#monsterdon

"Shall receive in turn....a £50 gift voucher to Argos"

#Monsterdon

@SnoopJ #monsterdon

I've already "tied my camel", does that count?

"I will take this back to the British Museum!"
#Monsterdon

Achmed... go now. GET TO THE CHOPPA!

#Monsterdon
#TheGoldenVoyageOfSinbad1973

guy was packing the vial of sunny D #monsterdon

Can you be racist towards a mythical race? Feeling the Lemurians are getting a rough portrayal here!

#Monsterdon

Okay is it racist if the islanders are GREEN? I need a ruling on the field for this one.

#Monsterdon
#TheGoldenVoyageOfSinbad1973

@SnoopJ

> GET YE FLASK

#Monsterdon

awww, lost another little fella!

#Monsterdon

"Perhaps it is our destiny to be buried alive."

"Perhaps it's YOUR destiny to shut the hell up, Debbie Downer."

#Monsterdon
#TheGoldenVoyageOfSinbad1973

Okay guys we're going to that Wicca shop upstate

#Monsterdon

Holy crap they summoned Tim the Sorcerer.

#Monsterdon
#TheGoldenVoyageOfSinbad1973

"Look, everything going forward is going to be dangerous. Okay?" #monsterdon

and the definitely-not-slave followed, breasting boobily

#Monsterdon

We get some fun scenes with the stop motion monsters in this. Like we get to see the little bat guy chirp and then make laser noises as it flies off the boat on a spy mission.

#monsterdon

Just hold a painting up in front of the camera, I dunno

ACTION

#Monsterdon

At this point in the 70s Tom Baker was seeing demons anyway....

#Monsterdon

Find you a man who loves you like Achmed.

#Monsterdon
#TheGoldenVoyageOfSinbad1973

"Master, what is this?"

"It's Grape Kool-Aid. I must summon... the Kool-Aid Man."

"ohhh oh no!"

"OH YEAH!"

#Monsterdon
#TheGoldenVoyageOfSinbad1973

Both the wooden creature and Tom Baker are great in this battle! #Monsterdon

"Return! Return!"

*It goes back to its spot under the mast"

"Not like that!"

#Monsterdon
#TheGoldenVoyageOfSinbad1973

Quick! Throw termites at it! It's our only hope!

#Monsterdon
#TheGoldenVoyageOfSinbad1973

@crowbriarhexe legal issues /j

#Monsterdon

Mask guy: [mumbling] Wcnntslntthsfgwllbsmshdtbts

Sinbad: What?

Mask guy: [mumbling] Wcnntslntthsfgwllbsmshdtbts!!!

Sinbad: …

#monsterdon #thegoldenvoyageofsinbad1973

kid understands what's up, he doesn't want to get Harryhausen-ed and promptly splits

Meanwhile, #Monsterdon roaring with approval as the big wooden lady kills a guy

Sinbad's new exSlave cabinmate (Caroline Munro) was also in The Spy Who Loved Me (1977) with Roger Moore.

#monsterdon

Use the Force, Sinbad! let it guide your actions.

#Monsterdon
#TheGoldenVoyageOfSinbad1973

Props to the slave girl for immediately wanting to stab her master.

But Sinbad has read the works of the abolitionists and announces "you are not slave now, you free and at no one's beck and call!" but then asks her to pour him a drink anyway.

#monsterdon

"Fiiine, I GUESS I won't stab you."

#monsterdon #GoldenVoyage1974 #TheGoldenVoyageOfSinbad

Crew of (good) boat:

Sinbad - our intrepid hero
First Mate Grumpypants
Bored Son
Slave Girl with Eyes on Hands (portentious!)
Grand Vizier Sumerian King Guy

wait... why is the grand vizier here? it seems like he should be in his city doing the government thing. maybe he has his own vizier.

#monsterdon

"Are you with me?"

*halfhearted assent*

"Close enough!"

#Monsterdon
#TheGoldenVoyageOfSinbad1973

What in the American Presidency is going on here

#Monsterdon

Caroline Munro

She has nothing of interest other than the eye on her hand
#monsterdon

"A worthless slave"

not liking this guy

#Monsterdon

Okay wait Raiders did legit rip this movie off, huh? #Monsterdon
#TheGoldenVoyageOfSinbad1973

Sorry about my gold mask. I just had botox and I'm really self-conscious about it until it settles. #monsterdon

Walls have mice and mice have ears?
So by the transitive property of terrible proverbs...
#monsterdon

horsejacking is a real threat

#Monsterdon

@moira
Tom Baker never made anything bad!
#monsterdon

If Sinbad was Indiana Jones he would just shoot this guy.

#Monsterdon
#TheGoldenVoyageOfSinbad1973

Okay - so #Sinbad is a character conceived as an 8th or 9th century Baghdadi mariner/adventurer from the 'Arabian Nights' legends.

Just to get things in context here.

#monsterdon

"Captian I'm given her all she's got! I'm nay a miracle worker!"

#Monsterdon
#TheGoldenVoyageOfSinbad1973

inside the evil male wizard is a sexy lady wanting to come out....it's one of those stories

#Monsterdon

already the orientalism is wearing on me but at least it's shot competently

#Monsterdon

Kali is too bad ass to be defending creepy Doctor Who

#monsterdon #Sinbad1973

@diazona #monsterdon #WrongSinbad

Why did they have a boombox a millenia ago, anyways.

zoom meetings would burn you out in ancient times

#monsterdon #Sinbad1973

Did... Okay I was just walking back and forth playing with cat and... Did I just hear the boy say, "until I make those last two wishes, I own you" ? said to Shaq... Did he imply he owns a tall black man.
I must have heard that wrong. Right?
Padme asking again, right???
#Monsterdon #Kazaam

Anyway, this concludes my #monsterdon thread for the Golden Voyage of Sinbad, in which we learned that you should just say "no" to dark sorcery but also say "yes" to fountains of youth.

and also tie up your camel if you have one. I think.

Also rando thought - a fountain of youth is a way better prize than the kingship. The Hindu Orions could cut a deal with Sumerian King Mask Vizier guy and then charge tourists for admission.

#monsterdon

That was easily the most movie-like movie on #Monsterdon all year.

Thanks @Taweret & the gang!

Well, that had a little bit of everything. Fun time. Thanks #monsterdon friends. Take care. See ya soon.

Sinbad? Could have been Sinworse.

#Monsterdon

And the ending was a little bit less abrupt this week. Just slightly.

But they went for the classic 1970s TV cliché of a final joke, laugh… though no freeze frame.

#monsterdon

Well that was competent, fabulous Harryhausen creatures but dear fuck has anyone ever met somebody from the Middle East in this film?

#Monsterdon

#monsterdon"Untold riches! You gave it away! Why?"

"... Sorry, distracted by cleavage"

#Monsterdon

and they all lived happily ever after

#Monsterdon

Oh, nice. Killing the Koopa Kid returned the king to his normal form. #Monsterdon

"DON'T TOUCH MY MASK!!!"

Boundaries

#Monsterdon

And now the third prize -- an infinite geyser of cherry Kool-aid #Monsterdon

Cut, CUT! We need more oil on the boobs!

#GoldenVoyageOfSinbad1973
#Monsterdon

all it takes is to dunk the amulets in the water? you could have done that the whole time the animals were fighting #monsterdon

What if the centaur was actually the GOOD guy in all this and he's just trying to do his damn job?

#Monsterdon
#TheGoldenVoyageOfSinbad1973

Unless another goddess jumps out from behind cyclops henge and has a chat with Margiana about the origin of the Minotaur race, I don't think we're getting anywhere near a Bechdel test pass tonight my friends.

#monsterdon

It's all fluffy like a friend!

#monsterdon #GoldenVoyage1974 #TheGoldenVoyageOfSinbad

This is just begging for a meme..

(watching #GoldenVoyageofSinbad live on #Monsterdon at https://miru.miyaku.media/ for anyone wondering...)

Is Morgiana's costume getting tighter? #monsterdon

"He has no depth perception!"

Apparently a myth...

#Monsterdon

Push him in....

#Monsterdon

lol, just nicks his jewels while praying....

#Monsterdon

Koura is like, "Ah, Dr Sinbad, once again we see there is nothing you can possess which I cannot take away!" 😈

#Monsterdon #TheGoldenVoyageOfSinbad

the sound effect are also above par
#monsterdon

The Hindu Orions discover the One Girl has some eyeballs painted on her hands so they decide to exile her to their basement via rope elevator where she will probably fight a rancor or something.

But the rancor turns out to be... a cyclops centaur! Combining the worst features of a cyclops and a centaur! She faints at the terror, to disappoint the audience, and the cyclops centaur takes her away.

#monsterdon

After all that, Koura is defeated by bad traction. He should have worn Adidas.

#Monsterdon
#TheGoldenVoyageOfSinbad1973

You invaded their island, you blew up their temple, you destroyed their god statue, and now you're mad bc they were trying to administer justice?

#monsterdon

Where are we? Jabba basement?

#monsterdon #thegoldenvoyageofsinbad1973

@bryanhowell no, a cyclotaur is half man half bicycle

#Monsterdon

It's a one-eyed Minotaur! A minotaur cyclops. A Cyclotaur!

#Monsterdon
#TheGoldenVoyageOfSinbad1973

DANG! That whole Kali swordfight was BADASS!!

#monsterdon

RE: https://retro.pizza/@yatsu/116276069064181733

And we have a winner.
#monsterdon

Have it fight the sailors wearing red shirts first

#monsterdon #thegoldenvoyageofsinbad1973

General Kenobi wishes he looked this cool

#Monsterdon

Do not fuck with Kali.

#monsterdon #GoldenVoyage1974 #TheGoldenVoyageOfSinbad

It slices!
It dices!

#monsterdon

The dancing god scene suggests to me that Koura has personal experience with this particular style of dancing.

#monsterdon

While the heroes are doing a chimney escape, Koura encounters the inhabitants of this island, who I will refer to as the Hindu Orions.

The Hindu Orions want to sacrifice him and his minions, which doesn't very Hindu to me, but he tricks them by using sorcery to animate a statue of their god and have it dance for them.

#monsterdon

3PO, tell them you're a god, and that if they anger you, you'll use your magic.

#Monsterdon
#TheGoldenVoyageOfSinbad1973

"It's a load of white people in body paint appropriating Hinduism"

The early 70s....

#Monsterdon

Did… did this just get more racist?

#Monsterdon⁩ ⁨#GoldenVoyage1973

Our old friend, day-for-night.

#monsterdon #GoldenVoyage1974 #TheGoldenVoyageOfSinbad

Only the men have enough costume that they can use some to make a rope and still have enough to wear.
#monsterdon

@JoeWynne #monsterdon

This zoom call could have been a wayfinding sign. #monsterdon

Oh no wait theres more from the longwinded oracle. #monsterdon

So that whole soliloquy was just about going north? #monsterdon

"Sorry, I'm the Oracle of FUCK OFF"

#Monsterdon

@jonny #monsterdon

A scene of you making comments on B-movies, no doubt.

Yeah but you didn't specify which Sinbad so it's your own fault if you get some peak 90s observational comedy headed your way.

#Monsterdon
#TheGoldenVoyageOfSinbad1973

What do you mean, I will find Sinbad?! What does he look like? Where is he?

#monsterdon #thegoldenvoyageofsinbad1973