"NOT THE HAIR, NOT THE HAIR!"

#monsterdon

#monsterdon This is the thinnest possible excuse to justify the narrative of another wrestling match in this movie.

I don't know, y'all, I'm starting to think this movie might lack a bit of quality in the plot department

On further analysis, I think the Black Dragon's TV clock might actually be a sprinkler shower head that someone turned sideways.

#Monsterdon #WrestlingWomenVsAztecMummies

"Well, it sounds like a pretty standard peer-reviewed wrestling match as is standard to resolve differences in academia. We agree."

#Monsterdon

Wait, the black dragon has a Japanese name? hrm...

#monsterdon

The Black Dragon has this glowing orb, that I guess is supposed to be crystal ball, except that we've seen him stare into a TV to do his remote viewing, so I'm thinking maybe the glowing orb is actually just a very badly placed light. It might be an incandescent light that the Black Dragon keeps close by uses to warm his hands.

#Monsterdon #WrestlingWomenVsAztecMummies

In a very quick D&D encounter, one of the Wrestling women goes to the hotel with a random Team Good guy, and she is ambushed by goons, beats some of them, and then is captured. The goons start slapping the guy to interrogate them, then more Team Good forces break into rescue them. The captured guy says some quips while he's tied up to show us that he's the comic relief, screaming "Don't leave me alone!".

#Monsterdon #WrestlingWomenVsAztecMummies

@diazona Here are the flowers. Just going to ignore the two women and man passed out on the floor, have a good day!
#monsterdon

There's a lot of indoor hotel room time in this movie, and not so much archeological site action for a movie about Aztec mummies.

#Monsterdon

That's a very handy multi-dose syringe.

#Monsterdon

They're missing a trick not having the Black Dragon's cameras in the beehives of 60s ladies

#monsterdon

That movie pretty much starred Shelley Winter's wardrobe.

#monsterdon

I just love these lady wrestler's style and if there isn't a lesbian bar somewhere who uses this film for a theme night then what the hell is the World doing?

#monsterdon

#Monsterdon Used the word Shan’t. Impressive.

el doctor Sorba lo he visto en algo pero no me acuerdo en dónde. éste va terminar espepitao como los otros.

lo foni de los colonialistas latinoamericanos es que se quejan de no saber porqué carajos los asesinan después de desacrar las tumbas de los ancestrales y llamarles indios.

mamones

#Monsterdon #LuchadorasVMomiaAzteca

I guess we're doing #WrestlingWomenVsAztecMummies instead of #TheWrestlingWomenVersusTheAztecMummies, I think. This is confusing. #monsterdon

Ohhh, the Chinese guy (who probably isn't Chinese) is the Black Dragon

He's got some fiendish and insanely complicated plot but really all he has to do to take over the world is appeal to people's misogyny and racism at the ballot box and nobody will stop you....

No need for orbs

#monsterdon

The secret rectangular garage door right where a normal door would go. Subtle. Nobody would ever figure it out.

#monsterdon

#monsterdon Oh dang, I haven't seen a blowgun assassination in a movie since Indiana Jones, I think! Sorry about that gruesome end there, old chap.

ese beehive de la überchola me da vibras bien María la del Barrio

#Monsterdon #LuchadorasVMomiaAzteca

lol, Wrestler lady is fucking genius, maybe she has a second brain under her beehive.

The men are very emotional

#monsterdon

lol, a solid five minutes of wrestling action with no connection to the plot, excellent

Oh, the doctor is after the fiancée of one of the wrestlers

Whoa, from no exposition to ALL the exposition!

#monsterdon

#monsterdon *ten minutes into a tag-team womens wrestling match* hey does anyone remember something about a Black Dragons gang killing archaeologists

el especial mexicano lo acaban de tirar en el medio de la calle como un Doordash

#Monsterdon #LuchadorasVMomiaAzteca

We start out with a murdered archeologist. The Black Dragon strikes again!

#Monsterdon

Also instead of the bat transformation thing, the remake should have lots of bats that are like the minions of the mummy and help to guard the secret temple.

"Add More Bats!" is advice that could maybe go wrong, but I feel like is usually solid!

#Monsterdon #WrestlingWomenVsAztecMummies

Oh wait, another obvious remake thing to do is to break up the fight scenes, so that the audience doesn't fall asleep during the very long boxing match in the middle of the movie.

Some time can be cut out from that to make room for the obligatory mummy wrestling and the equally obligatory duel with the evil wizard.

#Monsterdon #WrestlingWomenVsAztecMummies

I liked the aspect where the Black Dragon was evil but also kind of chivalrous and stuck to his word. So I'd keep that aspect for the evil wizard character in the hypothetical remake.

I would probably move away from the foo manchu type getup though... that seems rather problematic and might not play too well with modern test audiences.

#Monsterdon #WrestlingWomenVsAztecMummies

Oh wait, further remake ideas... the brainwashed Charlotte lady can be introduced as a shy fan of the main character luchadoras. She thinks they're really cool and looks up to them and wishes she could be as brave and assertive as they are, and is maybe introduced trying to get their autograph.

Then, when she gets kidnapped and turned evil, the audience is more like "oh no not Charlotte, we liked her!" instead of being like "oh, that character, huh."

#Monsterdon #WrestlingWomenVsAztecMummies

#monsterdon

Meanwhile I have this monster waiting for me in the bathroom, now that the film is over. (Wait for it…)
#MrMittens #monsterdon

My further remake idea is that I would keep the dying archaeologist at the beginning whose killed by the baddies... which can be where they get the lead to the secret pyramid.

But I would make him an actual juggalo, who is also an archaeologist and thus examines broken pottery with a magnifying glass while in full juggalo makeup. I will nominate actual archaeologist (and stunt man) Kurly Tlapoyawa to play him in a cameo.

#Monsterdon #WrestlingWomenVsAztecMummies

Obviously, at least One of the Codices contains some kind of ancient evil spell used by the Nahual of the past, and so if the Black Dragon guy gets it he can use it for world domination (or at least to whip up some sorcerous plagues of death), which is why the baddies are trying to recover it.

#Monsterdon #WrestlingWomenVsAztecMummies

Additional remake idea - what if instead of a boring necklace thing, the treasure being sought after is something actually interesting... maybe instead of an Aztec treasure it's a lengthy Mayan codex... one that was hidden from the Spanish so that it wouldn't burned.

Then all of a sudden the audience has a reason to root for the heroes to find the treasure... because reading it could reveal forgotten secrets of the past to the entire world!

#Monsterdon #WrestlingWomenVsAztecMummies

se convirtió en tarántula porque el viejo momia ese le gusta toquetear a quien no ha consentido. viejo verde.

#Monsterdon #LuchadorasVMomiaAzteca

I wonder if the plan was to have wrestling but the mummy outfit wasn't up to the task but they were too far along in production when they realized it. 🤔

#monsterdon

@diazona @fabio

I had a lot of fun. Fo' sho'. Would not have gotten through it without the #Monsterdon crowd.

tú sabes que esto es ficción porque no hay tráfico que valga en este México. ni tan siquiera un tamponcito o una luz roja.

#Monsterdon #LuchadorasVMomiaAzteca

me encanta que esta momia azteca suena como el tubito ese que te pone el dentista

#Monsterdon #LuchadorasVMomiaAzteca

#monsterdon

Oh no wait, I think the mummy is confused and wants to dress up the brainwashed lady like his dead girlfriend, so he puts the breastplate + necklace thing on her while she screams, because she doesn't like dress up games. Oh no wait, he also wants to kill her, because 4/5 Aztec rituals have to end in murder.

Edit: *classical* aztec rituals; there are Mexica revival movements that manage to do rituals while not killing people.

#Monsterdon #WrestlingWomenVsAztecMummies

I don't feel like the Wrestling Women ever really got a chance to go toe-to-toe with the Aztec Mummy, and thus the movie's title was a bit deceptive.

I'm going to be very cautious about watching the next six sequels.

#Monsterdon

¡AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAKKKKKKKKK!

#Monsterdon #LuchadorasVMomiaAzteca

this is all it takes to hold him down? Is he a cat? you just put a towel over his head and press down gently? #monsterdon

get back there and wrestle him!

#monsterdon

#monsterdon It's not even that the bat is a kiddy toy, it is the combination of showing the bat on a fishing line in clear view for the whole shot coupled with those amazing squeaking sound effects. *That* is cinematic fearlessness. Visual poetry. What a film.

pretty difficult final boss, bullets don't work and he can teleport all over the level, even change into a wee little spider

#monsterdon

wrestle him, damn you!!

#monsterdon

Team Good is now like "Oh fuck we stole this breastplate and now the mummy hates it. Maybe we did a bad thing and we should put it back." so they go on a road trip back to the Climactic Pyramid to undo their grave robbing.

#Monsterdon #WrestlingWomenVsAztecMummies

@moira 🎵 protected by a silver, umm, breastplate? 🎶

#Monsterdon #TheWrestlingWomenVsTheAztecMummy

Team Mummy has some success through its synergistic combination of "Shambling", "Punching Cops" and "Squeaking", but their offensive operation is defeated by a rooster, because the mummy is very gothic for an Aztec and is thus scared of daylight.

#Monsterdon #WrestlingWomenVsAztecMummies

Okay, so Team Good got away from the mummy because he walks slow, but the mummy is still mad that Team Good stole his girlfriend's breastplate, so he slowly ambles after them until he reaches modern Mexico, aided by his ally, Mr. Squeaky Bat.

I will call this new partnership Team Mummy.

#Monsterdon #WrestlingWomenVsAztecMummies

I'm very worried they won't be wrestling the mummy
#monsterdon

@Taweret@octodon.social Don't worry, I'm sure it will deliver on its promise

(I think)

#monsterdon

And the bat flew into Luchadora Westenra’s bedroom window… #Monsterdon #TheWrestlingWomenVsTheAztecMummy

This film is not mercifully short

#monsterdon

Okay, so Team Good starts breaking into the pyramid so they do a grave robbing for a shiny breastplate and they discover a tunnel. I guess Team Evil is going to try to ambush them to steal the breastplate, a plan that so far is working alright for them.

After shambling around with our flash lights, Team Good discovers a secret door and opens it, following the codex road map through the pyramid's secret passages until we find a burial chamber.

#Monsterdon #WrestlingWomenVsAztecMummies

What's the point of the necklace? Why do we care so much to have it?

Can't we just give it to the mummy and move on?

#Monsterdon

If the wrestling women don't wrestle the mummy into submission, I'll be tres, tres disappoint.

#monsterdon

What the – the mummy is a vampire now? What's with the bat? lol

#Monsterdon

lol, another man/bat transformation!
Solid Monsterdon trope

#monsterdon

Loving the precise dust on the suits.

#Monsterdon

The Aztec magic is apparently analogous to that in medieval Europe. Honestly, I *like* that bit of worldbuilding.

#monsterdon

Okay, so unfortunately the treasure is not a pile of chocolate, but rather a shiny breastplate worn by a pretty girl, and guarded by a Nahual who was probably turned into a mummy.

Team Good has figured this out, which means Team Evil also knows, because of the spy TV. Now both teams are headed to a large Pyramid of Climactic-Ness.

#Monsterdon #WrestlingWomenVsAztecMummies

"Let's get to the car. Mummies don't have drivers' licenses right?"

#Monsterdon

YOU ASSHOLES GET BACK THERE AND WRESTLE THAT MUMMY

#monsterdon

Lol the mummy does look very fun and creepy but not at all like a human corpse, he's just kind of wearing his ribs over a body stocking

#Monsterdon

The mummy is immune to bullets, or he missed. Hard to say with the budget.

#monsterdon

LET THE LOOTING BEGIN

#monsterdon

We're doing Santo vs The Vampire Women sometime, right? RIGHT?!? One of the wrestling women is a vampire in that one. Lorena clearly does good vamp.

#monsterdon

Okay, so the professor guy explains that Nahuals are like werewolf wizards and that the book was written by a Tlaxcaltec historian, who wrote a story heaping praise on Tenochtitlan, which was like... the Tlaxcalteca's arch-enemy. But maybe he was writing it after the Spanish context and the guy was just feeling nostalgic for his old timey enemies.

#Monsterdon #WrestlingWomenVsAztecMummies

Oooo! Nice location shots! The pyramids are pretty cool, in seriousness.

#Monsterdon

So the treasure is... the breastplate? Something more mystical?

#monsterdon

Wait isn't this just the story of Imhotep in all basic Mummy movies? Heh.
#Monsterdon #WrestlingWomen #AztecMummy

¡que nuathl quiere decir brujo?

que falta de respeto.

#Monsterdon #LuchadorasVMomiaAzteca

You think this Aztec stuff was shot for this film? I'll bet it's from some other higher budget production.

#monsterdon

Miniatures! Yay

#Monsterdon

#monsterdon Oooh a miniature set! Nice!

@flowerpot just throwing away an asset like that, what an idiot!

Maybe she didn't want to return to her normal state of being Dragon, did you think about that?!

#monsterdon

Let's all go relax in the games room…

#Monsterdon

Please let the codex lead to the mummy, please...
#monsterdon

What kind of villain is this, not even one attempt to cheat after the fight is over

#Monsterdon

@Lazarou To make the title make sense.

#Monsterdon

on the plus side, anyone who was delayed by ads can feel free to skip ahead through this part #monsterdon

The monster better show up soon

#monsterdon

Where are the blow-gun darts when you really want them?

#Monsterdon

Oh yes... "the Orientals".

#Monsterdon

¿y cuándo es que aparece la puta momia?

#Monsterdon #LuchadorasVMomiaAzteca

"Fujiyata y las dos hermanas" suena bien banda rock latino de los 90s. el opening act de Maldita Vencidad, LOL

#Monsterdon #LuchadorasVMomiaAzteca

From the Flowers of Evidence we discover that the second part of the codex is hidden in a post office, another very stupid place to hide a codex. Team Evil recovers this. We learn that the third part is hidden in the arena locker room, which I guess is where the dude was hiding it in the opening part of the movie.

Team evil sends goons to recover it, but they are intercepted by Police Guys In Suits and Wrestling Women, resulting in Fist Fights.

#Monsterdon #WrestlingWomenVsAztecMummies

@JoeWynne a time of honour #monsterdon

Okay, so dumb stuff continues to happen. Directed by the evil podcast, Charlotte, the brainwashed girl, takes a syringe that was under her pillow (where syringes normally are stored, if you are part of an evil plot) and stabs a guy, I think killing him. Then a Wrestling Woman intercepts her but is defeated. Then she gets some flowers from the Doctor guy that she searches for clues, because clues are hidden in nonsensical items in this movie.

#Monsterdon #WrestlingWomenVsAztecMummies

LMAO la gringa tiene un tipo como su doble en las peleas

#Monsterdon #LuchadorasVMomiaAzteca

OK what'd I miss?

#Monsterdon

@hollie whole new form of government

#monsterdon

I suspect this competitive Wrestler vs Judo scene could go on a while.

#Monsterdon

#Monsterdon every time I see a MGM Grand betting app, I can’t not think of Biff Tannen.

Fujiyata? Not Chinese

#monsterdon

The Black Dragon's offensive Yellowface reminds me of Peter Ustinov's offensive Yellowface.

At least it's not as eye bleachingly bad as Mickey Rooney's offensive Yellowface

#monsterdon

I love the twenty character fight scenes in this flick.

#Monsterdon