Mask guy: [mumbling] Wcnntslntthsfgwllbsmshdtbts

Sinbad: What?

Mask guy: [mumbling] Wcnntslntthsfgwllbsmshdtbts!!!

Sinbad: …

#monsterdon #thegoldenvoyageofsinbad1973

kid understands what's up, he doesn't want to get Harryhausen-ed and promptly splits

Meanwhile, #Monsterdon roaring with approval as the big wooden lady kills a guy

Sinbad's new exSlave cabinmate (Caroline Munro) was also in The Spy Who Loved Me (1977) with Roger Moore.

#monsterdon

Use the Force, Sinbad! let it guide your actions.

#Monsterdon
#TheGoldenVoyageOfSinbad1973

Props to the slave girl for immediately wanting to stab her master.

But Sinbad has read the works of the abolitionists and announces "you are not slave now, you free and at no one's beck and call!" but then asks her to pour him a drink anyway.

#monsterdon

"Fiiine, I GUESS I won't stab you."

#monsterdon #GoldenVoyage1974 #TheGoldenVoyageOfSinbad

Crew of (good) boat:

Sinbad - our intrepid hero
First Mate Grumpypants
Bored Son
Slave Girl with Eyes on Hands (portentious!)
Grand Vizier Sumerian King Guy

wait... why is the grand vizier here? it seems like he should be in his city doing the government thing. maybe he has his own vizier.

#monsterdon

"Are you with me?"

*halfhearted assent*

"Close enough!"

#Monsterdon
#TheGoldenVoyageOfSinbad1973

What in the American Presidency is going on here

#Monsterdon

Caroline Munro

She has nothing of interest other than the eye on her hand
#monsterdon

"A worthless slave"

not liking this guy

#Monsterdon

Okay wait Raiders did legit rip this movie off, huh? #Monsterdon
#TheGoldenVoyageOfSinbad1973

Sorry about my gold mask. I just had botox and I'm really self-conscious about it until it settles. #monsterdon

Walls have mice and mice have ears?
So by the transitive property of terrible proverbs...
#monsterdon

OMG it's Dr Who doing Brownface!

#Monsterdon

If Sinbad was Indiana Jones he would just shoot this guy.

#Monsterdon
#TheGoldenVoyageOfSinbad1973

Okay - so #Sinbad is a character conceived as an 8th or 9th century Baghdadi mariner/adventurer from the 'Arabian Nights' legends.

Just to get things in context here.

#monsterdon

"Captian I'm given her all she's got! I'm nay a miracle worker!"

#Monsterdon
#TheGoldenVoyageOfSinbad1973

inside the evil male wizard is a sexy lady wanting to come out....it's one of those stories

#Monsterdon

already the orientalism is wearing on me but at least it's shot competently

#Monsterdon

@diazona #monsterdon #WrongSinbad

Why did they have a boombox a millenia ago, anyways.

Anyway, this concludes my #monsterdon thread for the Golden Voyage of Sinbad, in which we learned that you should just say "no" to dark sorcery but also say "yes" to fountains of youth.

and also tie up your camel if you have one. I think.

Also rando thought - a fountain of youth is a way better prize than the kingship. The Hindu Orions could cut a deal with Sumerian King Mask Vizier guy and then charge tourists for admission.

#monsterdon

That was easily the most movie-like movie on #Monsterdon all year.

Thanks @Taweret & the gang!

Sinbad? Could have been Sinworse.

#Monsterdon

And the ending was a little bit less abrupt this week. Just slightly.

But they went for the classic 1970s TV cliché of a final joke, laugh… though no freeze frame.

#monsterdon

Well that was competent, fabulous Harryhausen creatures but dear fuck has anyone ever met somebody from the Middle East in this film?

#Monsterdon

#monsterdon"Untold riches! You gave it away! Why?"

"... Sorry, distracted by cleavage"

#Monsterdon

and they all lived happily ever after

#Monsterdon

Oh, nice. Killing the Koopa Kid returned the king to his normal form. #Monsterdon

"DON'T TOUCH MY MASK!!!"

Boundaries

#Monsterdon

And now the third prize -- an infinite geyser of cherry Kool-aid #Monsterdon

Cut, CUT! We need more oil on the boobs!

#GoldenVoyageOfSinbad1973
#Monsterdon

all it takes is to dunk the amulets in the water? you could have done that the whole time the animals were fighting #monsterdon

What if the centaur was actually the GOOD guy in all this and he's just trying to do his damn job?

#Monsterdon
#TheGoldenVoyageOfSinbad1973

Unless another goddess jumps out from behind cyclops henge and has a chat with Margiana about the origin of the Minotaur race, I don't think we're getting anywhere near a Bechdel test pass tonight my friends.

#monsterdon

This is just begging for a meme..

(watching #GoldenVoyageofSinbad live on #Monsterdon at https://miru.miyaku.media/ for anyone wondering...)

Is Morgiana's costume getting tighter? #monsterdon

"He has no depth perception!"

Apparently a myth...

#Monsterdon

Push him in....

#Monsterdon

lol, just nicks his jewels while praying....

#Monsterdon

Koura is like, "Ah, Dr Sinbad, once again we see there is nothing you can possess which I cannot take away!" 😈

#Monsterdon #TheGoldenVoyageOfSinbad

the sound effect are also above par
#monsterdon

The Hindu Orions discover the One Girl has some eyeballs painted on her hands so they decide to exile her to their basement via rope elevator where she will probably fight a rancor or something.

But the rancor turns out to be... a cyclops centaur! Combining the worst features of a cyclops and a centaur! She faints at the terror, to disappoint the audience, and the cyclops centaur takes her away.

#monsterdon

After all that, Koura is defeated by bad traction. He should have worn Adidas.

#Monsterdon
#TheGoldenVoyageOfSinbad1973

You invaded their island, you blew up their temple, you destroyed their god statue, and now you're mad bc they were trying to administer justice?

#monsterdon

Where are we? Jabba basement?

#monsterdon #thegoldenvoyageofsinbad1973

@bryanhowell no, a cyclotaur is half man half bicycle

#Monsterdon

It's a one-eyed Minotaur! A minotaur cyclops. A Cyclotaur!

#Monsterdon
#TheGoldenVoyageOfSinbad1973

DANG! That whole Kali swordfight was BADASS!!

#monsterdon

Have it fight the sailors wearing red shirts first

#monsterdon #thegoldenvoyageofsinbad1973

General Kenobi wishes he looked this cool

#Monsterdon

Do not fuck with Kali.

#monsterdon #GoldenVoyage1974 #TheGoldenVoyageOfSinbad

It slices!
It dices!

#monsterdon

While the heroes are doing a chimney escape, Koura encounters the inhabitants of this island, who I will refer to as the Hindu Orions.

The Hindu Orions want to sacrifice him and his minions, which doesn't very Hindu to me, but he tricks them by using sorcery to animate a statue of their god and have it dance for them.

#monsterdon

3PO, tell them you're a god, and that if they anger you, you'll use your magic.

#Monsterdon
#TheGoldenVoyageOfSinbad1973

"It's a load of white people in body paint appropriating Hinduism"

The early 70s....

#Monsterdon

Our old friend, day-for-night.

#monsterdon #GoldenVoyage1974 #TheGoldenVoyageOfSinbad

Only the men have enough costume that they can use some to make a rope and still have enough to wear.
#monsterdon

@JoeWynne #monsterdon

This zoom call could have been a wayfinding sign. #monsterdon

Oh no wait theres more from the longwinded oracle. #monsterdon

So that whole soliloquy was just about going north? #monsterdon

"Sorry, I'm the Oracle of FUCK OFF"

#Monsterdon

@jonny #monsterdon

A scene of you making comments on B-movies, no doubt.

What do you mean, I will find Sinbad?! What does he look like? Where is he?

#monsterdon #thegoldenvoyageofsinbad1973

All that done before computers too, the kids wouldn't believe it! 👏

#Monsterdon

Wow they really fixed the composition problem of earlier movies. #monsterdon

@SnoopJ I think it's usually dressed up as being blood-scienc instead of explicitly magical

#Monsterdon #GoldenVotageOfSinabd

We learn the figurehead animation plot was a ruse to um... get the chart map, which the figurehead delivers but also got it wet. It would be a shame if it was paper and ruined by all the ocean.

#monsterdon

"Uh, Koura, funny story -- the ink on the chart wasn't waterfast..."

#Monsterdon
#TheGoldenVoyageOfSinbad1973

Vizier: Autoscroll (enabled)

#Monsterdon

statue starts doing the backstroke

#Monsterdon

@bryanhowell "wait, hang on, it says push in THEN pull down"

#Monsterdon

#monsterdon

Caroline Munro, 1974

OK, that's TWO female characters, but the Bechdel Pass chances are low....

#Monsterdon

Some of you may be here today thanks to this thrilling scene darkening the theaters

#Monsterdon

Gotta admire Tom Baker's capes in this movie...

#Monsterdon

@bryanhowell just like beggar's canyon back home

#Monsterdon

Man, this has a LOT of talking. #monsterdon

"A man. Well, a ship, really, A man on a ship. It's complicated."

#Monsterdon
#TheGoldenVoyageOfSinbad1973

Apologies to the audience I have misunderstood the hot son's situation.

I thought he was bored, but really he was just very drunk and hungover and has now found himself on a ship doing an epic quest.

This is why I only drink in moderation.

#monsterdon

Ugh, 'slave/master romance'

Writers obvious fetish time...

#Monsterdon

The guy playing Haroun is credited as "Kurt Christian" born in Hong Kong in 1950.

His birth name is suitable - Baron Kurt Christian von Siegenberg

Well.

#monsterdon

You aren't a slave but fetch me a drink, woman! #monsterdon

I'm not familiar with the source material, but I'm guessing since we're looking for the island of Lemuria, which I think was made up in the 19th century, to explain why Lemurs were on Madagascar and also not-Madagascar, that we're probably not really sticking too close to the source material and just doing our own thing

#monsterdon

Sorry Sinbad all this casual racism is cutting right through my hashish

#Monsterdon

@diazona Definitely what I'm thinking every Sunday night at this time. 😃

#monsterdon

Something tells me a ship full of sailors isn't the worst punishment for this lad....

#Monsterdon

This must be the son he was trying to get rid of. #monsterdon

That bright, terrifying Tom Baker grin...

#Monsterdon

Engage!

#monsterdon

I like how lively and populated this town seems to be... it's really more elaborate then I was expecting.

#monsterdon

Ignore Sidequest

#Monsterdon

Regarding the proverb given in this movie: "Trust in Allah, but tie up your camel", it seems to be a translation of a real hadith

https://islamqa.info/en/answers/270017

#Monsterdon

@Violinknitter poor little fella... #Monsterdon

"It's a race then, a duel!"

Oh, the drama! :blobfoxfloofcute:

I'm on-board with this.

#Monsterdon

Team Homunculus

#Monsterdon

Ooh, interesting use of planets and constellations. It might be legit navigation?

#Monsterdon #GoldenVotageOfSinabd

Damn stop motion spies. You put out traps but they're too smart to eat from them. #monsterdon