Attack of the Crab Monsters
Budget $70,000 or $85,000
Box office $1 million (est.)

There must have been nothing to do in 1957
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I can grow a new claw...BUT CAN YOU GROW NEW LIVES?!

Absolute zinger from the crab, 10/10 no notes.

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I have to admit that I kind of like the monsters in this one shit-talking the protagonists. #monsterdon

Wait what

WHAT

I know these movies always end abruptly but I think I have whiplash from that one!

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#Monsterdon #AttackOfTheCrabMonsters So I was not expecting a surprise human victory here, let alone one that involved dropping a radio tower on the big baddie. Anyway, this movie was odd. I give it 2 out of 5 crustaceans.

Characters in decreasing order of likability:
Aquarium Fish
Normal Crab
Awkward Giant Crab
Busty Flirtatious Lady
Accent Botanist
Ambiguously Gay Sailors
All Other Characters

"That proves it, the crab is negatively charged. You must create a charge of positive energy to destroy it!"

hashtag blessed, hashtag crabMurder, hashtag live laugh pinch #monsterdon

"COME DOWN THE PATH TOWARD THE BIG PIT. BE QUIET. VERY QUIET."

lEt'S aLl Go ViSiT tHe GiAnT WaSp ObElIsK
dOn'T tElL aNyOnE
bRiNg No WeApOnS

#monsterdon

YES! TIME FOR CRAB! 🦀

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Thank you, Mr. Exposition Seabee, I didn't realize y'all did plot construction as well as demolition

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#Monsterdon ran out of budget. And that’s that. The end.

#Monsterdon #AttackOfTheCrabMonsters
"he gave his life!"
"I know it makes me so horny!"

LOL @ Giant Crab Telepathic taunts

"So...you have wounded me!"

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#Monsterdon #AttackOfTheCrabMonsters
Martha: no jim don't go you don't know what's down there.
Jim: what could there be besides earth and a few land crabs
Martha: balrogs, mind flayers, psurlons, morlocks, crab monsters, vampire bats, troglodytes, goblins, flesh-eating centipedes and psychic slumbering gods?

"Antimatter = Telepathic Hive Mind"
Got it.

Thanks to all who took part!👋

#monsterdon

@k8eb's review: "magnificent, a work of art, everyone should be very proud" #monsterdon

#Monsterdon #AttackOfTheCrabMonsters Psychic crab monsters that eat people, absorb their souls and immune to normal weapons sounds like a valid AD&D Field Folio monster that would get a better thought out reboot twenty years later via in an indie TTRPG module.

#Monsterdon also, it bears on mentioning that we have the loose violin section running around.

"Preservation of the species: once they were man, now they are land crabs."

Poster tagline if ever there was one. #monsterdon

Did not expect this much crab telepathy going into this movie, but here we are

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"I hope that man's death was not a bad omen"

At the very least it'll be some paperwork. What a chore

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Whoooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo lived in a pineapple under the sea...

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In retrospect, the balance of 'underwater scenes' and 'denouement' was quite off

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so what we learned tonight, is that if a crab kills you, you become a crab. this is because crabs are negatively charged and therefore able to absorb your ghost. this is also how crabs explode rocks

anyway, ty for joining, everyone!!

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"Denouement? Never heard of it."

Definitely the most abrupt ending to a #Monsterdon that I've seen!

#Monsterdon The crabs are actually really good villains. They even explain their plot before executing it.

#Monsterdon they are definitely American. Oil makes them excited. Watch out for crab regime change plans. The CIA will arrive, he’ll look like a medical student with a briefcase and a giant crab arm.

Are they just saying 'science words' in a sentence and hoping it fools us?
Fucking ChatGPT way back in the 50s...

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So the crabs are telepathically luring people now?

Sure this isn't the Predator doing that voice thing (RIP Carl Weathers)

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#Monsterdon He’s never used a microscope.

#Monsterdon that’s uniquely crappy wall construction. Cardboard sucks on an island. Cardboard.

Crab monsters like thirty seconds into the film?? Sure, yeah, let's get this party started! #monsterdon

#Monsterdon watch out for sand people. They travel in single file to hide their numbers.

Oh no, they've discovered oil

Countdown until the crab government experiences a coup arranged by mysterious international interference in 3, 2, ...

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Wait, he was going to kill the crab with that tiny knife?
Men are too emotional to have around in a crisis

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(crab roaring) #monsterdon

Awkward moment when you have a severed giant crab claw and their mate walks into the room

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OK so the crabs:
- are masters of stealth
- can (telepathically?) speak in the voices of those they eat
- hide bones

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#Monsterdon #AttackOfTheCrabMonsters
Okay, let me see if I am following this plot. We detonated a nuclear bomb on an island, and it turned the crabs into giant crabs that eat people? Or maybe it woke up a giant elder god crab that eats people?

Also, when the crabs eat someone, they gain the ability to mimic their voices psychically by manipulating metal, which they use to lure people to their deaths?

So American, taking the advice of a talking gun

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The Officers hang out in the house while the Sailors sleep outside in the dirt I bet....

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#Monsterdon The navy boys went into the cave. Sure. Because they were following a voice. Suuuure.

"Light one of those kerosene lamps, will you honey?" HER NAME IS MARTHA

(Also while you're lighting things up maybe melt some butter and crush some garlic, just saying, might come in handy for no reason whatsoever)

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Of course the giant crabs can recognise a radio, beautiful synergy there.

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I miss the monster part of the movie, I hope it comes back soon.

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Does anybody else find the underwater levels of games annoying?

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Nothing to worry about. The Professor’s here. #Monsterdon

Red Shirts, and they know it too

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Cravat Man making some moves on Token Lady while Frank does all the work, dying in the process.
Barely seconds to process what just happened and then....

that's it!

Get the feeling Token Lady will be feeling some of that disappointment later tonight with Cravat Man.....

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"foolish, verly foolish" taunts the giant antimatter crab

Cravat Man producing grenades like he's on cheat mode

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"Hoist on my own.....weird electric fan death ray machine"

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#Monsterdon awkward love triangle. Man, woman, crab.

#Monsterdon #AttackOfTheCrabMonsters oh good more scenes with the aquarium fish, my favorite characters so far.

@trixter #monsterdon physics make my brain hurt

There we go with the silly silence talk, I was worried we wouldn't be able to tick that box on our bingo cards.

I very much enjoy the wildly incorrect theory of electric conductance in copper, special shout-out to the incorrect claim of motion at the speed of light

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Don't do what the mysterious disembodied voice of your missing comrade says, jfc....

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#Monsterdon #AttackOfTheCrabMonsters I hate it when I'm playing cards with the boys in a pup tent and then a giant crab steps on that pup tent. I hate it so much I must first look at the giant crab and scream at it before I am squished.

#Monsterdon “Give us a hand” LOL ROTFLTID

MONSTER CLAW #monsterdon

@Taweret@octodon.social I'm taking the side of Nature again #monsterdon

#Monsterdon why did he carve aaaaaarrrrggg on the cave wall?

#Monsterdon doctor popped collar hot pants reporting for service. Lipstick! Hairspray! Too sultry for right now, but, jouncy!

#Monsterdon #AttackOfTheCrabMonsters wow only three minutes in and this movie already has a monster eating somebody. Way to skip the plot foreplay.

That man will pay for freaking out those birds, they have long memories #monsterdon

Who had "overly serious biblical voiceover" on their bingo card? #monsterdon

@SnoopJ y'know I was initially doubtful but I think you might be right

Still less abrupt than the journal entry about the worms though

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#Monsterdon This island is all topsoil.

#Monsterdon #AttackOfTheCrabMonsters We shoot the crab monsters with guns, but that doesn't work because the bullets pass through them like X-Rays. Not sure how the crabs can walk then.

Anyway, we got the radio working again; the DJ's name is Pineapple Joe and plays Hawaiian music, which is so stupid that I like it. We can't use it to call for help yet. Unfortunately, that means our romance plot must continue.

Don't let 'Pineapple Joe' tell you how he got the name, especially if there is an actual pineapple nearby.

Chubby Blonde German Guy knew, oh boy....

Token Lady ditching Cravat Guy and making moves on that guy whose indifference to human suffering is a bit of a red flag.

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#Monsterdon #AttackOfTheCrabMonsters Our anti crab electricity guns look like portable fans with a curvy lightbulb in them.

Also, we get another swimsuit scene with added scuba gear as we position the anti-crab lightbulbs. It comes with a bonus boring romance plot that no one cares about. Fortunately, this subplot makes the giant crab mad, so he attacks the couple before it annoys the audience further.

The crabs can absorb brains and minds intact?

yeah sure that's one guess!

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They really want to get their money's worth from those diving suits, huh?

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#Monsterdon #AttackOfTheCrabMonsters wait they're looking at a giant crab leg and the first they they say is that "there is no cohesion between its atoms".

... then how is it like... still a crab leg?

Just hanging out on an island contaminated with radioactive fallout, sticking my hand into a river of mercury #monsterdon

GIANT CRAB MONSTER ATTACK #monsterdon

Sir you are I think assuming rather too much familiarity with rivers of mercury on the part of the audience

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So these are siren crabs i guess? #monsterdon

#Monsterdon #AttackOfTheCrabMonsters
We have two misguided adventures going on. First, the professor and some sailors and accent botanist are going into the unsafe cave that was supposed to collapse immediately if you look at it wrong.

And also in the beach motel, Jim and Martha are... fighting a giant crab? Oh no wait, they were just robbed by the giant crab, who also ate the radio. They assume it was deliberate sabotage, but the crab might have just been possessed by a squirrel.

Lol @ giant claw and dramatic pose from Cravat Man

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#Monsterdon shitty aim. White guy. So, we’re still on track.

"wheres jim?"
"hes in the pit"
[Heavy Metal guitar riff intensifies]
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#Monsterdon #AttackOfTheCrabMonsters OH NO GIANT SURPRISE PIT MATERIALIZED OUT OF NOWHERE.

Also, we can't go into the pit because it will... immediately cave in? What?

Anyway, we agreed to put one of those velvet rope things they have at the movie theaters around the pit so no one will sleepwalk into the pit and die, which seems like a solid plan.

#Monsterdon It’s a better construction job than Boston’s Big Dig. Maybe they needed crabs. ;)

Love too go diving amidst too much radioactive fallout #monsterdon

#Monsterdon #AttackOfTheCrabMonsters ooo stingrays and sharks! we applied the whole aquarium budget to this movie.

Anyway, the girl character is on a swimming expedition, but I don't think she'll be eaten because she's the only girl.

Rubber fetishers getting some lookin tonight

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#Monsterdon #AttackOfTheCrabMonsters From the radio report, I'm gonna assume that this island is being attacked by Psurlons, the giant psychic worm creatures from the astral plane.

The chubby blond fella will let you do ANYTHING to him in a hotel room

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#Monsterdon All the Navy boys are definitely representing San Francisco vibes too. Cute little hats. Scuffed knees. Boys… tsk tsk tsk. ;)

Lol @ offscreen plane explosion #monsterdon

"Maybe it's because there's no sound, no animal noises of any kind."

(outside, a million seagulls scream in unison)

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This movie begins with a camera going over some black and white paintings of sunken ships and cartooney sea creatures. Which is a respectable artistic decision.

#Monsterdon #AttackOfTheCrabMonster

I gotta say #Monsterdon makes my Australian Mondays pretty surreal.

Today I’ve been seeing a lot of Crab discourse in my normal workaday feed.

I see #monsterdon is trending. What does that mean? Is the monster a new mascot for @Mastodon 👹 👀

There was a lot of the giant prop crab shambling over rocks in the distance, because it couldn't move fast enough to look any good in the same shot as the actors.

But if you're shooting that way anyway, why not do forced perspective on one of the actual crabs you have on set? I think peak Corman is not understanding what looks good on camera, a remarkable trait in a director

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#Monsterdon Malicious Gloating Crab Monsters would be a great band name?

like the movie just kinda stops

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#Monsterdon shocked nobody mentioned the kennel of sweater puppies on set. ;)

its face, i can't even #Monsterdon

Wow OK and that's it #monsterdon

He's so delightfully evil. Like if Vincent Price was a homicidal crab with psychic powers. #Monsterdon