#monsterdon "Think of the knowledge buried down there..."

no I think those aren't boulders of knowledge, those are rocks. sorry to break it to you

Kinda cool, 1957, it's an era before "silicon" becomes a household word, so they have to explain it to people.

#monsterdon

Hopefully we get to see a rock burst out of someone's chest at some point. #Monsterdon #TheMonolithMonsters

#TheMonolithMonsters We take the little girl to the hospital and put her in the reverse MRI machine, which is where your body is in I guess an X-Ray machine and your head sticks out so you can be confused for one of the talking heads from Futurama. Anyway, the X-Ray shows that she's being turned into stone, so the Probable Lead suggests calling his Old Professor (Dr. Flanders, possibly Dr. Ned Flanders) who knows the most of all the science masters about rocks.

#Monsterdon

by the end of the 1950s iron lungs were becoming rare. great use of one in this movie.

#Monsterdon #TheMonolithMonsters

Okay, #TheMonolithMonsters has convinced me that I kind of do like the look of the 1950s Megacars with the goofy fins. #Monsterdon

just leaving this here https://xkcd.com/2501/ #Monsterdon

@steggy in fact you forget what Boobs look like, such is the horror of 'Negative Cleavage' #monsterdon

lol 'negative cleavage'

#monsterdon

Characters so far in #TheMonolithMonsters, they aren't in any particular order as most of them haven't really shown any interesting personality traits, except for the school girl who likes lizards, which is a top-tier personality trait.

Newspaper Geologist
Doctor Autopsy Man
Hot Schoolteacher Lady
School Girl Who Likes Lizards
Probable Lead
Evil Wet Rock
Government Geologist (killed by bubbling rock, RIP)

#Monsterdon

this movie is just one study in all the shades of grey

#Monsterdon #TheMonolithMonsters

Thinking about everybody with their shiny rocks in their pockets and that scene in the mini-series Chernobyl where the Firefighters come across all this weird glass....

#monsterdon

SIMPSON in the mailbox. please tell me her mom's name is Marge.

#Monsterdon #TheMonolithMonsters

#TheMonolithMonsters Probable Lead Character is confused that he can't find a geologist anywhere in his office, then he wanders around and discovers that the Bubbling Rock has turned into A Lot of Frozen Rocks. And also the geologist we met first is now like a frozen zombie mannequin guy, who Probable Lead Character knocks over, which the music tells us is Climactic and Disturbing.

#Monsterdon

#monsterdon Far be it for me to second-guess the laboratory storage methodology of a professional geologist but I would probably keep my carefully labelled "DISTILLED WATER" in a round-bottomed flask uhhh maybe corked, lest it become distilled water (95%) airbone dust and pollen (3%) ceiling tile dust (1%) ghosts (1%)

#TheMonolithMonsters so I guess like the first dude is a government geologist, because he has the government surf wagon, and the second guy is a newspaper geologist, which is a profession that I hope still exists somewhere.

#Monsterdon

Do you want Monolith Monsters? Because that's how you get Monolith Monsters. #monsterdon

Classic Monsterdon science lesson

#monsterdon

I just lava good rock pun. #monsterdon

I mean, there's a massive superfund cleanup ahead of you, since this can happen the next time it rains, and even a tiny chip of the stuff, or dust can spark a new monolith outbreak... :SCP: :cognitohazard:

But that's the end! FIN

#monsterdon #TheMOnolithMonster

@floatybirb It's the heads and the tails of science. A difficult feat to master.

Well done #TheMonolithMonsters!

#Monsterdon

@plaidtron3000 Well-spotted.

My opinion is I think that's because during this time people were still in the post-war reconstruction and boom period. There was a general belief in the government's role to alleviate poverty and stress in society and in life. People still had faith in systems and structures.

#Monsterdon

@Crazypedia I'm starting to think it wasn't as realistic as I had originally assumed!

#monsterdon

and they resurrected an ancient sea so the monster rocks could fuck off into it

everybody wins!

#monsterdon #TheMonolithMonsters

@allanb Thanks folks, goodnight! I'm here three nights a week. Don't forget to tip your server. #monsterdon

@Zerofactorial This movie is A-OK in my books. (Feel free to groan. Please.)

#Monsterdon

"Don't blow up the dam." Words to live by.

And a happy ending for the two lovebirds.

#Monsterdon

@moira I like those sorts of stories #monsterdon

so, technically the fuck the black rock & rollers into their white man-made sea 🤨

#Monsterdon #TheMonolithMonsters

#Monsterdon #TheMonolithMonsters In a victory of the good, if salty water elementals against the evil earth elements, some salt water eats the evil crystals. We get a Joke Coda where a guy pretends the governor said to not blow up the dam (meaning that we'd be in trouble, despite saving everybody), but we learn that the governor was a responsible guy and instead said "don't blow up the dam, unless you're certain it will work!", which is a very reasonable governor thing to say.

most of those rocks seem to still be fine tho?

guys?

#monsterdon

In grand #Monsterdon tradition, the monster rocks fuck off into the sea

#Monsterdon #TheMonolithMonsters The climax of the movie approaches as we get more slowly growing giant crystals looming over the landscape and making crunchy noises. Then a damn explodes and some salt water pours after them, causing some of them to knock over.

Meanwhile, our heroes are standing in town, staring at this elemental drama blankly.

#monsterdon (still can't believe they hit that dynamite detonator without one of the characters staring straight into the camera and proclaiming "fankly, I don't give a dam")

Awww... they hold the car door open for Lola Albright and all wait until she sits in the car first.

Humanity's on the line but there's no need to lose our etiquette, people!

#Monsterdon

BTW we negros do love the water and can swim in the ocean.

the fact that they're making salty water, like ocean water, to get rid of the black rock & rollers is just 🙄

#Monsterdon #TheMonolithMonsters

I desperately need a post-script to this film where Dave finds out he needs to pay back $6 million to rebuild the dam. #Monsterdon

This used to be a country where people would get together to blow stuff up at a moment's notice. We need to bring that back.

#monsterdon

Monoliths hate 3% salt solutions

#monsterdon

It's like a slow-motion chase scene with really, really heavy villains. #monsterdon

#monsterdon oooooo are we about to get a split-screen miniature set explosion scene?? I LOVE THOSE

"you can't blow up the dam its privately owned" is such an incredible line, punching way above this movie's weight class #Monsterdon

#monsterdon "You're the husband? She's going to be all right, we got to her in time."

dude your _actual patient_ is _right there_ and you have her hand in your hand _TALK TO YOUR PATIENT_

@strangefour This scene reminded me of mini Godzillas and Superman kryptonite exploding all at once.

#Monsterdon

#monsterdon sorry for all the spam tonight folks, Eugen is going to kick me right off this thing

i spy white wall tires

#Monsterdon #TheMonolithMonsters #MonsterdonBingo

The reporter stopping to time the rock growth cycle is cool, though

#monsterdon #TheMonolithMonsters

#Monsterdon #TheMonolithMonsters we get a fun geological crushing scene where the giant evil rocks start crushing other rocks and also a house. then we get a fun printing scene where an evacuation order gets printed and we see a bunch of hopefully paid paperboys going to deliver the message.

Score 1 for gender equality in rounding up boys *and* girls with bicycles.

#Monsterdon

#monsterdon Getting some real Christopher Reeves-era Superman Fortress of Solitude vibes from these crystalline monoliths.

#Monsterdon #TheMonolithMonsters I forgot to mention that they can't tell everyone to do an evacuation with the phones, because I guess the rocks cut the phone lines. Instead, the chief of police, who wears a cowboy hat, because this is the West, is resorting to an army of paper boys to order the evacuation.

The sheriff is indignant that the paper boys want to be paid, probably because he blew his department's infinity budget on a wardrobe filled with increasingly larger hats.

Newspaper guy wanted a big story. Too bad rocks don’t read though. #monsterdon

Why should we pay kids for labor? I mean child labor laws aren't really a thing.

#Monsterdon

MONOLITHS.....ROLLLLLL

That was pretty fun, destroying that farm

#monsterdon

#monsterdon "I wouldn't say we're cut off, not completely."

"Henh?"

"Come with me!"

Dude please use your words
You can just tell him
It is a tense situation
Just describe your idea before asking him to follow you around

Ooooh, I see, the plan is to get delivery kids on bicycles to courier evacuation messages to residents?

BIKES SAVE THE DAY ONCE AGAIN

#BikesVsRocks

If the kid had UBI, he wouldn't be worried about getting paid! #Monsterdon #TheMonolithMonsters

@flowerpot she needs a cream for that... #monsterdon

and that's how you know the cops are not part of the working classes

#Monsterdon #TheMonolithMonsters

Of course! The newspaper is the answer!

Paper beats Rock!!!!

#Monsterdon

#monsterdon

oh no, not the dog!
😞
#monsterdon

@paco Thankfully, a lot of 50s sci-fi is optimistic

#monsterdon #TheMonolithMonsters

#Monsterdon #monolithmonsters1957

#Monsterdon #TheMonolithMonsters Okay, so halfway through the movie the stakes go up and we figure out that if the evil rocks get wet enough, they'll reach the ocean and then everyone will die. I have to wonder if, in this universe, these meteors have thus turned other water planets into lifeless worlds.

And here is where we’ll build our rock-themed amusement park: Monolith World #monsterdon

#monsterdon professor doesn’t have apatite for bad coffee

Wow. I almost wish the world had ended when it rained on the space rock. All things considered.

#monsterdon

"Probably just MY strong coffee"

He puts speed in it

#monsterdon

#monsterdon (Real talk for just a moment: let's please never see a child in an iron lung again. Please, please, let's make sure our society continues to fund and value the education and research that makes vaccines safe, effective, and available to everyone. Please.)

#TheMonolithMonsters Okay, so we fart around in the desert a little bit, then find the evil rock meteor which came from space. we decide that falling through the atmosphere made the rock super and evil, and decide that it holds the secrets of space time.

Back at the hospital, we decide that we need to give the little girl more silicon so the rock has other stuff to eat and so she doesn't medusa to death. #Monsterdon

"Been gathering the secrets of Time and Space for billions of years"

I want to do that.

#monsterdon

like specs of black meteors white sand, so too are the incognegro days of our lives

#Monsterdon #TheMonolithMonsters

#TheMonolithMonsters Meeting Dr. Ned Flanders, we ask how we stop the rocks from multiplying, a question that is not commonly asked. He joins our party, donning his Science Jacket to help go solve this Science Mystery.

As we are about to leave, we meet the Schoolteacher Lady, who is very sad and tells us that the Little Girl who likes lizard only has 8 hours to live. I'm not sure how we determined time to death for a mysterious medusa disease that came from space though.

#Monsterdon

"The child dying will break the Woman's heart but I will be stoic"

ugg

#monsterdon

#monsterdon "At the rate this stuff spreads destruction, by the time you write your story there might not be anybody left to read it!"

I don't know, if our species is outpaced by inanimate rock, maybe we deserve the extinction.

No, I don't believe. Not negative cleavage. That's just...unnatural. #Monsterdon #TheMonolithMonsters

"Negative cleavage?"

It's the least sexy thing we've ever seen!

#monsterdon

Now would be a good time for local law enforcement to NOT call somebody who has any idea what to do.

#monsterdon

the cop is gonna get ACABed by the Blackrock, innit?

#Monsterdon #TheMonolithMonsters

@silentexception I'm summarizing a monster movie, so my posts tagged #Monsterdon *probably* don't relate much to your current reality. If they do, you should definitely call a geologist.

Half the town would think it's a scam made up by the Dems.

#monsterdon

Ah yes, the classic 'stare at it until it does something interesting' scientific method. #monsterdon

For reporter he's awfully good at talking himself out of writing a story

#monsterdon

this is a culchaed small down in bumfuck USA because they have a forensic pathologist in a sparkling white doctor's work shirt

#Monsterdon #TheMonolithMonsters

Wow, what's gonna happen if they feed the rocks after midnight?? #Monsterdon #TheMonolithMonsters

#monsterdon We're like fifteen minutes into this movie and there has not yet been single joke about rock and roll

five more minutes until we riot

"Yes, kids, I'm driving you off into the middle of nowhere...no, no reason, you just go run off and have fun now..." #Monsterdon

#TheMonolithMonsters Night falls and the audience and the geologists are attacked by strong winds and loud music. The government geologist wakes up to watch his new pet rock Bubbling Ominously, and then we cut to the next day and the next scene, in which a random guy drives up in a different car... I assume he's the main character because he's relatively good looking... and I assume he works in this office because he walks in and puts his feet on the desk.

#Monsterdon

It looks like rocks trashed the room?

#monsterdon #TheMonolithMonsters

#monsterdon "There's a whole flock of it out there!"

a flock of rock

yep that's what those are called

Ah, the 1950s, when every scientist looked like they were auditioning for a cigarette commercial. It soothes the T-zone. #monsterdon

Awww, woodpaneled car!

#monsterdon

#monsterdon CRATERS

OF ALL SHAPES AND SIZES

AND METEORS

These narrated intros are terrific and this score is punching way above its weight already. BRING ON THE MONSTER ROCKS

dropping my #monsterdon thread for #TheMonolithMonsters, in which I assume imposing architecture menaces the 1950s. Or maybe like walking statue monsters, i dunno.

Anyway, Monsterdon is the thing where we watch old timey monster movies and provide rareified intellectual commentary. Mute the hash tag if you don't want to see 9999+ posts about monster movies spawn in the next hour.

I like how Dave and Miss Barrett became an item in there somewhere, but it mostly just jumped straight to lots of squeezing and smooches in the last scene.

#monsterdon

I also note that this is our second #monsterdon movie with Dick Cutting in the cast

@Bluedepth #Monsterdon How will they get their rocks off now?

The puns tonight were a beryl of laughs. #monsterdon

I am 100% here for the #monsterdon rock jokes

#TheMOnolithMonsters

- I enjoy the silly amounts of science gibberish.
- The miniature monolith's and composite shots were fun!
- Mini carnage was had ❤‍🔥
- no evil plot, just space rocks making more space rocks where it's inconvenient for some people to have space rocks
- explosions! :kaboom:
- and the moral of the story is...

#monsterdon #TheMOnolithMonsters