"I am not a legal partner" i'd been after him to make it official, but he just refused to admit how much he loved me.

#monsterdon #TerrorInTheWaxMuseum1973

So I've never been in a wax museum but it seems a bit odd how all the exhibits in this guy's museum seem to be wielding sharp objects for the purposes of murder.

#monsterdon

I'm guessing that the previous "betrayer!" dream sequence was there because the audience knew this movie had a wax museum coming to life in it and they wanted to defuse the audience tension beforehand to keep them guessing later.

#monsterdon

I hope I get stabbed by a young John Cleese someday

#Monsterdon

#monsterdon Stairs. Challenging stairs… always with the stairs…

Mental note "Never take drugs in a wax museum"

#Monsterdon

After her singsong show, Red Lady goes to smoke and Noir Man lights a cigarette for her. Them she wishes Kharkov goodnight through the drainage gate, so I guess they're friends. Of a kind. The kind of friends that you only talk to through drainage grates. Like internet friends, but before the internet.

#monsterdon

You boy, what day is it?

#monsterdon

Immediately wondering how wax museum guy would know what Jack the Ripper looks like enough to max a wax statue of him. Seems like it would be guesswork.

#monsterdon

Oh, just a bad dream, whew!

#Monsterdon

👀 Stay alert!

Even though experts at being still were hired to be wax figures, there are scenes where you can see them moving and breathing.

#Monsterdon #TerrorAtTheWaxMuseum1973 #TerrorAtTheWaxMuseum

#monsterdon Well known London Fog, or, poorly regulated atmospheric pollution. Whichever is more romantic.

All clock, no horn

⭐⭐

#Monsterdon

List of characters and their roles so far:

Max wax magician: proprietor of this facility, is giving us a tour of his historical wax horrors. His special interest is learning the history of famous people and then making wax models of them.
Noir Guy in Hat: is buying the wax museum from the magician
Kharkov: the huchbacked guy with a speaking disability, is very fond of all the wax models and sad when they are melted.
Wax people: so far immobile as one would expect.

#monsterdon

Yeah yeah, you're eccentric, we get it.
#Monsterdon

This movie starts in Britain, I think, where the local cops are called "Bobbies" and people drink lots of tea. We start with a bobby walking by a horn shop, above a guy flailing on the other side of the drainage grate. We learn the failing guy has a speaking disability and is the assistant of a mad wax magician, who has a giant cauldron of wax in his spooky office that he is dropping an wax model of hot girl into so she melts?

#monsterdon

lol "Guillotines' , good ideas...

#Monsterdon

That Victorian habit of referring to human beings as 'creatures'

#Monsterdon

Wish I had a giant vat of something mysterious in my basement

#monsterdon #TerrorInTheWaxMuseum1973

There's a quite a few of these basement wax clubs in Central London now....

...Paltrow swears by the process.

#Monsterdon

Launching my #monsterdon thread for "Terror in the Wax Museum", a movie where I guess a scary thing, nay, a terror-like thing happens in a building full of wax replicas of people.

Monsterdon is the thing where we watch an old monster movie every week and make fun of it; you may with to mute the hash tag if you don't want to see lots of post by me and others about this.

Oh, the sign sad "Clock" and Horn!

#monsterdon

@Lazarou tubi is not better fwiw

#monsterdon #WaxMuseum1976

Got a fair share of old timers. #monsterdon

Ray Milland *AND* John Carradine?!

#monsterdon #TerrorInTheWaxMuseum1973

Ray Milland's expression there is "ANOTHER Monsterdon movie? But my range...."

#Monsterdon

yeah who need warrants?

#Monsterdon

Stop being cringe Billy, some of these people came here to learn...

#Monsterdon

Is Billy from Gremlins just going to walk around that room all night, ignoring how the models suddenly look like his friends?

He was like this in Gremlins to be honest, didn't deserve Phoebe Cates...

#Monsterdon

Did that butler draw his moustache on with magic marker?

#Monsterdon

These wormholes unclothe and dress you too...does that go down to the underwear or what?

Are we doing Vampire Romance now?

#Monsterdon

@klu9 #Monsterdon #WrongWax

That's because they're WEREwolves, not SWEARwolves....

more of a were-teddy than a werewolf

ah well, he can tear a man in half, so...

#Monsterdon

You have to give the woodsman and blow job dude, you know it....

#Monsterdon

lol, it's that guy from all those movies....he's a terrible crank in real life, did a politics show once...complained about 'too many people' , you know the score...

#Monsterdon

I was not expecting wormholes in this wax drama....

#Monsterdon

Oh please kill the smoking guy first

oh wow, wormholes?!

#Monsterdon

Could that guy stop smoking for one fucking minute?

Is this a sex house?

#Monsterdon

One of those gates that makes a musical que when you open it

#Monsterdon

"Suffer, we're living in America?!"

Oh boy Zack, things happened...

#Monsterdon

"Dig it or fuck off"

OK lady

#Monsterdon

This concludes my #monsterdon thread for "Terror in the Wax Museum" or "Terror of the Wax Museum" or whatever that movie was called.

In which we learned that if you think a wax statue ever murdered someone, it was probably just a guy trying to cover up property crimes.

@klu9 it was?!

What a mess of a movie Bing!

#Monsterdon

RE: https://mastodon.social/@floatybirb/116632873762852195

That really was the plot, wasn't it?

Fuck you Bing Crosby, fuck you...

#Monsterdon

#monsterdon Thanks to @Taweret and @miru for the stream as always! YAY! That was totally what I expected and I only feel bad that I never marked out the #SuddenStringSection when I should have… lol!

We end the movie by setting up the wax statue of a wax dude murdering the other wax dude. Then credits.

#monsterdon

We get a debriefing sequence at the end where they explain how the wax magician (edit: or somebody else, idk) did all the murders because he was looking for secret pirate gold in the wax museum.

Turns out that the hidden treasure were the platinum instruments in the Wax the Ripper's bag, because he was that weird, so anyone now the niece has a lot of money in the form of platinum surgery tools.

#monsterdon

@jonny story would have been improved with Shaggy and Scooby #Monsterdon

@Taweret Hey, if it ain't broke, don't fix it.

#Monsterdon #TerrorInTheWaxMuseum 👹🍿🎥

oh ffs.

A human?

#monsterdon

It was the mask all along

#Monsterdon

If this dude just turns out to be made of flesh and not some kind of living wax then I've very disappointed.

#Monsterdon

The heiress and the niece decide to search for Kharkov, the heiress taking a gun in hand.

We discover he is injured and passed out on the stairway. Then a jack the ripper attacks them and the heiress passes out. We know it is a guy because it has a ripped mask and we saw the statue earlier in the same scene. Kharkov tries to rescue them but is knocked by Jack into the wax cauldron. RIP.

#monsterdon

(punch thudding)

Thanks subtitles for your continued commitment to outpacing me in hilarity

#Monsterdon

Approximately 5 years of screen time later, we visit the redhead singer who is doing prostitution on the side. She tries to pick up a guy in a car, but it turns out to be the one cop so she is scared and wanders off. Then she thinks jack the ripper is chasing her but its actually a suspicious cop whose face we didn't see.

The next morning the niece wakes up to the sound of a guillotine and finds the head of the redhead being severed by a guillotine. RIP

#monsterdon

Always have a fight near a big open vat of something.....

....oh now, poor Karkov :(

#Monsterdon

@Taweret we have incredible timing #monsterdon

@CactuarJoe Don’t take guns from cops kids! It’s Obviously a cop frame-up

#monsterdon #TerrorInTheWaxMuseum1973

We are back in the wax museum to read the will of the first murdered guy. The niece gets money, the presumed heiress gets nothing. The wax magician gets the museum and tries to hire the presumed heiress, but she calls bullshit on it with no evidence.

#monsterdon

Chekhov’s derringer makes a late appearance

#monsterdon #TerrorInTheWaxMuseum1973

THE WILL

https://tacobelllabs.net/@arrjay/116632604286644221

THUS WE BEGIN NIGHT FIVE AT WAXY'S

#monsterdon

Pretty mad how London was lit by flammable gas everywhere really...

#Monsterdon

Well that could have been worse. Maybe the writer was trying to be progressive but tripped into still being 70s background radiation racism levels. And the soundtrack didn't help.
#Monsterdon #TerrointheWaxMuesum

on the other hand, i do appreciate that this lady is absolutely adhering to Shut The Fuck Up Friday. Dragon Lady indeed.

#monsterdon #TerrorInTheWaxMuseum1973

With 20 minutes left, I'm gonna hope that this movie turns into a different kind of monster movie.

E.g. - turns out a werewolf did these murders after all. The werewolf used bladed weapons, not his claws, because he was trying to keep his paws clean.

#monsterdon

The humble and generous landlord

SUSPENSION OF DISBELIEF

#Monsterdon

"Exotic oriental restaurant"

Shot of a very grotty local Chinese takeaway, might be a money laundering front

#Monsterdon

The museum owner faked his own death to drum up business. #monsterdon

NIGHT FOUR AT WAXY'S

https://tacobelllabs.net/@arrjay/116632604286644221

#monsterdon

y'know, even the 19th century did better than the metaverse

#monsterdon #WaxMuseum1976

We get more detective-ing scenes. The cop bothers Kharkov because the kind of flower he likes was found on the body. He then bothers the wax magician, saying that he looks kind of like the Wax the Ripper statue; I think the Wax Magician explains that he modeled it after himself because no one knows what the ripper looks like.

So there's the possibility that the wax murders are done by the wax magician pretending to be a Wax Statue.

#monsterdon

Run Margaret, Jacob Rees Mogg is behind you and thinks you're Thatcher!

#Monsterdon

@Taweret I think we're getting mild indigestion at best. #Monsterdon

Nice soap opera camera work

I love out of focus detritus blocking the shot

#Monsterdon

@paco I just flew from Soho to Limehouse and boy are my arms tired!

#Monsterdon

Not so much "terror" as "police procedural" in the wax museum. #Monsterdon

Aunt Julia won't tolerate murder getting in the way of Profit

#Monsterdon

I started wondering if this movie will do the twist where "no the wax murders were all in your imagination, a regular meat person killed all the people for money", but then I realized that I'd probably be bored either way.

#monsterdon

ah, it's "Bully Karkov" time again....fucking Police...

#Monsterdon

I’ll take S-words for $100, Ken

#monsterdon #TerrorInTheWaxMuseum1973

The wax magician comes to the pub to yell at Noir Hat Man, who is also called Mr. Burns, like the Simpsons villain. Wax magician calls him a rich American asshole who is ruining his life's work with his dollars, and Mr. Burns does not seem to care, being a rich asshole and all, but then he gets drunk and falls asleep on the pub table.

An employee wakes him up in the morning and Mr Burns he seems uncharacteristically apologetic about it.

#monsterdon

Okay not me

Hey everyone look it's Karkov

#Monsterdon

Oh good the niece was nice to Kharkov by giving him a flower watering tutorial.

Now the redhead singer is singing again in the singsong pub. Noir Hat man shows up to complain about the music more while he gawks at the singer.

#monsterdon

As a landlord, you can just tell people to fuck off if they're noisy and upsetting everyone....

#Monsterdon

old dude actually die at the sight of a thigh...

#Monsterdon

The trope where the only witness can’t speak and doesn’t realize there are other ways to communicate

#monsterdon #TerrorInTheWaxMuseum1973

OMG, just joined and all I can say is it should be a 1970's Sunday afternoon with lousy wallpaper, the curtains drawn, rain pelting, and the TV the only light source in the room...

#Monsterdon

Aunt Julia can't abide the Arts, what a surprise...

#Monsterdon

Wouldn't it make more sense that Dupree had just made a self portrait in wax? Did you sculpt and put hair on that in one night by yourself Ray Milland?
#Monsterdon #TerrointheWaxMuesum

after some puttering around where the heiress acts like a mild jerk more, we have a funeral scene that manages to be both very sunny and very rainy at once.

Kharkov foreshadows the lawyer dad in Twin Peaks by crying while cuddling the coffin; there's probably a trope for that but I'm gonna call it "crying while cuddling the coffin".

The heiress yells at Kharkov again, then the Noir Hat Man tries to buy the wax figures from her. She says "no" but invites him to the museum anyway.

#monsterdon

Scariest thing so far is lawyers overseeing the escrow

#monsterdon #TerrorInTheWaxMuseum1973

"I can't wait around any longer." We in the audience feel the same, bud.

#monsterdon

Karkov showing a thoroughly un-British amount of emotion at a funeral....

#Monsterdon

Rain? In London?
#monsterdon

waxy, waxy business.

#monsterdon

I think I finally figured out the ending of Communion (1989)

All of those names where the names of the people that worked on the movie

#monsterdon #30rock #communion1989

I weren't droppin' no eaves

#Monsterdon

UNHAND THAT WAX STATUE!

NOT LIKE THAT!

#monsterdon

@diazona #monsterdon

idk... probate law can be pretty terrifying....

After the murder tour, the kind-hearted niece and the jack the ripper nerd cop hang out in the fireplace until the second wax magician wanders in to sip tea and talk about murders, prompting the jack-the-ripper-nerd-cop to make an excuse to leave and do work (which is checking the finances of the deceased wax magician).

He learns that the two ladies stayed in a hotel nearby, so he (briefly?) suspects them.

#monsterdon