Clever Girl in five... four... three... #Monsterdon

Heh. There's a kid doing crocodile shadows on the other end of the street :P #Monsterdon

Detective Sweater Jacket and Reptile Science Master are on a date and have awkward romantic dialog to make the audience groan. After they do an off-screen sex, Detective Sweater Jacket talks about how his partner died to prove how noir his backstory is.

Reptile Science Master tries to make him feel better because it wasn't his fault, but then he gets cranky because she's playing with his hair and he's going bald I guess.

#monsterdon

We get another scene where evil rich people are having an evil rich people garden party.

Then its halloween and some kids are having a costume party, then one of them wanders outside, finds a giant alligator in the swimming pool and then is eaten by it.

#monsterdon

"Arthur is my number one boy, yes sir. *leers*" 😬

#monsterdon

ick #Monsterdon

He got the lease after Mitchell left town -_- #Monsterdon

Detective Sweater Jacket has no joined the Reptile Science Master and hard-hat co-worker from earlier to form a scooby doo team to search the sewers for the alligator. They find a dead dog because there are millions of dead dogs in this movie, its worse than the 1950s soviet space program. Anyway, this scares Co-Worker Hard Hat out of the scooby doo team, because he realizes that he's the least significant character and is probably the one most likely to die if this keeps up.

#monsterdon

Marisa the Herpetologist will soon be rechristened Marisa the Macroherpetologist

#monsterdon

Sociopathic children...

#Monsterdon

lol they're going to split up, too

#monsterdon

Henry Silva to self....."Fuck. You were in The Machurian Candidate, Bro." #monsterdon

The guy with our two main characters is even wearing a red shirt....

#Monsterdon

Obviously I want a remake of this starring Michael Shannon as Adidas cop

#Monsterdon

#monsterdon Just out of curiosity, is there a Chicago, California?

Hi there, I'm a palm tree. You may have noticed me before in an earlier scene

#monsterdon

So another Food of the Gods-type situation?

#Monsterdon

Soooo... Did we have another plot point to film, oooooor...? #Monsterdon

The giant alligator moving through the miniature set actually looks better than the effects in Godzilla (1998).

#Monsterdon #Alligator

How did I forget Henry Silva was in this #monsterdon

@binford2k

So you don't get swallowed down along with all that rich Corinthian leather

EDIT: dammit, forgot the "don't"

#Monsterdon

✅ Casual Sexism BOO

#Monsterdon

#monsterdon Looks like the new meal has coiffed hair, and kind of a dick. Hope he gets eaten. They all need to be eaten. Covered in ketchup, anything to make the nasty long pigs more palatable to our hero, our buddy, the pure and innocent alligator. Humans are traaaaaash!

@fabio yeah, they've not been too shabby for Monsterdon

#Monsterdon

The Lizard Lady does kind of have a sexy ring to it, Marisa.

#Monsterdon

"Who's this pretty girl" just put this guy on the Rootin' to Get Chomped list

#Monsterdon

MONSTER CHOMP

ACAB (all cops are bitten)

#monsterdon

'Alligators!…come out and play-ay!!!'

#monsterdon #Alligator

"If we close the canals, we'll have a panic on St. Patrick's Day!"

#Monsterdon

Anyway, some kids are farting around in an alley when a giant alligator busts its way through the sidewalk, rendering my alligator search suggestions mute. The kids run away because they're not idiots.

Then some cop cars come to help and smash into other cars and explode. Mustache cop climbs out a window and then the alligator grabs his leg and eats it. One boy watches then runs away. The alligator waddles down the street in triumph.

#monsterdon

These street kids are taking this really well. Not even any screaming? They have Seen Some Shit #monsterdon

Pretty sure that was a racist cop....

...remember when each household just had one phone for everyone, and people would bicker over it's use? Fucking Dark Ages man.....

#Monsterdon

HERE IT COOOOOOMES

#monsterdon

Aaaah the 70s, when every car was a bomb waiting to happen. #Monsterdon

the alligator has learned to disguise itself as an army squad

#monsterdon

We set up a gun line at the end of the sewers where we think we're flushing the alligator too, but then we see the symbol bearing soldiers and they're like "hold your fire!" so they didn't flush out the alligator.

Naturally, the detective thinks its still out there but the boss cop wants to give up for no reason.

#monsterdon

I hope he knows what a "southerly turn" is while deep underground

#Monsterdon #Alligator1980

Our anti-alligator strategy is to try to flush the alligator out by having soldiers bang trash can lids like cymbals, hoping it will spook the alligator down the sewers.

... which honestly is not the worst plan. That noise is irritating me as a movie audience, so it would probably irritate me as an audience.

#monsterdon

This marching band sucks.
#Monsterdon

Do you think anyone will notice if we just film by the craft services catering table

#Monsterdon

Because we paid for an army and the army had nothing to do, we send a bunch of soldiers to the sewers to hunt the alligators with literal anti-tank rockets.

Both the detective and the Reptile Science Master have been summoned as radio control people, for which they have donned Sweaters of Anti-Gator mission control.

#monsterdon

Somebody brought a camera to a battle of giant teeth

#Monsterdon #Alligator1980

#Monsterdon🐊 🐊 🐊 💩 🩸 😱

wow they connected the giant gator to all those other murders right away

Swat [dammit autocorrect]

Special weapons, alligator tasty #Monsterdon

this dude's RFK JR voice is really getting on my nerves

#Monsterdon

#monsterdon “The alligator is presumed fed” YAY!

Because all mysteries in the 80s are solved by Maverick Cops wandering into sewers, the detective has decided to wander in the sewers looking for a giant alligator and/or his partner's body.

He finds a dead dog being eaten by rats, which is gross, so he takes pictures of it.

#monsterdon

@klu9

It’s a Jaws rip-off, how many scenes could it have?! 10?!

#monsterdon #alligator1980

@Taweret I'm going to assume you mean the reporter about which I wholeheartedly agree. #Monsterdon

Of COURSE it's stuck

#Monsterdon

okay I need that guy to not talk anymore

#monsterdon

"science tells us that this movie isn't possible"

#monsterdon

"Well hey there little lady."

#Monsterdon

Smoking in a hospital? What is this, the 1950s?

#monsterdon #alligator1980

@jsadow I'll do my best to track the characters but in case I get confused just remember that most of them probably suck. #monsterdon

Anyway our heroic cops explore the sewer, learn sewer lore and meet some rats. Then they get bored and the blonde cops gooses the detective, but does so in a way to trick the audience into thinking he's going to be attacked by an alligator.

Then they decide to go home and the detective actually is attacked by an alligator, which ends up chasing both of them through the sewers.

#monsterdon

Whoops, Kelly whited out. Ran out of usable Pokemon. #Monsterdon

Aaaargh promoting harmful stereotypes about psychotic disorders once again.

And are all the baldness references leading to something, or is it just a running harassment joke?

#Monsterdon

"Get you home for dinner...."

BUT WHOSE?

#Monsterdon

This is very well preserved. You can't find a watchable print of some lost classicss, but Alligator is in HD. #monsterdon

"I think someone's been back here recently"

Yeah we saw you playing grabass, dipshit. #Monsterdon

@CactuarJoe The loaded gun had me feeling a certain way.
#Monsterdon

Mm, I love some nice Kelly greens :D #Monsterdon

@hollie A bomb or a radio. Why not both?

#Monsterdon #Alligator1980

Chekhov's gas.

#Monsterdon

I know it's not him but the rookie cop looks too much like Ricky Schroder.

#monsterdon

He has seen some shit in St Louis...

#Monsterdon

To pad out the run time, there's a weird guy in the police station who the cops think are crazy who confesses to killing the people who died in the sewer and also has walked into the cop store with a bomb with a giant digital clock but they disarm him and turn off the bomb, which was actually just a radio and then they arrest him, I guess for doing a fake bomb threat.

#monsterdon

@paco I'm not a Yank but even I know he's being naughty with his guns there #MOnsterdon

Stop tweaking his nipple, Robert it's NOT part of the bomb.

#Monsterdon

So the male pattern baldness is a running gag... how adorable. #monsterdon

@hollie Probably more than one

/me goes to count entries on the cast list on IMDB

#Monsterdon #Alligator1980

lol, love the way everyone is picking on his hair

#Monsterdon

oh boy, tubi is now blocking movies as "previews" unless you sign up

#monsterdon

@Violinknitter I hope he goes into politics! #MOnsterdon

I actually kind of admire boss guy's suit

#Monsterdon

The rest of #monsterdon explained to me that the pet store was disposing of animal bodies improperly by sending bright shirt guy to dump meat in the sewers. Thanks monsterdon!

The worker standing in the manhole is also the reverend who says Laura Palmer’s eulogy in Twin Peaks.

#Monsterdon #Alligator1980

watching this man pushing dog carcasses on a trolley through a sewer and wondering where America went wrong...

#Monsterdon

Nothing screams authority like cigarette burns in your shirt and some weathered Adidas

#Monsterdon

We cut to a cop investigating some sewer murders that the audience knows are alligator murders. Some of the murders are of dogs, making the audience care more, because dogs are the best people.

There's a scene where an old lady is showing us the sweater she made for her dead dog, which I think the movie thinks is supposed to be funny, but really it just seems weird.

#monsterdon

@hollie This deserves more boosts than I can give. Alas I can only give one.
#monsterdon

@hollie Nobody should be sorry for that one 😅

#Monsterdon #Alligator1980

Dog trafficker!!! #Monsterdon

@diazona Sorry not sorry 😂

#Monsterdon #Alligator1980

lol,. oh this guy is getting eaten by the 'gator, fuck him and his pet abduction scam!

#MOnsterdon

Chekhov’s thinning hair.

#Monsterdon

You kinda get attached to dogs?
I mean that is the whole point yes?
#monsterdon

@MatthewTitus88 Same plot as Slugs, but with legs and teeth.
#monsterdon

I love bonding with pet store owners over my male pattern baldness... #monsterdon

This movie starts with an outdoor alligator wrangling, which is a public entertainment event held in a swamp somewhere, but this time ends in disaster as the alligator eats a mustachioed man.

I'm unsure if this will be related to anything because then we cut to our next character, Little Girl, who is in a pet store adopting an adorable baby alligator. I don't know if she was at the alligator wrestling thing or not, but I'm not sure if it matters at all?

#monsterdon

Was kinda hoping the gator would meet the hamster and team up

#Monsterdon

Some alligators were flushed in the plot of this film. #monsterdon

Don't worry, Ramon's gonna meet a radioactive rat and learn Ninjitsu.

#monsterdon

Launching my #monsterdon thread for Alligator, a movie where an alligator eats people, I think!

Anyway monsterdon is a thing where we watch a monster movie each week and make fun of it. Follow the hash tag if this sounds interesting to you, or mute it if that sounds boring to you.

This is a film that delivers its title on the first frame, and nearly got our first kill in the first minute.
#alligator #monsterdon

GATOR CHOMP

Not even sixty seconds to our first creature bite! Gonna be a good one tonight, folks

(Not a monster chomp because (a) that alligator is not the protagonist of our film, and (b) that's just a gator doing gator things, not any kind of monster. ...YET)

#monsterdon

So what country is this movie set in?

(Just kidding)

(yee haw)

#Monsterdon

My mother-in-law used to sport that look #monsterdon

Nictitating membrane the movie?

#monsterdon #alligator1980