#monsterdon

i can't fucking breath, i can't believe it, the question mark ending, that's the only ending any movie in #monsterdon can ever have from now on

Thanks for all the fun commentary everyone. See you next week

#monsterdon

#monsterdon psychiatrists are always doing experiments with large flasks of chemicals.

@infinimatt

#monsterdon #TheSheCreature

so the sequence of events is

#monsterdon

i can only recognize three men in this movie: the evil hypnotist by the oil in his hair, the good hypnotist by the bulge in his eyes, and the rich plutocrat by the tooth in his mustache. every other man is a total blur, and there are anywhere between 2 and 9 of them #monsterdon

#monsterdon

rare wikipedia shade
#monsterdon

And the She-Creature fucks off into the sea after far too little screen time. Less creepy hypnotists, more She-Creature, movie!

And that's it for #monsterdon! Thanks to @Taweret for hosting and see y'all next week!

moral of the story: don't cast women back into their primoridial sea monster form to kill your enemies and force them to fall in love with you, because they will turn against you and kill you instead so they can release their soul in the present from the life of torture you made them endure #monsterdon

hypnotizing this woman until she believes she can do an irish accent, we'll make billions #monsterdon

Tonght's #monsterdon was a blatant attempt to cash in on the "Bridey Murphy" story while throwing in a monster for good measure.

Just two years before this movie. the idea of hypnotic regression into past lives became super popular when a hypnotist convinced some american woman she used to be an Irish woman named Bridey Murphy.

American International films was always ready to jump on a trend quickly to make a quick buck with a cheap movie.

i'm barely aware of what's going on in this movie because it's almost 100% headcanon for me, so the last 7 minutes where they try and close up shop are going to be a wild ride #monsterdon

STOP and give the person who did the sea monster's KELP HAIR a raise #monsterdon

@Taweret i was bunted over into https://tubitv.com/movies/536459/the-beach-girls-and-the-monster-original-uncut-schlock-classic by autoplay and it is immediately clear that this needs to be entered into the voting queue #monsterdon

#monsterdon #theshecreature

retvrn to when all scientific disputes were settled by competing masculinities in a rich guy's parlor #monsterdon

they made the bad hypnotist do this last scene with chocolate sauce all over his face #monsterdon

why would you make a whole movie premised on the fact that all women used to be murderous sea monsters and then do NOTHING WITH THAT #monsterdon

Pipe-smoking: a key part of controlled laboratory conditions

#Monsterdon

tip to hypnotic soul jailers everywhere: if the cops are questioning you about your role in a murder, don't say suggestively "it was no living thing that killed her"
#monsterdon

#MonsterDon "Jim I always coat my crime scenes with a quarter inch of flour, that's what they call *forensics.*"

@ohiofi #monsterdon films would be good at hypnosis. They always put me to sleep

I think starting next year I'll switch to asking if it's the worst #Monsterdon movie *of the year* instead of all-time. We've had some really tough to beat movies in the past, after all.

That was a movie!
- There was a monster
- The monster appeared on screen before the end of the movie
- There were deaths by the monster
- There was a villiain and he wore a top hat
- The End (???)

Thanks everyone tonight for The S(h)e(a) Creature, I had fun! It made no sense!
#monsterdon #TheSheCreature

The archtypical stories:

Man vs man
Man vs nature
Man vs girl’s 1 million-year-old ghost She-Creature

#monsterdon #theshecreature

#monsterdon lmao the creature has HUGE BOOBS

FUCK whoever did the rich guy's mustache
MARRY whoever did the sea monster's kelp hair
KILL whoever did the woman's eye makeup
#monsterdon

"What's she got that I haven't?"

"She can transform into a prehistoric sea creature"

high standards

#Monsterdon

"This is a Science pipe, I smoke it when I do Science"

#Monsterdon

This is less a monster story more a study of America's addiction to bullshit

"The big lie, that's what sells"

Yep, it sure does.

#Monsterdon

man really a hard road trying to make ends meet as a carnival hypnotist soul jailer who is trying to break into the academic establishment to practice hypnotic soul jailing in the hospital #monsterdon

RE: https://neuromatch.social/@jonny/114730616588467900

real #monsterdon heads should dedicate the kind of infrastructure the devil girl has to the i don't care woman from starcrash

That was a stinker, all right. Have a nice week everybody!

#Monsterdon

"There are a lot of dark corners we weren't meant to pry into."

For example, the American International film catalogue. #Monsterdon

The footprint trick was better in Forbidden planet

#Monsterdon

Not enough monster in this #Monsterdon, which is a common theme #TheSheCreature

"Am I under arrest, I hope?"

Look pal, wrong movie for that kink.

#Monsterdon

IS the dog the woman!?!? is she split between three life paths. beyond the madonna/whore complex, there is the sea hag/dog/passive love object triplex #monsterdon

SHOWING UP ON THE BEACH TO SHOW DOWN WITH MY LOVER AND THIS DOG IN MY TOP HAT #MONSTERDON

The question mark ending but it's just the question mark ending
#monsterdon #BestOfMonsterdon #EndingsOfMonsterdon #QuestionMarkEndingsOfMonsterdon #JustTheQuestionMarkEndingOfMonsterdon

"she'll never be back will she"
"no"
"??????????????????"

#monsterdon #EndingsOfMonsterdon #QuestionMarkEndingsOfMonsterdon

I will admit, that is a very good bra. #Monsterdon #TheSheCreature 🧜🏾‍♀️🍿 😒

"She'll never be back, will she?"

"No."

*credit animation*: ? / THE END

AND THAT'S A WRECK

The astral projection of the murderous shea creature fucks off into the sea! Lombardi and his villainous investor expire by treacherous flipper strike, oh and also some innocent kids and a detective. Andrea is freed from the shackles of a shitty boss. Ted... dates Andrea? Honestly it's all a little uncertain.

Thank you for organizing, @Taweret ! That was a flipper-flopping hoot.

#monsterdon

?????????????????????????
#monsterdon #TheSheCreature

#monsterdon So, if I'm following the science properly, at some point in the distant past, prehistoric woman looked like a lizard with insect antenna and big boobies?

hafhuiafeuihlwfiuhlefhuirlghiuafh "there, fire, where i'm pointing at hurry up" holy fuck that is so good #monsterdon

#monsterdon "I'll show my method to no one".

What? When did that start?

that cop in the background aging like David Bowie in The Hunger....

#Monsterdon

"You are now suspended in time and space. I control your horizontal and your vertical."

#Monsterdon

Is his method of hypnosis to just bore women into submission?

#Monsterdon

lol, of course English peasants would know all this stuff, this is so authentic!

#Monsterdon

"You are going back... further back... come forward, quickly! Now turn left! Parallel park!"

#Monsterdon

YES bitch enter in a CAPE!!!!!!! #monsterdon

@apLundell

These repeating headlines across movies are actually a thing we should know more about.

Here's the headline I mentioned earlier in trivia.

🦖#MONSTERDON 🎞️

though every word was actively repelled from my being, i gathered from that last scene that there is some large sum of money to be made in hypnotic soul jailing but there is an ethical hypnotist who refuses to launder the reputation of soul jailing hypnotists because it sets the scientific field of hypnosis back by generations #monsterdon

[trans-Atlantic accents continue]

#Monsterdon

We then get our first human character, Narrator Man, who is standing ominously by the seashore dressed in a suit and hat. He introduces himself as Doctor Carl Lamborghini or something or other, then monologues explaining that he's made a monster or something or other. Then a dog barks at him for monologueing on the beach.

#monsterdon

Out of my grading jail in time for #Monsterdon, tonight viewing The She-Creature! Yikes!

Go! Go! Go!

Another film I've never seen, in glorious black & white. I *do* like the tease she/sea creature, with the opening titles underwater ... and *LOOK*, we get the titular creature right up front, in close-up, with the titles!

These folks know what we watch movies for!

#Monsterdon #TheSheCreature

@davesdogmaggie @ramsey #Monsterdon teaches us that the quality of the movie and the quality of the viewing experience are very different things

#Monsterdon #TheSheCreature

"there, fire"
"where i'm pointing at, hurry up"

#monsterdon #BestOfMonsterdon #ThereFiresOfMonsterdon

That's a sudden wrap-up to a very one-dimensional plot, with few twists, shallow characters, and a villain whose breath I could almost smell during the whole production.

#monsterdon

@CactuarJoe I don't want to pick either of these because it _was_ "the worst," but not as much "the worst" as _Invasion of the Star Creatures_.

#monsterdon #TheSheCreature

?

Actually #wtf

Thanks, @Taweret for hosting and thanks to all the #monsterdon fans for your insightful commentary!

AT LAST THE END! Thank god. Now, before you leave the theater I have to ask--

Was THE SHE-CREATURE (1956) the WORST MOVIE EVER on #Monsterdon?

Giant question mark on screen like, yeah we don't get it either folks. #Monsterdon

lol, fuck off with that "?"

#Monsterdon

I don't think this movie understands what anatomical feature mammals are named after or why.

#Monsterdon #TheSheCreature

It's a very slow moving sea monster. I wonder if anyone has ever thought of maybe a brisk walk to escape?

#monsterdon

Bring a pistol to a giant claw fight did you?

#Monsterdon

@floatybirb 9 and 3/4

9 and a half ...
#Monsterdon

Why do I feel like the Bob cocktail joke was written by someone else (like the guy they brought in to funny up the script) or improvised by the actors?

#Monsterdon

so listen i am expecting nothing less than the other hypnotist having figured out how to summon kaiju and for this to turn into a full on kaiju movie #monsterdon

You know the movie is old when Americans take trains #Monsterdon #TheSheCreature

She-Creatures On Bikini Beach

#monsterdon #theshecreature

ok what is so special about this one woman, why can't the hypnotist with all his mega riches find some other woman who likes being channeled into her sea creature past to murder everyone with #monsterdon

Dr Lombardi would be a major figure in the second trump administration, Erika Kirk would be rubbing up against him...

#Monsterdon

the one plot hole here is what on earth is going on with the good hypnotist's eyes and why is he always boggling like a rat #monsterdon

#monsterdon I don't agree at all that flim-flam men "generally stick to one idea"

Damn right I hope she kills him #monsterdon #TheSheCreature

no wait the conflict in the movie is that the soul jailer hypnotist can't make this woman love him despite being able to scrub her mind freely back and forth through all time and all her prior lives at will, and so he has no choice but to go all the way back to when women were a murderous sea monster species and kill everyone in the present #monsterdon

Disappointed in the lack of creature mayhem

#monsterdon #theshecreature

scene change? SCENE CHANGE?!!! everyone just saw a woman transcend time and flee for their lives from a murderous sea monster and you scene change???? #monsterdon

#Monsterdon👨‍⚕️👩🕛😵‍💫🐦‍🔥🧌🤑 😱

"He's aiming for the big circus" <-- yeah, he's going up for tenure

i'm totally tuning out this entire "men talking to each other through their noses" scene and can only focus on this guy's mustache and how it has carved it out from one narrow tooth-width street below his nose #monsterdon

Error 404: accent not found

#monsterdon #theshecreature

must be a real pain in the ass to coordinate bookings only at carnivals next to haunted lakes #monsterdon

This movie is gunning for my approval already because the opening credits are an underwater scene, staring our special guest star "fish" and other our special guest star "water turtle". The film then shows us a lightning flash, some waves and then some theremin sounding music. So far so good.

#monsterdon

Intense dog staring contest #Monsterdon #TheSheCreature

Hey, you fish there! I'm eating your cousin in my anchovy pizza!

#monsterdon

oh boy, I hope there's scuba diving....

#Monsterdon

The question mark ending but it's just the question mark ending, gif form
#monsterdon #EndingsOfMonsterdon #QuestionMarkEndingsOfMonsterdon #QuestionMarkEndingsOfMonsterdonButAsAGIF

@strangefour #monsterdon #WrongCreature

Dracula, Prisoner of the Painting of the Eye in the House by the Lake of Frankenstein

The Eye of the Painting in the House by the Lake of Dracula.
#Monsterdon #LakeofDracula

Anyway, this concludes my confused thread for this #monsterdon in which I got all the characters mixed up except for the Evil Doctor and the Possessed Girl and also her um... Bug Girl Fursona or whatever.

Thanks to @Taweret for hosting and to all who endured this movie!

Also I forgot to mention how goofy the she creature's bug girl costume was. It looked it it was made part from armor, part from rubber suit and part from foam squares done up like a stegosaurus. It had extreme 1970s Tokusatsu vibes, but with less um... well... Tokusatsu budget.

#monsterdon

by modern standards Dr Lombardi would have been eviscerated by the She Creature, in here he just got a gentle tap and the Monster shuffled off into oblivion

Cheated by the Patriarchy!

#Monsterdon

@xoagray @Taweret Hey, would you be interested in this? I made a little image generator to create a donation-update image. Might get more attention than just text. Just enter the number and save it: https://combatwombat.github.io/monsterdon-saves-christmas/generator.html

It supports multiple templates, so if someone with more artistic ability wants to make a better one, please :)

#monsterdon #MonsterdonSavesChristmas