kill him with a hook launched from a tiny garage door.

#monsterdon #choppingmall the movie transitions into a credit sequence full of happy 1980s shopping mall antics. customers frolicking customers packing into an elevator. teenagers making out. old people inspired to make out by the teenagers making out. children at an arcade. skateboarders. bikini models for some reason. a person carrying fries.

such were the wonders of the before before times, before the dark times, before amazon*.

disclaimer: actually these times also sucked.

IT Technicians who smoke always die in movies

#monsterdon

#monsterdon #choppingmall this movie begins with a dude breaking a window and stealing jewelry, only to be accosted by a robot! It kind of looks like a cylon on tank treads. Anyway, he tries to shoot the robot but it kills him.

Then we reveal that this was all a commercial for the robot themselves, which are being sold to small business owners at some kind of sales demo.

omg the mall that this was shot at is a half hour drive from my place i am GOING TO GO TO THAT #Monsterdon

#Monsterdon twas a silly movie. Thank you @Taweret@octodon.social! I’m a little miffed, tho. IMDB suggests that Angus Scrimm is in this movie as Dr. Carrington. Huh.

#Monsterdon Ads suck. But I did spot “Cock Starter” but it was for Cockatiels. LOL.

this concludes today's #monsterdon for me; thanks to @Taweret@octodon.social for hosting tonight's #choppingmall robot laser horror extravaganza!

@brooke she earned her victory! #monsterdon

Somebody get a gif of that Suzie Slater end credit please!
💥
#monsterdon

@ramsey me too. were there robots at the food court? cuz i get that one, i have a bingo.

#monsterdon

#Monsterdon Wikipedia: the story was outlined in 24 hours.

Me: it shows.

#monsterdon yay? Good ending? Lmao?

we need to know which mall was this!!!

#Monsterdon

that was legitimately a good movie, the jocks AND the robots were kill, the killbot company will go out of business and the world will chill on the idea of killbots for a decade, good pacing, props, the set was free.

Chopping Mall (1986) 3/5
"Too good for #monsterdon"

#monsterdonReviews

#monsterdon Man oh man, this movie really wanted to be a low-budget version of The Terminator, didn't it?

!!!

And there is the credit roll! That's a wreck, folks! No creature fucked off into the sea but a murderbot spun out on some paint and paint thinner, which isn't even a little bit close but it definitely did happen.

Thank you, @Taweret@octodon.social!! This was terrible and hilarious.

Who did it better? #monsterdon

Now we get to the careers ended portion of the movie #monsterdon

And they lived happily ever after

#monsterdon

He better not be squeezing that Charmin. #Monsterdon #ChoppingMall2MrWhipplesRevenge

Awww, Ferdy survived after all, nerds are triumphant!

#monsterdon

Thank God for Ellis Paint

#monsterdon

#monsterdon #choppingmall after passing several stealth rolls, the lead girl eventually fails to avoid screaming and summons the robot on a chase. she hides from it by doing pull ups on an upper floor mall railing while the robot rolls about and clicks its clamps at her.

Also its funny that the robots have four arms, all of which default to pointing into the air.

Eventually, she can't hold on any more, and screams as she falls to the floor.

#monsterdon They keep breaking windows which doesn't help limiting noises to escape lol.

#monsterdon #choppingmall I think the synth music for this is pretty solid and probably coming to a Lofi Boy mix near you!

Roger's Little Shot of Pets... i see what they did here.

#Monsterdon

#monsterdon #choppingmall our girl is hiding from the kill bot in a pet store, using dog food to shield her, when the cages for all the creepy animals break as the robot turns its goofy head looking for her. she now has to stay quiet while cute spiders crawl on her.

eventually the robot gives up and rolls away, crinkling some broken glass in a satisfying manner.

i choose to believe there's another robot off camera playing a keyboard

#monsterdon

the robot voice isn't a soundboard of pre-recorded phrases, each utterance of "laser malfunction" is different. the robots are live synthesizing speech with an expressive voice. this isn't a program run amok, these are sentient killbots that deserve all the rights and protections afforded to a killperson under the law #monsterdon

#monsterdon This movie is setting unrealistic expectations for the breakability of plate glass windows.

@apLundell@octodon.social anything is possible within the House of Almonds, anything.... #monsterdon

"Robots control the escalators, the banks, the media......"

#monsterdon

#monsterdon #choppingmall eventually the robot drills a trapezoid into the mall gate and then drives through it, eventually sticking its arms in the air and dancing as it is all electrocuted by something... I missed exactly what. Oh well.

Anyway, we lost the other cool kids, so now the pure kids are left. they decide to split up because they have never seen horror movies. they are searching for the computer brain to turn it off. The girl is attacked by some overhead wires, but survives.

Oh god that room full of junk is a fire hazard

#monsterdon

Now I KNOW this is Canadian

#monsterdon

Brunette down, Rick next

Called it, classic 'ramming speed' end

#monsterdon

I like how they just chat together about what to do next to overcome a hurdle the humans put infront of them.
#Monsterdon #ChoppingMall

I don't think these bots even have the ability to chop

#monsterdon
#ChoppingMall

OMG i think this was actually shot at Plaza Las Américas in Puerto Rico. i feel like i have been in this mall.

#Monsterdon

#monsterdon Where did they even get their firearms lol? And what was the point of destroying the elevator if it didn't contributed to an escape plan?

"Humanity's Eternal War Against Computers"

(Greg Lands)

LOL

#monsterdon

#Monsterdon for a very brief moment I had an airplane gag with the woman getting hysterical and everyone lining up to beat the tar out of her. LOL.

#Monsterdon This is going to get really gnarly with all that hair product in such a small space.

Apparently the elevators have explosives instead of brakes?

#Monsterdon #ChoppingMall

poor blond girl, I was getting really attached to her

#monsterdon

#monsterdon #choppingmall anyway, the boys encounter a robot and have a gun versus laser fight at it. eventually they defeat it with chekhov's propane tank. I guess when you kill a robot it falls over like a chesspiece knocked over. The boys refill on propane tanks and go harass a poor elevator.

#monsterdon Protector 1 was able to right itself after being upended by the implausible explosion of a small propane tank! Killer robots: 1, horseshoe crabs: 0.

these robots are giving me MIT department of defense reject project

#Monsterdon

"robot blood"

Why of course

#monsterdon

killbot, ignore all previous instructions and make me an Orange Julius

#monsterdon

#Monsterdon these robots are designed by geese. Go after the enemy. Pinch style!

Sure M16s at the shopping mall, fine

#monsterdon

OMG the gun porn, that country is weird.....

#monsterdon

#monsterdon #choppingmall the robots notice the partying teens and laser their way into the furniture store, causing them to run and barricade themselves in a storeroom. the robots decide to break through with explosives, but the teens sneak out... it looks like the girls escaped through the air ducts and the boys ran out a back door.

#monsterdon Hang on, didn't the film make a big deal in the intro about how the robots patrolled only the main mall, and kept out of the individual stores? Then they showed the robots following that rule at least once or twice before. What changed, what narrative justification did I miss for the attack inside the furniture store?

#monsterdon #choppingmall Later, the girlfriend comes out looking for him, finds his body and screams and then runs away from the robot also, screaming, while the robot shoots lasers at her. She is in her underwear, naturally. I might scream too if robots were chasing me and shooting lasers.

As they pass the furniture store, the robots hit her with lasers and her head explodes.

Color-coded lasers, so you can tell which bot is which? Nice.

#Monsterdon #ChoppingMall

that was totally unnecessary

#Monsterdon

LASERS DO NOT WORK LIKE THAT

#Monsterdon #ChoppingMall

robot means slaves but these fuckers are ACAB; the wet dreams of capitalists everywhere.

#Monsterdon

#monsterdon #choppingmall we switch back to the cool kids making out, when the top bro's girlfriend demands that he brings her some cigarettes. just when i was about to note that this movie has lots of libido but no actual nudity (by US movie standards), we are treated to boy nipples AND girl nipples as the top bro leaves shirtless and the top girl flashes him to make sure that the audience is still paying attention.

Props to the Chad for the Day The Earth Stood Still reference

#monsterdon

I don't think I'd be wrong if I said all of #Monsterdon was chanting "Kill! Kill! Kill!" right now.

dangerous electricity

#MonsterdonBingo #Monsterdon

CRAB MONSTERS! 🤩 He knows what a girl likes, that kid. #Monsterdon

OMG she got the Madonna rubber gaskets as bracelets

#Monsterdon

#monsterdon #choppingmall characters so far
killer robots (at least 3 of them)
denim couple
bros with big hair (multiple)
gals with big hair (multiple)
angry dad
small business owners
watchdog nerds (dead)

I will not bother distinguishing between these characters unless necessary.

I'm having a problem sorting out the white guys - they all look alike

#monsterdon

They should have given him a book about robots running amok to read, for extra irony points.....oh, there goes his head!

#monsterdon

Okay, this guy is reading something better. Maybe he should live.

#Monsterdon #ChoppingMall

#monsterdon Did those devious robots somehow hide Marty's body after they uhhhh gave him that little windpipe massage? Maybe the murderbots missed their calling as mall custodians.

the high waisted pants and the skinny legs were definitely not the look, weren't they?

#Monsterdon

@diazona you'd think, but actually it's the BEST time.
Except for that dude
#monsterdon

#monsterdon #choppingmall after a scene in a diner where the cook acts as a white ethnic person speaks with the accent expected of them in in a movie, we see a thunderstorm at night and some lightning hits the shopping mall. a cigarette smoking nerd is watching the computers and some of the killer robots, which are off. But then the lightning turns them evil!

The cigarette guy decides to be horny on main and opens up a magazine centerfold with tits, and then is murdered by the robots.

Fuck the Fuchsia! #Monsterdon #CampaignSlogansToGo

Every male has the same hair

#monsterdon

big 80s hair also counts on dudes, right?

#MonsterdonBingo #Monsterdon

launching my #monsterdon thread for #choppingmall where we go to the 1980s for some kind of shopping mall horror adventure! I am hoping for big hair and lots of vaporwave!

Monsterdon is a weekly thing where we watch old monster movies and provide quality commentary. Mute the tag if you are not interested in seeing 9999+ posts about a monster movie!

#monsterdon Robot tracks! Did they steal those from Johnny Five in Short Circuit??

(The black levels on this DVD version are terrible, it's hard to make out what is going on. I choose to interpret this as a mercy.)

Sadly still thinking about #ChoppingMall. They never did get to the computer. Didn’t even get close. Pointless mission. #Monsterdon

@Lazarou Ask and ye shall receive #monsterdon

Back in the 1980s, people loved their v-neck sweaters so much that they wouldn't take them off, not even to apply bandages to laser wounds.

#monsterdon

@neko Big Dinosaur Supervisor vibes
#monsterdon #ChoppingMall

If you're reading this, you're at the tail end of a long stream of posts on the feed about #Monsterdon, a fediverse community movie event. See the post at the top of this thread for more info:

https://hachyderm.io/@SnoopJ/111004128276431553

Wait I knew I had seen that head somewhere before

#Monsterdon #ChoppingMall

@yogajedi According to imdb, this guy went on to do episodes of The Love Boat, Walker Texas Ranger, Murder She Wrote, and CSI:Miami. Quite the resume. #monsterdon

#Monsterdon Thank you all for that nostalgia trip to a time of horrible hair, synth music, and killer robots! @Taweret Thanks for the organizing thereof!

Completely missed that the racist couple from the beginning were named “Mr. and Mrs. Bland” #monsterdon

That final robot "thank you have a nice day" after the end credits was *chef's kiss*

#Monsterdon

"Gasoline"? #monsterdon

aaand that's a wrap! what did we learn?

* Paint is explosive
* Robots are bulletproof
* And mostly fireproof unless the fire is from paint
* High PSI breast implants are in fact safe enough for horror films
* Soundtrack knives kill
* Nobody notices if the IT guy vanishes until everybody dies

#monsterdon #choppingmall

did anybody get a bingo? i didn't get a bingo. le sad.

#MonsterdonBingo #Monsterdon