The Black Dragon has this glowing orb, that I guess is supposed to be crystal ball, except that we've seen him stare into a TV to do his remote viewing, so I'm thinking maybe the glowing orb is actually just a very badly placed light. It might be an incandescent light that the Black Dragon keeps close by uses to warm his hands.
In a very quick D&D encounter, one of the Wrestling women goes to the hotel with a random Team Good guy, and she is ambushed by goons, beats some of them, and then is captured. The goons start slapping the guy to interrogate them, then more Team Good forces break into rescue them. The captured guy says some quips while he's tied up to show us that he's the comic relief, screaming "Don't leave me alone!".
@diazona Here are the flowers. Just going to ignore the two women and man passed out on the floor, have a good day!
#monsterdon
There's a lot of indoor hotel room time in this movie, and not so much archeological site action for a movie about Aztec mummies.
That's a very handy multi-dose syringe.
ojalΓ‘ supiera que Γ‘rea de MΓ©xico es esta porque me estΓ‘ encantando la arquitectura. es bien 1930s-1950s como en el Puerto Rico de la misma era.
That movie pretty much starred Shelley Winter's wardrobe.
A long scene of a man going about his be-hatted day while sinister music suggests his motives
#Monsterdon Used the word Shanβt. Impressive.
el doctor Sorba lo he visto en algo pero no me acuerdo en dΓ³nde. Γ©ste va terminar espepitao como los otros.
lo foni de los colonialistas latinoamericanos es que se quejan de no saber porquΓ© carajos los asesinan despuΓ©s de desacrar las tumbas de los ancestrales y llamarles indios.
mamones
I guess we're doing #WrestlingWomenVsAztecMummies instead of #TheWrestlingWomenVersusTheAztecMummies, I think. This is confusing. #monsterdon
Ohhh, the Chinese guy (who probably isn't Chinese) is the Black Dragon
He's got some fiendish and insanely complicated plot but really all he has to do to take over the world is appeal to people's misogyny and racism at the ballot box and nobody will stop you....
No need for orbs
The secret rectangular garage door right where a normal door would go. Subtle. Nobody would ever figure it out.
lol, classic poison blow dart.
These days it's just guns, back then they had style, they had craft...
β¦oh man - the blow-gun dart. Who'd have expected it!
lol, Wrestler lady is fucking genius, maybe she has a second brain under her beehive.
The men are very emotional
lol, a solid five minutes of wrestling action with no connection to the plot, excellent
Oh, the doctor is after the fiancΓ©e of one of the wrestlers
Whoa, from no exposition to ALL the exposition!
#monsterdon *ten minutes into a tag-team womens wrestling match* hey does anyone remember something about a Black Dragons gang killing archaeologists
el especial mexicano lo acaban de tirar en el medio de la calle como un Doordash
We start out with a murdered archeologist. The Black Dragon strikes again!
Also instead of the bat transformation thing, the remake should have lots of bats that are like the minions of the mummy and help to guard the secret temple.
"Add More Bats!" is advice that could maybe go wrong, but I feel like is usually solid!
Oh wait, another obvious remake thing to do is to break up the fight scenes, so that the audience doesn't fall asleep during the very long boxing match in the middle of the movie.
Some time can be cut out from that to make room for the obligatory mummy wrestling and the equally obligatory duel with the evil wizard.
I liked the aspect where the Black Dragon was evil but also kind of chivalrous and stuck to his word. So I'd keep that aspect for the evil wizard character in the hypothetical remake.
I would probably move away from the foo manchu type getup though... that seems rather problematic and might not play too well with modern test audiences.
Oh wait, further remake ideas... the brainwashed Charlotte lady can be introduced as a shy fan of the main character luchadoras. She thinks they're really cool and looks up to them and wishes she could be as brave and assertive as they are, and is maybe introduced trying to get their autograph.
Then, when she gets kidnapped and turned evil, the audience is more like "oh no not Charlotte, we liked her!" instead of being like "oh, that character, huh."
Meanwhile I have this monster waiting for me in the bathroom, now that the film is over. (Wait for itβ¦)
#MrMittens #monsterdon
My further remake idea is that I would keep the dying archaeologist at the beginning whose killed by the baddies... which can be where they get the lead to the secret pyramid.
But I would make him an actual juggalo, who is also an archaeologist and thus examines broken pottery with a magnifying glass while in full juggalo makeup. I will nominate actual archaeologist (and stunt man) Kurly Tlapoyawa to play him in a cameo.
Obviously, at least One of the Codices contains some kind of ancient evil spell used by the Nahual of the past, and so if the Black Dragon guy gets it he can use it for world domination (or at least to whip up some sorcerous plagues of death), which is why the baddies are trying to recover it.
Additional remake idea - what if instead of a boring necklace thing, the treasure being sought after is something actually interesting... maybe instead of an Aztec treasure it's a lengthy Mayan codex... one that was hidden from the Spanish so that it wouldn't burned.
Then all of a sudden the audience has a reason to root for the heroes to find the treasure... because reading it could reveal forgotten secrets of the past to the entire world!
tΓΊ sabes que esto es ficciΓ³n porque no hay trΓ‘fico que valga en este MΓ©xico. ni tan siquiera un tamponcito o una luz roja.
me encanta que esta momia azteca suena como el tubito ese que te pone el dentista
Oh no wait, I think the mummy is confused and wants to dress up the brainwashed lady like his dead girlfriend, so he puts the breastplate + necklace thing on her while she screams, because she doesn't like dress up games. Oh no wait, he also wants to kill her, because 4/5 Aztec rituals have to end in murder.
Edit: *classical* aztec rituals; there are Mexica revival movements that manage to do rituals while not killing people.
Disappointed by a lack of wrestling ladies actually wrestling with mummies, no chance for a cheeky 'oil-check' on the three hundred year old priest.
this is all it takes to hold him down? Is he a cat? you just put a towel over his head and press down gently? #monsterdon
get back there and wrestle him!
#monsterdon It's not even that the bat is a kiddy toy, it is the combination of showing the bat on a fishing line in clear view for the whole shot coupled with those amazing squeaking sound effects. *That* is cinematic fearlessness. Visual poetry. What a film.
pretty difficult final boss, bullets don't work and he can teleport all over the level, even change into a wee little spider
wrestle him, damn you!!
Team Good is now like "Oh fuck we stole this breastplate and now the mummy hates it. Maybe we did a bad thing and we should put it back." so they go on a road trip back to the Climactic Pyramid to undo their grave robbing.
@moira π΅ protected by a silver, umm, breastplate? πΆ
#monsterdon Charlotte, come on. Our pal Tezomoc here may be creepy and demonstrably gifted with preternatural strength but he's not exactly setting any land speed records. You can definitely keep away from him with little more exertion than a brisk trot.
Okay, so Team Good got away from the mummy because he walks slow, but the mummy is still mad that Team Good stole his girlfriend's breastplate, so he slowly ambles after them until he reaches modern Mexico, aided by his ally, Mr. Squeaky Bat.
I will call this new partnership Team Mummy.
I'm very worried they won't be wrestling the mummy
#monsterdon
This movie should've been called "Charlotte Navigates the Dark Pyramid"
![[empty]](/media/avatars/287224a269fbaefbc7e94920b207f9dca8b6e0415d818373c9f1528359b6a0e8.jpg){kind=small}
And the bat flew into Luchadora Westenraβs bedroom windowβ¦ #Monsterdon #TheWrestlingWomenVsTheAztecMummy
This film is not mercifully short
Okay, so Team Good starts breaking into the pyramid so they do a grave robbing for a shiny breastplate and they discover a tunnel. I guess Team Evil is going to try to ambush them to steal the breastplate, a plan that so far is working alright for them.
After shambling around with our flash lights, Team Good discovers a secret door and opens it, following the codex road map through the pyramid's secret passages until we find a burial chamber.
@blogdiva return the breastplate! #monsterdon
What's the point of the necklace? Why do we care so much to have it?
Can't we just give it to the mummy and move on?
If the wrestling women don't wrestle the mummy into submission, I'll be tres, tres disappoint.
What the βΒ the mummy is a vampire now? What's with the bat? lol
lol, another man/bat transformation!
Solid Monsterdon trope
Loving the precise dust on the suits.
The Aztec magic is apparently analogous to that in medieval Europe. Honestly, I *like* that bit of worldbuilding.
Okay, so unfortunately the treasure is not a pile of chocolate, but rather a shiny breastplate worn by a pretty girl, and guarded by a Nahual who was probably turned into a mummy.
Team Good has figured this out, which means Team Evil also knows, because of the spy TV. Now both teams are headed to a large Pyramid of Climactic-Ness.
"Let's get to the car. Mummies don't have drivers' licenses right?"
YOU ASSHOLES GET BACK THERE AND WRESTLE THAT MUMMY
Lol the mummy does look very fun and creepy but not at all like a human corpse, he's just kind of wearing his ribs over a body stocking
LET THE LOOTING BEGIN
I'll bet this pyramid is going to be absolutely chock-full of mummies and it will make up for the low mummy quotient we've been suffering through thus far.
We're doing Santo vs The Vampire Women sometime, right? RIGHT?!? One of the wrestling women is a vampire in that one. Lorena clearly does good vamp.
Okay, so the professor guy explains that Nahuals are like werewolf wizards and that the book was written by a Tlaxcaltec historian, who wrote a story heaping praise on Tenochtitlan, which was like... the Tlaxcalteca's arch-enemy. But maybe he was writing it after the Spanish context and the guy was just feeling nostalgic for his old timey enemies.
So the treasure is... the breastplate? Something more mystical?
"human sacrifice, the monsters" said a person not aware of the socio-economic human sacrifices that Capitalism demands as tribute
You think this Aztec stuff was shot for this film? I'll bet it's from some other higher budget production.
Miniatures! Yay
#monsterdon Oooh a miniature set! Nice!
@flowerpot just throwing away an asset like that, what an idiot!
Maybe she didn't want to return to her normal state of being Dragon, did you think about that?!
Let's all go relax in the games roomβ¦
Please let the codex lead to the mummy, please...
#monsterdon
What kind of villain is this, not even one attempt to cheat after the fight is over
@Lazarou To make the title make sense.
hostias, ΒΏcuΓ‘ntas rondas son para que termine esto?
Β‘DONDE ESTΓ LA PUTA MOMIA?
on the plus side, anyone who was delayed by ads can feel free to skip ahead through this part #monsterdon
Oh yes... "the Orientals".
#monsterdon This wrestling match just keeps going on, doesn't it? I think I'll get a snack or something, pop back in when the thumping sounds stop and someone says something again.
From the Flowers of Evidence we discover that the second part of the codex is hidden in a post office, another very stupid place to hide a codex. Team Evil recovers this. We learn that the third part is hidden in the arena locker room, which I guess is where the dude was hiding it in the opening part of the movie.
Team evil sends goons to recover it, but they are intercepted by Police Guys In Suits and Wrestling Women, resulting in Fist Fights.
@JoeWynne a time of honour #monsterdon
Okay, so dumb stuff continues to happen. Directed by the evil podcast, Charlotte, the brainwashed girl, takes a syringe that was under her pillow (where syringes normally are stored, if you are part of an evil plot) and stabs a guy, I think killing him. Then a Wrestling Woman intercepts her but is defeated. Then she gets some flowers from the Doctor guy that she searches for clues, because clues are hidden in nonsensical items in this movie.
Not sure how they sold tickets and booked a stadium so quickly for this archeology grudge match?
@hollie whole new form of government
I suspect this competitive Wrestler vs Judo scene could go on a while.
#Monsterdon every time I see a MGM Grand betting app, I canβt not think of Biff Tannen.
Fujiyata? Not Chinese
I love the twenty character fight scenes in this flick.
yeah we are really dropping the ball on this while codex thing
#Monsterdon the coconut clopping is awesome. I want all my fights to be coconut clopping.
Our villain, the Black Dragon, seems to spend a lot of time in front of the TV. He should get outside a little more often.
Okay, so I guess the plan to get the Aztec Codex is for the Black Dragon to use his wizard powers to brainwash the kidnapped lady, who will then steal the codex or otherwise get it, accompanied by a threatening theremin orchestra.
Characters so far, according to my imperfect assessment of what's going on:
Team Evil:
Black Dragon (aka pajama chef fu manchu)
Mr. Fedora Goatee Kidnapper
Other Goons
Team Good:
Goth Wrestler Lady
Prep Wrestler Lady
Kidnapped Lady (undergoing brainwashing)
Guy with the Role of Charlie From Charlies Angels, Except you See Him
Doctor Guy (might be the same as the Charlie guy, I'm kinda confused right now)
Dead Juggalo (RIP)
Quest Guy (RIP)
LMAO a la grandota le gustan los charritos como a la ex de Tom Cruise
We would have gotten away with it to if it wasn't for you middling wrestling women!
#monsterdon
In the 60s there were a lot of men in suits fighting each other with no blood
They stole Vincent Price's automobile! Those bastards!
How has the Black Dragon developed a CCTV network that would only be possible in the 80s?
I suspect Time Travel or Aliens (or both!)
"As an Amazon, you're the greatest"
Just scream to the world that you fetishize your tall girlfriend dude....