Uh oh, the subtitles just said "[ominous music]", I believe we're about to see another frog bite. Is Madison about to lose another partner?? Gosh that sure would be coincidental with the number of times the dialogue referred to his previous partner (deceased) in the last couple of minutes.
"You ever seen a man eaten alive by beetles kid? I have....fucking St Louis man...."
OK, hands up everyone who just saw that half-second shot of an unevenly bricked-up sewer tunnel and bellowed "FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, MONTRΓSOR"
Don't lie, we see you miscreants
Rookie cop is gonna die...
what
...Why is everyone commenting on our protagonist's looks? #Monsterdon
We learn the lab scientist euthanizes dogs as part of his experiments, making the audience sad. Also, he cuts the vocal cords on the dogs so they can't bark loudly, which is also evil.
Also they're testing some kind of growth hormone, and the disposed animals (which are also disposed by the bright shirt guy), letting them leak into the sewers and create a monster movie for us.
See what I mean? "It's not the police we have to worry about, it's our public image." I am old enough to remember this era! #monsterdon
Okay, I gotta ask, how much is Science Boy *paying* this be-Hawaiian-shirted dipshit? Because you could not pay me enough. #Monsterdon
If it's any consolation, this movie is deliberately setting up these people to be as scummy as possible. Experimenting on puppies, indeed. #monsterdon
these scientists have never passed an Institutional Review Board.
if this was a cartoon the toilet alligator would become a teenage mutant ninja instead of a serial killer.
Ramon is a GREAT name for an alligator #monsterdon
Well, tonight's #Monsterdon snack is a slice of peach pie.
How does that relate? I dunno... π₯§#Alligator1980
@moira #Monsterdon #WrongRamΓ³n
the writing on this isn't that bad. the slimy capitalist messing with the mayor's daughter while the pro wrestlers fought in the background was another decently-written moment.
The music is already soooo much worse! You want an orchestral soundtrack? What if we just play a MIDI file?
Is this an approved law enforcement tactic? Just exploding a whole bunch of manholes without checking where they exit?
@kcarr2015 @_L1vY_ When the main character says, βMake sure that manhole isnβt blocked,β you can be certain it will be blocked.
@davesdogmaggie @Axiom otherwise known as 'Walmart' #Monsterdon
Crow T Robot: βRichard Lynchβ¦ David Lynchβs less successful brotherβ
@Crazypedia of course, that's where he got the bomb from! This film is competently put together.
#MOnsterdon
Anyway if we're gonna be in Chicago we need more thicc Chicago accent and more thicc reptiles #Monsterdon
This was fun, thank you @Taweret , thank you @ryan ! Wish I could stick around for Alligator 2 but it's my day off and I should attempt to get something done. RIP Robert Forster, love ya. #monsterdon
@cocaine_owlbear very satisfying #Monsterdon
After the detective escapes the exploding alligator bomb, the boss cop appears to congratulate him, which annoys the detective, because boss cop has already fired him.
But then we hear a rumbling in the sewers and we see another baby alligator is still alive in the same sewers, setting us up for another sequel, which will probably have its own baby alligator, so we can have even more sequels.
They couldβve just played a tuba. Everyone knows that gators and tubas are natural enemies
Welp. He's convinced me. She's way too good for him.
Aww, is Madison going to attack Ramon with a stack of dynamite taped to a cartoon-style bomb timer? No bazooka?? DENIED
I am inconsolable and my day is ruined.
sequel hook!
Detective Sweater Jacket pulls out Chekhov's Digital Watch Pipe Bomb, which the weird guy brought into the police station before, and sets it up on a wall to try to explode the alligator, then climbs up the manhole.
This surprises me because I thought that scene with the bomb guy was just there to waste time.
A doctorate's degree and beautiful tits, what else could a woman want
#monsterdon #alligator1980
want did he think that tiny gun was going to do?
MONSTER CHOMP
*Ramon begins eating wedding guests*
*the crowd goes wild, both on screen and on the fedi*
BAZOOKA, BAZOOKA, BAZOOKA
This is a surprisingly good gator.
Garden party held today
Invites call the debs to play
Social climbers polish ladders
Wayward sons again have fathers
Hello dad, hello dad
A lot of this movie is literally "people who would have survived if they'd seen 'Jaws'" #monsterdon
Police Speedboat:
armament: guys with rifles, grenades (but only for self destruction)
mobility: excellent, but loses stability when ramp jumping alligators
anti-alligator effectiveness: weak
Boat explosion π
The gator is going to confront its maker and ask for more life?
Oh yikes, they killed off the kid π¬
ACAB especially this one
Guys this didn't work on Swamp Thing either. #Monsterdon
@JoeWynne Yeah definitely weird
Wikipedia does agree that it was set in Chicago, I guess there's that
Wait. Did he just say he named his dog "Snaps"?
This is a whole thing. I think it is set in Chicago, not that we were told. Most of the license plates are from Missouri, I think. It's weird.
"Are you gonna come with me?"
We already did that scene, giggles. #Monsterdon
I can trade this rosary in for more cocaine! π
Alligator 1
Big game hunter 0
π¦#MONSTERDON ποΈ
ππ©Έ TRIVIAGATOR π©Έπ
REVIEWS!
"If you've got to make a film about a giant alligator that's terrorizing Chicago, this is the way to do itβwith a sense of fun to balance the expected violence and genuine scares."
- Leonard Maltin
[It would be best to] "flush this movie down the toilet to see if it also grows into something big and fearsome."
- Roger Ebert
"Look, I'm fighting male pattern baldness. I'm a little sensitive on the subject and I'd appreciate it if you don't mention it again."
*ticks box* character insight
...
*ticks box* another scene with no giant frog eating people
*herp doc kisses rogue cop* whatever, get back to the monster frog plz + thanks
Did Ramon just eat Donald the Kid Who Was Introduced Five Seconds Before Being Chompedβ’?!
Wow. I doff my hat to thee, Alligator (1980), I didn't think you had it in you.
So long, Donald, we barely knew thee.
*mournfully* MONSTER CHOMP
These people have as much chemical attraction as a noble gas
Hey baby, how do you like my fertility idol and poster of tits
lol the WHITEST GUY in the area tries to blend in....
*cut to an outdoor wedding banquet setting* oh man is Ramon about to crash a wedding??
this could be amazing
![[empty]](/media/avatars/287224a269fbaefbc7e94920b207f9dca8b6e0415d818373c9f1528359b6a0e8.jpg){kind=small}
Let's go into a maneater's lair, and split up, looking for ... whatever
Lizard Lady and her books. Now there's a life.
Wow, *assholes* all of these people. #Monsterdon
Takes her to a slippery gator-filled sewer so she has to slip a little and grab his hand, what a cliche
oh no Madison has been suspended from the force for uhhhhh wanting to arrest an alligator, looks like it's time for him to go rogue
Youβre off the force! Turn in your badge and your gun and your clock-radio bomb!
@kshernandez @hollie Maybe the alligator fought in the Trojan war or saw their father's ghost or was cast into the sewer because they rebelled against God.
Every TV cop either pushes too far or not far enough
Oh my god, please eat him immediately. I can't take much more. #monsterdon
"I'm officially a cop on the edge! A loose cannon! For whom it's personal!"
#monsterdon Here, cover this kid in A1, this one gets Sweet Baby Rays, this little gnarly ragamuffin gets Worcestershire Sauce only, he's homely as hell. We will find our buddy's taste and then start preparing citizens by convincing them that they can avoid the alligator by covering themselves in condiments that he likes and going into the sewers to play around in the dark.
Okay. Here's a good example of one that's no masterpiece but at least all the actors in it are pros. They can mask/divert the audience from the story, and if they have fun with it, the audience probably will too. #monsterdon
Were there just way more baby alligators around when I was a kid and I wasn't aware because I was too busy reading books and drawing horses or something?
ugh
DIE already, would you PLEASE #Monsterdon
After this movie they started teaching measurement estimations in public schools
RAMON GROWS TIRED OF SUBTERRANEAN LURKING AND DECIDES TO BURST DIRECTLY THROUGH A CONCRETE SIDEWALK
tremendous
flawless
Oh, yep, and a police car loses control, flips over, and catches fire! Perfect.
The kid's like "why do adults move so slowly when faced with mortal peril" and he's right to wonder
Even the *kid's* an asshole, jesus #Monsterdon
yes, yes, EMERGE!
@hollie @mrgtwentythree I used to want to collect all the USGS topographic maps
(and then they put them online)
Personnel Management Suggestion:
Maybe don't send like 100 soldiers to chase an alligator on one day and then give up. Maybe send a more reasonable number of soldiers to check for the alligator on multiple days until you can find it.
Not one single person in this sewer-gator hunting scene is wearing appropriate PPE.
But cinematically I really appreciate what this scene borrowed from THEM! (1954), and in turn what Alien and Aliens also lifted. This scene almost feels traditional, in a way. Like a thematic homage, only shitty.
Even the soundtrack doesn't believe this thing is menacing. #Monsterdon
@mrgtwentythree SAME!
<HIGH FIVE>
#Monsterdon #Alligator1980
I like what this herpetologist is serving
"Everyone younger than me is a kid"
Everyone older than me is a fart, I live in a binary world of black and white! #Monsterdon
β« Smorgasboard, smorgasboard, aaaaall the pork you can eeeeeeat βͺ #Monsterdon
Hey they imported a swat team from Argentina, very cosmopolitan of "Chicago" with the palm trees in the background
#monsterdon
"Unit 2 pushing off."
YOU push off! #Monsterdon
Yeah I'm sure SWAT training covered sewer gators
It's an alligator.
Back to you, Chuck.
Ramon Santiago is the gator's full name, right
And this is why the US got the HIPAA thing, so your nurse doesn't spew your personal alligator stories to the press.
C'mon Ramon, eat! Rend, devour! #Monsterdon
Okay, Kelly survived. Long enough to sexually harass his colleague, anyway.
om nom nom
the Alligator.
It was the Alligator's dinner
There is a famously cut scene where Ramone reads the newspaper headlines that read, "Sewer Psycho," and yells, "THIS TOWN NEEDS AN ENEMA!"
I think this is an action scene, but I can't be sure because its being lit by the Itty Bitty Booklight. #Monsterdon
Characters in this #monsterdon movie:
Alligator (scalie protagonist)
Detective (hunam protagonist)
Blonde Cop (sidekick I guess)
Scientist (evil)
Science Company Businessman (also evil)
Pet Store Guy (also evil)
Journalists (neutral)
Weird Fake Bomb Guy (chaotic neutral)
Hard Hat Guy (neutral)
Little Girl (tragic)
Evil Stepdad (evil)
Sewer Rats (neutral)
As we can see, the balance of alignments so far tends toward evil.
A bit of light sexual assault among cops....does not surprise me one bit...
Dammit. I wanted him to get eaten :/ #Monsterdon