BAT #monsterdon

When a night of child murder followed by multiple orgasms goes so wrong. 🤦‍♂️

#Monsterdon #VampireCircus

#monsterdon It's a Barnyard Blitz... using the castle as the target. Kinda funny that the painting explodes… aaaand finally the title credits!

With Dave Prowse!!!! Darth Vader himself!

#Monsterdon

The less realistic the blood, the less squeamish I am. So far I’m okay-ish except for the whole drinking blood part. #Monsterdon

I feel like once explosive are involved, you either need to go to a Hellsing or Underworld style story, or the vampires aren't going to last long.

#Monsterdon #VampireCircus

#monsterdon I'll say this, it's been a while since we had a film with a timpani budget.

CUTE BAT ALERT

#Monsterdon

@floatybirb that’s it, we’re changing the band name to Boob Fortress #monsterdon

I wish we had this sort of energy for today's Rich.....

#Monsterdon

#monsterdon It's just a flesh wound. A splinter. Oops... lots of heartburn…

@trixter if the circus part doesn't show up by the 30 minute mark i am outta here i can't be listening to old english accents without something else ridiculous happening #monsterdon

Everyone wants to join in, now that the count is dying. #Monsterdon

@trixter I presumed it just meant "lots of vampires."

Though now I'm not even sure of that...

#Monsterdon

hey lady

have you considered removing the stake before it impales _you_ too?

#monsterdon

This is not the BDSM dungeon I was expecting

#Monsterdon

@diazona just because it's really easy to see through when someone is into whips doesn't mean they weren't pretending it was plot-necessary

#monsterdon

Dude, your wife sacrificed your daughter for sexy times.

#monsterdon #VampireCircus

sloppy, sloppy, sloppy villagers. sure, burn down the castle, but do you check the ashes? are you going to check the ashes? no? of course not. goddammit people

#monsterdon #VampireCircus

Destroy the castle! Whip the rocks from the foundation! Make sure you don't look in the extremely obvious cellar, men, the vampire needs to come back in the third act! #Monsterdon

So, either this vampire isn’t truly dead, or his charm doesn’t wear off when he’s killed.

#Monsterdon

Did we put "town spanking" on the BINGO card?

#Monsterdon #VampireCircus

what in the fuck, marry, kill is this #monsterdon

nine minutes in and we're already at 'poorly disguised kink'

#monsterdon

Aw, she won't stay dead long, don't worry, dad.

#Monsterdon

#monsterdon Kids not dead, she's just a profoundly still sleeper.

child murder *and* boobs, where's my bisexual agenda bingo card

#monsterdon

Don’t bring a torch to a sword fight
#monsterdon

Well that was a short movie!

#Monsterdon

Hey don't manhandle her just because her vampire lover was better than her husband.

#Monsterdon

The town is literally called SHTETL??? שטעטל???????

(Yiddish for "village", the diminutive of שטעט shtot, city)

#Monsterdon

the count is dead! finally we can move these barrels 10 meters over there #monsterdon

#monsterdon #VampireCircus

Oops, I fell and all of my clothes came off!

Whoever had a bingo card full of "naked torso" slots, you won already.
#Monsterdon

There en media res and then there is this movie. Feels like we started at the end? Up and might as well check out the start of #Monsterdon. Never seen Vampire Circus but a fan of Hammer and contemporary schlock.

https://www.themoviedb.org/movie/29960-vampire-circus

Fudge. Settings gear isn't working on archive this week either. In Firefox or Chrome. So I can not speed up playback... dang it.
#Monsterdon #VampireCircus

...would you say he's

DOWN FOR THE COUNT, torch-bearing mob?

#monsterdon

Somehow I don't think he's all the way dead.

#monsterdon #VampireCircus

#monsterdon Little Miss Itty Bitty Titty Committee…

How many counts are dead? ah ah ahhh

#Monsterdon
#VampireCircus

See? If you'd gone in with us you could have found your dead child yourself instead of us bringing it out to you. #monsterdon

someone give this vampire a god damned haircut or some conditioner, those bangs and the rest of that fuckin mop are not working! #monsterdon

okay, so we got A VAMPIRE'S CURSE going on... #monsterdon

"I'm really pissed at your kids, I guess is the main thesis of my ... :: collapses dead ::"
#monsterdon

Based on the poster art I was expecting something more along the lines of KISS meets the Phantom of the Park. #monsterdon

...that's actually an impressive stab

#Monsterdon #VampireCircus

I like how he just mlemed there at the end

#Monsterdon #VampireCircus

@Louisa YOU KNOW WHAT STEAMROLLER IS! I THOUGHT I WAS THE ONLY ONE!

#Monsterdon

So, I don't know a lot about swordfighting, but I feel like just running straight into a sword is maybe not the best tactic?

#Monsterdon

@Lazarou #monsterdon

that's his real curse. he always looks goofy.

This movie 7 minutes in and already a BANGER, go go Hammer Horror!!

#Monsterdon #VampireCircus

Vampires stabbed in the dick: 1

#Monsterdon #VampireCircus

Pro tip: Don't run straight into the pointy end of the sword. #Monsterdon #VampireCircus

Producer: “More lingering shots on the tits! People don’t come to our movies for the fucking plots, people!”

#monsterdon #vampirecircus

Wow, kids never die in these movies. I am actually kinda surprised.

#Monsterdon

#monsterdon I like how there's a music sting on the portrait.

Like, Oh no! There's a portrait! How terrifying!

ohh vampire cucked the dandy

#monsterdon

Boobie time, so soon?

#monsterdon #VampireCircus

I- #monsterdon

Is sex just two people rolling around a lot? #Monsterdon

4.5 minutes to partial nudity. Impressive! #Monsterdon #VampireCircus

Well there's your R rating right there.

#Monsterdon #VampireCircus

I imagine this guy doesn't know anything, he's just scared of castles.

#monsterdon

But yes, remarkably fast Time To Titty even for a Hammer flick. #Monsterdon

Ha ha, the dress just drops off like, "welp don't need that anymore! This is a Hammer flick, after all!" #Monsterdon

wow, barely four minutes to bare titty. not quite a monsterdon record, but close.

#monsterdon

Nice, long neck piercers. #monsterdon

villagers and torches! #monsterdon

“But I don’t want to be a pirate!”

#Monsterdon

I’ve never seen someone with a widows peak that comes down to their eyebrows before.

#monsterdon #vampirecircus

#monsterdon At first when I previewed this title, I thought “Pride and Predjudice AND ZOMBIES" but no, it's just... faff with a bowtie running through a forest in formal attire.

Oh. It's Brittish. #monsterdon

They're selling AMWAY, noooo, please no, don't go in there! #monsterdon

I take it the castle in the woods is not such a great day camp.

#monsterdon

Tonight on #Monsterdon we're going to the circus! Yay! I love circuses!

Wait...what? It's full of clowns? Oh, uh....

VAMPIRE clowns? OK...maybe IT won't be so bad then. Follow or filter the hashtag as you would!

No! Anna! Don't go in the spooky castle where I'm sure you'll have a wonderfully entertaining evening.
#monsterdon

Stop! Hammer Production Time! #Monsterdon #VampireCircus

LOOK AT HER GO! #monsterdon

Is "dance around the random thing on the ground" a common child's game I never knew about?

#Monsterdon

Ah, I see all the dialogue has been dubbed over with bird sounds

#Monsterdon

I don't know what happens, but that dandy in the prissy suit must die #monsterdon

"A HAMMER PRODUCTION"—the true mark of quality

#Monsterdon

Oh man y'all something smells Rank

#monsterdon #VampireCircus

Here we go! Bang the gong!

#Monsterdon

bang gong (where appropriate)

#monsterdon

#Monsterdon is go!

I really think we lost something when we stopped introducing movies by having big oiled guys bang on gongs

#Monsterdon #VampireCircus

#MonsterdonAlert

#Monsterdon

GO GO GO!!!

Starting off with a gong? What movie do they think this is, Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom?

#Monsterdon #VampireCircus

I hit play already because of the ads. Is that a faux pax? #monsterdon

@Lazarou I showed @steggy and we are gasping laughing. @strangefour

#monsterdon

actually another good thing about this movie

while the vampire mythos stuff was kinda random there was some _lack_ of the usual particularly tired tropes and i appreciate that part

#monsterdon #VampireCircus

Some fine, funky casting choices. Some glam posing. Really, more drama and trauma (and body count) than I was expecting. And awesome hot pink credits. Thanks, @Taweret and co. #Monsterdon

Earth Girls Are Easy (1988) was on Svengoolie last night. Stars Geena Davis, Jeff Goldblum, Jim Carrey, Damon Wayans.

It’s on Tubi.

Might be good for #monsterdon

#svengoolie

@moira @Terencio @ramsey aw and we were counting on you too 😂 (j/k)

#Monsterdon

I think maybe they were Orthodox.

#monsterdon #VampireCircus

“red crosses on wooden doors”
(and if you float you burn - or if you take a torch into a circus tent)
#Monsterdon

There was a lot about that movie I didn’t understand. Who was who. Why were they wandering in the woods. Why the drops of blood appeared and disappeared on the Count’s chest. Why the weird makeup in the naked dance. Why was there a tiger, wasn’t a panther enough? What happened to the Burgermeister? Why did it take so long for a vampire to encounter a cross? And why call the town Shtetl, that’s just the weirdest bit of all. #Monsterdon #VampireCircus

Bingo! With mind control pulling the kids into the mirror house #monsterdon #VampireCircus

We had:

It was tough to be a human in that film.
#monsterdon