#Monsterdon #TheMonolithMonsters good news as the little girl is feeling better and can move again, even if she's trapped in the iron lung thing that I called a reverse MRI machine because I don't know how 1950s medical technology works. We cured her by making a Salty Drug using the the power of science.

We suggest using the same therapy used on the little girl to defeat the giant evil space rock. The doctor repeats the chemical formula for the Salty Drug over the phone.

Car 42 - they've got the answer to life, the universe and everything geological.

#monsterdon

"Mommy, my laptop has lost internet!"

#monsterdon

If it's scary enough to scare the sassy telephone operator, you know it's serious!

#monsterdon

when they didn't have satellites to view the weather

This man is basically making it up, isn't he?

#monsterdon

"Evacuate? But the Parade is this weekend!"

Big 'Mayor From Jaws' vibe

#monsterdon

#Monsterdon #TheMonolithMonsters Okay so if this was a Japanese movie then those crystal meteor spires would hatch into giant kaiju that godzilla (or a color coded team of superheroes with alien technology) would have to fight to save the earth. The kaiju would be played by dudes in strangely angular clothes that look like rocks, and the production quality would be extremely cheap but everyone would appreciate it nonetheless because of the creativity that went into it.

JFC, how long did it take them to work out it was WATER

#monsterdon

They're heating coffee over an open gas jet.

#monsterdon

C'mon white men, it's the WATER that's making the rock grow

This is why you need diversity in Science

#monsterdon

#monsterdon OMINOUS ZOOM IN ON THE ROCK THAT IS SITTING THERE BEING A ROCK

#TheMonolithMonsters bruh its a rock. kind of a stretch to say that it's been gathering the secrets of the universe for billions of years. #Monsterdon

#monsterdon "Think of the knowledge buried down there..."

no I think those aren't boulders of knowledge, those are rocks. sorry to break it to you

SILICONE! this movie was paid for by the United States Association of Plastic Surgeons 😜

#Monsterdon #TheMonolithMonsters

Kinda cool, 1957, it's an era before "silicon" becomes a household word, so they have to explain it to people.

#monsterdon

Hopefully we get to see a rock burst out of someone's chest at some point. #Monsterdon #TheMonolithMonsters

#TheMonolithMonsters We take the little girl to the hospital and put her in the reverse MRI machine, which is where your body is in I guess an X-Ray machine and your head sticks out so you can be confused for one of the talking heads from Futurama. Anyway, the X-Ray shows that she's being turned into stone, so the Probable Lead suggests calling his Old Professor (Dr. Flanders, possibly Dr. Ned Flanders) who knows the most of all the science masters about rocks.

#Monsterdon

by the end of the 1950s iron lungs were becoming rare. great use of one in this movie.

#Monsterdon #TheMonolithMonsters

Professor Flanders across the way, you'll see him at the Left-handed Rock Emporium.

#monsterdon

Okay, #TheMonolithMonsters has convinced me that I kind of do like the look of the 1950s Megacars with the goofy fins. #Monsterdon

just leaving this here https://xkcd.com/2501/ #Monsterdon

@steggy in fact you forget what Boobs look like, such is the horror of 'Negative Cleavage' #monsterdon

lol 'negative cleavage'

#monsterdon

Characters so far in #TheMonolithMonsters, they aren't in any particular order as most of them haven't really shown any interesting personality traits, except for the school girl who likes lizards, which is a top-tier personality trait.

Newspaper Geologist
Doctor Autopsy Man
Hot Schoolteacher Lady
School Girl Who Likes Lizards
Probable Lead
Evil Wet Rock
Government Geologist (killed by bubbling rock, RIP)

#Monsterdon

this movie is just one study in all the shades of grey

#Monsterdon #TheMonolithMonsters

Thinking about everybody with their shiny rocks in their pockets and that scene in the mini-series Chernobyl where the Firefighters come across all this weird glass....

#monsterdon

SIMPSON in the mailbox. please tell me her mom's name is Marge.

#Monsterdon #TheMonolithMonsters

#TheMonolithMonsters Probable Lead Character is confused that he can't find a geologist anywhere in his office, then he wanders around and discovers that the Bubbling Rock has turned into A Lot of Frozen Rocks. And also the geologist we met first is now like a frozen zombie mannequin guy, who Probable Lead Character knocks over, which the music tells us is Climactic and Disturbing.

#Monsterdon

#monsterdon Far be it for me to second-guess the laboratory storage methodology of a professional geologist but I would probably keep my carefully labelled "DISTILLED WATER" in a round-bottomed flask uhhh maybe corked, lest it become distilled water (95%) airbone dust and pollen (3%) ceiling tile dust (1%) ghosts (1%)

#TheMonolithMonsters so I guess like the first dude is a government geologist, because he has the government surf wagon, and the second guy is a newspaper geologist, which is a profession that I hope still exists somewhere.

#Monsterdon

Do you want Monolith Monsters? Because that's how you get Monolith Monsters. #monsterdon

Classic Monsterdon science lesson

#monsterdon

I just lava good rock pun. #monsterdon

I mean, there's a massive superfund cleanup ahead of you, since this can happen the next time it rains, and even a tiny chip of the stuff, or dust can spark a new monolith outbreak... :SCP: :cognitohazard:

But that's the end! FIN

#monsterdon #TheMOnolithMonster

@floatybirb It's the heads and the tails of science. A difficult feat to master.

Well done #TheMonolithMonsters!

#Monsterdon

@plaidtron3000 Well-spotted.

My opinion is I think that's because during this time people were still in the post-war reconstruction and boom period. There was a general belief in the government's role to alleviate poverty and stress in society and in life. People still had faith in systems and structures.

#Monsterdon

@Crazypedia I'm starting to think it wasn't as realistic as I had originally assumed!

#monsterdon

@nhgeek We don't need any more of your schist. #monsterdon

and they resurrected an ancient sea so the monster rocks could fuck off into it

everybody wins!

#monsterdon #TheMonolithMonsters

@allanb Thanks folks, goodnight! I'm here three nights a week. Don't forget to tip your server. #monsterdon

@Zerofactorial This movie is A-OK in my books. (Feel free to groan. Please.)

#Monsterdon

"Don't blow up the dam." Words to live by.

And a happy ending for the two lovebirds.

#Monsterdon

@moira I like those sorts of stories #monsterdon

so, technically the fuck the black rock & rollers into their white man-made sea 🤨

#Monsterdon #TheMonolithMonsters

#Monsterdon #TheMonolithMonsters In a victory of the good, if salty water elementals against the evil earth elements, some salt water eats the evil crystals. We get a Joke Coda where a guy pretends the governor said to not blow up the dam (meaning that we'd be in trouble, despite saving everybody), but we learn that the governor was a responsible guy and instead said "don't blow up the dam, unless you're certain it will work!", which is a very reasonable governor thing to say.

most of those rocks seem to still be fine tho?

guys?

#monsterdon

In grand #Monsterdon tradition, the monster rocks fuck off into the sea

#Monsterdon #TheMonolithMonsters The climax of the movie approaches as we get more slowly growing giant crystals looming over the landscape and making crunchy noises. Then a damn explodes and some salt water pours after them, causing some of them to knock over.

Meanwhile, our heroes are standing in town, staring at this elemental drama blankly.

#monsterdon (still can't believe they hit that dynamite detonator without one of the characters staring straight into the camera and proclaiming "fankly, I don't give a dam")

Awww... they hold the car door open for Lola Albright and all wait until she sits in the car first.

Humanity's on the line but there's no need to lose our etiquette, people!

#Monsterdon

BTW we negros do love the water and can swim in the ocean.

the fact that they're making salty water, like ocean water, to get rid of the black rock & rollers is just 🙄

#Monsterdon #TheMonolithMonsters

I desperately need a post-script to this film where Dave finds out he needs to pay back $6 million to rebuild the dam. #Monsterdon

This used to be a country where people would get together to blow stuff up at a moment's notice. We need to bring that back.

#monsterdon

Monoliths hate 3% salt solutions

#monsterdon

It's like a slow-motion chase scene with really, really heavy villains. #monsterdon

#monsterdon oooooo are we about to get a split-screen miniature set explosion scene?? I LOVE THOSE

"you can't blow up the dam its privately owned" is such an incredible line, punching way above this movie's weight class #Monsterdon

#monsterdon "You're the husband? She's going to be all right, we got to her in time."

dude your _actual patient_ is _right there_ and you have her hand in your hand _TALK TO YOUR PATIENT_

@strangefour This scene reminded me of mini Godzillas and Superman kryptonite exploding all at once.

#Monsterdon

#monsterdon sorry for all the spam tonight folks, Eugen is going to kick me right off this thing

i spy white wall tires

#Monsterdon #TheMonolithMonsters #MonsterdonBingo

The reporter stopping to time the rock growth cycle is cool, though

#monsterdon #TheMonolithMonsters

That's some quality typography for a disaster leaflet.

#monsterdon

#Monsterdon #TheMonolithMonsters we get a fun geological crushing scene where the giant evil rocks start crushing other rocks and also a house. then we get a fun printing scene where an evacuation order gets printed and we see a bunch of hopefully paid paperboys going to deliver the message.

Score 1 for gender equality in rounding up boys *and* girls with bicycles.

#Monsterdon

#monsterdon Getting some real Christopher Reeves-era Superman Fortress of Solitude vibes from these crystalline monoliths.

#Monsterdon #TheMonolithMonsters I forgot to mention that they can't tell everyone to do an evacuation with the phones, because I guess the rocks cut the phone lines. Instead, the chief of police, who wears a cowboy hat, because this is the West, is resorting to an army of paper boys to order the evacuation.

The sheriff is indignant that the paper boys want to be paid, probably because he blew his department's infinity budget on a wardrobe filled with increasingly larger hats.

Newspaper guy wanted a big story. Too bad rocks don’t read though. #monsterdon

Why should we pay kids for labor? I mean child labor laws aren't really a thing.

#Monsterdon

MONOLITHS.....ROLLLLLL

That was pretty fun, destroying that farm

#monsterdon

#monsterdon "I wouldn't say we're cut off, not completely."

"Henh?"

"Come with me!"

Dude please use your words
You can just tell him
It is a tense situation
Just describe your idea before asking him to follow you around

Ooooh, I see, the plan is to get delivery kids on bicycles to courier evacuation messages to residents?

BIKES SAVE THE DAY ONCE AGAIN

#BikesVsRocks

If the kid had UBI, he wouldn't be worried about getting paid! #Monsterdon #TheMonolithMonsters

@flowerpot she needs a cream for that... #monsterdon

and that's how you know the cops are not part of the working classes

#Monsterdon #TheMonolithMonsters

Of course! The newspaper is the answer!

Paper beats Rock!!!!

#Monsterdon

#monsterdon

oh no, not the dog!
😞
#monsterdon

@paco Thankfully, a lot of 50s sci-fi is optimistic

#monsterdon #TheMonolithMonsters

#Monsterdon #monolithmonsters1957

#Monsterdon #TheMonolithMonsters Okay, so halfway through the movie the stakes go up and we figure out that if the evil rocks get wet enough, they'll reach the ocean and then everyone will die. I have to wonder if, in this universe, these meteors have thus turned other water planets into lifeless worlds.

#monsterdon *ominous crystalline monolith stretches skyward as a freak monsoon in the desert causes it to grow*

We
Are the crystal gems
We'll always save the day
And if you think we can't
We'll always find a way
That's why the people of the earth
Believe in
Garnet, Amethyst, and Pearl
And Steven!

And here is where we’ll build our rock-themed amusement park: Monolith World #monsterdon

#monsterdon professor doesn’t have apatite for bad coffee

Wow. I almost wish the world had ended when it rained on the space rock. All things considered.

#monsterdon

"Probably just MY strong coffee"

He puts speed in it

#monsterdon

#monsterdon (Real talk for just a moment: let's please never see a child in an iron lung again. Please, please, let's make sure our society continues to fund and value the education and research that makes vaccines safe, effective, and available to everyone. Please.)

#TheMonolithMonsters Okay, so we fart around in the desert a little bit, then find the evil rock meteor which came from space. we decide that falling through the atmosphere made the rock super and evil, and decide that it holds the secrets of space time.

Back at the hospital, we decide that we need to give the little girl more silicon so the rock has other stuff to eat and so she doesn't medusa to death. #Monsterdon

"Been gathering the secrets of Time and Space for billions of years"

I want to do that.

#monsterdon

like specs of black meteors white sand, so too are the incognegro days of our lives

#Monsterdon #TheMonolithMonsters

#TheMonolithMonsters Meeting Dr. Ned Flanders, we ask how we stop the rocks from multiplying, a question that is not commonly asked. He joins our party, donning his Science Jacket to help go solve this Science Mystery.

As we are about to leave, we meet the Schoolteacher Lady, who is very sad and tells us that the Little Girl who likes lizard only has 8 hours to live. I'm not sure how we determined time to death for a mysterious medusa disease that came from space though.

#Monsterdon

"The child dying will break the Woman's heart but I will be stoic"

ugg

#monsterdon

#monsterdon "At the rate this stuff spreads destruction, by the time you write your story there might not be anybody left to read it!"

I don't know, if our species is outpaced by inanimate rock, maybe we deserve the extinction.

No, I don't believe. Not negative cleavage. That's just...unnatural. #Monsterdon #TheMonolithMonsters

"Negative cleavage?"

It's the least sexy thing we've ever seen!

#monsterdon

Now would be a good time for local law enforcement to NOT call somebody who has any idea what to do.

#monsterdon

the cop is gonna get ACABed by the Blackrock, innit?

#Monsterdon #TheMonolithMonsters

@silentexception I'm summarizing a monster movie, so my posts tagged #Monsterdon *probably* don't relate much to your current reality. If they do, you should definitely call a geologist.

Half the town would think it's a scam made up by the Dems.

#monsterdon

Ah yes, the classic 'stare at it until it does something interesting' scientific method. #monsterdon

For reporter he's awfully good at talking himself out of writing a story

#monsterdon