ugh

DIE already, would you PLEASE #Monsterdon

After this movie they started teaching measurement estimations in public schools

#Monsterdon #Alligator1980

RAMON GROWS TIRED OF SUBTERRANEAN LURKING AND DECIDES TO BURST DIRECTLY THROUGH A CONCRETE SIDEWALK

tremendous

flawless

Oh, yep, and a police car loses control, flips over, and catches fire! Perfect.

#monsterdon

The kid's like "why do adults move so slowly when faced with mortal peril" and he's right to wonder

#Monsterdon #Alligator1980

Even the *kid's* an asshole, jesus #Monsterdon

yes, yes, EMERGE!

#Monsterdon

@hollie @mrgtwentythree I used to want to collect all the USGS topographic maps

(and then they put them online)

#Monsterdon #Alligator1980

Personnel Management Suggestion:

Maybe don't send like 100 soldiers to chase an alligator on one day and then give up. Maybe send a more reasonable number of soldiers to check for the alligator on multiple days until you can find it.

#monsterdon

Not one single person in this sewer-gator hunting scene is wearing appropriate PPE.

But cinematically I really appreciate what this scene borrowed from THEM! (1954), and in turn what Alien and Aliens also lifted. This scene almost feels traditional, in a way. Like a thematic homage, only shitty.

#monsterdon

Even the soundtrack doesn't believe this thing is menacing. #Monsterdon

@mrgtwentythree SAME!
<HIGH FIVE>

#Monsterdon #Alligator1980

I like what this herpetologist is serving

#Monsterdon

"Everyone younger than me is a kid"

Everyone older than me is a fart, I live in a binary world of black and white! #Monsterdon

♫ Smorgasboard, smorgasboard, aaaaall the pork you can eeeeeeat ♪ #Monsterdon

Hey they imported a swat team from Argentina, very cosmopolitan of "Chicago" with the palm trees in the background
#monsterdon

"Unit 2 pushing off."

YOU push off! #Monsterdon

Yeah I'm sure SWAT training covered sewer gators

#Monsterdon #Alligator1980

It's an alligator.
Back to you, Chuck.

#monsterdon

Ramon Santiago is the gator's full name, right

#Monsterdon

@jammerb By sobek that was a quick #monsterdon bingo!

And this is why the US got the HIPAA thing, so your nurse doesn't spew your personal alligator stories to the press.

#Monsterdon

C'mon Ramon, eat! Rend, devour! #Monsterdon

Okay, Kelly survived. Long enough to sexually harass his colleague, anyway.

#Monsterdon

"- [ominous music]"
"- [water trickling]"

"- [alligator roars]"

MONSTER CHOMP

Aww we didn't quite lose Kelly, Ramon's going to need another snack target! Poor Ramon.

Oh I spoke too soon! Ramon got Kelly after all. So long, Kelly!

#monsterdon

om nom nom

#monsterdon

the Alligator.
It was the Alligator's dinner

#Monsterdon

There is a famously cut scene where Ramone reads the newspaper headlines that read, "Sewer Psycho," and yells, "THIS TOWN NEEDS AN ENEMA!"

#Monsterdon #Alligator

I think this is an action scene, but I can't be sure because its being lit by the Itty Bitty Booklight. #Monsterdon

Characters in this #monsterdon movie:

Alligator (scalie protagonist)
Detective (hunam protagonist)
Blonde Cop (sidekick I guess)
Scientist (evil)
Science Company Businessman (also evil)
Pet Store Guy (also evil)
Journalists (neutral)
Weird Fake Bomb Guy (chaotic neutral)
Hard Hat Guy (neutral)
Little Girl (tragic)
Evil Stepdad (evil)
Sewer Rats (neutral)

As we can see, the balance of alignments so far tends toward evil.

A bit of light sexual assault among cops....does not surprise me one bit...

#Monsterdon

Return of the Son of Legally Distinct Music

#Monsterdon

Dammit. I wanted him to get eaten :/ #Monsterdon

He-man's haircut won't save you now, Kelley

#Monsterdon

@trixter I would like to see Ricky Stratton be eaten by an alligator.

#monsterdon

#monsterdon Officer Kelly is gator chow... om nom nom.

All in all, you're just another brick in the sewer wall

#Monsterdon

It seems like it's shoehorned in, but I like the scene with the fake bomb. The matter-of-factness is like a dash of Homicide: Life on the Street. #monsterdon

Yeah yeah, you saw some shit in Saint Louie, you're a hardass all right #Monsterdon

"Next time, try Lawrence Welk." Yes. I lived through that reference. OMG. L-Dub. #monsterdon

Does anyone really need a *reason* to leave St. Louis?

#Monsterdon

The gator told me! The gator even said he’d testify for me in court!

#alligator1980 #monsterdon

I frequently keep a shotgun next to my desk while doing paperwork.
#monsterdon

I'm giving @Mallow such a good cultural foundation in life 📽🐊

#Monsterdon

Hey, this movie is from 1980. Why is it channeling that unpleasantly misanthropic "every single person is horrible" vibe that we keep noticing in films from the 70s?

Anyhow I wonder what Ramon is up to
I hope he's having fun

#monsterdon

Star wipe!

#monsterdon #alligator1980

There was nothing more feared in the late 70's than an investigative journalist. #monsterdon

This department has the most extra extras that have ever extra'd

#Monsterdon

no spinning newspaper?

#Monsterdon

Details of municipal sewage system giving very Victor Hugo vibes

#Monsterdon

Just keep staring at Forster's head now....

#Monsterdon

Zero to comeuppance in under 5 minutes? Not bad. #monsterdon

lol, what a fun job fishing body parts out the sewage works is!

#Monsterdon

Hmm, methinks the shifty pet store employee disposing improperly of dead animals by dumping them into the sewer is about to be hoist upon his own pétard.

Get ready for a mammoth frog chomp!

#monsterdon

I missed some "plot". What is this guy doing with a shopping cart full of stuff going to the sewers?
#monsterdon

@allanb

They're in Chicago... the Florida of the Midwest?

#Monsterdon

C'MOOOON CROCODILE

LET'S GET *SHAKIN'* CROC MAN!

DEATH SPIN THIS *ENTIRE GODDAMN CAST* #Monsterdon

Next we go to 1968 (or was it 69?), and we know it was then because a radio news is telling us about Chicago protestors disrupting the democratic national convention.

Anyway, the point is an evil stepdad alligatorknaps the adorable girl's alligator and flushes it down the toilet because he's a monster. We see the alligator floating through sewer tunnels.

#monsterdon

OMG. This is the one where he flushes it and it mutates and grows massive in the sewer.....#monsterdon

@paco Aye! Well done!! I'll go with that. #Monsterdon #Alligator1980

Very few animals make good pets, only the laziest and most needy need apply

#Monsterdon

Great live show for the kids
#monsterdon

lol, that child is never unseeing that....

#Monsterdon

I mean, his species lived through a giant asteroid hitting the earth, right?

#Monsterdon #WrongRamón

@plaidtron3000 #Monsterdon #WrongRamón

Maybe he could kill the alligator with his bad acting.

this is the weakest Latino gang I've ever seen, btw. My math study group coulda beat these guys up.

#Monsterdon #WrongRamón

does this count as a "meet cute"?

#Monsterdon #WrongRamón

@strangefour @starkraving666 Marc Alaimo had a role in Grizzly 2. Also in Dr. Black, Mr. Hyde (https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0074430/?ref_=ext_shr_lnk), where the black doctor turns into a „whiteface“ Mr. Hyde 😅 #monsterdon #alligator2

"Let's see how you like it when the shoe's on the other foot, floating in the pond!"

#Monsterdon #WrongAlligator

@gnomon

#monsterdon

High-class pro wrestling! This movie just keeps getting better!

#monsterdon

@jsadow maybe with Alligator he was trying to write standard schlock to make sure he got a paycheck? It didn't seem like the script was very invested in anything that went on.

#monsterdon

I'ma be shedding crocodile tears for those rich folks.

#Monsterdon #WrongAlligator

Cop: “you wanna see a disembodied leg, little girl?”

#Alligator2TheMutation1991 #monsterdon

@jsadow I had not heard of him before and haven't seen most of his movies, but I see that he also wrote the Howling, which I think was better than this movie and also a year later, so maybe his skills were ramping up?

#monsterdon

@floatybirb John Sayles went on to become (really) one of the best American filmmakers.

#monsterdon

#monsterdon #alligator #alligator1980

@gnomon @Taweret I wonder if there are any actual documentaries that would qualify for monsterdon?

#Monsterdon

Be sure to check out the #WorstMonsterdon hashtag on your way out!

#Monsterdon

RE: https://mastodon.murkworks.net/@RobynGoodfellow/115562949752367453

oh goddammit in some universe there is a version of this film that actually does this and I WANT TO SEE THAT VERSION SO BAD NOW

#monsterdon #alligator1980

@davesdogmaggie @paco Alligators are known to spin around rapidly. #monsterdon

I *knew* that manhole would be blocked.

#Monsterdon

Same manhole-cover/car gag as in "C.H.U.D.".

EDIT: "Alligator" did it first.

#monsterdon #Alligator

Last #monsterdon post today, for any #sbig / #sobaditsgood fans: Alligator 2 has Richard Lynch, Kane Hodder, and Steve Railsback. https://miru.miyaku.media/

@apLundell to be fair what wasn't

#Monsterdon #Alligator1980

@cd0 maybe? it could also have just been the alligator that the park guy was selling in a box? maybe it later got dumped into the sewers?

#monsterdon

GATORBOMB
#monsterdon #alligator1980

One good thing having waited this long to see it? Captions. 😁

#Monsterdon

This gator eats a lot of just legs

#Monsterdon

#Monsterdon #Alligator1980 and the cycle... continues

ok that was hilarious

but pretty much the same movie as CHUD :D

#Monsterdon #Alligator1980 ramón jr???!

getting horny over blown up alligator bits? these people are sick #monsterdon

This is tense. #monsterdon

They're exploding all the things

#Monsterdon

well that was well put together monster related fun, shows what having actors in a movie does!

#Monsterdon

@plaidtron3000 oh god can't stand it #monsterdon

And they fucked off into the sewer! The end!

#Monsterdon

It's gently tapping him against the limo. #monsterdon

eggs?

#MOnsterdon

lol, still with the balding jokes......

#MOnsterdon

I recall seeing an ad for this film when I was young & never got around to watching it. Thanks for voting on it, #Monsterdon